Does anyone think they are not that hard? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 05:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I see so many posts and here so many comments IRL about "how brave" I am and "how hard" it must be.

I don't feel like having twins is any harder then having one baby. That is to say...I don't feel like it is hard, but I feel like if I had one baby, it wouldn't be like having any. One baby would be so EASY! Two babies equals me having my first child.

It is hard to get things done, but they sleep great, they eat great. They don't cry too much, and they smile and coo all of the time. I love them and I enjoy having them. The thought of having another set of twins is not in anyway overwhelming to me.

Is it me, or my twins, or am I just talking crazy talk.


Does anyone else truly enjoy being the mother of two? (not that you don't if you don't respond!)

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#2 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 05:05 PM
 
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Yes, but I didn't really love it until 4-5 months-ish.

My babies were very fussy / high-needs-ish for some time at first, never mellow or sleepy as wee ones.

I can't imagine having just one of them, though, without the other!

It's funny how people are always saying things such as, "I don't know how you do it." I just think of Chantel and giggle to myself.

Mama to twin girls Adele and Nadia, born 5/2008
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#3 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 05:18 PM
 
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I think a lot depends on your babies, and their personalities, and whether you have older kids to care for also. Having infant twins was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But they were both high-need babies, and DS needed CONSTANT holding and nursing night and day for his entire first year. They refused to nurse together or sleep together. And I had a two year old to deal with. I was constantly pulled in three directions at once. I didn't start to genuinely ENJOY them until they were past 9 months old.

But DD1 was an easy-peasy dream baby. Had I had two of her at once, I would have been like, "what IS all the fuss about?" Anyway, enjoy those sweet little ones and count yourself lucky.

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#4 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 05:21 PM
 
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I loved, loved, loved having two until they were about 15 or 16 mo and that's when things started getting harder for me. Course, that was about the time that my husband started going over the road for work, so now I'm essentially a single mom w/ few breaks. Before that my husband would be home at 5 every day to help and I love the challenge of handling two babies during the day. Now I only love parts of having twins!
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#5 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 05:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Llyra View Post
I think a lot depends on your babies, and their personalities, and whether you have older kids to care for also. Having infant twins was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But they were both high-need babies, and DS needed CONSTANT holding and nursing night and day for his entire first year. They refused to nurse together or sleep together. And I had a two year old to deal with. I was constantly pulled in three directions at once. I didn't start to genuinely ENJOY them until they were past 9 months old.

But DD1 was an easy-peasy dream baby. Had I had two of her at once, I would have been like, "what IS all the fuss about?" Anyway, enjoy those sweet little ones and count yourself lucky.
yup, yup, yup.
I used to say ... many years ago, "If I ever had twins, it would be best to have them first ... then you wouldn't know anything else (but two babies at once)" ... boy, those were famous last words of a fool.

I have loads of mother guilt ... never have enough time/energy for every child, much less my husband, or myself. I struggle with having realistic expectations, against not taking a shower until 5pm, etc. I'm trying to declutter, so that there is less crap to clean. And ... I only have 4 children ... Chantel is my heroine, with 6.

Having bitched about it ... I now say .. this is not what I signed up for, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. The boys are FUN now ... laughing at me, their sisters. They are still hard, but I'm starting to see more rewards.

Catholic homeschooling mom of 5 - a teenager, a kindergartener, twin boys and a tiny princess. Follow the Adventures! 

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#6 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 05:56 PM
 
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Count yourself as a lucky woman! While I have the most wonderful time with my twins and their older dd now and love, adore, and marvel at them beyond belief, the first year was an absolute blur of crying and sleeplessness (on everyone's part). I certainly wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but the first year is one I could have done without! :

Cindi, mama to Hannah (7/04) :, Eli & Sam (6/06) :
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#7 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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I have similar thoughts some days. Don't get me wrong.....it is difficult but I find it's all a matter of my expectations. I do get frustrated with certain things but overall I feel pretty good. Many people IRL are astounded that I don't have help. I do get help from my dh, some friends bringing a few meals or helping to clean once in a while but 95% of the time it's just me. My babies are pretty average - not super laid back or high-needs. I also think that having them #3 and 4 helps in that I am more laid back about most baby-related things. The biggest challenge is finding time with my older dc's.

