If You Could Afford Not To Work Would You? - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-30-2004, 01:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Not me. I like my job and my boss. I could do without the hour and a half commute but I really enjoy being a working woman.
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Old 01-30-2004, 05:47 AM
 
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I would definately quit my current job if we could afford for me to. My job is too far and my bosses are crazy. The only reasons I work at my job are the flexible hours and the pay.

However, if I could quit my job, I would still want to have a little time to pursue my interests - writing, knitting, drawing, taking classes.

I truly think I would be happy spending my days with my daughter, though.
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Old 01-30-2004, 02:58 PM
 
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I enjoy being an MT way too much. Of course I like working at home now even if it wasn't my choice. Commute's the same though since DS is in daycare half a block from the office I used to be at. :

I like the increased flexibility, though. And I like my "adult time" way too much. I also think the preschool teachers do a better job with my child than I would day after day. The most patient, I'm not. I also don't do well at setting routines and I think he benefits a lot from that.
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Old 01-30-2004, 04:30 PM
 
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I'd probaby still work at least part-time. After working FT for the first 1 1/2 of dd's life, I realized that no matter how much I loved the job, I still wanted to be home more. Now that I work PT, I love my schedule. I'm not exactly on the "fast track", but I'm still involved in the field. Working part-time allowms me to do the stuff I've always wanted to do with DD at home and feel like I have a real pulse on the household. At the same time, I look forward to going to work, talking and acting like a professional and bringing hom a paycheck. I worked too hard, I feel, to give it up right now. Part-time is the perfect balance for me, at least for now. I treat work not only as a profession, but also as "ME" time. Time when I can actually make a personal phone call and not be interupted, or when I can jump on the computer, like now, and relax and participate on the boards. When I get home, I feel refreshed and look forward to putting work behind me and spending time with dd.
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Old 01-30-2004, 05:53 PM
 
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No, I like working and frankly would make a lousy SAHM. I would like to maybe cut back to 4 days/week, but that's not really an option in my field.
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Old 01-30-2004, 06:23 PM
 
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I love my job, and I think I'm pretty good at it, so I'm glad I do what I do. I think I'm lucky. But if I could afford to stay home with my kids I'd do it in a heartbeat and never look back. OTOH, I think people who want to work, need to work. In my mind, it's all about being true to who you are to set the example for and parent your kids well, kwim?
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Old 01-30-2004, 06:43 PM
 
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Hmm...I've been thinking a lot about this issue, given that I'll be having baby #2 in May and will then face daycare costs of $1100. That's only part-time daycare too! Right now I work 4 days a week, but I'm thinking about cutting down to 20 hours a week once my materinity leave is up. That will give me a take home salary of about $600! Yikes...

That said, I really do love my job, I enjoy keeping my foot in the door in my profession, and it gives me a little adult time to myself that I think I need. Still, I wonder often - is it really worth it? I guess I have a few months to decide for sure...

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
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Old 01-30-2004, 06:47 PM
 
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I would quit this job in a heartbeat but if the money and benefits were absolutely unnecessary I would still keep working in some sort of way, most likely part time, for 2 key reasons:

1) I am too independent to rely on someone else 100%. Making my own money is very important, no matter how little. It gives me a sense of security knowing that if "anything ever happened" I could take care of my child and myself. If he could my husband would support me with never a question and never make me feel inadequate (his mom was a SAHM and I know he wishes I could be too) but I am still uncomfortable with the idea.

2) I truly believe that working makes me a better mother and an excellent role model for my child. I know many on this board (not forum) would (will) flame me for saying that but it's true. My mom worked both full and part time while I was growing but I was still always a priority for her. She, like me, is not and never was a workaholic. The life lessons I learned from her are invaluable. I want to teach these same lessons to my child.

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Old 01-30-2004, 06:50 PM
 
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HollyBear, ITA
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Old 01-30-2004, 07:43 PM
 
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yes I would quit in a minute
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Old 01-30-2004, 07:55 PM
 
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not a working mom, yet...but will be one soon (a mom, that is). i'm planning on working 30 hrs/wk. i would rather work 20hrs/wk or so at a different job, but i carry the benefits and most of the money (even at part time i make more than my dh who teaches), and my job is super flexible. in a way i feel stuck. at least the job isn't horrible...decent folks...but i'd definitely rather have a different one.
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Old 01-30-2004, 07:59 PM
 
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I wouldn't work but I would definitely go to school. I have a new perspective on working/school now.

