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#1 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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just a quick rant. . .i get so frustrated when every activity is during the day.

mommy & me art camp: 9-12 am
toddler dance: 3:30
storytime at library: 10am
kindermusic: 11am

also in my area, many young moms don't work, so playdates and birthday parties are during the day too.

it's not like i don't have any guilt over working or someone else raising my child, but there are no activities in the evenings or on weekends. i've even tried starting some, but to no use

thanks for listening

I'm Kelly, Mom to Merryn 7/28/08 and twins Luke & Thad born 9/26/2011
Can It Get Any Better Than This? Well, I guess it just did!joy.gif

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#2 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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I'm totally with you!

Women need more part-time/flex-time options...
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#3 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 02:11 PM
 
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My work day ends early (3pm) and I still can't find any playgroups in my area. I guess everyone's picking up their older kids from school? And there are only a handful of activities.

WAHM to Ladybug (13 months) and Bumblebee
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#4 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 02:21 PM
 
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Are there other working moms that you could arrange a playgroup with during the evening or weekend? Maybe other moms at the daycare (if that's what you use) or other moms that you work with?

Lori ~ wife to DH 5 yrs ~ DS born naturally 11.20.10!
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#5 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 02:59 PM
 
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One thing that helped me was just taking a day off to go to a free Gymboree class.

I almost lost my mind!!!!!!! I cannot imagine doing that every week. I left with a terrible headache...it wasn't what I dreamed it would be at all.

DD's daycare offers a lot of activities like dance, music, and an "amazing athletes" sports activity that she really likes.

If you don't work for a total ogre, you might be able to pull off taking your child to toddler dance, if you ask your boss for permission to leave early on 4 Thursdays (or however long a session is) or take it as vacation time. They might understand, especiallyas it's not forever.
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#6 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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I joined a local meet-up group of working moms. We schedule avtivities to fit our schedules. Maybe try that.
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#7 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 03:13 PM
 
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That has always infuriated me also. I, like a lot of working moms, pay taxes that support our cities recreation department so it really makes me furious that so many people who are financially supporting those activities are not able to participate in them because they have to work. There is no reason why those activities can't be scheduled on the weekend or in the evening since the center has always been open on the weekends and at night.
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#8 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 03:21 PM
 
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I would love to get a working moms group going here in my city. Funny cus we have a SAHD group, so I know we are out there.

side note:
wow 3 hours of art? My kids would have been flinging playdoh or paint after an hour!

treehugger.gifAnd you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.treehugger.gif

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#9 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 04:15 PM
 
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I agree completely!

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#10 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 05:33 PM
 
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This hasn't been as noticable to me because DD's friends are almost exclusively her school friends, and most of the parents that I meet and arrange playdates with are also working parents. But I understand, OP, where you're coming from. My DH is a public librarian and most of the libraries activities occur during the week and during the day. While the libraries are open on Saturdays, most of the activities occur during the week because that is when the libraries are most heavily staffed. Weekend librarians have to be paid overtime or comp time, so the libraries, in interest of economy, don't have much going on during the weekends.

The only time that I was truly bugged by daytime scheduling was when our next door neighbor (mom of DD's purported "best friend") scheduled her DD's birthday bash on a Thursday afternoon at 2 pm! We weren't given much advance notice to be able to re-arrange our work schedule and DD is in Montessori school at that time of day. I didn't lose any sleep over it, but DD was clearly disappointed that she couldn't go to the party. As far as activities and other outside stuff, we tend to limit that stuff anyway because DD is in school all week and DD seems to have adopted our homebody attitude on the weekends. Maybe I'm selfish but I feel like DD gets lots of stimulation from others during the week...we want her all to ourselves on the weekends (and even in the evenings)!