ETA - I think a big part of me is enjoying this stage more because I kind of live in fear of them starting to move. I can't really imagine them crawling, walking, getting into things. I think that's when I'll be here crying for sympathy!

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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#8 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 06:40 PM
 
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Oh I love having twins but I'm thinking yes, it's just you and your twins. It IS hard, no matter how much fun it is. Just plain hard! And I do really enjoy being the mother of twins.

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#9 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 06:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do want to say that I KNOW that it is easier because they are #4 and 5. I can't imagine having to learn to parent with them. It would be so much harder because it WOULD be all you know. Having had three already, I know what works and what doesn't work, both for them and for me. It makes it so much easier to let things go.

The babies nurse at different times at night, which is my saving grace. I don't ever have to wake up fully, Joel will just take the one that is still alseep and put that one by him. I take the other one and nurse. They never wake up, and neither do we. Each baby nurses 2-3 times in a night, which is about what my other singletons did too. I can't imagine having to sit up to nurse. I refuse to do it!!

We also have a king size bed, which we got when we found out we were having twins. They sleep in the middle and Joel and I sleep on the outside. You can usually find a four or six year old as well. Oh...and a couple of cats at the bottom!!

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#10 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by abomgardner417 View Post
I loved, loved, loved having two until they were about 15 or 16 mo and that's when things started getting harder for me.
:

I really thought our twins were a piece of cake the first year. Of course if they were our first I wouldn't have thought that! Everyone kept telling us it gets so much easier as they get older- we feel that it's gotten a lot more challenging!! It's nearly impossible to have a conversation- constant noise, and it is such a challenge to help the older boys with homework, etc... Our house is a constant disaster (it was pretty organize and clean before the twins!!) and most of our things are stored in the basement to keep the LOs safe!

I LOVE this age though- the smiles, and fun, silly games we play! I always am in awe of how their little minds are so inquisitive and taking everything in!

OP- I wish you lots of joy and continued excitement with your LOs!! Savor every moment!!:
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#11 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 08:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DiannaK View Post
this is not what I signed up for, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. The boys are FUN now ... laughing at me, their sisters. They are still hard, but I'm starting to see more rewards.
Yup! And I find I switch from thinking "this is SO hard" to "this is great" often in a matter of minutes. The first year was hard, and many, many moments (permanent marker moments, vaseline all over each other moments, all three kids sick moments) have been really hard since then, but there are a lot more of fun moments, and even moments when I can see having two (or three) is easier than having one.

I do think it's important to have a place you can come and be encouraged when you are feeling like it's hard, and I have always appreciated the sympathy and encouragement I have received over the years. Maybe it's just me, but I was a "I can do it all myself thank you very much" kind of person (hmmm, wonder where my three year olds get that from) before my twins and have been humbled by needing help, and finding it hard, and NOT something I can do myself.

And I also know I am more likely to post here about something hard rather than "oh, it was an easy day to be a MoM today!"... so people probably hear more of that than the good stuff.

Argh. Haven't had coffee! Sorry if this didn't make any sense!

EDITED TO ADD: I think I read this as the wrong kind of "hard". I was thinking of the deep in your heart hard, the "I don't know if I can do this, be a good parent of two little ones" kind of hard? Are you thinking of random people on the street stopping you and saying "oh, poor you, it must be so hard, I could never do what you are doing, how do you do it?" kind of hard? Because that's a different kind of hard. That's where I think ALL parents have some kind of hard that sometimes can't be seen, and some kinds of joys that others might not recognize. But of course you do it and it didn't make you a better person because of it. That kind of hard is called parenting

OK. I must get my coffee now!
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#12 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 08:22 PM
 
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You are not alone! I REALLY enjoy my twins. There are certainly days when I look at them both screaming and Izzy's dancing on the table naked, and dinner is on the stove burning, and my husband just called to tell me he's working late and I think "there was only supposed to be ONE OF YOU!!!!"

