Please share what your husbands/partners do to help parent run the household - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-08-2010, 08:11 PM
 
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Right now I am dissertating and doing some PT work for my department for extra money. DD is in daycare 3 days a week, and I am home with her the other 2 weekdays. DH works FT.

The chores generally get split like this.

Cooking--me
Food shopping--me
Dishes--him
Laundry (wash and fold)--him
Laundry (put away)--me
Vacuuming--him
Dusting, wiping counters, sweeping, mopping--me
Bathrooms--50/50 (we both hate it)
Yard care--him
Car care--him
Bill paying--him
DD appointments, clothes shopping, plan-making, schedule tweaking--me
Social/trip planning for the family--me

He also does all the daycare pick-ups. I do drop-offs, which means I do the dressing and feeding of the child in the morning also. He is usually gone by the time we are up.

Only occasionally do we have to change that up for some reason--him doing pick-up was hard won. I really could NOT STAND doing all the drop-offs and pick-ups, and with him picking up, that gives me time to get dinner ready so it's usually on the table when he and DD walk in the door. I think now that he's used to it, he's happy with it too.

Childcare-wise, I feel like I do more: meal prep, feeding her, buying and organizing toys and clothes, making discipline decisions, scheduling doctor appointments and getting her to them. Basically everything big, all the big decisions too (like which vaxes, and when). He usually does whatever I ask, but is only ever really "in charge" of the parenting if I leave the house, or tell them to leave the house so I can do x or y. This has bothered me from time to time, but mostly I accept that I'm CEO of the parenting

Our one really crappy and contentious parenting issue is bedtime. Bedtime is a constant battle for all of us because DD hates going to bed and neither of us wants to put her to bed, so we are completely inconsistent and terrible with bedtime stuff Lots of times she falls asleep on the couch with us watching TV

Weekends I usually sleep a bit later than DH. Sometimes DD gets up with him, other times with me. She's not usually an early riser, so that's not a huge issue here. DH is more a morning person than either DD or I am.

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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Old 03-08-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I work part-time, DH works full-time and is salaried. However, our children are older and don't require as much intensive parenting as your dc does.

DH leaves early for work. He's gone before I get up in the morning, and usually before the kids are up. So I take care of getting everyone up and going in the morning. It's usually not a big deal, since the kiddos are old enough to dress and feed themselves.

I'm generally responsible for most of the household chores on the weekdays. It's a holdover from when I was a SAHM, and I generally don't mind, since I'm home far more than DH. DH's main role in our family is as the primary bread-winner. My main role is to care for the house and children; my job is an added bonus, but not something that we to survive. I do all of the laundry, all of the shopping and meal planning, and the vast majority of the cooking. We have a whole-family clean up time each evening before bed, and everyone including DH helps to clean the house (clean up the kitchen, sweep, vacuum, wash dishes, etc).

On the weekends, we tend to split things a bit more evenly. Neither of us has assigned tasks, it's just if we see something that needs to be done, we do it. If DH notices that the bathroom is nasty, he'll clean it. This weekend we both spent a few hours picking up and working around the house before we had company over. Neither of us asked the other person to help, it's just we noticed that it needed to be done and we both pitched in. Childcare on the weekends tends to be pretty evenly split, if not lopsided more towards DH doing more of the childcare. We both sleep in on the weekends, since our kids are old enough to fend for themselves until we get up

We have a pretty traditional break-down of effort. DH take s care of most of the home maintenance (inside and out), car maintenance, and he's currently finishing the basement of our home.

Our arrangement works out pretty well- we both do what we can, and we generally don't criticize our partner's efforts (or lack of effort). If I'm feeling exhausted after a long day, DH would be happy to step up and make dinner or get take-out if I ask him to. We might ask each other to help with a task, but we don't demand that the other person do anything. If the house is a disaster, DH wouldn't dream of telling me to clean it up- he'd either clean it up himself or decide to live with the mess.

New signature, same old me: Ann- mama of 2 boys and 2 girls, partnered to a fabulous man.
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Old 03-09-2010, 12:30 AM
 
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DH leaves the house at 6am, and comes back at 7pm. I work from home 30 hours per week, and my job is flexible, but a lot of work that needs to get done.

DH takes the dog out at 5:30 am and then heads off to work.

