How much paid time off do you get? Your significant other? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How much paid time off do you get (vacation, personal, holiday, sick leave)? What about your significant other?

Does it work for your needs? Granted, we'd probably all like more, right?, but does the amount you have allow you to adequately care for your child(ren) and yourself when you are ill, need to go to the doctor, take a break sometime, and/or cover school/daycare closures?

Do you think you get more or less than average American?
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#2 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 08:14 PM
 
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Now that I have been at my work for 5 years, I get 3 weeks of vacation, 1 week of personal days, Christmas, New Years, Labor Day and Memorial Day off. I don't have a regulated amount of sick days- company policy is just don't be "excessive."

I think I have slightly more time off than the average young American (I'm 27.)

As far as dealing with sickness/emergency... if I had a real problem, I would cover myself by applying for FMLA.

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#3 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 08:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Now that I have been at my work for 5 years, I get 3 weeks of vacation, 1 week of personal days, Christmas, New Years, Labor Day and Memorial Day off. I don't have a regulated amount of sick days- company policy is just don't be "excessive."

I think I have slightly more time off than the average young American (I'm 27.)

As far as dealing with sickness/emergency... if I had a real problem, I would cover myself by applying for FMLA.
Thank you.

Yes, I have over 5 years seniority, too, so I get a higher amount than a new employee would. All in all, I get nearly 6 weeks of vacation/personal and about 3 weeks, give or take, medical leave. We get 10 paid holidays.

DH has quite a bit less. I have more than double his amount and so I end up using all my PTO to cover everything...dr appts, sick days, school closures. I don't like this situation at all, which is why I asked. DH thinks he can't do anything about it.
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#4 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 08:18 PM
 
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I get 3 weeks, I'm not sure about DH. He just recently switched jobs and is working part time.
Anyhoo- I never used to use my time up and would be paid out for it at the end of the year. Now that I have DD, that time is quickly dwindling. I can imagine it's not going to be near enough.
Plus I work in a plave that it's very hard to get time off and there is no such thing as calling in sick...unless your'e layed up in the hospital and physically can't move.

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#5 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I get 3 weeks, I'm not sure about DH. He just recently switched jobs and is working part time.
Anyhoo- I never used to use my time up and would be paid out for it at the end of the year. Now that I have DD, that time is quickly dwindling. I can imagine it's not going to be near enough.
Plus I work in a plave that it's very hard to get time off and there is no such thing as calling in sick...unless your'e layed up in the hospital and physically can't move.
Thanks. Yes, I've found the same thing to be true. PTO was never much of an issue until we had a baby and had to start juggling two careers while raising a child.

I feel that my DH expects me to do everything that would require taking time off from work because he has so little PTO. It's nothing for him to go 6 months, 10 months, a year without taking a day off. The last time he used a sick day was something like 4 years ago.

I find it exhausting.
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#6 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 08:42 PM
 
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None. Or as much as I want. It just depends on how you look at it

I get no paid holidays/vacations/sick leave/etc. But I will be working as a substitute para through the school district so I'll have every day off that ds has off. If ds is sick I can stay home (don't have to take a job). If I (or ds) have a dr appointment I can have any time off I want. I am in school full time (2 days a week plus some online classes this semester coming up) so I could sub 3 days a week if I want to. Or 1 day. Or no days if I'm having a bad week.

DP has quite a bit of paid time off, but I don't know the exact numbers. His boss also throws extra "freebie" days off (paid, since he's salaried) when he gets back from working outside the country (right now he's in Argentina so his boss told him when he gets back to schedule a few days off in the next couple weeks or so). He also has a lot of flexibility to work from home a lot. This is super helpful if ds is home from school (due to snow days, illness or whatever) but it's a day I have classes. DP can stay home with ds and I can go to school.

It works really really well for us and (so far) there's not been any days where one of us couldn't stay home with ds if need be. When I graduate I'll be working as a teacher (hopefully!) so I will have most days off that ds does and dp will be able to pick up whatever days I can't.

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#7 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 08:49 PM
 
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none. i work with people with develpmental disabilities. both agencies pays poor wages and only benefits to full time. they dont want full time employees even if you do work ft. if i need time off i have to switch shifts. i work overnights so it really doesnt matter too much
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#8 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 08:56 PM
 
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I get 10 days of vacation, 12 sick days, and 1 discretionary day for each month where we don't have a paid holiday (6). The discretionary days are just like vacation days, except we can use them in advance, but we can only use a D day as a whole day, not as a few hours here and there.