"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." Charles Lamb.
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#11 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 06:03 PM
 
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My maternity leave is almost over and I'm so sad because the playgroup I go to is during a weekday

Hippie sympathizer and mom to L, 4.8.10.
Pet-mom to Squirt with FLUTD & Maya the deaf wonder dog .
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#12 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 09:05 PM
 
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Yup, here too. There are fabulous, inexpensive offerings through the city/school district. But they're almost all during the day. And to be honest, at the end of the day, I'm not too inclined to rush DS off to some activity. But maybe on a weekend for a treat now and then!! Oh well. He's in preschool all week, so I figure some unstructured time is good. It is for me! Next year I'm thinking about trying to enroll him in a dance or martial arts class, but picturing having an evening activity is already a little stressful. Heck, just getting our CSA pick-up it was almost bedtime by the time we get home!!

I daydream about working half-time. But as that will never happen...I just make do.
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#13 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 10:01 PM
 
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I want to acknowledge the frustration you are feeling - I felt the same many times in my son's earlier years. I am a FT WOHM of two, ages 6 and 3.

My feelings about this have evolved over time. I remember going to the playground on the weekends and not knowing any of the moms there - they all seemed to know each other - I was once asked "how come I've never met you at playgroup?" I also didn't go to mommy and me classes etc.

I expressed this frustration to my husband once and he brought to my attention that DS had a "playgroup" - his childcare class where they had art, music, storytime etc. I had to ask myself - was I missing a peer group/activities or was he?

In retrospect, I really don't think we missed out on anything. My children and I are securely attached - reading a book together or having an activity together one and one at night was meaningful. A lot of people in the early years of parenting are transient - figuring out what town to live in etc. so friendships made early may not be kept.

Other revelations for me persoanlly (will differ for others):
1. I'm involved in my profession (law) - I tend to have the most in common with other women lawyers who happen to be moms
2. Mommy & Me classes etc. are a relatively new thing - earlier generations of mothers performed more manual/housework and/or didn't have time/money for organized activities - they are social class and generational specific phenomenoms
3. We had "family playdates" on the weekends at times - where we'd invite a family over from childcare - the adults talked when the children played - seems to work well.

If you are concerned about your child's long-time social/intellectual development that they may be "missing" from these activities read the book "Freakonomics" - the author cites numerous studies that indicate that if the parents are bright, the kids are too - going to activities etc. at a young age does not predict future success.

Wishing you well.
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#14 of 32 Old 06-10-2010, 11:33 PM
 
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DD's daycare offers a lot of activities like dance, music, and an "amazing athletes" sports activity that she really likes.
DS's daycare does this too. I think it's a great idea. I just signed him up for an 8 week dance/creative movement class. He'll have more options when he's 3 next year.

I've joined some meetup groups, but most of the activities are during the day. We also find ourselves busy in the evening and we like family time on weekends too.

Ryan 08-28-08  & Julianna 5-3-11
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#15 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 12:19 AM
 
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Yep. Same here.

I wanted to take the kids to an activity at the library. Midmorning on weekdays is it. Bah. I suppose the nanny could take them...

Joanna - wife to Mike, mamachicken to Cub(8/98), Kitten (4/07), Dew-man, and Woe-boy(twins, 10/08)
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#16 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 01:18 AM
 
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A few years ago, when we had first moved to this area, I posted on a local parent's listserve that I was seeking to form a working mom's play group. I had 16 people email me!!! For a while we met once a month (which was do-able and not overwhelming for working moms' tight schedules) at a local playground for a relaxed time together, letting the kids play and ranting about things like kid's activities being on the weekdays when we couldn't go. It was refreshing to be around other working mothers and just to have some comraderie in our life situations.
I read the book Getting to 50/50 about 2 parent working families and one of the things the author suggests is that as mothers we want to go to those groups more for ourselves than for the benefit that it gives our children. Our children aren't really "missing out" on something (and surely don't perceive that they are), but we feel that WE are, b/c we are at work and can't go. interesting perspective...

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#17 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 04:04 AM
 
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I feel your pain, merryns.mom. When our local parks & rec dept puts out a new activity catalog I scan the class times first. I can rule out about 90% of the classes right off the bat based on the day/time.

wild.gif  kickin' it old school
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#18 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 08:17 AM
 
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I read the book Getting to 50/50 about 2 parent working families and one of the things the author suggests is that as mothers we want to go to those groups more for ourselves than for the benefit that it gives our children. Our children aren't really "missing out" on something (and surely don't perceive that they are), but we feel that WE are, b/c we are at work and can't go. interesting perspective...
This has some truth to it. Sometimes I just want to go to the meetups for the socialization aspect and to talk with other moms. I really only have 2 close mom friends. My BFF who lives in another state and my coworker who's out on maternity leave. I miss having lunch with her. I'm sure DS will have fun with hanging out with other kids, but he does that all week, so he really doesn't need another playgroup. We have other friends we hang out with but they're not parents so I can't talk about that stuff with them.

