How many women here have children under 5 and are working during the day Monday - Friday? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 02:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How many women here have children under 5 and are working during the day Monday - Friday? I'd like to get a sense of the demographics of this forum. Also, does your partner/spouse work, work part time, or stay home?

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#2 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 03:00 PM
 
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I have a 12 yo and three kids under 5. DH works full time and goes to school full time.

Joanna - wife to Mike, mamachicken to Cub(8/98), Kitten (4/07), Dew-man, and Woe-boy(twins, 10/08)
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#3 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 03:59 PM
 
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i have a 2year old ds and i work full time m-f. i don't have a partner but when i did he also worked full time m-f.

  

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#4 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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I have a 20 mo old and I've been working ft m-f since he was 11 mo. DH also works ft m-f. However, I've found it too hard and will be a SAHM again as of Aug 20 so I'm not really part of this forum.

Happy mumma to my boys Henny Tom (Nov 30, 2008), Arlo Odie (Oct 5, 2010), and baby SISTER! due mid-Dec 2014.
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#5 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 04:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a 20 mo old and I've been working ft m-f since he was 11 mo. DH also works ft m-f. However, I've found it too hard and will be a SAHM again as of Aug 20 so I'm not really part of this forum.
Well, your experience would be good to know, particularly given your feelings about it being too hard.

Can I ask what was too hard? I bet I could guess, but I'm wondering if your experience is like mine. What were the hard things?

How will you get by without your income? Or does your partner/husband make enough to support the family? Is he on board? Does he support the choice? Do you worry about getting back in to your career after being a SAHM?

What made you decide to make the transition from working to staying at home?

Does Aug 20 fill you with relief or dread?

If you don't mind sharing, I'd like to hear more about your experience and what the stuggles were and how you came to this point, and this decision.

Thanks!
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#6 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 04:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by kristinekristine View Post
i have a 2year old ds and i work full time m-f. i don't have a partner but when i did he also worked full time m-f.


How do you make things work as a single mom? Do you ever have work when you don't have child care (like travel, for instance?)

Does your ex-partner still help with things? Do you have a support system? No support system? How do you do it all?

Thank you.
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#7 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 05:50 PM
 
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I have a 26 mo old and 2 mo old and I work FT 45 hours/week (+ commute) M-F. DH has two PT jobs (both of which require almost FT hours).

It is really hard. DH is currently on a very long job hunt for a FT job w/benefits so I can stay home. Right now, with child care costs and gas I am basically working for med. insurance.

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#8 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 08:23 PM
 
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My son's turning 5 in two weeks and I've worked 8-4 m-f since he was 22 months old; my husband works insane hours that always include 9:30-5:30 but he does work some of them from home - he can't watch a child and work consistently but he can do drop off, pickup sometimes, and help cover sick days.

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#9 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 08:54 PM
 
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My job is predominantly M-F during normal business hours. My partner also works the same type of hours. We have a 4 year old. Both of us are expected to put in a fair number of evenings and weekends. I do most drop-offs at daycare--which has hours from 7:30-5:30, DP does most pickups.

Because of the number of evenings and weekends, we both can and do flex a lot of our hours. More of my evenings and weekends are due to travel--in a pinch, our son can usually go with her to her evening meetings. In a real pinch, my mother or my best friend are available to watch him.

I tend to do bedtime, DP tends to make dinner. Her time with him is in the mornings--she gets him ready and I get myself ready, then she gets ready once we both have left. Drop off tends to be around 8:30, pick up around 5.
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#10 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 09:00 PM
 
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I have a four month old and work M-F 8-5. DH works M-Thursday (involuntary hour/pay cut, hopefully very temporary) 8:30-5:30 (before the pay/hour cut it was M-F 8:30-6:00) and he has a 25 minute commute each way.

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#11 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 09:02 PM
 
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I work 7-3:30 M-F. My dd is 2.5 and we are ttc#2.
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#12 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 09:28 PM
 
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I work ~50 hrs/week M-F (and a touch on the weekends) w/ a 4yo and a 3 month old. DH works full-time (wierd shift: 11:30am - 8:30pm plus ~6 Saturdays/yr).

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#13 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 10:07 PM
 
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I am currently on my one year maternity leave (until Jan 2011 when DS2 will be just over 1 and DS1 will be 3 1/2).

My job is M-F and I usually work 8-4. I do have to travel with my job usually every week. Some of the places I visit are daytrips though so I will leave early to get there and come back the same day. I do have some locations I have to go to which require an overnight or two -- I don't do this more often than once a month usually.

DH also works M-F, usually 9-5 but he may have the occasional late or weekend appointment. He tries not to work outside of regular hours more than once a week but since he owns the business, anything goes.