But those moments are fewer than when they were really tiny.

At five months they are just delightful lately. And the work load, I agree, isn't as bad as I feared. Both of my babies are easy going self soothers and they adore their older siblings and will watch them for hours. Ben started crawling a couple weeks ago and he's getting around fairly well these days and so keeps himself entertained. Sometimes they are SO easy I have to think "gee, I haven't snuggled a baby recently" and run off to find one.

The times that it's really hard is when I have to take all six to the store. Gosh, I hate that. Not just for the stares and comments but trying to keep control of Isabella with my hands literally full is a PITA.
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#13 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 09:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by abomgardner417 View Post
I loved, loved, loved having two until they were about 15 or 16 mo and that's when things started getting harder for me.
Same here. I'd love to have twin babies again. I definitely feel a pang whenever I see someone out and about with twin newborns. But I get frightened by the idea of a second set of twin toddlers, preschoolers or five-year-olds (I can only hope that things will start to get easier again someday).

I do think it would be easier if my twins were b/g twins. Our biggest issue is competition.

I'm so glad things are going so smoothly for you!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#14 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 10:59 PM
 
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I found my twins as well as our little DD to be a blessing! There were days when my house looked like a hurricane went through and I was exhausted. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I actually was hoping for twins again, but it is nice to focus on just one.
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#15 of 63 Old 10-20-2008, 11:10 PM
 
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Hmm.... I remember saying for a long time that the twins were a piece of delightful cake, and it was the older sibling that was the challenge. I truly felt sorry for Bella getting hit with TWINS when she had been our one and only for almost FOUR years! But she loves them, adores them, and that relationship is getting great, and there are days that I think I am just the sh_t as I can make a good dinner, clean the house, have quality time with all my kids, nurse my twins exclusively and still work a little and see friends. And then there are days that I'm like, "Oh my God, this is sooooooo freakin' hard!!!!!" My twins are a cakewalk compared to DD1. Not only is she the older sibling, she was, and partially still is, an extremely emotional child who can cry and cry and cry and cry and keep on cryin'!!!! And I am not the type of mom who can let their kid just go on crying when I know their heart is in pain, no matter how silly the situation. I think that babies and kids come in all sorts of personalities, and each has unique gifts, no matter how challenging, or easy they are. I actually would never look at a mom with a singleton and think "how easy", as my DD1 was soooooo hard. It pained me every time she broke down and couldn't be consoled. But she is such a beautiful child, I just treasure her. I treasure the twins as well, (Serena and Sierra), and know just how *lucky* I am to have had the time and space to parent Bella as she needed before these girls came along. My post of "5 months rocks" is so true for a lot of mommas, I think. We are there and loving it! But...... there are days and moments when TWINS ARE HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#16 of 63 Old 10-21-2008, 10:25 AM
 
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I love love love having twins, as well! It is an amazing experience...I feel like I have been given this extra special gift that so few people are able to experience. They are entertaining (two babies trucking up the steps at high speed!), they are loving (two boys giving me a smiling kiss at the same time!!), they are warm and cuddly (one on either side while I sleep!), and they have shown me just how loving and caring and generous my older children truly are!

That being said, I would never say that it is overall easy. Sure there are times when they are playing on the floor and the other children are reading or playing quietly and I am kicked back on the couch enjoying a cup of coffee and reading myself. But not very often!

There is a lot to "do" over here, but also a lot to enjoy. The "doing" is much easier when I am well rested! Speaking of which, can I come over to your house and sleep?! My little men seem to think that at 2am it is party time!