So, total I get 28 days, plus maybe 8 paid holidays.

Dh gets 10 days for vacation/sick leave, plus up to 6 days of comp time for hours worked over 45 per week.

Despite that, it's actually going to be easier for DH to take time off for Dr's appts and such because he works 42 hours per week (or he will again in september, right now they're having an involuntary pay/hour cut), and doesn't lose vacation/sick time until under 40 hours. Plus he can work late, and I can't.

I think my vacation/sick will be enough. But I don't know for sure, because I got pregnant just a few months after I got hired permanently, and that eats up time quickly, and FMLA ate the rest.

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#9 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 09:27 PM
 
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I'm a contractor now so I get nothing, but when I worked (at the same job FT I got 19 days leave plus 8 company holidays. When I reduced my hours to I got the same number of hours PTO, but that translated to 25 days (6-hour days as opposed to 8). I could roll over 40 hours of that each year. Now I can take off whenever I want, but of course I don't get paid. DH has 20 days vacation, 5 sick/personal days, 5 floating holidays and 10 company holidays. He can roll over all of his vacation and sick days, but so far he has ended up using just about all of it. It doesn't really feel like enough - we're juggling DH being able to take time off after the baby is born and leaving enough time for travel this winter (I know, middle class problem) - but I think it's probably more than the average American gets, especially considering how many people get no PTO.

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#10 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 09:33 PM
 
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I get three weeks vacation and 5 sick days a year. With a child, I find the sick day limit really challenging.

My husband gets 3 weeks vacation and 10 sick days, but he also can bank overtime to take in lieu and usually has had over a month banked at any given time.

He does about 2/3 of the child sick days as a result, although we each do try to work from home.

Often my company gives a few extra days in December as bonus, but it depends on the year.

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#11 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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This is enlightening. I didn't realize 3 weeks was so common it would be among the first responses on this thread.

I work for a church and used to receive one month vacation time, plus sick leave (can't remember how much...nobody worries about it unless I am unable to get my work done over a sustained period) and study leave. I was also slated for sabbatical every five or six years, equivilant in months to the number of years served up to a maximum of maybe a year (can't recall for sure).

Three years ago I moved to another state and took a cut in vacation time that I regret. Officially I receive only two weeks now. I also have some number of sick days, and I can't recall the number, but like I said that is not something folks beside myself tend to keep track of unless sometime down the line I started having difficulty completing my work over a sustained period. My contract also says that I will receive a three month sabbatical every five years, though looking back I would have done well to negotiate to have that increased as my years of service increased...not sure why I didn't do that.

My maternity leave in both cases was inadequate. For ds and dd, because they came to me through foster care, I technically didn't have any time off upon their arrival. I don't recall now what I have here, but I remember when I read my contract deciding it was inadequate but not negotiating it further because I had other battles that were more important at the time.

My guess has been that two weeks is fairly close to average for a middle class income position. For working class incomes, it varies much more by job. I know my dw, who takes working class jobs, has received anything from no vacation to two weeks. For a good long stretch she was a preschool teacher, and two weeks was definitely the norm for preschool staff in the state where we were located. She currently does childcare for just one child in our home. She works just three days each week, so she has four days off weekly, unpaid. She is, however, given paid holidays when the mom of the child is given paid holidays, which we thought was very kind of the mom. Otherwise, she doesn't have anything in the way of vacation, but she does not work (unpaid) during the summer in this case. The only downside is that if dw or our kids are sick during the school-year, it is really hard for her to take the day off because it is a tremendous hardship on the family.

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#12 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 10:48 PM
 
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I work for the state. We get 11 paid holidays and one paid personal day per year and earn 8 hours of sick leave per month. We earn about 7.5 hours of vacation leave per month, which increases based on longevity. I think it's okay but not exceptional. 96 hours of sick time is 12 days which is easily used up when you factor dr/dentist visits and caring for an ill child. My ex-husband and I alternate taking time off if our 8yo is sick. My older son is almost 18, so I don't typically need to take time off for him

I'm banking all my vacation to use if I have another child someday!

