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I think your DH is being unreasonable, actually.
His sister wasn't available when you needed her so you put your DD in daycare. Now, after a tough transition, she loves daycare and he wants to pull her out again and keep her bored at home all day just to facilitate his sister's immigration status? Not cool.
Little kids need stability, and your DD has already gotten through the rough transition phase at daycare. Honestly I think it would be cruel to impose a new transition on her unnecessarily, so soon after the first. And it doesn't sound like it would be for the better either - you say she does better at daycare than she did home with you; why would she do better than that at home with your SIL??
And I think you are totally right to foresee problems with the nanny/SIL situation. I understand she seems nice, but really you don't even know her. What if she doesn't do a good job? You can't fire her. You'll be stuck with her bad care and a huge family fight to boot.
I think you should stick to your guns on this one. I think your suggestion about having your SIL look for other work and live with you guys is a much much better one. Why didn't your DH like the idea?
Me 40 . Partner to mamacolleen 33 . DD born July 2009 . Twin boys born Nov 2012.
We are a family that loves
And if she is pressuring you to put her needs over yours now, what will happen once she moves in? There will be all kinds of family drama over her duties and what you pay her, how you treat her, how you want her to raise your child, what you feed yoru child, etc.
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