If something were to happen to Mark I would need to take care of Kailey and myself. If I were to continue so stay at home, there isn't much I could do to provide financially for us. Going to school and earning a degree is the only way I feel comfortable being a parent now. I really feel strongly about preparing/planning for the future, no matter how near of far off tradgedy strikes.
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Old 01-30-2004, 08:06 PM
 
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Can a SAHM chime in?

I don't have any skills that are lucrative, but if I did, I think I'd be going back to work pretty soon. My daughter is 2 and she's okay being away from me, and enjoys the company of other children, so if I had access to a quality preschool (I don't) and a job I liked that would pay well, I'd go to work.
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Old 01-30-2004, 08:23 PM
 
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Yes, definitely I would work.

But not continuously.

Right now I'm on a one-year "contract" and hope to get PG soon. Then I'll take a year off to be with my baby (I can't part with them when they are teeny!) and then go back to work again.

I'm lucky that right now I'm able to negotiate these short-term contracts. I hope to continue that, as I like the flexibility.

I have to admit, I knew I was excited about going back to work, but I am still surprised at just how much I LOVE it. I think it helps that DD is 18 months and doing just great with DH at home.

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Old 01-30-2004, 08:34 PM
 
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Of course I'd quit -- I wouldn't have to think twice about it! I do like what I do, but staying home with my daughter has been more satisfying for me. I'd still want some "me" time, so I'd probably volunteer a few hours a week or take some community classes or something. I'd definitely take on more craft projects! I've always wanted to learn how to make soap...

Nissa
[edited to actually add my answer ]
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Old 01-30-2004, 09:40 PM
 
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Well... No. But ideally I'd have finished my grad degree (May) and be qualified to work my dream job as a school librarian already. Regardless, I'm not a happy person when I sit at home with my kid all day. I learned this when I did the SAHM gig 'til my son was 8 months old and it was the darkest, most depressing period of my life.

(Qualifier: I got unexpectedly pregnant on the heels of a cross-country move and before I began work/grad school I knew nobody here. So the isolation was much worse than if I had been a SAHM at home where I would have had friends and family to interact with and maybe I would have like it then. But I don't really think so.)
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Old 01-30-2004, 10:06 PM
 
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& was curious to see the responses. i am a SAHM & my son is almost 5. i have been seperated from him for less than 200 hours in his whole life.

Quote:
Originally posted by HollyBearsMom
...I truly believe that working makes me a better mother and an excellent role model for my child. I know many on this board (not forum) would (will) flame me for saying that but it's true. My mom worked both full and part time while I was growing but I was still always a priority for her. She, like me, is not and never was a workaholic. The life lessons I learned from her are invaluable. I want to teach these same lessons to my child.

a few years ago i would have been first in line to flame you. : but i have learned a lot from some close friends who work who are wonderful attached mamas. just because I could not imagine working 20-40 hours a week doesn't mean the moms who do are bad moms. being a SAHM doesn't inherently make ME agood mom either. it just means that every person is different. i NEVER wanted to be anything except a mom.

my sister just went back to work; her 1st son is only 7 weeks old. she is a great mom, but she is also a great financial analyst, yk?
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Old 01-31-2004, 01:04 AM
 
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I'm about to start work again next week. my dd is 11 months.

Part of me is really excited to go back to work. It's just 25 hours a week, but the position is a great opportunity for me. I'll actually be using my college degree for the first time!!
After graduating (5 years ago) I started wandering around the country doing all kinds of cool jobs. Now, I don't think that's a very secure life for dd. I was often sleeping in tents or on someones floor, not always enough to eat, etc. But I loved some of the work I was doing!! And the experiences were amazing!

Anyway, I'm slightly OT. Part of me is looking forward to have 'me' time and using my knowledge and skills and getting paid for it! But the other side is screaming "I'm not ready to leave my little one!"