I feed the dog when I wake up, make DD's breakfast, pack her lunch, and drop her of and pick her up at daycare 4 days a week, she's there 9-4.

I don't do much housekeeping during the day, sometimes I throw in some laundry but for the most part, there is too much work for me to do to take time out.

I do almost all the cleaning and my laundry, and DD's laundry. I do most inside stuff, schedule all appts for DD and myself, take care of my own car, do all the cooking and all the dishes--I actually like doing the cooking and the dishes, so no complaints about that. I do all the shopping.

Before I go to bed, I set up the coffee for the next morning.

DH takes care of everything outside, we have a pretty big yard and an old house, so he handles all the maintenance. Really, I don't expect him to do much of anything other than spend some time with DD and walk the dog once he gets home. 6am-7pm is a long day, and he has a long commute, and I did that same schedule/commute for 10 years and I know how exhausting it is. On the weekends, he does a lot of yard stuff. We've had tons of snow here this year and he does all the shoveling and we have a loooong driveway.

We both pay bills--we have some common and some separate.

We both do sick days for DD, I would say I do most of them, but that's because I work from home and have the flexibility. But if I have to go to a meeting or on a trip he covers things with no questions or complaints.

He does his own laundry. He is actually a great cleaner, when we have parties he'll help give the house a good going over and he can really make it sparkle much better than I can. He is also a great folder of laundry, but mostly he folds his own clothes and the stray dryerfull of towels that are in his way!

When I worked in the city, things weren't much different, except that our meals were less elaborate, and our house was dirtier, and the sick days were more stressful.

I don't mind the breakdown of labor. I feel like I have more day to day stuff, but he gets stuck dealing with things that I definitely don't want to do like shoveling the driveway, dealing with the dirty recycling, cleaning the gutters...he would probably laugh if he read this and give me a list of about 10 things he does every day that I don't realize--really, I can't imagine what they would be, but I'm sure he wouldn't think that all he does 5 days per week is walk the dog in the morning!
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Old 03-09-2010, 11:14 PM
 
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I work PT Mon/Wed/Fri (18 hours/week) and go to school FT Tues/Thurs during the day and for 2 hours on Thursday nights.

DP works FT at a job that has him actually at work from about 8 or 9 until 5 or 6 and then he works from home sometimes during nights and weekends. It also takes him out of the country sometimes for a few weeks at a time.

I get ds up and ready for school and take ds to school and pick him up every day (it works well with my schedule and my work and school are right around the corner from ds's school).

We usually work together with everything else. Before bed we usually work together to make lunches for whomever needs them the next day.

Dinner is usually done together (unless one of us is really busy then the other will do it).

Shopping is usually done together, unless it's just a quick trip to pick up something we forgot.

Cleaning the house is done together (not necessarily at the same time, but we both do all the cleaning).

Laundry he usually starts and I fold/put away (sometimes I do the starting and he helps put away/fold).

He mows the lawn and I pull weeds/rake/sweep up the grass on the sidewalk/driveway.

He usually does dishes, but I try to keep them going through the day so it's not a huge load at the end of the day. I sometimes do the dishes if he's busy or just needs a break.

DP takes care of ds on Thursday nights while I'm at class and usually once a week I go to the library to study for a couple hours and he takes ds then too. When ds is sick or has a day off school (either scheduled or snow day or whatever) dp usually works from home at least part of the day if he can, to allow me to get to class/work.

On weekends we sleep in together (if we're lucky enough for ds to sleep in late! He tends to stay up until about midnight on fri/sat nights so he sleeps in late ). If ds wakes early I usually get up with him and let dp sleep in (ds is a mama's boy and likes his mama cuddles in the morning). DP sometimes will try to get up with ds in the morning to let me sleep in, but usually ds won't have any of that

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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Old 03-10-2010, 02:02 PM
 
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We both work FT. We leave the house between 7:05 and 7:15 and return at 5:45 - 6 pm. We have a pretty decent chore split, though I've taken on a few more routine chores (laundry, meal planning, cooking, house cleaning) than he does because he's not a routine guy, he will usually help if asked - he does like to chill out after dinner, so I gotta ask him before it's ready. He however takes on the big projects (any renovation, painting, yard work, major deep cleans - like take everythign out of the room, scrub it and put it back). I"m more into maintenance, he's more into one fell swoop. I used to resent this, but when I step back and look, it all evens out.

