Job interview... when to tell them I'm pg? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 20 Old 01-19-2009, 07:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Cross posting in my DDC

Good afternoon all. I have a question... I have an interview in another state in just under 3 weeks for a job that would start in midMay (if I get it). Trying to decide two things: 1. What to wear and 2. when I would tell about pg.

I have a dilemma - I don't feel that it would be fair to get hired for the job, show up in May and say, "Oh, BTW, I will need to go on maternity leave in 4 months." On the flip side, I know I am not required by law to disclose and they can't legally ask. I'm an up front and honest type of person, especially when it comes to professional positions. I don't want to put a business in a bad position down the line, especially if I decide I want to stay there long term. Help.

I also know that it is still fairly early in my pg. I'm about 6 weeks and will be about 9 weeks at the first interview.

My family: me jog.gif, dh geek.gif, ds reading.gif (11), dd1 hearts.gif (9), and dd2 energy.gif(3).

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#2 of 20 Old 01-19-2009, 08:00 PM
 
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I think the time to tell is after you get an offer and before you sign a contract. They can't rescind the offer at that point, but given that in most states (unless you're in Canada or elsewhere) they have no obligation to let you come back after maternity leave you probably want to have a conversation with them now before you make your decision.

For now, just focus on wowing them and making them think they can't live without you.
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#3 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 09:09 AM
 
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Tell them after the job offer and you can have a brutally honest discussion of THEIR needs and YOURS both during your maternity leave and after it's over and you come back to work.

You obviously are as motivated as them to make this work for both sides if you're moving to take the job. Good luck on the interview!
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#4 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 02:19 PM
 
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I'm of the thinking that if you know you are pregnant right now and you go in for the interview knowing you are already pregnant then it's dishonest if you don't tell them, but that's just me. I care more out coming across as an honest employee moreso than getting what I deserve because of a law that is in place. What about the employer? This company is trusting you to be available to do the job that you are being interviewed for and part of that means showing up for that job after being hired.

What if you ended up having complications during the pregnancy that would take you out of work even sooner? or complications that will make you so ill that you have to stay out of work from time to time. That's not fair to them. They wouldn't be hiring right now if they didn't have a position that they desperately need to fill.

Sorry if I sound rude, I really don't mean to be. I used to be a business owner with employees of my own. And I think you need to try and look at it from the employer's side too. I think you know for certain if you do tell them up front that you are pregnant that they will not hire you and if you think about it that makes sense considering they need someone to work for them "now" and they need someone they can depend on. Most people go in to a new job and have to work hard the first 6 mos-1 year to prove themself to the company. You already know you won't be able to do that.

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#5 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 03:23 PM
 
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Is this the type of job that you would have a second interview for? I had this dilemma for my current job. I started talking with them about an interview before I was pg, but the actual interview was scheduled when I was about 9 weeks. I worried about what to say incessantly bc I wasnt showing yet. I finally decided that I would tell them on the follow up interview but before I was made an offer.

I felt like it was important for them to see me as a non pregnant person at first- I wanted to be evaluated for my skills and what I could bring to the job. I didnt want the interview to focus on how they would work around my ML. I did tell them at the followup interview and my dept chair's exact words were 'it is not an issue at all'.
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#6 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 03:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Momily View Post
I think the time to tell is after you get an offer and before you sign a contract. They can't rescind the offer at that point, but given that in most states (unless you're in Canada or elsewhere) they have no obligation to let you come back after maternity leave you probably want to have a conversation with them now before you make your decision.
If they are big enough to be under the FMLA rules, they do have to hold your position for 12 weeks of FMLA. But I would still have the discussion after the offer and before you accept. It would be the same as if you were already planning to go on a long vacation or something shortly after being hired.
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#7 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 04:51 PM
 
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I wouldn't tell them until you are offered the position. Nothing else matters until you get that offer in hand.

