Not finding out the sex with multiples - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 32 Old 09-02-2008, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hope it's OK to post in this forum, as I'm not a multiples parent and my motive is just idle curiosity!

If you have multiples, how possible is it to have the sexes remain a surprise until birth? I assume that with extra ultrasounds, more medical personnel being involved and more need to talk about the babies' positioning and so on, there'd be a greater chance of slipups. I do realise that not every multiple pregnancy is highly medicalised, but the intervention rate does go up.

So did any of you admirable women decide to wait and see? And if so, did the doctors/midwives/techs manage to keep their mouths shut? If so, did they refer to 'Baby A' and 'Baby B' to distinguish them, or what?

If you did decide to find out, were the findings accurate? Does the risk of getting it wrong rise with more babies kickin' around during the ultrasound?

Just curious (although twins run in my family, so I guess it never hurts to be prepared!)

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#2 of 32 Old 09-02-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smokering View Post
Hope it's OK to post in this forum, as I'm not a multiples parent and my motive is just idle curiosity!

If you have multiples, how possible is it to have the sexes remain a surprise until birth? I assume that with extra ultrasounds, more medical personnel being involved and more need to talk about the babies' positioning and so on, there'd be a greater chance of slipups. I do realise that not every multiple pregnancy is highly medicalised, but the intervention rate does go up.

So did any of you admirable women decide to wait and see? And if so, did the doctors/midwives/techs manage to keep their mouths shut? If so, did they refer to 'Baby A' and 'Baby B' to distinguish them, or what?

If you did decide to find out, were the findings accurate? Does the risk of getting it wrong rise with more babies kickin' around during the ultrasound?

Just curious (although twins run in my family, so I guess it never hurts to be prepared!)

Smokering.
We've had it both ways and we prefer to know the sex in advance (although pre-kids I never thought I'd say that!).

With the twins, we did now in advance. However, the medical personnel were always VERY careful about referring to Baby A and Baby B and asking on each visit if we already knew the gender. We had the same ultrasound tech a few times and she always asked. It didn't offend me that she didn't remember us from one visit to the next - they see a lot of people and it would be such an easy mixup.

As for your other question, yes, the gender we were told was accurate. I don't think accuracy has much to do with how many babies are in there. They told us quite early (when things aren't nearly so crowded). Either they get a good clear view, or they are pretty careful to err on the side of caution and tell you they don't have a good enough view to be confident of the gender. (Not to say that mistakes can never happen, it's just pretty unlikely. They usually just say they can't tell if they are doubting).

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#3 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 12:35 AM
 
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We found out the sex of our babies in advance. They were right on about the sexes too.

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#4 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 01:00 AM
 
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We wanted to know. Baby B was definitely a girl but then she kept sticking arms and legs in front of Baby A and we were told "I'm pretty sure Baby A is a girl but Baby B is trying to keep it a secret"

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#5 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 02:14 AM
 
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Baby A was proud to let the world know he was a boy. Baby B kept us guessing until he came out. Oh and I had 3 u/s's weekly due to a torn placenta. We knew by week 15 what baby a was. Baby B was very good at keeping it a secret.
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#6 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 06:12 AM
 
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I'm umming and ahhing about this. Right now I'd like to wait and find out at birth.

We had a scan at 14 weeks and we could see they were dichorionic, but only one placenta could be made out, so I asked if they could tell the sex of babies to know if they were fraternal for sure. Obviously if b/g then it's clear as sunshine whereas, (from what I understand so far), if they were same sex then it could be that they are identical but split early on.

Anyway, it looked like they will be different sex from the direction of the buds of their genitalia, but it couldn't be confirmed for sure. I'm not 100% convinced, but that may simply be my deluded thinking!!!!

So....we have another scan Monday, 28+4 weeks.
To find or not to find out - that is indeed the question

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#7 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 06:23 AM
 
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We didn't find out with the twins. They just asked me before the u/s if I knew the sex, and then if I wanted to, same with my singleton pregnancies.

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#8 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 09:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by RachelEve14 View Post
We didn't find out with the twins. They just asked me before the u/s if I knew the sex, and then if I wanted to, same with my singleton pregnancies.
same here. the surprise was downright delicious!!!!!!!!

Mama to lovely twin girls 1/08
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#9 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 10:13 AM
 
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We did find out. We kept it a surprise for our first two singleton babies but we figured finding out it was twins was more than enough of a surprise the third time around .

I had some intervention and more than the average number of ultrasounds but I found most of the medical personnel always called tham Baby A and Baby B. I was the one calling them baby boy and baby girl. The gender determination was accurate as well.

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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#10 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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We wanted to know but everyone was always very careful to ask first. My OB did an ultrasound but with a not very high-tech machine and she told us boy-girl. Then when we went to the specialist with the way high-tech machine she asked if we wanted to know and we said yes, the OB already told us and she said "So your OB told you it's two boys?" And we said "Um, no. She said boy-girl." It was yet another surprise in a pregnancy full of them!
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#11 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 12:23 PM
 
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We didn't find out about our twins until our routine 20 week scan. I went in not expecting to find out the sex but when she said it was twins I told her to tell me. I'd had enough surprises to last me a lifetime that day!
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#12 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 12:56 PM
 
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We chose to keep ours a surprise, too, and it was wonderful!!! I had more than average amount of u/s due to ours being presumed mono/di (maybe 5 u/s all together?) and our tech always asked if we wanted to know. Since we said 'no' she said there was no reason she needed to look 'down there' to check as she took the other measurements. Fine by us!