So, we both get up and do our morning things, I sometimes start laundry or dinner preparation after my shower, he frequently is in his office doing a few things online (he can't really get online at work as I can).

I wake up the big kids at 6, which amounts to opening the door, turning on the lights and telling them time to wake up. They're big enough to handle getting dressed and starting their breakfasts. I usually do most of the morning routine with DD since she's still nursing, though sometimes I will hand her over to DH to dress/do her hair. Many times DH will make breakfast for us.

Getting home - I nurse DD, and usually start dinner afterwards. Sometimes DH will cook if I'm really feeling like I"m dragging, or I just don't wanna, he'll step in. Usually when we get home DH and the big kids will clean up after the dog, walk him, or other chores like take the garbage out. At this stage DD still gets upset if I walk outside for just a bit so they do the in-out chores. DH usually oversees the big kids' homework. The kids are usually supposed to do dishes, but that happens only a few times a week. heh. They're big enough for their own baths, however I will usually help DSD with her hair since it is best done while wet, and once I'm up there DD wants to get in the bath too.

Weekends DH and I are still usually the first ones up, and waking up process is much the same, but we usually let the kids sleep in past 6. Saturday tends to be project morning/fun afternoon. And Sundays are split between us. He takes the big kids and they do their church stuff, I take DD and go to our church, we either come home and do some cooking (I'm getting into TF and some of those things take time), or go hang out with my family.

Overall we're pretty even. I have banned DH from the laundry as he once destroyed our washer, so I've taken on that burden alone, though I will let him help fold or put stuff away, gracious, ain't I? But I don't want to build/paint/remodel anything, so it's a good give and take.

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Old 03-10-2010, 03:55 PM
 
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My husband and I both work full time. I get up at 5am and take the dog out walking each day - this is also important quiet time for me. DH and DD get up at about 630am. We're out of the house by 715am and home by 615pm most nights and her bedtime is 8pm.

I definitely do more of the housework mainly because I need things to be kept at a certain level of tidiness and he's a major slob (although he does help DD pick up her toys each night and if something is obvious to him (like dishes in the sink), he'll clean it. In addition to bills and cleaning, I do most of the laundry and cooking.

My husband does all of the yard work, snow removal and car stuff. He also does all of the driving if we're going out together (which is almost every day since we commute together) as I really hate driving. He often does the shopping. If its one of those crazy nights for me, he'll cook, but he hates cooking so its something quick like chicken nuggets or tons of veggies and dips. He does most of the dog's daily grooming, night time walks and is responsible for arranging visits to the vets, etc.

I'd say split taking care of DD equally. We take turns getting her up/getting ready for bed, daily parenting and we both go to things like doctor appointments, looking at preschools, etc. We make it a point to spend all of the time from when we get home to bed time interacting with DD and try to fit in the chores after she's asleep. We each take care of our own appointments and parents (as both sets need help in various areas right now).
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Old 03-17-2010, 04:22 PM
 
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right now, our family balance is HEAVILY in my favor so that i can survive my student teaching semester and responsibilities of being the only teacher in the room. (i have a unique placement).

he works out of the home 2 days a week and from home 2-3 days a week depending on what meetings he has. i work out of the home 5 days a week and usually go in on saturdays too for the entire morning and through her afternoon nap. on sundays, i try to spend time alone with her so that he can get some of his own work done. we try and get in family time on saturdays after her nap.

generally, my husband...
- gets her dressed and fed in the morning
- packs her diaper bag if she's going to the neighbors house to be nannied
- does all parts of the diaper laundry
- does the clothes laundry
- does the dishes
- does the grocery shopping
- walks and feeds the dog and let's out to the bathroom
- takes out the garbage and recycling

generally, i
- plan and cook meals and keep freezer stocked
- get her ready at night 5-6 nights a week
- manage the household obligations - bills, taxes, auto upkeep, etc.
- try to keep the place looking decent - some vacuuming, straightening, organizing, etc.
- anything else not on his list - make dr. appts, make runs to target, ikea, buy clothes, etc.

i really appreciate all my husband does for us on top of his work obligations. i know it's a challenge for him, but i know he manages fine for now. i look forward to sharing responsibility more evenly with him when the school year ends.

oh, and we only have one child: a 15 months old.

hoping for a !
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Old 03-17-2010, 05:08 PM
 
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It's interesting reading how you all share the duties. My main issue is that we both feel like we do a lot, and I know that my DP feels like I do less than him. And that irks me.