Ryan 08-28-08  & Julianna 5-3-11
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#19 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 10:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks UrbanEarthMom for your post! and thanks to all for the commiseration

i think alot of my frustration is that i want to go to groups and meet moms and make friends. i don't really have any and i desperately want a girlfriend.

where i live there are no meet ups, or anything like that. the young women at church all homeschool during the day and i work at a small firm with much older people so no luck there. my husband's freinds' wives all grew up together and are very cliquish; so i always end up broken hearted.

sorry for the rant, it's just one of those weeks where i desperately want to have a best friend to talk, cry, laugh with. a kindred spirit who knows me and yadda yadda

sorry for pity party IT'S FRIDAY though

I'm Kelly, Mom to Merryn 7/28/08 and twins Luke & Thad born 9/26/2011
Can It Get Any Better Than This? Well, I guess it just did!joy.gif

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#20 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 11:18 AM
 
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merryns.moms - have you tried finding some other Mothering.com moms on your "finding your tribe" forum? Just another suggestion. I know it stinks not to have friends around...I was just thinking that last night as I was hoping for someone to view my "clean out my closet" fashion show and give me some margarita induced tough love...
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#21 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 11:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaChicken View Post
Yep. Same here.

I wanted to take the kids to an activity at the library. Midmorning on weekdays is it. Bah. I suppose the nanny could take them...
I've taken DS to a lot of activities this year (since I have mostly been distance-schooling) and there were always some nannies there.
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#22 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 04:23 PM
 
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I actually got kicked out of a local playgroup (that I PAID to be involved in) because I couldn't attend any of the events. Granted I work from home, but I work for a company, not myself, so I keep normal office hours. Getting out at 10am is NOT easy!

And unfortunately, not a lot of working moms in this area...

Colleen (35) married to Brian (35) 11/06; DD Emilia 6/6/08; DS Breckin 8/2/10
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#23 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 10:21 PM
 
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Well as a mom of now /pre school/school age children who hs, most the activities for this age are during the evening and weekends...... majority of activities are for the masses and most of the moms/kids of your age group are mid day busy bodies.
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#24 of 32 Old 06-11-2010, 10:45 PM
 
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merryns.mom- oh how I wish my sister was the crunchy type! she's about to have her first baby, works full time, and lives in Goldsboro.

My parents are in New Bern (i'm in durham)- sometime when I'm down that way I'll have to find this thread and send you a message!

Hippie sympathizer and mom to L, 4.8.10.
Pet-mom to Squirt with FLUTD & Maya the deaf wonder dog .
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#25 of 32 Old 07-09-2011, 11:25 AM
 
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I have had this same frustration. And we have some classes available in evenings, but they are usually at 6p. I feel this is a horrible time, as it's right during dinner and before our bedtime wind down. It does totally suck. I'm jealous of the cool day time stuff!

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#26 of 32 Old 07-09-2011, 12:15 PM
 
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I can totally relate! About 1/3 of my mom friends work FT - but, then we all feel so tired it is hard to get together anyway on evenings and weekends! The rest of my mom friends tend to do weekday morning activities...except mom night outs, but, then I feel so guilty about leaving my kids...*sigh*.

 

I am enrolling my 4yo in a childcare center twice a week that has swimming lessons, so at least he will get that, without me having to take him (there are plenty of evening/weekend activities around here it is just way too hard for me to do all that and work and try to cook at least 3 nights out of the week....ugh...

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#27 of 32 Old 07-09-2011, 05:19 PM
 
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merryns.mom's - have you thought of inviting another church family to lunch at your house on Sunday?  I have made many long term friends this way.  Feeding people and allowing all their kids to come over is a sure way to get to know people.