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#13 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 11:33 PM
 
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I get none because I'm a contractor. I don't work, I don't get paid.

DH has been at his company for something like 15 years. He gets 4 weeks vacation, the normal paid public holidays, and I think he gets 4 or 5 "sick days" that they are supposed to use for things like doctor's appointments and of course, when they're actually sick. They rolled it up into "personal time off" or something and it can be scheduled in advance. I think he gets more vacation than the average worker.

DH doesn't do kids sick days, kids doctors appointments, kids days off. But that's because we have a nanny so kids can stay home with her if they're sick, and I'll ask her to come for extra hours if the preschool is closed. DH does help with preschool pick up because our nanny doesn't drive. Doctors appointments are up to me and I have to take time off unpaid to do it. And I just never get sick myself. We can't afford it!

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#14 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 11:43 PM
 
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How much paid time off do you get (vacation, personal, holiday, sick leave)? What about your significant other? I'm a SAHM, but dh gets (I think!) 2 weeks paid vacation and another 5 days of personal/sick time.

Does it work for your needs? Granted, we'd probably all like more, right?, but does the amount you have allow you to adequately care for your child(ren) and yourself when you are ill, need to go to the doctor, take a break sometime, and/or cover school/daycare closures?
It's enough to cover time that dh is sick (most of his sick time goes unused) and since he's salaried he can usually manage taking a couple of hours off during a week day to get to doctor's appointments (plus, since he's in retail, his days off usually fall in the middle of the week, so he usually used those). If I were not a SAHM, though, it would not be nearly enough. Since I'm a SAHM, I handle all sick days for the kids (and we homeschool, so it's not even that big of a deal) and appointments and events for them. I have some health issues, and it's likely that any sick time I had from a job would be eaten up pretty quickly and I wouldn't have much or any to use for the kids. Dh is not allowed to use his vacation time on the fly for sick/personal time, so he would only have five days to slip amongst himself and three children.

Do you think you get more or less than average American?I think it's probably average for people working at a corporate type job full time. It's more than most people working in the service industry would get (and he actually is in the service industry, but he's fulltime managment, and works for a very large company that dies give their full time workers vacation and sick leave).
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#15 of 68 Old 07-22-2010, 11:56 PM
 
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I work for a university and receive about 14 hrs. per month personal leave, and 8 hrs. per month medical leave. The time rolls over if you don't use it, and increases based on how long you've worked there. We also get all major holidays off, plus extra time (9 days) at Christmas.

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#16 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 12:10 AM
 
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I get 3 weeks vacation, but it goes up to 4 weeks next year as I will have been there 5 years. Also, 11 paid holidays, but I don't get those off work, as group homes are open 24/7. I get 60 hours a year of sick time, and can comp up to a week at any time. Also, I get 1 year partially paid maternity leave because I am in Canada, and get a few weeks STD to bump up the amount for the first bit.

DH gets 2 weeks vacation and I don't know how much sick time. Also gets paid holidays and he actually gets them off work.

It works for me now because I don't have kids, but wouldn't later. I have practically always worked Christmas day, holidays, etc because someone has to and usually the person with the most seniority gets it off. That's never me.
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#17 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 12:25 AM
 
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I get all the usual fed. holiday- Columbus day, veteran's day, etc.

I get 10 "Health" days each year. They can be used for sick leave and/or personal time. 2 can be carried over into the next year. I can't rack them up over time.

I get 2 Professional days each year- these can be used for attending conferences or workshops, or observing other schools.

2 extra days each year for any death in the family/memorial services.

I also get 2 weeks at the winter holidays, a week in February, and a week in April. I get about 8 weeks in the summer as well. I usually end up doing work during these times, maybe once a week, at home. For instance I've been in to school twice this week already, and I know I'll be back in on Monday to do a quick task.

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#18 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 02:29 AM
 
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I work for a small city so I get all the usual holidays and I earn a certain number of hours each month to make up 3 weeks vacation and 10 sick days. I'm part time benefitted so I can usually move my schedule around so I don't have to take vacation or sick days. I have almost 300 hours of vacation banked right now and 60 (the max) of sick. i still earn sick and and unused is paid out 1 for 2 at the end of the year.