I wake up during the night with 10 month old DS, and then in the morning. He usually wakes around 6. I change him, get him dressed, nurse him, feed him, and get him out the door. DP sleeps till 7 or 7:30, gets ready for work and goes. If I have to take a shower and DS is in the booster seat, I have to actually ASK DP to continue to feed him while I shower.

I take DS to daycare, nurse him, then go to work.

We both get home around 6 or 6:15. I empty and wash daycare bottles, scald milk, etc while DP plays with DS. Around 7 I give DS a bath and nurse him to sleep.

DP lays on the couch and plays on the computer while I do all of this.

When I am done with DS, we cook dinner (usually I cook, but DP will help sometimes.) We eat around 8 or 8:30, and then usually I clean the kitchen. Sometimes he helps, but if he is tired from work, he would leave dishes and perishables out and not lift a finger to help put things away.

However, on the weekends, he does all the major cleaning. We both do our own laundry separately (I do DS's laundry) but DP vacuums, washes sinks, does yardwork, and dusts. I don't ever vacuum or dust, but I do wash toilets and bathtubs.

So DP thinks he does more "chores" than me, even though for me, just dealing with preparing and cleaning bottles takes about 30 minutes a day! Plus bathing DS and putting him to sleep. Which, yes, is fun, but I don't get to get anything else done while I do that. It would be so nice if DP would help out with the daily chores so I would not be doing them until 9PM every night.

Plus, I run an Etsy store, so after everything is done for the day I always have major projects to work on. DP thinks his hobbies (watching TV and golfing) are akin to this... but I am trying to get the store going so I can bring in enough $$ to quit my job. I love working on my projects; they are also my hobbies, but I am also trying to make money. He is just relaxing. But he doesn't see why my "hobby" is more important than his.

Sorry, just venting...If I try to bring it up to him, I know that I will sound like I'm nagging and that turns him off. So I try to ignore it and lower my expectations. But I guess what bothers me is when he says that he always does the cleaning and I never clean. He's right: I may never vacuum or dust, but I also don't get to sit my butt on that couch until we eat dinner, which is usually around 8 or 8:30 at night. And then I have to clean up after dinner! Yes, the bottles may be *my* "mess" to clean, but it's for both of us... it's for our son.

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Old 03-17-2010, 05:34 PM
 
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I haven't read this thread but read your other and it makes me really sad.

My DH is awesome. Even though I work four days a week, he does an amazing amount of things.

1. He takes DD to daycare (I take DS)
2. He works from home Thursdays so he can take DS to his ST and OT those days (I take him on my day off)
3. He doesn't take as much time off for sick kids as I do, but he does take prob 1/3 of the time--it's easier for me, he's generally at meetings all day
4. He also picks DD up from daycare, so is home by 5:30 every day. He often does have more work to do but does it after the kids are in bed
5. He usually makes dinner and does the dishes every night
6. He reads the kids stories at night
7. On weekends he sleeps in Sat, I sleep in Sun
8. He watches the kids so I can go to a yoga once a week, and so I can exercise Sat and Sun, I do the same for him
9. Even though I make half what he does he tells me what an awesome job I have, and encouraged me to go to 4 days a week when the opp came up, even though the timing wasn't great money-wise. This despite the fact, I'm ashamed to say, he does look down on SAHMs.
10. He has never, ever, ever called me a name, and in fact, cringes when I swear.

Mom to DS 5/05 and DD 9/08
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Old 03-17-2010, 05:39 PM
 
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We both work full time. It is clear that DH's career is more important than mine. (It has been that way since long before we were married or had a child.)