 

We have a Tuesday evening group at our Family centre that we bring our 2 year old DD as much as possible.  It is all working parents there or dads.  My favourite thing is watching DD play with toys, other kids, sing songs and listen to others read stories.  I love seeing how she interacts with others.

 

edit:  Sorry  I have no clue why it is blue.

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#28 of 32 Old 07-10-2011, 08:10 AM
 
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I haven't read all the posts but wanted to chime in that on top of this - I run into families that I like and want to spend time with, but they 'save' their weekends for family time and do not want to do much socializing....I respect that but it doesn't leave much room for building friendships/relationships... I also find that since I am somewhat new here (4 years) that many folks have long history of local family and friends and don't have 'room' for more... luckily this IS a  university town so many folks are in the same position as we are and I do have friends....but it's a constant challenge to develop and keep a good social life!

 

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#29 of 32 Old 07-11-2011, 07:02 AM
 
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I hear you, this was me not all that long ago!!

I tried organizing night/weekend activities for my mom's group, but no one ever showed up. Actually I still organize weekend activities and no one comes -- that's out of about 100 moms! I think everyone is tired by the end of the day (SAHM's & WOHM's alike!), they want down time & family time, plus lots of kids go to bed early, so it's just not all that realistic. I had absolutely NO friends until I cut back to 20 hours a week... and then I shifted my hours, I now work from 6am-10am, and FINALLY I can do most things -- I miss out on a lot of 9am stuff but there's plenty the rest of the day. I miss sleeping and I had to basically threaten to quit to get my employer to agree, but it was worth it to me (not just because of this issue). Would your employer be at all open to you changing your hours a bit? What if you did something like, come in 1/2 an hour early all week, and leave 2.5 hours early on Thursdays so you can go to that late afternoon class??

You only need to find ONE thing to meet people, so don't get so discouraged by all the cool but inconvenient activities that you miss/discount the one or two classes that might actually work for you. How about Saturdays? Around here, there are often storytimes or other activities on Sat. mornings... I hate giving up my only day to sleep in, but it gets us out and around others...

Also, a tip if you are able to somehow attend something... try to attend the same thing every week (if your goal is indeed to make friends)... because if you just drop in to one class here & there or one dance session and one storytime and two sessions of music, then you won't be seeing the same people week after week, and IME that is how people make friends, by being around each other week after week. And take advantage of the time, you know, don't sit back & wait for someone to approach you -- introduce yourself to the other moms & start chatting etc.

hug.gif Hope this week is better for you and you find a way to make friends!! OH and you could look at adult activities too (exercise classes, scrapbooking club, etc.) They'd be nights/weekends... might be harder to find someone who just happens to have friends your kid's age if that's what you're hoping for, but you might find someone or at least have some fun in the meantime...

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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#30 of 32 Old 07-12-2011, 06:11 PM
 
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I was pretty honest with myself that I went looking for activities as a chance to meet other parents of children the same age(s) as mine.   We were the first in our circle to have kids, and a lot of them decided that while our first child was cute and a great accessory that he cramped our style too much to remain very close (we couldn't afford a babysitter as often as we would have needed one).

 

I tried all over the place, and everything was during the day.   I got told that LLL didn't want to encourage separations from baby by having working-moms meetings.   I got told that as a working mom "You get to have social time with yoru coworkers."  Yeah -- at WORK.  You know, where we're supposed to be getting WORK done.     I got told it was logical that the people I met at a playgroup while I was on maternity leave didn't bother to talk to me "because you're just going back to work."  

 

Oh, I'm a bit bitter?  You can still tell?     Ha.

 

I really didn't get the connections I wanted to the community of the parents of my child's age-mates until he started Kindergarten.  And even then, there's a clique in charge of the PTA -- guess when they schedule the "welcome luncheon" when the talk about committee assignments?  Guess when they schedule the meeting at the President's house to nominate people for positions and committees for the next year?  If you're thinking "during the workday," you're right.   


savithny, 42 year old moderate mom to DS Primo (age 12) and DD Secunda (age 9).

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