Cindi, mama to Hannah (7/04) :, Eli & Sam (6/06) :
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#13 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 07:36 PM
 
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When we found out it was twins, DH was excited to get an u/s because we needed to find out why I was measuring big. Probably wouldn't have gotten one otherwise. The tech was great, but did reveal the sex of one of them right away, and wasn't sure of the other baby. I didn't want to know, necessarily, but that visit was enough of a suprise to carry me all the way through! Though I would think it would be absolutely delightful to birth TWO babies and find out their sex just then.....
So, yes, the tech (as I remember) did "mess up" by revealing, though in our case, DH wanted to know, which I wanted to if he was going to.
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#14 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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Oops! And yes, they were right-- two girls!
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#15 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 09:15 PM
 
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I am so amazed at you mamas who kept it a secret from yourself! That's awesome...I sort of wish I had the patience. We found out....had 5 or so ultrasounds. I was dying to know. Too many unknowns for me and it was a total surprise there were two at 20 weeks!
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#16 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 10:31 PM
 
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My husband wanted to know gender, but I did not. So, we found out if the babies were the same gender (yes), but we didn't know boys or girls until the birth. I like not knowing. With my singleton, the doctors slipped up two different times, leading me to believe we were having a girl, which we did.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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#17 of 32 Old 09-03-2008, 11:04 PM
 
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I couldn't stand the suspense so I found out at my 20w u/s (which was the same day I found out that I was having twins, and twins with TTTS -- it was a big day in my life!)

However, I think if you told the tech, "I don't want to know," he or she would respect that.

At least, I hope the tech would respect that!

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#18 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 01:49 AM
 
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I didn't find out my twins gender prior to their birth. I had a lot of ultrasounds, too. We just told them at the start of every big ultrasound that we did not know and did not want to know the gender. I did look at the screen & thought I saw a penis on one of my girls, but guess it was the cord! I also had a few NSTs with the ultrasound. All in all, I probably had 10, maybe more, ultrasounds that involved actually looking at the babies, more than a quick check for a heartbeat and we were still surprised. I thought I was having boys to be honest and when I'd look, I kind of looked for a penis and kept thinking I couldn't see anything genital wise. Guess that's cause I was looking for a penis!

My understanding is that on the ultrasound reports they write, the perinatologists don't write gender, merely that genitals appear normal, so my doctors may not have known gender, either.

Anyway, I was so glad we didn't know. It was the most amazing surprise I've ever had -- I kept saying for the next week or so, "I can't believe I have 2 girls." If I'd been bold enough to hope for one gender or another, I would have wanted 2 girls.

SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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#19 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 01:55 AM
 
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Oh, at our last ultrasound we had a sonographer we'd had before & my husband said, "Oh, you did our ultrasound a few weeks ago." She said, "Oh, yeah, you're having 2 girls, right?" We told her we didn't know and she covered herself up so well that we didn't realize that she'd seriously slipped up and told us the babies' genders. I would have been *so* angry if I'd realized she'd told us. It was the 36 week scan & if I'd gone that long without knowing, I'd have been very upset at having the surprise at birth destroyed.

It drove people nuts that we didn't find out. My Mom made herself a major pain over it.

SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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#20 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 08:25 AM
 
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We didn't find out their gender either and I only had one U/S.
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#21 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 09:43 AM
 
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This was our first pregnancy and when we went for our first ultrasound at 8 weeks we found out it was twins. We decided that we didn't want to know and told the technicians at every ultrasound. My dad wanted to know, so we had one of the techs write it on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope and we gave it to him when we went for a visit. The tech was right that it was two boys.

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#22 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 10:40 AM
 
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It was our first pregnancy, and if it had ben one baby, we would have waited until birth. But, as others have said, we had enough surprises for one pregnancy! We got a good sighting on one of the babies at either 14 or 18 weeks, and because there was such a thin membrane separating them we assumed (correctly) that they were diamniotic and shared a chorion, so we knew the other one was a boy as well. We chose names for them right away, so Baby A was James and Baby B was Bryan. Our family doctor, bless him, always looked up which was which, so when he came into the exam room he would say "Let's check Bryan's heartbeat". It meant a lot to me!

Luckily Bryan and James match their names. We wanted to call James "Jamie", but it didn't suit him at all, even as a newborn. 14 years later he's still James to us, but some of his friends call him Jimmy.

The funny thing is, when we thought we were having one baby, we couldn't think of any names. As soon as we found out that there were two, we came up with 4 sets of names (2 boys, 2 girls) in no time!