Responsibilities that are DH (all non-negotiated, as DH feels that negotiating chores makes him feel like a roommate :eyeroll) -
  • 90% lawn care & snow removal. (I have a bad back.)
  • 85% shared household bills, not including health care bills
  • 50% car care
  • 40% laundry - he starts 60% of the loads and switches some of them to dryer. I bring them upstairs, fold, and put away.
  • 50% child care in the home. He does more: hair-washing and brushing
  • 50% of the bedtimes. One of us cleans up after dinner, and the other one does bath-pjs-book-bed. I let DH choose what he wants to do.
  • 40% of child-care drop-offs and pick-ups. These are supposed to be 50-50, but there are more days when he has to work late, and I have to do one of "his" pick-ups.
  • 40% of the dinner prep.
  • 30% of vacuuming and mopping. For every 3-4 times I vac-mop the downstairs hardwoods, he does it once.
  • 30% of the doctor visits. I schedule ALL of them so he can attend...and he attends about 40%.
  • 20% of the toy maintainance. DH will pick up toys about 2-3 times a month. I rotate toys; purchase almost all new ones. Our playroom doesn't get that messy because DS is in daycare full time.
  • 25% of the night-time parenting.
  • 20% of the grocery shopping. I do all "regular" shopping and list preparation/maintainance. DH picks up things when he feels like it and wants to make a run to the store. He'll get household things on those visits if I'm around to ask him to do so.
  • 10% of the bathrooms. He cleans these only when his relatives are coming to visit, and even then, it's only part of the time.
  • 10% of the morning routines, on days that are not "his" days, like weekends.
  • 10% of the babysitter-finding. (He's doing it as I type ths, because every sitter I tried to contact is busy. We need a sitter about twice a month. He's obtained one...maybe once or twice?)
  • 0% of the clothing purchases & closet maintainance (Making sure things fit and things that don't fit are weeded out is completely my responsibility.)

Yesterday, he thoroughly cleaned the fridge. He will never do a partial job - like take everyday responsibility for wiping down a shelf or tossing old food on a regular basis. It has to be a BIG deal for him to do this sort of thing. I just wipe and toss as a daily event.

DS, 10/07. Allergies: peanut, egg, wheat. We've added dairy back in. And taken it back out again. It causes sandpaper skin with itchy patches and thrashing during sleep. Due w/ #2 late April, 2012.

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Old 03-22-2010, 01:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by That Is Nice View Post
I need to know what your partner does so that I can adjust my expectations, if need be, which my own husband says are unreasonable given his career. (and he is unsupportive of a SAHPing role for either of us...we both need to work which is the current status).
This makes no sense to me. If you both need to work, then your income is vital to your family. Therefore he needs to do his share of the parenting, since you are doing your share of the paid working. Make sense? If you have more traditional roles, then fine, have more traditional household roles as well. And there are a lot of grey areas between totally traditional and totally equal. But if it comes down to you both having to work to have the living standards you want or need, then he needs to contribute. Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.
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Old 03-22-2010, 06:17 PM
 
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We have always both worked FT, so everything has always been about 50/50 even before kids. We basically split responsibilities based on what we would prefer to do. Or what we dislike the least.

Finances - he does 110%. I detest the stuff.

Cooking - I usually cook, but I also prefer to cook. We both do dishes.

Grocery shopping - he does more often than me, while I watch the kids in the shopping center play area. Sometimes we shop together with the kids.

Cleaning - I do major bi-weekly cleaning. He does more vacuuming. Generally he does windows and I do toilets and trash... I'd say its even.

Garden work - he does ALL of it, weeding, planting, arranging...

House repairs - he does all of it. (Unless it is picking out the paint color )

Child care - we overlap. I'm better with the art projects and going to the playground, he is better at letting them entertain themselves or play computer, which is slightly annoying, but if it gets to be too much, I come up with an alternate activity. We both do baths and put the kids to bed and make their lunches - we alternate days. He does more early morning getting kids dressed and breakfast, I do more afternoon activities.

Laundry - I do almost all of it. But I don't really mind laundry.

We both take a weekend morning to sleep in while the other makes pancakes.

We do kids sick days, doctor visits... based on who can take the day, though more often him if the car is needed.

Transportation - he drives the car, I take the bus to work and bus or bike to town. But this means he is responsible for all long distance travel - if we have to large item shop, take trash to the dump...