It's good to hear so many moms enjoy working. I'm hoping the new experiences (for both of us) will just enrich the time we do have together.
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Old 01-31-2004, 11:05 AM
 
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I'd work ... just not what I do now

I like the idea of both my husband and i working.... I was a sahm mom for a while, and the balance of our family did not suit me. It really bothered me how much more serious my dh took his job when it was the only source of income. Not that both of us don't take our jobs seriously.... .we just know when not to take them seriously as well. Besides, ds and our fam is definitely number one in the priority list.
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Old 01-31-2004, 03:04 PM
 
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It really bothered me how much more serious my dh took his job when it was the only source of income.
That really rings a bell with me. I noticed that my DH was much more dedicated to work, working OT and such, taking more jobs on the side (he's an electrician) when I wasn't working. I think it just pushed his "responsibility" buttons when he knew he was the sole or primary source of income. He seems much happier and well rounded when I've got some income coming in.

OTOH I took a massively stressful yet massively well paid promotion at work on the understanding that he was going to cut back at work, begin laying the groundwork for starting his own business, and be more of the primary caretaker for the boys. It didn't happen. So 11 months later I resigned from that position. I told him, "you had almost a year and not only are you no closer to starting your own business, you're working MORE hours, and we're even deeper in debt. I give up!" So he's not able to do the SAHD thing, either I don't think, not able to let go of that role and jump off trusting that I would bring the money in. Even though he acknowledges that I make more money. : Must be a guy thing, I guess.
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Old 01-31-2004, 06:49 PM
 
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I would like to say I'd quit in a heartbeat, but I don't technically have to be working right now, so I guess the answer is no. If we rearranged things, we could afford it, but it would be tight. We want to move to an area with better schools, will need a new vehicle once we get pg and have the next baby (some day), and want to have some security for the next so that I can stay home.

Would I make a great SAHM, though? Probably not. I dislike my current job, but the pay is good, so I'm staying until the next . Then I'll devote the year's maternity leave solely to the kids, and then I'll pursue something that makes me happier. It's just so tempting here in Canada with the one year paid leave, not to work through the next pg so that I have another year off paid... and my parents are watching ds, so I know he's very well taken care of. I miss him terribly, but think this is best for our family right now. And now the guilt is creeping in again...
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Old 01-31-2004, 07:45 PM
 
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I would LOVE to quit my job! At one point p-t would have been nice but right now I just want to stay home and be. I'm so tired of rushing around and feeling like i can't have any quality time. I'm so tired of the rat race.

I would like some time just to goof of and be and then maybe p-t or better yet a work-at-home situation. That would be perfect
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Old 01-31-2004, 10:32 PM
 
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I have an 11 month old daughter and would take off a few years if I could.

My husband is a SAHD and is doing a great job of it - he spent serveral years in the military and retired . This is a whole new life for him and is truly a rich experience for him. Plus my salary and benefits are way too good for me to quit - it's really the basis for our retirement and financial security. If I quit now, we lose everything (military retirement). And my husband is not a U.S. citizen - he could never get something that would give us the same pay and benefits.

But I waited until I was forty to have my daughter and I feel like I am really missing out on something that will never come again. I also feel like I am ignoring a very powerful biological pull to be with her - although I am still breastfeeding whenever possible and we are alternating co-sleeping with her (so I can get enough sleep). Still I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong at times - it's almost a physical pain.

Overall, I think I am the only one who is somehow disappointed. My daughter is thriving, happy and confident and her father has enormous energy.

I think this is something that I will have to accept and allow myself to grieve over privately because I don't want my husband to feel guilty. Also, I am in a work/social environment that in no way supports breastfeeding or attachment parenting. I really feel alone at times with this and am too exhausted to get connected with LLL.

Is anyone else experiencing such conflicting feelings or feeling isolated as an AP?
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Old 01-31-2004, 10:51 PM
 
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Very good question....
I've just gone back to work, ds is 51/2 mts. I was home with dd for her first 2/12 yrs, but I did not have a job to go back to with her. This time, I have a very stimulating high paying job. I love my schedule, because I work 48 hrs/wk (12 hr shifts), 24 of those hrs are night time, so, the baby is sleeping anyway.
I initially went back early cause dh was laid off, and we needed the money. I thought I'd hate it....but I'm actually enjoying the balance.
I still bf on demand when home, cosleep. I feel very attached. And feel that I'm more patient, when I'm not mom 24hrs/day 7days/week...full on ya know?