DH does drop-offs at DCP because he starts later and I usually do pick-ups unless I am out of town. With DS1, we tried to keep him in DCP for the shortest possible time but there was the occasional day where he was there longer.

Loving my two wild and crazy boys -- DS1 06/07 and DS2 12/09
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#14 of 353 Old 08-07-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by That Is Nice View Post
Well, your experience would be good to know, particularly given your feelings about it being too hard. If you don't mind sharing, I'd like to hear more about your experience and what the stuggles were and how you came to this point, and this decision.

Can I ask what was too hard? I bet I could guess, but I'm wondering if your experience is like mine. What were the hard things?
- I'm just so, so very tired.
- Mornings and evenings are a PIA. They aren't quality time. I am going through the motions just to get through another day. My DS is incredibly easy and happy but there is still so much to do that I feel like I can't really focus on him. Weekends are not enough; our quality of life is not what I want it to be.
- DS loves his daycare and is thriving there but he is slow to get going in the morning and I feel terrible about rushing him out the door because I have to get to work. We have a pretty good morning routine but still I know it's not what would come naturally to him. I feel that he's too young to have this imposed on him.
- My job/career doesn't motivate me anymore. I used to LOVE it but it just isn't a priority anymore. My mind is elsewhere. I feel sluggish and guilty about not giving it my all the way I used to. I have a fairly high salary and I work for a government agency so doing the bare minimum makes me feel like I am ripping taxpayers off.
- I could go on and on... baby #2 is on the way and I just can't imagine all this TIMES TWO. No way.

How will you get by without your income? Or does your partner/husband make enough to support the family? Is he on board? Does he support the choice? Do you worry about getting back in to your career after being a SAHM?
- DH is 100% on board. This is what we both want.
- I think we'll be okay without my income, even though I bring in quite a bit. I'm in Canada so have a year's worth of benefits - not full salary but quite substantial and enough to ease the transition.
- DH has a few IT businesses. They are all in the start-up phase so his income is low and inconsistent, however he was able to sell a chunk of one of them so that we could pay off our mortgage. Not having that expense, and not having the expense of daycare, will make a huge difference. We live VERY frugally, not only because we have to but also because I kind of like the challenge and creativity that requires. I think we'll be okay.
- I'm not concerned about my career. Before getting into the field I'm in now (environment/wildlife conservation), I was fairly successful at self-employment as an artist. I expect that I'll ease my way back into a creative field part time or self-employed again when I'm ready. If I find that I do miss my job and this is a mistake after all, I can go back to my job (I'm taking 1 year maternity followed by 5 year max leave of absence before I actually have to quit).

What made you decide to make the transition from working to staying at home?
- All of the above. It's just what feels right to us now. Though I'm not deluding myself about how hard it will be, especially once the new baby is here.

Does Aug 20 fill you with relief or dread?
- I am so excited that I can barely sleep! (Partly because we're going to NYC on Aug 23 for a week to celebrate!!!)

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about making a decision like this - I suspect from this and your other post that you're at a bit of a crossroads.

Happy mumma to my boys Henny Tom (Nov 30, 2008), Arlo Odie (Oct 5, 2010), and baby SISTER! due mid-Dec 2014.
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#15 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If I find that I do miss my job and this is a mistake after all, I can go back to my job (I'm taking 1 year maternity followed by 5 year max leave of absence before I actually have to quit).
Oh, Canada.

Sigh.

Wish we has any sort of similar policy in the U.S.
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#16 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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[B]

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about making a decision like this - I suspect from this and your other post that you're at a bit of a crossroads.
Thanks.



I appreciate it.

My marriage is not one where my husband would support any decision leading to a SAHP no matter what. He'll never want that, support that, provide for that, or be that himself. And the state of my marriage isn't one where I would feel comfortable doing so anyway.
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#17 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:11 AM
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My little girl is 11 weeks old. I started back to work 1/2 time when she was 8 weeks and will be full time M-F daytime when she is 16 weeks. I also have on-call duties one week out of five, which is usually handling emergencies by phone. My husband works full time days as well, mostly working from home, but teaching live online and therefore not able to provide care for Francesca during that time.

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#18 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:22 AM
 
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I have a 13 month old DD, and I WOH FT, and I am in grad school part-time for an MBA. I am allowed to WAH one day a week, which I usually break up into two mornings - Tuesdays and Thursdays, arriving at work by 1pm. However, my work still has to get done, so I frequently work at home in the evenings after DD has gone to bed, unless I am in class or studying. My DH also works WOH FT. DD stays with my MIL during the day.