D. proud Mom of H. E. M. and T. always remembering Norah (11/07 at 40 wks) and (10/06) see profile
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#8 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 05:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
I'm of the thinking that if you know you are pregnant right now and you go in for the interview knowing you are already pregnant then it's dishonest if you don't tell them, but that's just me. I care more out coming across as an honest employee moreso than getting what I deserve because of a law that is in place. What about the employer? This company is trusting you to be available to do the job that you are being interviewed for and part of that means showing up for that job after being hired.

What if you ended up having complications during the pregnancy that would take you out of work even sooner? or complications that will make you so ill that you have to stay out of work from time to time. That's not fair to them. They wouldn't be hiring right now if they didn't have a position that they desperately need to fill.

Sorry if I sound rude, I really don't mean to be. I used to be a business owner with employees of my own. And I think you need to try and look at it from the employer's side too. I think you know for certain if you do tell them up front that you are pregnant that they will not hire you and if you think about it that makes sense considering they need someone to work for them "now" and they need someone they can depend on. Most people go in to a new job and have to work hard the first 6 mos-1 year to prove themself to the company. You already know you won't be able to do that.

This is exactly what I am struggling with... I can see it from both sides and really don't want to put them in a bad spot. I don't see your post as rude at all. It is the reality of the world today. I really do appreciate the input from the other side of the fence.

My family: me jog.gif, dh geek.gif, ds reading.gif (11), dd1 hearts.gif (9), and dd2 energy.gif(3).

Tout va s'arranger à la fin. Si elle ne fonctionne pas; ce n'est pas la fin.

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#9 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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I was in your position, and did what pp suggested. Told them after the offer, but before signing. They were wonderful about it (and I had to leave 3 months after starting), and if they hadn't been, it wouldn't have been the right place for me to work.
Also, if you tell up front and don't get the job, you'll never know for sure what the reason was.
Also, I think it depends on what kind of job it is if Mommy68's viewpoint applies. In my case, it is a job with a long learning period, where noone is expected to be fully "operational" from the get-go. My boss said something to the effect of "If someone is right for the job, a couple of months won't make a big difference".

Good luck with your interview!

Edited to add: someone mentioned "what if you have complications?" Ok, but what if you have a car accident? What is you have a m/c early on? (which I fully expected after 2 previous m/c, and that was part of the reason there was no way I was telling). Of course, not wishing any of those things on you, but I just wanted to say you can't live for "what ifs".

mama to my August boys ('03 & '06) trying to figure out what to do after 5 losses
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#10 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 06:04 PM
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It is not unusual to keep news of a pregnancy completely private for at least 12-14 weeks. Especially since you would only be 9 weeks at the first interview, I would not say anything. It is not dishonest; it's normal.

professor & maman de DS1 (6) & DS2 (1)

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#11 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 06:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by gabry View Post
Edited to add: someone mentioned "what if you have complications?" Ok, but what if you have a car accident? What is you have a m/c early on? (which I fully expected after 2 previous m/c, and that was part of the reason there was no way I was telling). Of course, not wishing any of those things on you, but I just wanted to say you can't live for "what ifs".
But that's a totally different situation. Unless you have a terminal illness like cancer or something then you can't predict that you might die in a few months. A car accident would totally be an unknown. Knowing you are pregnant is very different.

And you made a good point about the miscarriage. That would be a tough one if they already knew she was pregnant and that happened. Good point. But the OP did say that if she starts the job she would be around 4-5 months pregnant I assume from her first post where she said she would start the job and need to take a leave of absence in about 4 months which would make her almost 5 months pregnant. So that is past the first trimester, which is when most people go ahead and tell everyone about the pregnancy anyway.


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#12 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 07:29 PM
 
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I would wait for an offer and then tell them your pg before accepting. That way you know you got the job based on your skills and abilities. You can then have a discussion about ML and whether it will work for both of you.
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#13 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 07:39 PM
 
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Having gone through 4 miscarriages before having DS, I got to the point of never telling anyone (other than DH, of course) that I was pregnant until after the 14th week (miscarriage 2 was at 13 weeks). Honestly, as awful as it is to think about, it might not be an issue for you by the time you get the job. And because of that, not disclosing a pregnancy before that is completely understandable and "normal", I think. I don't know of anyone who announced a pregnancy at work before about that point, so why do it for an interview.