So, no. I wouldn't quit.
Unless I won the big lottery, then, we'd all travel!!!
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Old 01-31-2004, 11:20 PM
 
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Yeah, in a minute I would not work outside of the home. I'm looking for work now, but glad to be collecting unemployment and hangin' out at home.
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Old 02-01-2004, 02:23 AM
 
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I'm fortunate and grateful that we can afford to do without my income right now, and I'm also looking forward to going back part-time, 20 hours a week. Dd is 11 weeks old, and we're wrapping up a 12 week mat. leave from my full-time job.

I love being home with her, and I'd choose staying home over working full time. I enjoy my work, though. I expect I'll enjoy the variety, that it will make dh feel more secure (in case he leaves or loses his job), involve dh more in dd's primary care (he'll watch her some of the time, his mom will watch her the rest). I also get energy and confidence from work that I haven't had when I've been unemployed.

However, next week is my first week back and I'm nervous. Ack. Am I going to be overwhelmed? Am I going to feel pulled in all directions and like I'm doing everything poorly? Am I going to be able to let go, and trust others to care for dd? I don't know.
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Old 02-01-2004, 02:08 PM
 
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To me it's all about the kind of work you're talking about and the options for quality child care available.

Since I finished school (I have a PhD in psychology and a law degree), I worked for 8 years at a high pressure university teaching/research job, then for three years at a low pressure law school teaching job, and this year I've been doing consulting from home (I'm a domestic violence expert).

If there were no quality child care available (my 2.5 yr old son is now in an awesome full time university preschool, with amazing facilities, resources, and staff, then I would be unwilling to work outside the home and would find a way to make my WAHMing work. For the first 2 years of my son's life, my DH and I both did part-time care and we had a part-time nanny. Then we felt that he needed to be around his peers more and in a more structured environment. He has absolutely thrived there, and the stimulation they provide in terms of toys, creative play, art opportunities, etc is incredible. I believe this environment is better for him than being at home with me all day.

Over my years of teaching, I came to dislike my high pressure, prestigious teaching job and had I not quit several months before getting pregnant (TTC did not work while I was still at this job, go figure), I'm pretty sure I would have stayed at home, at least for a year or so, if that was the alternative. Given that I was in a much better job (for me) when my son was born, I wanted to continue working-- and the law school rearranged my load of classes and teaching times to make it extremely convenient for me. Now, I am doing exactly what I want to do, and I'm making more money than ever working fewer hours. I now am able to use some of my working hours for necessary family activities (shopping, organizing, errands, cooking Shabbat meals, etc), which makes our weekends as a family pretty much fun-filled, without the chores that we had to do when I was working more.

Karla
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Old 02-01-2004, 06:14 PM
 
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I think this is something that I will have to accept and allow myself to grieve over privately because I don't want my husband to feel guilty. Also, I am in a work/social environment that in no way supports breastfeeding or attachment parenting. I really feel alone at times with this and am too exhausted to get connected with LLL.
Elynor's mom, I have SO BEEN THERE!
Quote:
Is anyone else experiencing such conflicting feelings or feeling isolated as an AP?
I'm going to copy this to a separate thread, so look for it there! I think this deserves its own thread though it is related to this one.
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Old 02-01-2004, 06:19 PM
 
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I would love to stop working!! My plan wasn't to go back to work until my girls were in school, but things change. It doesn't help that I am currently in a job I care nothing about. Next fall I hope to go back to school, so at least if I am away I will be working towards something fulfilling.

Mama to DD#1 2001 reading.gif, DD#2 2002 2whistle.gif, dog2.gif, & cat.gif. Me & my man partners.gifbelly.gif June 2014.
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Old 02-02-2004, 04:39 AM
 
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If I won the lottery I would quit school in a heartbeat.

But I would return, when dd is much much older. Leaving her every day breaks my heart.
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