WWYD if your nanny did this? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 08:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am a nanny for three children under 4 years old. They are sweet kids, but definitely a handful, and their parents love them very much. I guess with so many kids, their parents don't really have time to bathe them. During the week, they get ZERO baths. I come in and they are wearing the same clothes as the day before, they have food crusted on their faces and in their hair, and they smell. The 4 year old often complains of his private parts itching and constantly has his hands down the front and back of his pants. All three kids are extremely cuddly and I hug, hold, and cuddle them all day long every day...but it honestly makes me a little sick, because they smell, and their hands/feet/skin is always dirty.

It's especially bad with the baby, because she is just starting to eat solids and smears sweet potatoes or chicken baby food allllll over herself every time she eats. I clean her face, hands, and hair with wet paper towels as much as I can, but even still, she needs a wash cloth and soap!! And she wants to be held all the time, which I don't mind at all...but I feel so dirty at the end of the day.

I change these kids diapers and/or wipe bottoms after poops...I see them change clothes...so would it be really inappropriate if I sometimes bathed them? I've bathed the baby once or twice after diaper blowouts, and the parents didn't seem to care, but I'd really rather do it more often, just so they are cleaner. However, I don't want them to be offended and/or uncomfortable with the idea of me bathing their kids, either...

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#2 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 08:36 AM
 
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Dear GOD bathe them!!!!!

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#3 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 09:07 AM
 
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I can't imagine having a problem with a nanny bathing my kids if I didn't intend to do it myself! Even as a teen babysitter I often bathed the kids in my charge, so I dont see anything wrong with a nanny (who generally has a closer and more long-term relationshipwith the children) doing it. I'm a SAHM right now, but if I were back at work I can say pretty certainly that I wouldn't leave my kids with someone who I didn't trust to bathe them.

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#4 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 10:06 AM
 
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I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I would ask, to protect yourself if for no other reason. I'd probably frame it like "with the weather being warmer and more dirt around, it would be great to get into a bath routine," or something similar.

An alternative as the weather warms up is to stick them in a wading pool, sprinkler, or head to a big pool, too.

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#5 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 10:11 AM
 
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Just ask if it is ok for them all to "play in the bath tub" ... no need to mention the use of soap, it is all being done "for fun".
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#6 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 10:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zonapellucida View Post
Dear GOD bathe them!!!!!
This. For the love of all that is holy. But I suppose you could frame it as, "They were playing with (insert messy thing here) and they got so sticky and gooey I had to stick them in the bathtub so they wouldn't get the house dirty."
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#7 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 10:59 AM
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I WOHM and I appreciate it when my nanny bathes my child. I DO bathe him every night (well, I occasionally skip it for various reasons), but DS often gets really messy at her house and she gives him a bath.

I suggest giving them a bath!

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#8 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 11:31 AM
 
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yep.

I'd just say...they got all muddy/spaghetti sauce covered/had an accident/spilled her milk all over herself/got pudding in his hair.....

....so I popped them in the tub.

If the kids don't like baths (which may be the case if they don't bathe frequently, that could be why) you can try bubbles, a squirt of food coloring (won't stain the tub, and my kids love picking the color they'll get to have), bathing a baby doll, or other plastic but not usually in the tub toy....
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#9 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 11:37 AM
 
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Wow, please do whatever you can to get them clean. Is the laundry being done at that house? if they are always in the same clothes do they at least have fresh underwear or pajamas?
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#10 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 11:52 AM
 
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Unless they fell into a mud puddle I wouldn't do it without asking the parents first.

If they're okay with it, then I would bath them. I had 3 kids under the age of 4 & they never got bathed daily, usually once a week in the winter/twice a week in the summer
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#11 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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I used to babysit for a family that was very similar, I watched their daughter 3 days a week until the parents came home from work (this went on for about a year or so) and they apparently didn't place much importance on personal hygiene. But it was pretty gross, on Monday afternoons it was obvious she hadn't bathed since I had been there the previous Friday, and the little girl admitted as much when I asked. I was only 15 at the time so maybe it never occured to me to be worried that the parents would take issue with it, but my rule was she took a bath as soon as she got home from school. After that we had a snack, did homework, and watched a cartoon if there was still time before her parents got home for the day.

In m case the parents never seemed to care, and I got the impression that the only time that little girl got a bath was when I was over watching her. Ihugtrees, I would definitely try to figure out a way to incorporate baths into your care routine with the kids, if you bring it up with their parents I would try to do so as tactfully as possible.

You definitely have my sympathies!