I agree with others though, you owe it to them to explore the ramifications of your pregnancy before actually accepting the job. So another vote for after offer, before acceptance.
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#14 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 07:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by rhiandmoi View Post
If they are big enough to be under the FMLA rules, they do have to hold your position for 12 weeks of FMLA. But I would still have the discussion after the offer and before you accept. It would be the same as if you were already planning to go on a long vacation or something shortly after being hired.
Actually, I do not believe this to be true. FMLA only applies if you've been working there full-time (or nearly full-time?) for a year or more.

So...you really do need to have a discussion with them about what type of maternity leave they are going to be able to offer, etc. I also vote for telling them after you get a job offer, but before you sign a contract. I was in this situation and told at the second interview, but I was showing a bit by then.

Good luck!

Mommy to an exuberant 3 yo bouncy.gif and a new one!  nak.gif

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#15 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 08:37 PM
 
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You're right, to be required by law you have to have been there 12 months, but you can have worked part time. Only 1250 hours in 12 months is required.

But after the offer you should be able to see a copy of their employee manual so you know what kind of leave policy they have.
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#16 of 20 Old 01-20-2009, 08:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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To simplify the discussion: I'm a chiropractor. The company is small enough that FMLA does not apply.

My family: me jog.gif, dh geek.gif, ds reading.gif (11), dd1 hearts.gif (9), and dd2 energy.gif(3).

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#17 of 20 Old 01-21-2009, 12:37 AM
 
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ITA with those that said to disclose the pregnancy after they are already interested, but before an offer is made. I would also be prepared to discuss my plans around time off for the baby at that time. "I wanted to let you know that I am x weeks pregnant and expect the baby to be born around y. I am very interested in this position and committed to coming back. I would plan to take x weeks off, work part time for x weeks and return full time at x weeks." I really think that is all you can do.

Good luck!

Tracey, mama of 5 beloved children here with me on Earth and one precious son I will meet again in Heaven 6/17/09 - 9/6/09.

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#18 of 20 Old 01-21-2009, 09:36 AM
 
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Can't seem to quote correctly, but just wanted to say to Mommy68:

Actually, in her first post OP said she is 6 weeks, and will be 9 at the time of the interview. Hence my comment re. the m/c.

mama to my August boys ('03 & '06) trying to figure out what to do after 5 losses
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#19 of 20 Old 01-21-2009, 12:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
And you made a good point about the miscarriage. That would be a tough one if they already knew she was pregnant and that happened. Good point. But the OP did say that if she starts the job she would be around 4-5 months pregnant I assume from her first post where she said she would start the job and need to take a leave of absence in about 4 months which would make her almost 5 months pregnant.
My point was that it would be completely normal not to mention this at the first interview (when she would be 9 weeks) due to this possibility. For all sorts of reasons, this being 1 of them.
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#20 of 20 Old 01-23-2009, 01:47 AM
 
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Hi,

DH and I have a little bakery, and recently hired a new employee, to whom we offered the job the day she found out she was pregnant (her husband told us they were just back from the doctors office when we called). We would still have offered her the job knowing she was pregnant, as she is the right person for it, but at the same time, I would have understood had she not mentioned it before accepting the job, because she is still very newly pregnant. At this stage, I do not think that honesty enters into it, and at 9 weeks not telling is quite acceptable. That said, I really appreciate her telling us, as now we know that we def. need to keep training our other employee (who has another job and was wililng to take a cut in her hours if we needed her to in order to make enough work for the new employee), so that she can help cover while the new employee is out on maternity leave. I think that a statement like the one suggested by tangozulu is a good way to go, provided you know what you want to do, when it comes time to discuss an offer.

sara

Sara, mama to a 3 yo dd since 2008 :
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