So, in a nutshell, I'd have to say, personally, exhausting and wonderful! You are not alone, but I could use a little more solid shut eye!

mother to girl (8), boy (7), girl (5) and twin boys (12/07) and a little boy due Feb 5!!
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#17 of 63 Old 10-21-2008, 02:14 PM
 
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Totally depends on the babies personalities and needs. My two very easy twins would be nightmares if they were two of my firstborn!

It goes through phases of easy and hard. Right now, it's in-between

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#18 of 63 Old 10-21-2008, 03:04 PM
 
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What I think is hard is having 4 kids. DH and I were on the fence about having a second because DS1 is, and always has been, incredibly challenging. I do think it is good for DS to be a big brother, but I am an introvert and leading a big family is really hard on me. The triplets together are much easier in some ways than DS1 was by himself. We had enough help that exhausting as the first 6 months were, I was still better rested and more together than I was with DS1.

I look at families with two kids of different ages, twins, or triplets and no siblings and think, "They have it easy," and I look at families with 4 kids of different ages and think, "That's so hard." So, for me what is hard now isn't the fact that I have multiples. It's that my familiy is bigger than I ever thought I could handle.

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mother of Patrick (7/31/03), and Michael, William, and Jocelyn (4/27/07)
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#19 of 63 Old 10-21-2008, 10:57 PM
 
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I love having twins and I love my twins more than anything in the world. I feel incredibly lucky when I look at them and listen to them talk, and see the amazing bond they have. And I love being part of the world of multiples - it's just so much more interesting than having 1 baby!

All that aside, it's HARD as freaking heck. I haven't slept through the night in almost 3 years, I don't have good nappers, and even when they were tiny babies it was rare for them to sleep anywhere but at home or in the car. They had trouble breastfeeding because they were so premature, so I EPed for them for a year and a half, and it was only around 1 year that they stopped needing milk every 3 hours or less. It was hard hard hard hard hard. And it still is. It's a thousand percent worth it, though.

I do think it's silly that people tell me I'm "brave" or something. Um, I had two children at once. What on earth choice do I have but to take care of them both?! Call me a great, strong mama, call it hard, but there's nothing brave about it!

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#20 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 08:23 AM
 
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I think that the first 6 weeks may have been a lot easier with only one. My girls are now 7 months (almost). And if your babies are very different or have trouble sticking to the same schedule, that can be difficult. All in all, I really don't find it to be that difficult. BUT, recently we gave up swaddling and now naptime is horrible! They talk, fuss and then cry. Sometimes one will fall asleep only to be awoke a few minutes later by her screaming sister. I may have to have them sleep separately which I'd hoped to avoid. Yesterday they took one nap that lasted 20 minutes and one that lasted 45 minutes. Needless to say, that meant that they were up a few times in the night. If I could get naptime figured out, I'd have no complaints!
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#21 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 10:36 AM
 
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I think sometimes when they are still infants you don't realise how much more 'work' it is until you only have one to look after, usually because you're so busy just doing it.
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#22 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 11:35 AM
 
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grahan, mine never napped well together until about 13/14 months. Until then they were in separate rooms for naps for the most part.

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#23 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 04:00 PM
 
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Yes, it's gone very well for us.

We did find that twins was crazier than adding singletons to the pack. But when we hear some other parents talk about their sleep deprivation, how Baby completely changed their lives, etc, etc, we are left We barely identify with that stuff in our twin experience, and singletons were rather blissfully uneventful (in only the right ways!)

Not sure if that's b/c our kids are healthy, happy, and fairly easy-going. Or if it's our perspective. People often comment about how relaxed we are (Again, I'm )

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#24 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 04:44 PM
 
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Our twins were our first (and last). We often thought that just one baby would be boring, and DH and I would have to share! At the same time, the first two years were a challenge, mostly in getting enough sleep, and making sure they didn't bite/hit/throw blocks at each other. We didn't leave them alone for 5 seconds until they were 2 or so (it's been a while, I forget!).