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#12 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 01:02 PM
 
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I would think that at the very least you could use a wet washcloth on hands and faces after meals, especially with the baby. I do childcare in my home, and I routinely use a wet washcloth after meals on the hands and faces of the littlest three.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably be slightly bugged because in my mind it's the parents' job to take care of bathing/nails/etc, unless specifically agreed otherwise. One of the little girls I watch never gets her toenails trimmed--I usually give in and trim them once they are curling around the ends of her toes. I'm cheerful about it with her, but inwardly I'm thinking "Why don't her parents do this?" Not part of the job description, you know?

But if you don't mind adding to your job responsibilities, by all means run it by the parents first. I can't imagine that they would mind.
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#13 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 02:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ihugtrees View Post
I am a nanny for three children under 4 years old. They are sweet kids, but definitely a handful, and their parents love them very much. I guess with so many kids, their parents don't really have time to bathe them. During the week, they get ZERO baths. I come in and they are wearing the same clothes as the day before, they have food crusted on their faces and in their hair, and they smell. The 4 year old often complains of his private parts itching and constantly has his hands down the front and back of his pants. All three kids are extremely cuddly and I hug, hold, and cuddle them all day long every day...but it honestly makes me a little sick, because they smell, and their hands/feet/skin is always dirty.
this makes me feel sick inside. i know you're saying these are great parents, but if their kids are wearing the same clothes from the day before consistently and not getting baths when there's food in their hair...i dunno.

yes, i would find a way to incorporate bathing into your duties. but if it were me, i'd be on the look-out for other signs of neglect. do the ones in diapers seem to get changed enough? are they rashy?

this just sounds weird to me. we're not huge bath people here--DD gets bathed 2-3 times a week. but i can't imagine letting her go around with food in her hair, or stinking. yuck.

do the parents find time to bathe themselves?

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#14 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 03:07 PM
 
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It's strange. Dh and I both WOH. EVERYDAY after supper dh heads up to the tub with one or both kids in tow. Sometimes both sit in and play with him, sometimes they take turns. But they both have a bath with Daddy. Snack, teeth, PJs, stories, bedtime. I don't have three kids 3 & under, I have two kids 3 & under. Couldn't they all just pile in the tub and play and wash with a parent???

There's some good advice here.

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#15 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 03:17 PM
 
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Am I the only one whose kids get irregular baths? I try to bathe them once or twice a week. However, if they have food on them, they wash their face and hands with a washcloth, and as infants the did get bathed more.

Why are you not washing them with a washcloth after meals?

If we had a nanny, I'd be fine with her giving them a bath. Dd does need a bath more often than she gets it sometimes, and it's just plain hard to fit it in some nights.

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#16 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 03:25 PM
 
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I was a nanny for almost five years. I gave him baths - never thought twice about it. I gave kids I babysat for in high school baths. It was really common, and often my babysitters toss my youngest one in the bath if they're sitting here in the evening.

I bet the parents would be thankful you took that off their to do list. Especially since they have three kids. There is a thread here where a mom was mad that her MIL gave the six month old a bath, but I think that is not the usual reaction based on the replies.

I'd bathe them every day or every other - whatever you think is needed based on their activities.
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#17 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 03:25 PM
 
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I'd definitely ask first.

"Sometimes the kids get pretty messy playing outside or during meals, would it be ok if I gave them a bath while I'm watching them?"

I suspect that they probably wouldn't mind, since they're not doing it themselves.

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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#18 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 04:05 PM
 
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Maybe they are assuming that this is part of your job and that's why its not getting done?

As a parent, I would definitely want you to ask first, but I wouldn't have any problem with it once I had said OK and made sure you knew about any sort of restrictions (allergic to some soap or whatever...)
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#19 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SleeplessMommy View Post
Just ask if it is ok for them all to "play in the bath tub" ... no need to mention the use of soap, it is all being done "for fun".
Yeah, this is what I would do too! Make it a game and do a little "cleaning" while they are in there.
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#20 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 04:18 PM
 
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Am I the only one whose kids get irregular baths? I try to bathe them once or twice a week. However, if they have food on them, they wash their face and hands with a washcloth, and as infants the did get bathed more.

Why are you not washing them with a washcloth after meals?

If we had a nanny, I'd be fine with her giving them a bath. Dd does need a bath more often than she gets it sometimes, and it's just plain hard to fit it in some nights.
You're not the only one. Dirty clothes, smells, dirty hair....those are other issues. Bathing them might help but that's not the issue. The kids need more overall care.

If someone changed their clothing, washed their hands and faces and combed their hair, they wouldn't need a bath everyday, or even every other day.


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#21 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 05:18 PM
 
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Yuck. I don't bathe my kids every day, or every other day for that matter. My kids have severe ezcma though. I do, however wash their face, hands, feet DAILY if not several times a day. We don't change clothes every day ('cause my kids love certain outfits) but they would never wear clothes that are visibly dirty or smelly! AND I would NEVER, EVER, EVER let them go to the point of getting contact dermitatis- itching and sores on the skin or genetals- my DS got them as a baby and I bet the little boy that's itching his penis actually has a sore at the base of the peins. Easily preventable.