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#19 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 02:32 AM
 
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I work outside the home. I was able to take a year off after the birth of each child, and have worked halftime (I'm a teacher) as it suited me (my dh makes significantly more money than I do and it's not been a problem to support the family on one income). Most recently I've done contract work from home -- money wasn't bad but it was incredibly tedious. I'm going back to full time teaching this year (starting next week). I work about 45 hours a week (plus commute time). My dh works outside the home; however he has a lot of flexibility as far as being able to stay home if someone is ill, or something like that. AS far as hours, he probably works 60ish hours a week. Sometimes a lot more, sometimes less, just depending on what is on his desk any given week.

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#20 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 07:53 AM
 
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My child is no longer under 5, but I've worked full-time all her life except for maternity leave. To be honest, I don't find it that difficult.

Before she was in school, my husband worked part-time and we had a part-time nanny. Now the same nanny picks her up from school and fills the 2.5 hour "gap" until I arrive home from work. My DH now works full-time as well.
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#21 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 09:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My child is no longer under 5, but I've worked full-time all her life except for maternity leave. To be honest, I don't find it that difficult.

Before she was in school, my husband worked part-time and we had a part-time nanny. Now the same nanny picks her up from school and fills the 2.5 hour "gap" until I arrive home from work. My DH now works full-time as well.
Do you find it not that difficult because your husband worked part time? Or would you have been able to work full time with young kids if your husband had been full time as well?

My husband works full time. Always has. He typically leaves around 7 am and gets home around 6 to 7 pm. He gets two weeks vacation. He never uses sick leave. He took no paternity leave at all.
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#22 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 11:56 AM
 
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I have a 3.5 yr old and I work 5 days a week (Fr-Tues) for 40 hrs a wk. (Sometimes a bit more).

His dad works 30-35 hrs a week but his schedule is set up opposite of mine. On days that I work, he stays home with DS and goes into work when I get home. On my days off he works during the day and I stay with DS. My mom will watch DS on Sundays to give DP a break as well.

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#23 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:03 PM
 
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I work 2nd shift M-F from 2pm-10pm; been working this for 8 months now. I only have one under 5 right now; she's 3 1/2. I *HATE* working - I miss supper & bedtimes, and still have all the normal household stuff to do. DH works 1st shift at the same place, plus 2 side jobs on the weekends. He doesn't do much with the kids; usually he's sleeping in his chair & the kids are running around when I get home at 10pm. Really ticks me off!! I *HATE* what he does for suppers, and when I try to prepare things beforehand, he doesn't use them . "Something came up" is his excuse, so he'll order out or something. Waste of money & crappy food. I want to scream and run away somedays.

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#24 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:05 PM
 
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I have 2 kids, an 8 year old and a 4 year old and I work full time M-F. Dh currently works part time, 30ish hours a week. In a few weeks, he will start working less and going to school more.

I've worked full time since my oldest was 3. Until about a year ago, dh worked full time as well.
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#25 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:23 PM
 
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Do you find it not that difficult because your husband worked part time? Or would you have been able to work full time with young kids if your husband had been full time as well?
Sure, it would have been fine. We would have just had the nanny full-time instead of part time in that case. My husband and I juggle who goes in early/gets off early and who goes in later/gets off later so we both work full-time with the minimum of outside childcare. We share the housework, have dinner together nightly, and run errands as a family on weekends.

I'm not trying to brag or paint myself as superwoman. I'm just trying to provide a counterpoint to your many threads where you tend to imply the impossibility of full-time work and motherhood. Lots of people do both and do both well!
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#26 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:39 PM
 
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I just recently started working Monday through Friday. When my son was born, I went back when he was 10 weeks old three days a week (8:45-5). When he was around 1, I went up to 4 days a week. Now he is 19 months and I work 8:45-3 since I am 38 weeks pregnant. He stays in daycare until 5 when his dad picks him up. After the second is born, I will work 8:45-5 5 days / week (regular full time hours). My husband also works full time, same hours as me. We carpool every day.

I have no problems with my son being in daycare 5 days a week and don't anticipate having an issue with 2 kids in 5 days/week. It's a big choice - I could choose to stay home if I wanted - but I don't.

I won't go into my reasons (unless you want!) but it is absolutely the right choice for our family.

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#27 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sure, it would have been fine. We would have just had the nanny full-time instead of part time in that case. My husband and I juggle who goes in early/gets off early and who goes in later/gets off later so we both work full-time with the minimum of outside childcare. We share the housework, have dinner together nightly, and run errands as a family on weekends.

I'm not trying to brag or paint myself as superwoman. I'm just trying to provide a counterpoint to your many threads where you tend to imply the impossibility of full-time work and motherhood. Lots of people do both and do both well!
I'm not trying to imply the impossibility of full-time work and motherhood in my many threads.

Could you do it without a nanny? Without a husband who goes in early/gets off early and works with you?

