If you WOH, what did your mom do? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-26-2011, 01:00 PM
 
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My mom was a SAHM until my youngest brother was in school.  Then she took a couple of correspondence courses(pre internet days,lol).  She started working when I was in Grade 7 or 8, my youngest brother would have been in Grade 1 or 2.

 

We came home on the bus after school.  Dad was always around but not around at the same time.  He was a farmer so him being around was usually "out back" which could mean out on the back of the farm, or at another field close by or at one of the fields 20min away, or visiting the other farmers. lol

 

we lived in a small town(1500 people) & our grandparents lived in town so if we had after school activities we'd go to their house & then get picked up later.

 

I prefered Mom working, even though it meant we had to do quite a bit of the cleaning & had to have supper at least started when she got home between 5 & 5:30.

 

I stopped working(not by choice) the day I found out i was pg with my oldest.  I went back to work when my youngest was in Kindergarten.  I worked 1 hour a day at the girls school & the days my youngest wasn't in school she came with me.  My youngest is now in Grade 3 & I just started working full time in Jan. It's not really full time though as I work in a different school, it's 6hours a day. 

 

I'm gone when my kids are gone, have the same days off & am home when they're home. I am actually done work 30min before they're off school.  I do start earlier than they do, but I leave 2-3 minutes before my younger 2 & 10minutes before my oldest so they're not really alone except on Wed when I have to have a staff meeting & they're home for 45min.

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Old 02-26-2011, 01:36 PM
 
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Yet another "last kid to be picked up" here. Every time I feel angry about it I also feel a little guilt.... Its not as if my mother chose that life. She was divorced and a nurse and doing the best she could for us. How would I feel if my kids someday resent me working (which I do) because I'm single and someone has to pay the bills. Of course I would choose more time with my children if it were possible but its just not. 

 

Mom was an OB nurse - she's a CNM now.

I'm a receptionist in a salon and a student. One more year til a psych degree. Then I'll be a case-worker and a grad student. Maybe in the next 5 years I'll actually be a clinical counselor and just have a job instead of being a full-time student with a part time job,

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Old 03-01-2011, 01:36 PM
 
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My mum's a sociologist, she had several positions in a known University in my hometown. She had several high positions and I remember I barely saw her during that time, my grandparents moved to Mexico with us from the Czech Republic after my parents divorced to take care of me so I mostly raised by my grandparents.

Then she became a teacher to spend more time with me, but she was miserable she missed her salary from back in the days.

 

She influenced me to become a WOH, I saw my grandma and even though she seemed to enjoy staying at home with me and enjoted staying at home with my mum and her siblings and I found that just "boring" no offence.

 

I have a Bachelors in Anthropology and I'm currently finishing my masters in Medical Anthropology. I used to teach but I stopped so I can finish my masters and I'm a full time student now. I want to do research after I finish.

 

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Old 03-01-2011, 02:11 PM
 
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My mom worked full time as a teacher until she retired last year. She always said she wished she could stay home and though she remains married to my dad she more or less raised us all. Did I mention that she also got her master's degree when nursing an infant and WFT? She was a terrific parent and she also worked full time. I truly believe it is the hardest combo.

 

We were never in daycare or anything. We were cared for by grandma/church lady/church lady who lived with us when we were young. When in elementary, I went home with some church kids and my mom paid a SAHM to watch me. My sibilings were older so I was mostly a latch key kid when I was older (safe neighborhood)

 

Her family gave her terrific grief over it, including in front of us. But always had their hands out. I have a lot of resentment of this and not-quite-as-much-sympathy as I should as her sibilings struggly tremendously in retirement with partial social security as their only income. My parents with secure union pensions are relatively well off.

 

My sister and I were both raised to "not get married until we were 30 and done with our master's degrees so we could support our families if needed to" my mom's way of saying her marriage was not happy and she was always scared my dad would leave. As an adult, the fact that my dad didn't leave and thus gave me a very different childhood, gives me a lot of respect for him.

 

Which we both did. She is now a sahm with a bit of small business accounting on the side (she has an mba) and I stuck working for the same reasons my mom did. I have to.

 

I don't think my WFT as anything to do with my parenting.

 

I made dinner from the time I was in the 4th or 5th grade. I loved to cook and my mom paid me, which was awesome. She didn't think it was my responsibility.

 

I don't think she influenced me one way or another. But I would be HORRIFIED to by like my MIL who only lives though her kids and is obsessed with them.