DH gets three weeks of vacation per year and no set number of sick, just don't be excessive. His company is use it or loose it so if he doesn't use it by the end of the calander year it's gone - no banking it. His company has all the usual holidays but he doesn't get to take all of them on those days.
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#19 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 09:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
but he also can bank overtime to take in lieu and usually has had over a month banked at any given time.
This is a good point.

Are people banking overtime and then using it as comp time to have time off?

I just don't see how people can make it with two working partners when one or both get 2 weeks or three weeks and no sick leave?

Who takes care of the children??

Grandparents??

Who??

Because I knew that I probably got way more paid leave than most, and looking at this list I do. I get more than 5 weeks, prorated for my less than full time status. It's an amazing package.

But DH gets 2 weeks and some sick leave and a week of personal. No comp time ever. No overtime pay ever. And he doesn't ever work 40 hours...it's always more.

And it's a real struggle for me because I am always the one handling everything.

Maybe it's that I have a child with asthma and food allergies, I don't know. We're not excessively sick, but there are probably more appointments due to developmental delays, food alleries, and asthma.

How do you make 2 or 3 weeks work?

Are people working from home? Using comp time? Getting help from others?
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#20 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 10:05 AM
 
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OP, my situation is actually very similar to yours, in the sense that ALL sick time, doctors visits, etc are fallen onto MY shoulders. But we have no choice.

In my husbands field of work, a utility truck/van is required to transport tools. We have NEVER had two family vehicles in the 11 years we’ve been together. Therefore, the only mode of transportation we have for the kids is my car. So when daycare calls and says one of them is sick and has to be picked up, it only makes sense for that someone to be me. I have actually gotten a “warning” at work (Albeit I found VERY unfair) that I had taken to much PT time for sick kids in the first quarter of the year. (um hello, as soon as one gets over something, the other one catches it, THANK YOU!) I was told that maybe my husband needs to start helping more. AS IF THAT WAS ANY OF MY EMPLOYERS BUSINESS HOW WE CARE FOR OUR CHILDREN. Its just not a feasible scenario. My husband would have to leave the job site, which is sometimes an hour in a half away from ME to come get my car, and then drive another 20 minutes to the daycare. By that time, almost 2 hours will have passed. Doesn’t make much sense does it?

Because of this scenario, my husband has NEVER met the kids doctor. (Something I razz him for occasionally) My point is, the scenario you describe might not seem so exhausting if you weren’t in the situation your in. (a completely useless partner who does NOTHING to help, not just carting kids around)

Very rarely can my husband stay home with the kids, because, in his line of work, he doesn’t get paid time off. Never has really. He did a couple times this winter (it was a hellish sick season) But there have been times he was actually working out of town, and I had to jump through hoops of FIRE to get to work because I had no time left. Did my employer appreciate that? OH HELL NO. I have a better support system then you do. (I feel awful about your lack of support) My mother, MIL, SIL, FIL, Aunt, have all pitched in at one time or another so I could go to work. Its miraculous, really. It takes a village, atleast in my life.

To answer your original question, I now, after 8 years of service, get 4 weeks vacation time. I earn 8 hour of PT time (Which is what I need to use when I get called away last minute) every 2 months. Whatever PT time I don’t use by the end of the year, I can roll over, but that rarely happens anymore. We get roughly 10 paid holidays, 2 of which are floating. I don’t have to worry about the daycare shutting down during school holidays because they never shut down. I save as much vacation time as I can for the summer months, when I pull them out of daycare to go to my MILs every day (She works at a school, so it saves us 3250 to pull them out for the summer) This makes more sense because if I took vacations while paying for them to go to daycare, I would still have to pay for the weeks their not there. AINT HAPPENING. BUT, I cant roll over vacation time, I have to use it by the end of the year. I currently, with all my scheduled days off, have 22 hours of vaca left to use before the end of the year. I am hoiping that, once sick season hits again, I will have those to use for days I have to take off for a sick child, and bank as much PT time as I can.

I guess the point im trying to make is I don’t think it would matter if your husband had tons of time to take, or no time ever. Your situation is exhausting because you are emotionally drained from dealing with EVERYTHING by yourself. Not just the sick time and doctors visits. I mean, if YOU were sick, would your husband drop your son off for you so you could stay home and sleep?
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#21 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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DH and I both work full-time.