IME, if a parent HAS to do ALL household/childcare for a decent chunk of time, then they really see what it entails and understand what the other person is doing, instead of undermining them. Two examples: 1. 15 years ago my mom broker her leg very badly and was in a full cast for 6 months. My excessively traditional dad had to do every.single.thing. I mean the man had never made himself a sandwich for lunch because my mom serviced him. Well, he had to cook meals, do the shopping, clean the house.... Broken leg was the best thing that ever happened to her. Now of course they have gone back to their old ways, but my dad still vacuums the house, can make a meal if needed... 2. I travel for work. Often for the whole week, from 4-10 times a year. So DH has to do everything. I think we would still pretty much evenly share responsibilities, be It does give a bit of perspective. Om even more rare occasions he travels, and I am so tired from having to do all the work, that I really appreciate him when he is back.
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Old 03-22-2010, 11:20 PM
 
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Wow, I can't believe how much support you all get from your husbands.

DH and I both work full time (WOH), I earn 3/4 of the income, and work about 60+ hours week, he works 40 hours/week, but doesn't have to leave for work until 1:30 pm, (so he has all morning to himself).

He gets the mail every week and takes out the recycling/garbage 50% of the time, and does his own laundry. Sometimes he'll drive the kids to school if I get them ready. He may change a light bulb now and then if I bug him long enough. He's cooked a few meals (i.e. heats up chicken nuggets) if I leave specific instructions and everything ready. He does read them a book on occasion too. And he's given them a bath twice in the 6 years we've had kids.

That's it.

I do everything else, (including yard work, all household/kids stuff, groceries, laundry, cleaning, I pay for and maintain both cars, put furniture together, coordinate trades/maintenance work i.e. electrical, etc.). I pay for snow removal and lawn service as he refused to do them. I do almost all of the cooking. I hang pictures, move furniture, organize the garage/basement, arrange for birthdays, Xmas, etc. (he wouldn't even help wrap birthday presents). I put climbers together, build snowmen with the kids, play hockey with the kids, get their bikes out of storage after the winter, sign them up for sports, get them fitted for hockey equipment, buy and install their carseats, take them to school, meet with the teachers, look after homework, you name it, I do it.

I bring work home most evenings and weekends, he never does (he works in manual labour, punches a clock and is in a union).

So sad. (I'm feeling totally walked on at the moment - thanks for the eye opener!)
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Old 03-23-2010, 05:29 AM
 
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I WOH, dh works at home.

Dh:
  • Gets ds off to school every morning (including getting him up, making lunch, taking him to the bus stop) and will add dd to the mix next year.
  • Gets ds from the bus/school.
  • Takes ds to any after school appointments (usually).
  • Pays the bills and does the banking
  • Does 99% of the CostCo shopping (I hate CostCo).
  • Handles 98% of the car maintenance.
  • Mows the lawn, does the weed whacking.
  • Digs up the dandelions in the front yard.
  • Most of the house repairs that can be done by a layperson (or by someone with a hammer and a hacksaw)
  • Takes care of the kids when they have days off of school (or are sick) and I need to work.
Me:
  • Take dd to school every morning (getting her up, dressed and in the car) and bring her home every night.
  • 99% of the fresh food shopping (fruits, veggies, regular grocery store)
  • Keep track of appointments, deadlines, registration for things.
  • Clothes shopping for the kids, including shoes.
  • The rest of the gardening other than the lawn.
  • Most of the yard work such as raking, etc.
  • Decluttering when I can
  • Cut ds' hair and dh's hair.
  • Make sure the kids get baths, nails clipped, etc.
  • Change the sheets
  • Plan the birthday parties, gifts, etc.
  • Make sure the kids write thank you notes
  • Keeping track of which chores need to be done

Things we split pretty much 50-50
  • Bedtime (we do 2 days off, 2 days on)
  • Cooking/dishes --the one who cooks doesn't do the dishes and vice versa - dh cooks when I'm on campus late (3-4 days a week), I cook other days.
  • Laundry (it varies wildly, mostly it's about 60% me, 40% him)
  • We all do 15 minutes of chores in the evening

Overall, I'd say that our burdens are pretty equal. If anything, I've got the better end of the deal. He probably does more day to day care, and I tend to do more planning, keeping track and "kid maintenance". Dh tends to leave projects 1/2 done, which drives me nuts, but overall, I can't complain. He does a lot.

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Old 03-23-2010, 12:34 PM
 
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We both work full time. I have to travel some for my job which adds some time here and there, but mostly my job is pretty much 45 hours a week. He has on call and weekend and evening work fairly often, so it varies, but probably 50-65 for him.