I think two at a time is MUCH easier than two a year apart. They eat the same food (off the same spoon, early on), they nap at the same time, they do the same things. I never had to deal with "How come big brother can do that and I can't?" or "How come little brother can get away with that and I can't?"

I realize that not knowing any different makes it easier for me to say that it wasn't that hard. I didn't change any more diapers than a mother with two singletons - I just got it over with in 3 years, instead of extemding it out to 5 or 6!

Now that my "babies" are 14 years old, I am really reaping the benefits. My sons are best friends, and they have such a cool relationship! I never got along that well with my brothers.

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#25 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 06:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do that my perspective is different because I am not sleep deprived at all. They usually go to bed around 7pm and don't get up until 7am. They nurse seperately, so I don't get up either. In the morning, they are usually up for 20 minutes or so. Smiles, coo's, diaper changed...then they are asleep for at least an hour or two. I get my stuff done as best as possible. Have some coffee...


They are both asleep right now.


But the laundry...now that is a whole other story!

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#26 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 07:09 PM
 
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Yeah, you've gotten lucky.

My twins were number 7 & 8. I knew what I was in for in terms of one baby at a time. But two? I seriously think the first year was total hell. The second year was almost as hard. They are five now and only recently has it become any easier. They are VERY active, very verbal and both have tempers. Most days aren't too bad, but there are days when I think I might like to run away for a bit. LOL

I love my twins, don't get me wrong. But I am always tired, always on my toes and always looking for the day it gets "easy." HAHA

Maybe it's my age, I had my other kids when I was younger and I had so much energy. I'm 42 now and just worn out.

:
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#27 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 07:48 PM
 
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I do that my perspective is different because I am not sleep deprived at all. They usually go to bed around 7pm and don't get up until 7am. They nurse seperately, so I don't get up either. In the morning, they are usually up for 20 minutes or so. Smiles, coo's, diaper changed...then they are asleep for at least an hour or two. I get my stuff done as best as possible.
Annnnndddd....you're NOT drugging them?! Just a joke. But, WOW! I am slightly envious. Okay, I AM REALLY ENVIOUS!!!! Yes, I remember what sleep does, and how happy and good one feels....but it is sadly a distant memory. Mine are still up all night (especially for a party that I don't want to be invited to at 3am!). Gives me a little hope....

mother to girl (8), boy (7), girl (5) and twin boys (12/07) and a little boy due Feb 5!!
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#28 of 63 Old 10-22-2008, 09:02 PM
 
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I could have written this thread! But, I agree, it is just that they are both easy babies. I went into this expecting the worst and was pleasantly surprised. I LOVE having twins! What an honoring experience! My ds1 and ds3 were NOT so much (easy). But, I also waaay lowered my expectations. I don't try to cook a great gourmet meal, my house is pretty messy, there are always dishes and laundry needing to be done, I send my dh out to shop and run errands and I have learned to be TOTALLY OK with that. So, when I am just hanging out at home with the babies and the other kiddos, it is really great!

DS-10, DS-8, DS-5 and B/G twins- born 5/08 all lovingly born
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#29 of 63 Old 10-23-2008, 01:40 AM
 
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I think we got lucky. Even when our babies are difficult, they're not THAT difficult. Sometimes I actually wonder if we're doing something terribly wrong, because we're not miserable and exhausted when everyone seems to think we should be.

Mama to twins Wren and Robin, 3/3/08.
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#30 of 63 Old 10-23-2008, 01:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herdingkittens View Post
Mine are still up all night (especially for a party that I don't want to be invited to at 3am!). Gives me a little hope....
Yeah, what's up with the 2 and 3am parties?!?! I never had that problem with my singletons. I think they just feed off each other and keep each other way too amused.

Missionary, birth-worker, midwifery student
Mama to love.gif DD (9yr), DS luxlove.gif (3yr), & 2twins.gif UC twin DDs (5yr)

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