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Old 03-01-2011, 03:19 PM
 
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My mother worked out of the home when she had me, her youngest. But she stayed at home with my older siblings. I was a surprise baby and she had just started back to work when she found out she was pregnant with me. She just decided that she was going to do everything she had planned, only with a baby. To be honest, I think I'm closest to my mom of all my siblings. Maybe it was being the youngest so I had her to myself after they went to college. I never considered not working. My one sister gave up a very high career and a drug addiction (by product of said career?) to stay home with her kids, but she is Really, really struggling now in divorce. My other sister has kind of part-time casual professional work (10-20 hours a week) with a very special needs kid. My life and relationship is definitely the most secure of any of us.

 

My grandmother also worked as a seamstress during the depression and WW II. I think that influenced my mother.


Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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Old 03-02-2011, 09:33 AM
 
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My mom was a SAHM.  She loved it and wouldn't have traded that experience for anything.  I had a great childhood because she was home with me and my brother, I think.  When I am finally blessed with a second child I will likely stay home, too.  I don't make enough money at my current job that it would be worth it to keep working. 

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Old 03-02-2011, 11:26 PM
 
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Both my parents WOH full time when we were children. My grandmother stayed at home (she just retired) and watched us. We lived in a multigenerational home as it is common in Russia.
I always expected to WOH, and I really enjoy it most of the time. Being a mother is just part of who I am.

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Old 03-12-2011, 04:52 PM
 
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My mother WOH, and ran a business with my dad.  When we were little, one parent would be at the shop and one of them looked after us, or my grandmother looked after us.  When I turned 8, my dad turned into a golf addict and was never home, my grandmother had moved the other side of the country, so my mother was always at the store and my brother and I were always alone.  I really resented being left alone and was basically expected to know how to run a household and look after my brother at such an early age.  I was constantly getting in trouble for the house being messy and not having perfect grades, but I now understand why she was so angry all of the time.

 

Me WOH is not a choice, but at the same time, I realized it is a necessity in other ways than financially.  The biggest reason is that growing up, my parents had a few friends where the husband either died or left and the wife was completely screwed financially, with no job skills and would struggle to support the family.  In a perfect world, I would have my dream career and work less hours than I do now, so I could spend more time with my LOs.


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Old 03-13-2011, 12:36 AM
 
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My mom stayed home with us until I was about 5 or 6 and then she started school again.  This was a huge bone of contention for my dad who had given up his studies to support the family and worked some pretty menial jobs to do so.  It was definitely a catalyst for their divorce. 

 

I once found her journals that she had kept while I was young.  I shouldn't have, but being 16 I didn't really understand the importance of privacy and I read them.  She was very near suicidal before going back to school.  She did a great job of hiding it from us and our early childhoods were blissful, but she had been a dutiful daughter, then a wife, then a mother all by the time she was 20.  She never had the chance to find herself and so when the divorce finally came, she did, and I missed her during that time, deeply.  I vowed I would live a full and rich life before getting married or having kids.

 

I definitely took her experience on board.  I never wanted to be a SAHM, wasn't all that sure about marriage or kids at all because of my family history with divorce and knowing first hand what it does to the kids.  There are times where I wish I could spend more time with my kids, or that I had married rich so I could be like the moms of the children I teach, but then I have had six months of maternity leave with both kids and I was dying to get back to work.  I am passionate about what I do, and though I wouldn't say it defines me, it is my calling.  At least as a teacher I get about 3-4 months of vacation a year, and working in international schools abroad it gives us the chance to take our children to places they might never otherwise get to know, from Patagonia to the rainforests of Costa Rica.

 

I think I set a good example for my children of what being an independent woman, and my spouse is so supportive of that and really gets (or tries to anyway) the feeling that I have as a woman that I will always have to fight to be considered as capable as any man in my field.  He has been the SAHP with my DS and now my DD until DS was 18 months and it looks like it will be about the same with DD.

 

My mother still has a hard time not finding her sense of self through the men she chooses, and as a result still morphs herself to fit them.  I think, for me, if I hadn't found that strength and my calling before having been married and having had kids, I would flounder as a parent.  I think my being a WOHM gives me the chance to be the person I want to be in a way that staying at home just couldn't do.   


Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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Old 03-14-2011, 02:17 PM
 
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I currently WAH doing various small things that never seem to work out. 

I KNOW my mom influenced my decisions. She was a SAHM who was always trying to find the next WAHM plan to "make some money". My dad worked for my moms dad, and doesn't care for it much, he made a living, and that is about it. We weren't dirt poor, but our whole family was always VERY frugal. I hated going to church and my friends saying "oh, I used to have that shirt! I gave it to the hannah home last year though!" Of course that was where I bought it, so I probably had THEIR shirt. We didn't mope around over it though, it was just life. The part I never have been able to get over though is how mom always used to say "I don't have to stay home with you you know! I could put you all on the school bus and send you off to school every morning like all the other moms!" I really think she would rather have done that. I have no idea why she didn't. I am the oldest of 4. We were all homeschooled. I married my boyfriend as soon as we graduated, I had 4 kids in 7 years and though I have worked my tail off to get my real estate license so that I won't wind up blaming my kids for me not ever having a life, I jsut can't seem to figure out how to get my act together and work up the moxy to send them to school/daycare and go do it. 