He gets 3 weeks vacation /1 week sick time +holidays
I get 2 weeks vacation/1 week sick time +holidays

We work for the same company so we try and shuffle who works/stays home when DD is sick. I prefer to be the one to stay at home with her if she is sick, however I get less time off than he does and I'm trying to save it up "just in case". He has additional time banked up.

Today for instance DD is home sick, he is staying home because he has more available time off and my department has several employees on vacation. As I'm also dealing with "morning" sickness I would prefer to stay home with DD and sleep.

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#22 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 10:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OP, my situation is actually very similar to yours, in the sense that ALL sick time, doctors visits, etc are fallen onto MY shoulders. But we have no choice.

In my husbands field of work, a utility truck/van is required to transport tools. We have NEVER had two family vehicles in the 11 years we’ve been together. Therefore, the only mode of transportation we have for the kids is my car. So when daycare calls and says one of them is sick and has to be picked up, it only makes sense for that someone to be me. I have actually gotten a “warning” at work (Albeit I found VERY unfair) that I had taken to much PT time for sick kids in the first quarter of the year. (um hello, as soon as one gets over something, the other one catches it, THANK YOU!) I was told that maybe my husband needs to start helping more. AS IF THAT WAS ANY OF MY EMPLOYERS BUSINESS HOW WE CARE FOR OUR CHILDREN. Its just not a feasible scenario. My husband would have to leave the job site, which is sometimes an hour in a half away from ME to come get my car, and then drive another 20 minutes to the daycare. By that time, almost 2 hours will have passed. Doesn’t make much sense does it?

Because of this scenario, my husband has NEVER met the kids doctor. (Something I razz him for occasionally) My point is, the scenario you describe might not seem so exhausting if you weren’t in the situation your in. (a completely useless partner who does NOTHING to help, not just carting kids around)

Very rarely can my husband stay home with the kids, because, in his line of work, he doesn’t get paid time off. Never has really. He did a couple times this winter (it was a hellish sick season) But there have been times he was actually working out of town, and I had to jump through hoops of FIRE to get to work because I had no time left. Did my employer appreciate that? OH HELL NO. I have a better support system then you do. (I feel awful about your lack of support) My mother, MIL, SIL, FIL, Aunt, have all pitched in at one time or another so I could go to work. Its miraculous, really. It takes a village, atleast in my life.

To answer your original question, I now, after 8 years of service, get 4 weeks vacation time. I earn 8 hour of PT time (Which is what I need to use when I get called away last minute) every 2 months. Whatever PT time I don’t use by the end of the year, I can roll over, but that rarely happens anymore. We get roughly 10 paid holidays, 2 of which are floating. I don’t have to worry about the daycare shutting down during school holidays because they never shut down. I save as much vacation time as I can for the summer months, when I pull them out of daycare to go to my MILs every day (She works at a school, so it saves us 3250 to pull them out for the summer) This makes more sense because if I took vacations while paying for them to go to daycare, I would still have to pay for the weeks their not there. AINT HAPPENING. BUT, I cant roll over vacation time, I have to use it by the end of the year. I currently, with all my scheduled days off, have 22 hours of vaca left to use before the end of the year. I am hoiping that, once sick season hits again, I will have those to use for days I have to take off for a sick child, and bank as much PT time as I can.

I guess the point im trying to make is I don’t think it would matter if your husband had tons of time to take, or no time ever. Your situation is exhausting because you are emotionally drained from dealing with EVERYTHING by yourself. Not just the sick time and doctors visits. I mean, if YOU were sick, would your husband drop your son off for you so you could stay home and sleep?
Thanks.

Wow, I can't believe your employer said that. I don't think my response to that would have been very good.

My employer once expressed mainly frustration that I have trouble with traveling out of state due to childcare issues. That's as close as I've gotten to being reprimanded. It wasn't a reprimand, though, more a wish that I could do better...which maybe makes me feel worse. I have awesome employers, an awesome boss, and really about as good a situation as I'm ever going to find. I do feel that I take way too much of my PTO, but I never exceed it, and I really do need it due to a lack of resources. I'd like to be a better, more consistent employee, but that just isn't my reality due to DH and the families we come from. I hate being compared, sometimes, at work to other mothers with young children who have supportive grandparents they use when there is a late meeting or travel. Geez, it's not like I have that and am choosing not to use it to screw my employer. If they only knew...