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#23 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 02:51 PM
 
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I was going to find out the sex of my second child because my eldest was so set on having a brother that I wanted to be able to prepare him if it was a girl. When I found out it was triplets, I couldn't stand any more uncertainty and wanted sexes as soon as possible. The boys showed off the first time we were able to get a look, but DD was shy. But, I had an u/s every two weeks for 4 months, so we had plenty of time to see who was coming.
I did really like having names for them picked out by the time we had complications.

The u/s techs consistently referred to them as Triplet A, Triplet B, and Triplet C or as Twin A, Twin B and Twin C. The docs all realized that they couldn't be twins since there were three of them but still were consistent in calling them A, B, and C.

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#24 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 05:56 PM
 
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We found out at the 20 week U/S. I've had about 4 U/S's so far and they ALWAYS ask if we know or want to know before they begin. However, at the 3rd U/S, the Dr. handed me the wand and let me take the first look - I happened to land right on the crotch first shot (not even trying). So it was obvious what sex that one was.

We are expecting 2 boys in a few short weeks, so I'm not 100% on the accuracy yet.

Joanna - wife to Mike, mamachicken to Cub(8/98), Kitten (4/07), Dew-man, and Woe-boy(twins, 10/08)
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#25 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 06:55 PM
 
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We didn't find out the sex of our twins and I loved it!

Blessed mama of four
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#26 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 07:56 PM
 
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We didn't find out until the birth and I cried for more than one reason when we saw it was 2 boys. It couldn't have worked out better for us.
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#27 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 11:57 PM
 
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We wanted to know and we knew we were having mono/di twins so the gender would be the same... and they were right... two girls. They ALWAYS asked every time though and I had a TON of U/S because of the TTTS risk.

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#28 of 32 Old 09-04-2008, 11:59 PM
 
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We found out the gender. At first, we assumed we didn't want to know (we were surprised with our first child.) Then we found out we were expecting twins. Then we learned they were mono/di, and that meant same-gendered twins (I'd been hoping, for all of one day, for a boy-girl pair until I found out that we were having identical twins.) I felt strongly that this time I wanted to find out gender, after all.

That was at 14 weeks. By 20 weeks or so, when we had the opportunity to find out, I was more "used" to the idea and open to being surprised at birth by the gender. My husband, on the other hand, thought it was important to find out ahead of time. It also seemed prudent to find out so that our four-year-old, who REALLY believed they'd be her baby sisters, could have some advance warning if her plans had gone awry. And I was excited to know, too. (I was willing to wait, which I hadn't felt was a possibility at 14 weeks when we were shocked enough.)

So, we found out. Two boys. Yes, they were right.

I wanted them to be boys so badly that I scared myself a little with doubting the u/s. So every time we went in (basically monitoring for TTTS and watching growth), they would ask if we knew what gender we were having and I'd say that we'd been told they were boys. I would say it in a "The last tech thought they were boys" kind of way that would invite another look, and the other techs always confirmed it. The birth confirmed it, too!

As far as how possible it is to keep the surprise....I'd say it's a definite possibility. We weren't concerned about keeping the surprise (obviously), but if we had been we'd have told each tech that fact right off the bat: "We're not finding out." As it was, the techs all asked us, "Now, do you know what you're having?" EVERY time. I can't say they would not have slipped up, but it doesn't seem likely.

I suppose if someone said your twins DEFINITELY are fraternal, they'd be telling you they know the twins are a boy/girl pair. (There's no other way to know for sure, before birth, that babies with two placentas are definitely fraternal. They could be fraternal or identical.)

And it is standard to refer to Twin A & Twin B, even when you know the gender(s). The techs and perinatologists always referred to baby A and baby B, as did my OB. It's possible that they might tend to slip up as far as pronoun use during the ultrasound, saying "his" or "her" when talking about Twin B. But they seemed pretty conscious and probably well-coached in their policies.
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#29 of 32 Old 09-05-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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My DH and I waited until the birth to find out the sexes. We found out at 23 weeks that we were having twins. My mom was with us for the u/s and she wanted to know the sexes, so I let the sonographer tell her out in the hall and then I let my mom tell my sister. The sonographer also gave us an envelope with the pics of the sex and the sexes written on the pics, at my request "just in case" I changed my mind and wanted to know. Ultimately we decided to wait, and my mom and my sis kept it a secret, from me and from everyone else. I had 2 more ultrasounds and I just made sure that I told them I did not want to know the sexes and they were very careful not to reveal. What is funny, DD and I were talking about the babies one night when I was pregnant and I asked her if she thought they were boys or girls, and she pointed to one and said this one is a girl and the other was a boy-low and behold she was right.
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#30 of 32 Old 09-05-2008, 03:27 PM
 
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We did not want to know - I *really* didn't want to know - in fact I was very upset just having an u/s and made it clear that I did not want the tech to even peek at their genders (don't know if he did or not) and I did not want to see the babies on the monitor, so he turned his away from me and turned the one I would usually be able to watch off. That was the only u/s I had and my mw never saw it so there was no issue with anyone knowing or slipping up. I was *very* surprised at the birth when I had TWO boys! I already had 2 girls (only) and really thought that we were girl-making people.

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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