Me:
  • 90% of childcare duties, but she is still so dependent on me with BFing (she's 4 months) I expect this to go down a lot as she ages and he is always willing to help when I ask and comes to help if he thinks I need a break
  • Finances - day to day (bill paying, keeping track of expenses, etc.)
  • My car maintenance
  • Laundry
  • Dishes
  • Bathroom cleaning
  • Cat care (feeding, litter box, etc.)
  • Making calls about everything for the baby & household except computer/internet related

DH:
  • His car maintenance
  • 90% of vacuuming and floor cleaning
  • Minor household repair and projects (caulking, plumbing, etc.) - I do help as needed
  • Putting together furniture/toys
  • Computer/Internet/Phone/Network/Electronic upkeep and maintenance
  • 90% of the cooking (I expect this to go down some as he picks up more child care as we used to split this fairly evenly.)

Both
  • Finances - Big Picture/Planning
  • Trash
  • Yard/Outdoor chores
  • Grocery shopping
  • Decluttering/Organizing

Katie trekkie.gif - Married to Mike 06/02/01, Mom to Sydney Anne born 11/21/09 and Alice Maeryn & Oliver Thomas born 04/24/13  hug.gif 

 

 

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Old 03-23-2010, 12:40 PM
 
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This is a great thread.

DH pays for a weekly cleaning lady.

He does most of the homework, reading, computer time with DD.

He's very kind, doesn't complain, and is very laid back about everything.

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Old 03-23-2010, 12:42 PM
 
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Wow. This doesn't seem fair to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeybum View Post
Wow, I can't believe how much support you all get from your husbands.

DH and I both work full time (WOH), I earn 3/4 of the income, and work about 60+ hours week, he works 40 hours/week, but doesn't have to leave for work until 1:30 pm, (so he has all morning to himself).

He gets the mail every week and takes out the recycling/garbage 50% of the time, and does his own laundry. Sometimes he'll drive the kids to school if I get them ready. He may change a light bulb now and then if I bug him long enough. He's cooked a few meals (i.e. heats up chicken nuggets) if I leave specific instructions and everything ready. He does read them a book on occasion too. And he's given them a bath twice in the 6 years we've had kids.

That's it.

I do everything else, (including yard work, all household/kids stuff, groceries, laundry, cleaning, I pay for and maintain both cars, put furniture together, coordinate trades/maintenance work i.e. electrical, etc.). I pay for snow removal and lawn service as he refused to do them. I do almost all of the cooking. I hang pictures, move furniture, organize the garage/basement, arrange for birthdays, Xmas, etc. (he wouldn't even help wrap birthday presents). I put climbers together, build snowmen with the kids, play hockey with the kids, get their bikes out of storage after the winter, sign them up for sports, get them fitted for hockey equipment, buy and install their carseats, take them to school, meet with the teachers, look after homework, you name it, I do it.

I bring work home most evenings and weekends, he never does (he works in manual labour, punches a clock and is in a union).

So sad. (I'm feeling totally walked on at the moment - thanks for the eye opener!)

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Old 03-23-2010, 03:58 PM
 
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Wow. I was going to say that it's 50/50 but when I add it up, DH does more. We both work FT although I tend to work longer hours and his job is much more flexible. We have a cleaning service.

DH:
- dresses DS in a.m. while I shower
- cleans up after dinner and breakfast
- makes adults’ lunches
- bathes DS
- pays bills
- daycare pickup, DS's dinner if I'll be late
- own/DS's laundry
- reheats dinners I’ve made
- takes out garbage, recycling, composting
- DS's sick days/doctor appointments
- cat care (although I’d rather not have them)
- minor home repairs
- cloth diaper folding
- snow shovelling

Me:
- makes DS's breakfast
- daycare drop off
- Sunday cooking ahead for weeknights/ all weekend meals
- grocery shopping
- cleaning projects ie cleaning out fridge, windows, basement
- own/DS's laundry
- washing sheets/towels, changing beds
- driving/car maintenance
- DS's bedtime routine
- cloth diaper washing
- arranging for household work ie painting etc.
- purchases DS's clothing

Megan, loving her sweet rainbow1284.gif boys, born Aug. 2008 and Feb. 2011, and their sister, born still March 2007 candle.gif
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