Like I said, I see that I get double and triple the paid time off that most people here are reporting. Then again, I have nearly 10 years in so I get the bump for seniority but still...I know it's a blessing what I get.

I'm not so sure it's just my husband that is the problem though. Most of his "testy" demeanor comes when he experiences stress that he perceives I put on him. Like when I ask him to take a day off. He doesn't have the time. That doesn't mean we don't need him to take the time, it just means his PTO is pretty limited and he doesn't have the option to take unpaid leave.

Our worst period was immediately following the birth and my c-section when I really needed help and he took no paternity leave.

So, whenever I need help, he stresses out, I stress out, and he usually says and does things he later says he regrets, but he keeps repeating it.

So, maybe if he did get more time off - in line with mine - then we wouldn't have this cycle.

Also, I can not stress how important having a MIL or parents who take care of the kids. We don't have that at all. Not even an option so that leaves us hanging out to dry. The best my MIL has ever done is a couple of hours why I run to an eye appointment or something. She lives a few hours away and, well, she has come a few times, but there are some outlying reasons she can't and doesn't stay longer or come more frequently.

She wasn't even really available when we had our baby, so I think that says a lot. She booked plane tickets to see her other grandchildren the month my child was due, and born, and she ended up spending more time with them that month than with us and a newborn. Crazy. But it's a theme that runs to this day.

DH thinks the problem is my parents. They basically didn't even raise me and have been absent since I was very young. So, no, they're not going to change. They have drug, alcohol, and other issues. They're just never going to be a resource because they never were even when I was young.

DH's parents go and visit his brother for weeks at a time, multiple times a year. They live across the country in a warmer climate that my inlaws love. They go out there and spend days helping them fix up their house, watching the kids, or babysitting while my BIL and SIL get away for a while.

I'm glad that they can do that for them, but I feel like they've short changed their other grandchild (DH's and my child) and, less important, they've shortchanged us.

We struggle and they don't seem to want to change or help us in any real way.

I'm about near my breaking point. I'm either going to leave DH when the housing market picks up or I'm going to end up resigning from a pretty awesome professional job in my field that I absolutely love.

I just haven't found the resolve to quit my job because the pragmatist in me knows I need to work and on top of that, I actually like my job and the people I work with.

But the real loser in all this is my kid. I wish my inlaws got that.
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#23 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 10:50 AM
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DH and I both work in restaurants. Neither of us get any paid time off. I think I get a small amount of vacation time after being on staff for awhile, but haven't looked into it. Plus, vacation time generally only pays minimum wage for waitstaff, and I don't make minimum wage when I'm on the clock.

The upside is that there is almost always someone to cover for us at work if we get sick or want to take time off. We don't get paid, but we also don't get pressured to come in when we're ill.
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#24 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 10:50 AM
 
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When I was working in a school I got 9 days during the school year. The unused days rolled over into the next school year. Sick leave/personal leave, etc was all lumped into those 9 days.

Dh gets a week of vacation but I'm not sure how his sick days work.

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#25 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 10:55 AM
 
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OP, Im not sure how much it means, and I KNOW it doesnt help you at all. But my heart aches for you and your boy. It trully trully does. I think of you often.
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#26 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 11:13 AM
 
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I get 3 weeks paid vacation and earn 1/2 sick for every month, which I think right now I'm up to 4-5 days.

But my job is super flexible. I can leave if I get a sick kid call and make it up later. My dh doesn't get any paid time off at his current job. He kind of makes his own schedule, as in at the beginning of the month, he puts down any days he needs to not work and gets them off. But he also takes our 8 year old to work with him every day so that balances out the no paid time off thing and he's always been the main one to stay home with our kids if they're sick. He'll be starting a very intensive program this fall that will leave almost all the kid duties to me, so I'm really not looking forward to that.

ETA: the majority of my vacation and sick time go to sick kids or daycare/school closures.
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#27 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 11:44 AM
 
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I just don't understand getting reprimanded for using your PTO.

It's yours. You earned it. They are the ones who put the policies in place.

I can sort of see it if things are abnormally busy, or a lot of other people are on vacation, etc.

I can see maybe reminding you that you're going to run out if you suddenly start taking a lot of days off. But ultimately they're yours!