If I had a nanny and a husband like that I could do it. It's not a function of full time work and motherhood. It's a function of lack of support.

I've been really successful at working full time. I've been (or felt successful) at motherhood. I can't do them both at once because I do not have the ability to hire a nanny and my husband is not helpful nor flexible nor has time off.

I'm stuck with daycare hours that don't always match up to my employer's needs and a husband who thinks loading the dishwasher and helping drop off at daycare a day or two is a big compromise on his part.

I have inlaws who have done nothing and my parents who can't stay sober or hold down a job or an apartment.

So, I'm not trying to prove no one can have full time work and motherhood. I'm saying maybe it can't be done by someone in my situation. I can do either or.

And yes this post is angry. I'm sick of hearing oh, just have your husband do more. He won't. He can't. He doesn't understand how to contribute. And I don't have anyone else to turn to for even a small amount of help, and so yeah, I do resent my inlaws. Because they should be helping so this family doesn't self-destruct.

I'm in this professional field where everyone else I've ever encountered at work has come from a solidly middle class or upper middle class background with educated parents, stability, and a solid network of support. That means, on some level they've had others' help them - with a house down payment or child care or classes for their children or college tuition or whatever.

I have done everything on my own - everything. There's been no "subsidizing" by anyone else, not time or money. Yes, some of the women I work with can do my same job just fine. But they have parents who helped with their college tuition or downpayment on a house so they have less expenses every month enabling them to hire a nanny. Or they have a husband who works part time, has flexibility, or gets more than 2 weeks off. I mean, I have two really good girlfriends who I met years ago as co-workers and they have the same type of job as mine and kids, but, see, their husbands took paternity leave and get 4 or 5 weeks off. They also have grandparents who help. I have neither.

So what the hell am I doing pretending I can have this sort of career? Or what the hell was I thinking having a baby? My life is totally different than these other people. It just is.
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#28 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lots of people do both and do both well!
Yeah, but with a lot more plugged-in resources than I have available. Not really a comparison, is it?

What would you do without the plugged-in resources? Could you still do it then?

Think about every time someone else (be it your husband, your parents, your family, whomever) has done something for you in your life that you didn't do or you didn't earn. Even if it was something years ago, before kids, it was an investment in the life you have now. Subtract that from your resource list and then ask yourself if you could still do career and kids. Could you?

For instance, I have a really good friend who also has a career similar to mine. She has kids. She works.

But...

Her inlaws gave her husband and her a downpayment for their house. So, their mortgage every month is that amount due to an investment by others. Her inlaws and her parents buy a fair amount of the clothes, toys, and classes for the kids. Again, that makes hiring babysitters and more daycare more affordable.

Her husband gets 5 weeks vacation. He took 3 months paternity leave. She didn't have to cover all the time herself - school breaks, sick days. She was able to go back to work after her maternity leave and not put a newborn in daycare right away.

Her husband will stay home when she is sick and take care of their child. My husband has never done that. Ever. And has said there is no need.

When her husband travels for work, he then takes comp time and helps the family catch up on all the housework when he returns.

Her inlaws and her mother come to visit the kids and to babysit and to do things with the family. They've come down for surgeries and important doctor appointments.

Her inlaws paid for her husbands undergraduate and graduate degree. Her parents helped her with college tuition and living expenses. They don't have the student loan payments I have and they have more advanced degrees, impacting their earning.

And, they've never had to bail their parents out of bad scrapes, buy groceries, pay rent, pay for basic, basic necessities. I have. A lot. It's been a major output. My relatives are all outputs, not inputs.

If I had those sorts of inputs into life, hell, I could easily "balance." That's spreading the weight over more surfaces, right? Balance is pretty easy. Hell, it's not even balance at that point. It's a solid foundation. There is no teetering.
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#29 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 12:58 PM
 
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I have no idea what you want to hear.

I've followed your threads for a long time. Yes, your situation is not good. Do you want suggestions? Sympathy? You ask to hear about others' experiences, and then point out that your situation is different. Okay. Your situation is different. So what's your plan?

I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't understand threads like these.

The original question was about who worked full-time with kids under 5. Lots of people do.
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#30 of 353 Old 08-08-2010, 01:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by That Is Nice View Post
Yeah, but with a lot more plugged-in resources than I have available. Not really a comparison, is it?

What would you do without the plugged-in resources? Could you still do it then?

Think about every time someone else (be it your husband, your parents, your family, whomever) has done something for you in your life that you didn't do or you didn't earn. Even if it was something years ago, before kids, it was an investment in the life you have now. Subtract that from your resource list and then ask yourself if you could still do career and kids. Could you?
This is not at all what your original question asked. Yeesh. Of course if I didn't have my husband (my only support locally) I would have to work and of course I would do both because I wouldn't have any other choice.

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