If You Could Afford Not To Work Would You? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 66 Old 03-16-2004, 01:34 AM
 
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my dh gets upset if I drive to town too much
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my dh doesn't complain when I go to town if I can write off the mileage
I agree with OP about the husband being insensitive (the 'baby kennel' comment), and that, along with the above remarks actually makes me worried a little about pageta. It seems as if your husband is quite controlling, or at least that's how you perceive him to be. I know this may go too far and it's none of my/our business, but have you considered this at all, and possibly your trying to juggle things is made harder by his role in it?

mama to my August boys ('03 & '06) trying to figure out what to do after 5 losses
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#62 of 66 Old 03-16-2004, 01:43 AM
 
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There are no doubt tons of controlling DHs, and pageta's might be one (I dunno). Work/family balance is a complicated thing, and the 2 people in the relationship have opinions about the comprimises they are making. Of course satisfaction with these compromises ebbs and flows.

I like the question: If you Could Afford Not To Work Would You? because it gets us thinking about the things that make us happy. I have to work and I hope to pick up better paying work, soon. But recently being unemployed has brought me to a place where I am again pursuing my childhood dream of being an actress.

B4 I lost my job, I would say that if I didn't have to work, I'd do yoga, act, and a few other things. And now I'm developing a relationship with a theater, taking yoga classes, and finding part-time jobs that will allow me to juggle these things. And so, I think it is a very good question. The $$$ issue has not disappeared for me, but I am trying to be courageous and pursue my dreams, even if it is hard. I have also discovered that my family, and my DHs have stepped forward to help, in unexpected ways. My religious beliefs have also benefited from this crisis, as I learn to trust God's plan for me. It is hard to do what you want and still have what you need, but I think it is very imp to do what you can to do the things that make you happy.
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#63 of 66 Old 03-16-2004, 10:47 AM
 
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My husband is adamant that our children will not go to the "baby kennel" every day so since he works full time, childcare is my responsibility.
Actually I had to : when I read this because of the mental image it provoked. (Sorry gals, I realize I have a twisted sense of humor!) I too felt like it was the DH's term, hence the quotes.

The most bothersome thing to me, though, pageta, is the idea that it's YOUR responsibility because he works fill time. Am I missing something?

My own personal pet peeve is men who expect us to be superwomen and care for the children, the house, and hold down at least some paying employment (otherwise we don't get to spend any of "their" money) - all simultaneously. It's a quite unconscious expectation on their part, really. I've spent 15 years trying to raise the consciousness of DH and his friends. DH I've had success with, the friends - not so good. But then they have wives who buy into the myth too, so. Oh, well.
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#64 of 66 Old 03-16-2004, 10:54 AM
 
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I can't remember if I answered the OP way back. I think my answer has varied markedly with my job satisfaction. For many years I brought home more bacon plus held the benefits so it wasn't an issue. Now I actually WAH for the last two months, not originally by my choice, and that was a huge adjustment. However, DS2 is still in day care because with the work I do I simply cannot have distractions (medical transcription). I know some people WAH with kids around and do that, but I can't, not without staying up half the night. I get up at 4 am as it is anyway in order to get in a couple hours before everybody else gets up.

I think if money weren't an issue I'd want to work fewer hours simply because there are so many things I'd like to do for our home that I end up not having time for. I think there's a tendency to work more, and more, and more (in my profession, at least) and it's difficult to stop. You end up typing just one more report, then another, then another. Then you have no time for anything else. So there's a discipline in there that I think I have to cultivate and maybe eventually it will lead to fewer working hours overall.

Gee I just realized how rambling this is. Guess I'll hit send and get back to work!
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#65 of 66 Old 03-16-2004, 03:04 PM
 
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I am a single mom and a middle school teacher....Although I love teaching I want to be home and homeschool my son so I have been seriously looking to change jobs/careers to something that would allow me to do this ........I am thinking about psychology or social work so I could do some sort of consulting or part time....
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#66 of 66 Old 03-18-2004, 12:22 AM
 
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Probably. Hard call. I like what I do but hate the stress related to getting to and from work, but it is a JOB not a career so maybe stop that to get my degree. I have enough variety and work flex time so things are great that way. I work with phone systems and documentation/ contracts in the telecommunications area for a large lender.
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