 

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Old 03-14-2011, 09:56 PM
 
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My mom was a SAHM and to this day she is a homemaker. She never had any marketable skills or education to be able to support herself. While I loved having her home, I always wanted to be able to support myself if need be. I became an RN before having children, took a few years off while keeping my foot in the door doing volunteer work in my area and getting certifications. I returned to a part time flexible job that allows me to go to the clinic for a morning here and there, work from home a bit, but allows me a lot of time to just be with my children. 


There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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Old 03-18-2011, 08:38 AM
 
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This thread is super interesting!  My mom married in the early 50s and went on to have 15 kids.  I was the last.  She stayed home with all of us, as you might imagine!  

 

She really enjoyed it, mostly, I think.  Of course, she talked about her former aspirations to become a lawyer, but really, she just fell hard for my dad and then they were pregnant two seconds after they got married and the babies kept coming.  She dropped out of college to marry him, but went back when I was in 3rd grade part-time.  She graduated from college a semester before I did!  

 

Happily though - she's a sweet wonderful inspiring mom - has her quirks of course - but she's just amazing.  She was always involved in our community volunteering, etc... but she was not the mom who worried about decorating her home or straightening - we got messy and played together and she would blow off her errands and take us younger ones to a double feature some Saturday afternoons :).  She'd forget to pack our lunches and then we'd get a delivery of fastfood at noon instead.  We especially loved that.  She read us books and let us dig in the garden and took us with her when we were old enough to many of her volunteer activities.  We were basically her free labor.  :)

 

Her identity is totally wrapped up in her family - but not in a weird way.  She's totally her own person and allows us to be as well, for the most part.   

 

I guess my own decisions have been influenced by my own Mom - she taught me a lot about what it means to be a mother.  She always encouraged all of her children to work and valued that... and I know she is so resourceful and skillful that if my Dad had passed away, we would have been fine.  She is actually a killer manager, after managing that many children for so many years.  

 

I love to work actually - and I'm on a good career path, but I really miss my kids.  If it were entirely up to me, and I would be guaranteed to have a career path if I took a break from working for a few years right now - I would probably SAH.  I could imagine a really wonderful life with them every day.  I did stay at home with my first for a while on and off, and I didn't get bored at all.  We got into a great routine...

 

But opportunity knocked and it was too good to pass up - so here I am working full time again!   


Lizbiz, wife to my man who makes me smile, and mom to one bouncy boy (08/07), one sassy girl (12/09), and one sweet new boy (08/12).

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Old 03-18-2011, 12:24 PM
 
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My mother went to law school when I was really young. She then became a lawyer and went into politics. She loved us but was a workaholic. We had a live-in nanny. My Dad was a USMC officer and then worked after he retired. He did most of the taking to games and even the leader of the Campfire Girls.They both gave a me a strong work ethic and  a desire to acheive. Now that I am a mother, I work full time and am nearly finished with my second mother. I was a workaholic until I had by DD. I wish I could work part time. Now we are trying for #2. I will go part time after this baby. 

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Old 03-19-2011, 09:02 AM
 
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My mom had kids late in life and gave up her career as a teacher even though she out-earned my dad when they got married.  I don't think she had any regrets because she really wanted to SAHM but watching her life as I grew up I always knew I would WOH.  My dad was a workaholic and she did 100% of the kid stuff, cooking, household chores, family life, and social planning.  I remember a lot of resentment and bitterness and constant family fights.  I was the only child and I have great memories of my early childhood with my mom at home but when I got older I thought she was overinvolved and really wanted her to have something else going on in her life!!

 

I guess because of this experience I always planned to WOH and never considered setting up my life so I could SAH until DD was born.  I was also really career-oriented in my 20s and although DD was planned I got pregnant fast before I really had time to mentally shift into mom mode.  I took a year of mat leave and considered SAH but in our situation it just didn't make sense...we were almost but not quite financially stable and DH and I are almost equal income earners.  DH had a really unhappy/mentally ill SAHM and really respects my career and doesn't think I would be happy as a SAHM.  I know I could make SAHMing work for me but I don't feel that it's my calling.  So I went back to work really just so I could re-qualify for mat leave for the second child we knew we wanted.  After DS I am still working part-time but we are very much a two career family.  With DD in school next year we need to free up some more time for family and we know we are going to re-evaluate again, but it's not necessarily me who will be cutting back on hours.

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