I would bathe them. I would make it a routine to wash the kids on a bi-weekly basis (2x a week) and ensure that they have clean clothes. Start teaching the kids the importance of cleaning themselves (when they can) and make it fun and educational!

I would also keep an eye out for other signs that something is not right. The clingy ness is somewhat suspicious to me, in conjunction with the dirty- smelly- food crusted kids. WHat is the overall state of the house? What kinds of foods do the children eat? Are the parents attentive in other ways?
Do you work for an agency...because you could talk to your supervisor at the agency about how to adress this with the parents.

I think it's awesome that you are so sensative to the childrens needs as well as the parents! These are very lucky kids to have such a nice, sweet and wonderful nanny! I, personally would NOT be offended if you bathed my kids. You were hired to CARE for the children, and to me that includes ensuring that they are clean!

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#22 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 05:29 PM
 
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I think you've got good advice--just casually run it by parents and bathe away.

I have learned that hygiene standards very GREATLY, but if the kids are stinky and it makes you want to hug them less, baths are in order.

We have some good friends with the filthiest kids you've ever seen. Ironically the mom is a message therapist and the dad is a dermatologist. They just don't' seem to notice kids dirt/stink.
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#23 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 05:35 PM
 
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I would ask first, but I'll bet they'll be totally grateful that you are offering.
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#24 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 05:39 PM
 
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I would not bathe them. What I WOULD do is changetheir clothes every morning, underwear and all, and "spot-clean" with a wahcloth. You can wash their hair in the sink as needed and then combitevery day. Basically, eacj morning if you comb hair, brush teeth and completely change clothes, that would be less "intrusive" and they wouldn't look or smell soo bad.

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#25 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 05:44 PM
 
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I don't bathe my kids every day because it gives them extremely dry skin. We do baths if they're dirty or smelly, or at least once a week.

That said, my kids don't really get that stinky in that time, and if they are, I wash them. They DO get clean clothes/underpants, hair brushed, teeth brushed every day though. We wash hands frequently, etc...

I'd ask the parents if it'd be ok to work that into your day since it's getting muddy out and all that. Seems reasonable. We definitely do more baths in the summer (or go in the baby pool a lot).

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#26 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 10:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
You're not the only one. Dirty clothes, smells, dirty hair....those are other issues. Bathing them might help but that's not the issue. The kids need more overall care.

If someone changed their clothing, washed their hands and faces and combed their hair, they wouldn't need a bath everyday, or even every other day.

:

i don't care if kids are bathed once a day or once a month--as long as they are healthy and clean. people don't all need to bathe as often as others. i bathe every day/every other day; DH bathes far less often. but he doesn't stink or seem dirty.

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#27 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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Yes, bathe them, If you do it first thing the parents probably won't even notice they've been bathed
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#28 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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I would offer to bathe them.

I actually specifically ask my nanny to bathe my kids. I started doing this b/c she's so much fun, and so energetic that the kids were just playing non-stop, and implementing afternoon baths with the nanny was a GREAT way to have a little sort-of-quiet time most afternoon (baths are bumped for other activities sometimes, which is totally fine - my kids probably average 4-5 baths/week). It's great. The kids are not quite as wiped out when I get home, they're clean, and dinner/bedtime is less rushed. I love it and my nanny is happy to sit relatively still for a while each afternoon.
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#29 of 64 Old 04-09-2009, 10:56 PM
 
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Eeeeek - I'm not one to bathe a baby too often (twice a week for DS 10 months), but he's spotcleaned as needed, and he gets a clothes change twice a day - fresh onesie and clothes in the morning and fresh onesie and jammies at night.

Those poor children being itchy and SMELLY!

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#30 of 64 Old 04-10-2009, 12:13 AM
 
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Maybe they are expecting you to do it all along and there is a communication problem? I don't know what hours you work. I would just casually mention that sometimes the kids get really muddy playing and would it be okay to give them a bath. I would assume that they have checked your background, etc, so they obviously trust you with their kids. They might be very thankful that you are offering

When I was a Nanny I was asked to bath my Nannette any time I felt it was needed- like play related gunkiness, or just whenver my boss mentioned that she did not have time, could I do it, etc. The tub was big enough that I could sit comfortably on the edge with my feet in and she would play and romp in the suds. My boss's favorite story was the time that I accidentally fell in the tub The drain was in an awkward place so I had to walk over to it to let the water out. I tripped on a bath toy and landed in the tub, clothes and all For months afterwards Nannette told everyone- the librarian, the Kindermusik teacher, the waitress at Bob Evans- that Jaime fell in the tubby and made a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG splash

But anyway, ask them if it is okay, and then bath away. I feel bad for the little ones if they are itchy and uncomfortable

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