Job training & TTC - Do I tell my boss or not? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 10-15-2010, 03:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We have been TTC for the last while but this week I was asked to become the new safety officer for our office of 18 people. I took it as a positive sign as to my position in the company and wouldn't mind doing it but it would involve 6 full days of training for me over the next few months and a not-insignificant outlay of $$$ from the company.

My boss jokingly told me that if I agreed to do it, I can't quit. He is vaguely aware that I want more children, but certainly not aware that if I go out on maternity leave I will most likely not be returning.

Do I recommend he designate someone else in the office (might be tricky without telling him why), or not say anything? It seems dishonest not to mention something if I'm not planning on sticking around, but at the same time I don't want to paint a target on my back for layoff as the company goes through a bit of a lean time (particularly as I'm only working now in order to qualify for mat. leave again). Argh! Help? WWYD?

- C reading.gif + Tsuperhero.gif = DS 08/08 bouncy.gif  DD 02/12 angel.gif and D? praying.gif sometime around March 16/2014 

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#2 of 14 Old 10-15-2010, 02:35 PM
 
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Tough choice. One thing to keep in mind is that you may be on the hook for the cost of the training if you leave. For example one of my past employers offered me training (not in-house but by an outside company, so it was expensive). Basically they had a contract for everyone who took this training stating that the cost of the training is $X and the company will pay for it. However if you leave within 3 years of the end of the training you need to pay back the cost (depending on how much of that 3 year period is still left). Of course it excluded the case where you are laid off or fired. I think this is common at large companies, but I'm not sure if yours would do this.
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#3 of 14 Old 10-15-2010, 05:11 PM
 
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I wouldn't say a word. If you want the position, take the position. You might get pregnant right away, you might not. You might decide not to have another baby, you might want ten more. Heck, you might win the lottery tomorrow and decide to move to Maui.

Even if you got pregnant tonight, you'd have 38 weeks to work it out. If nothing more it'll look good on your resume if/when you decide to go back to work.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
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#4 of 14 Old 10-15-2010, 11:12 PM
 
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another vote for not saying anything. people get accidentally pregnant all the time- that's why it's called practicing birth control, not perfecting it. boss never has to know you were trying to get pg
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#5 of 14 Old 10-16-2010, 12:09 AM
 
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I wouldn't say anything, and second the points about how you might not get pregnant right away (who knows, it might take 6 months just to get pregnant), and how they don't have to know that you were TTC. It's certainly none of their business whether it was on purpose, on accident, or a "not trying but not avoiding" thing. I would take it. Plus if it means a raise, that means even more money for maternity leave as well. Seriously, if they really valued you as an employee then they would be okay with it and willing to just train someone else as your EDD approached, knowing that it may not be in a simple 9 months but could be much further down the road since you're just TTC. But, do you want to take the chance of them NOT valuing you that much and faulting you for TTC after taking the position? Frankly, it doesn't matter what they think when it comes down to it. They SHOULD support you, but it tends to be a better idea to assume they won't.

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#6 of 14 Old 10-16-2010, 02:04 AM
 
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I would never tell my employer that I was TTC. Even though I'm fairly fertile, and catch quickly, I think that it is sort of odd to broadcast to anybody that we are working on another child. Also, like you said it introduces a type of discrimination that might negatively impact your future with the company. There are laws in place to protect pregnant women, but none that protect women who are trying to get pregnant. Your loyalty to the company and concern for their finances is admirable, but this is one case where you should keep your plans to yourself.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#7 of 14 Old 10-17-2010, 09:46 AM
 
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I agree that no one needs to know right now. THe only time I told my boss I was TTC conceive was when we went through fertility tx and that was because I needed to be out a lot!

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#8 of 14 Old 10-18-2010, 02:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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xposted to TTC forum: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...1#post15956775

FWIW, I don't THINK I'd be on the hook for the cost of the training if I quit, but I should probably ask (indirectly) about it. I hadn't considered that.

Thanks all for your input!

- C reading.gif + Tsuperhero.gif = DS 08/08 bouncy.gif  DD 02/12 angel.gif and D? praying.gif sometime around March 16/2014 

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#9 of 14 Old 10-18-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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I'm chiming in with another "say nothing!" You never know what the future holds and you do not owe your employer that kind of personal information. As for paying back the training, I'm pretty sure you'd have to sign a contract about that so I wouldn't worry. My dp's company paid for his MBA and he had to sign a new contract about paying back if he left in 2 years everytime they paid for another class. It was very direct.

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#10 of 14 Old 10-18-2010, 03:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curiouscanadian View Post
xposted to TTC forum: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...1#post15956775

FWIW, I don't THINK I'd be on the hook for the cost of the training if I quit, but I should probably ask (indirectly) about it. I hadn't considered that.

Thanks all for your input!
How would you ask indirectly without it being obvious? Or at least obvious once you do get pregnant?

If, theoretically, you could be on the hook for the cost of training for actively trying to conceive, knowing that it would affect your job, certainly you wouldn't be on the hook if it was a surprise baby with no TTC. And they have NO reason to know that you were actively trying. For all they know it was an, "oops! one of those little buggers must've just made it through the condom!" It's none of their business and they have no place to ask.

So, really, it's totally irrelevant.

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#11 of 14 Old 10-18-2010, 04:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How would you ask indirectly without it being obvious? Or at least obvious once you do get pregnant?
In the past what they've done for courses is you pay it and then they pay you back when you've passed the course. So I could ask under the guise of clarifying that...

But I think you're all convincing me to keep my mouth shut.

- C reading.gif + Tsuperhero.gif = DS 08/08 bouncy.gif  DD 02/12 angel.gif and D? praying.gif sometime around March 16/2014 

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#12 of 14 Old 10-18-2010, 04:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by curiouscanadian View Post
In the past what they've done for courses is you pay it and then they pay you back when you've passed the course. So I could ask under the guise of clarifying that...

But I think you're all convincing me to keep my mouth shut.
absolutely. You know, I've seen people promoted twice and laid off all in the same year. No warning except for the severance package. Companies have lawyers and all sorts of people working in their best interest-- you do what's right for you!

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#13 of 14 Old 10-18-2010, 11:38 PM
 
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How would you ask indirectly without it being obvious? Or at least obvious once you do get pregnant?
I'd ask more questions about the position and ask, " So am I going to be responsible for the cost of this training? Or is it company paid for?" and that should open the door for the answers your looking for and won't look obvious. Just make sure to ask questions BEFORE that one, don't lead off with it. Then it won't seem as such a big deal.

I wouldn't say a word about TTC!! I get pregnant very easily, but we have been TTC our 4th child for almost 2 YEARS!! Things change and you never know what is going to happen. I wouldn't worry about it till you are pg and showing.

trekkie.gifStudent Mama to:  C reading.gif  (9yrs old), R blahblah.gif (5yrs old), F  hammer.gif (3yrs old) and TTC baby.gif #4 since April 2009

 
  
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#14 of 14 Old 10-21-2010, 07:00 PM
 
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My God, it would never even occur to me to tell an employer I'm TTC... not even if they just made me CEO. Nope, no way, no how.

Mother to R- 2/09, & C- 5/11

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