Daycare provider - caring loving gentle ... and WHINEY - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 03-18-2004, 01:53 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi, I'm new to this website so I'm sorry if I don't use all the groovy little abbreviations!

For those of you who leave their child in someone else's home for daycare: What are you personal "guidelines" for the level of professionalism?

My daycare provider is wonderful with my 9m dd. She provides all the right stimulation, education and comfort, keeps my daughter on a sensible routine, and manages the household so that it is almost always calm, predictable, and television-free. My dd LOVES being there and I like that she has "friends" and familiar faces beyond just dh, me and gp's.

However... she also is very "relaxed" when it comes to chatting with the moms. She is constantly complaining about her physical ailments, her crazy family, all the stuff she hasn't gotten done, how broke she is, or what a little beast one of the other kids is being. This woman rolls her eyes so much I'm surprised they haven't gotten stuck that way!

Up until now it's been just annoying. I cut the conversations short, and try to hint that her problems are HER problems and I don't really want to know about them. But now I'm concerned about my dd hearing so much sarcasm, whining and negativity. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing... as a 1st time mom it's hard to know it's worth finding other daycare provider. I hate the idea of uprooting her and making her get accustomed to a whole new setting again.

Sorry so wordy!

Kate (31, with 9m dd Taryn)
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#2 of 7 Old 03-18-2004, 02:16 PM
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What a hard spot. I have periods where I can deal better than others with dcp. IMO, mine will complain about money and I cut her off about every time. I can do math so I know what she takes in and she has told me what she spends on business related stuff. She also talks about the stuff they do and where their money goes so no sympathy from me and she knows it.
However, she has been watching at least one of my kids since 96 so there is a bit more history there and she would not be saying some of this stuff to say a new parent. That yours does, makes me understand your concerns. Between the gap in watching my 2nd and 3rd we still did stuff occasionally and do every 2-3 months non business stuff so it is a different relationship than you have.
I don't think it would hurt to scout out some other places. Because of mine's chattyness, she has talked about other providers (this one cuddles, this one doesn't) and overall I am happier with her as a care giver for my younger ones. Next year my 4 year old will be somewhere else as I don't think that is her strong point. Infants? Toddlers? No place I would rather have my baby other than with me.
But, I have noticed I am the only one who stays any amount of time for "transition" time with my kids so maybe that also plays a part in the chattyness. Whatever you do, do not engage the conversation. I guarentee she will talk about whatever you say to the next person who listens.
What a hard spot to be in!
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#3 of 7 Old 03-18-2004, 04:25 PM
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What I would have the most problem with is chatting about what a 'little beast' another child is being. My stepdaughters used to be in a home daycare (not my pick) where the provider did that, in front of the kids ("so and so was being totally unmanageable today. He's way worse than child X, so I had to put him in the playpen. His mom doesn't know how to handle him, he's out of control."). Inappropriate, whether in front of the child in question or other children - really disrespectful and unaware of the impact this has on kids.

The other stuff, I wouldn't care for either, but it's that I find really concerning.
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#4 of 7 Old 03-18-2004, 05:27 PM - Thread Starter
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Yeah, mommastar, that's the kind of stuff my DCP does exactly!! Usually she'll do it under her breath when she assumes the kids can't hear (but you and I know kids pick up on EVERYTHING!)

DH and I think we'll keep bringing dd to her for now, but we'll probably find someone else in a year or so. Like I said, my dd LOVES this woman, as well as the other kids, so I don't think I'll just pluck her out of there until she's old enough to understand "Mommy and Daddy found a new lady to take care of you".

Thanks for your reply!
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#5 of 7 Old 03-18-2004, 05:54 PM
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Mine is chatty too, but just in a general way. I actually think it's a good thing because dh and I tend to be on the introverted side, and I think it's good for the kids to be around more outgoing people, too.

I have to admit, even I would be chatty if I spent my day surrounded by other people's kids. (ducking head here)
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#6 of 7 Old 03-19-2004, 01:31 AM
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I worked as a daycare provider for a couple of years annd let me tell you, when parents come it is just sooooo goooooood to see another adult, i did tend to enjoy the chit chat. But usually i was the one annoyed after a while about the parents who wouldn't leave my house or wanted a complete run down of every little thing thier child did. I was ready to chat with grown ups but also ready to end my work day. I still do trade work with my chattiest mom and it is always weird to me when he picks up the kids because he is in and out so fast. Doesn't even put thier shoes on if the weather is above 40. I feel so lost :LOL

Anyway, she sounds wonderful on 99% of the stuff. you may be able to find someone less chatty but at what expense. Maybe just expect to spend 5-10 minutes chatting with her but be sure you can pick the topic and make it something benign and chatty. or you could pretend to be rushing off somewhere very important. I can totally understand why the whining bothers you. What do the other parents do? Does she whine to them too? How do they hadle it?

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#7 of 7 Old 03-23-2004, 08:07 PM
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I agree, sounds like she's just gllad to have someone to tell about her problems. I'm afraidt the only thing I can think of is to let her know flat out that you have enough on your mind and you really don't have time to stop and listen to her when you come to pick up your child.
unless there are other people around all day for her to talk to(and it doesn't sound like it) then I don't think your DD's hearing much.
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