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#28 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
OP, Im not sure how much it means, and I KNOW it doesnt help you at all. But my heart aches for you and your boy. It trully trully does. I think of you often.
Thanks. It does mean something to me. I've got a few special people here on MDC who post, and the things they say really help. Thank you.

For what it's worth, I have to objectively say that all the problems aren't due to my husband. Yes, he can be terrible, and say the worst things, but probably he doesn't like that he does this, and most likely he does really regret it. It's hard to know because I just don't trust his words anymore and he keeps repeating things, year after year.

But, from his perspective, it must be difficult for him to have a wife who asks of him what he can not give.

Yes, he could seek out a better or more flexible or accommodating job. I truly believe that.

But DH has issues with motivation, with interviewing. He's not good at it, and he knows it. He is sort of introverted, and he doesn't respond well at all, nor invite, change. He is doing pretty good, in his opinion, at his current job so why rock the boat? Why risk anything? I can see his point.

And DH can't create resources out of thin air.

And DH doesn't control the actions of his very unfair and very unhelpful parents any more than I control the actions of my parents with their alcohol and other issues.

Yes, DH's parents should be better because they have the means to be better, but it's their choice, right? And, really, it's not their responsibility to do anything for us. Yes, it hurts that they help out DH's brother and his children way, way more than they do for us, but that is their choice, however unfair it may seem. And they've pointed out it's their choice. Can't argue with that, I guess.

I am upset that DH doesn't confront them about it more than he has, but then who is to say a confrontation would make them change. They probably aren't going to change at their age.

Yes, DH could also have a much better attitude about, say, cutting cable or other expenses. He could not buy an X-Box. ...and instead putting the money towards things like more daycare or perhaps a cleaning service, or babysitters, or a nanny or whatever would help us manage all this better.

But those things probably wouldn't make a huge difference either.

If all those little things changed, it would make a huge difference, but it's probably expecting too much change from too many people.

So, it's not all DH's fault.

I mean, maybe I should just learn to live with this better. Maybe I need to bite the bullet and get less sleep and stay up later doing laundry. Maybe I need to pinch pennies even more than I already do. There are things on my end that I can do. I just wish I had a village willing to pitch in, but then who wouldn't wish for that.

The key is finding some way around the disabilities in life.

It was DH's and my decision to have a child at all so we're the ones responsible for this.

Thanks for posting!!
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#29 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 11:50 AM
 
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I haven't read the whole thread yet but I get 4 weeks PTO - it's all the same. Sick, vacation, whatever. Been here over ten years. I work 2 days in the office and 2 days at home.

Then the additional paid holidays off plus a birthday holiday.

In the end it's about 6 weeks' worth of paid time off.

DH gets 96 hours off, which he rarely uses because he only works 2-3 days a week (24 hour shifts), so he's got plenty of time off anyway.
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#30 of 68 Old 07-23-2010, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by rhiOrion View Post
I just don't understand getting reprimanded for using your PTO.

It's yours. You earned it. They are the ones who put the policies in place.

I can sort of see it if things are abnormally busy, or a lot of other people are on vacation, etc.

I can see maybe reminding you that you're going to run out if you suddenly start taking a lot of days off. But ultimately they're yours!
Yeah, I don't get that either.

For the record, it wasn't me who said that. I've never been reprimanded for that, thank goodness. I figure if I've got the time, it's mine to use at my discretion as long as it doesn't affect my work, right?

I have never, ever been formally reprimanded anywhere I've ever worked. I'm usually a very good employee.

But I did have some frustration expressed to me from my employer about out of state travel requirements that I was having trouble meeting. And they brought up that other mothers with children younger than mine had no trouble doing it because they dropped their children off at their mothers. Ouch. That penetrated like a thousand knives. When you don't have a mother and are stressed about your lack of resources needed to meet job requirements and then someone suggests you just do it the way other people do it who have way more resources...hard to take that with a grain of salt.

On the other hand, I do end up taking vacation way more intermittently and without a lot of notice than I would otherwise like.

I usually end up using it last minute because DH stresses me out with some volatile behavior or because I'm playing catch up from a busy, busy week and my world at home is falling apart (no groceries, no clean laundry, no clean dishes, etc). I mean, my child always comes first, so I end up using PTO sort of last minute.
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