Real opinions wanted--WWYD, SAH w/1 or work w/2 kiddos? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 02-22-2011, 10:02 AM - Thread Starter
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This is going to sound crazy, and I should be thankful that this is my biggest problem, but here goes.


DH is military, and with that we'll be moving in May.  DD is 24 mos., and I've been WOTH her entire life, first in FL, now in TX. I'm a lawyer, and I don't care for it.  Here's the story.  Due to the circumstances, I'll be qualified to receive unemployment when we leave TX (trust me, I'm a lawyer). winky.gif  We've gone over the finances, and we can afford for me to SAH w/DD for a year or more after the move, but things will be somewhat tight.  I'm okay with that, but I'd like to TTC another baby soon, and DH doesn't think we can afford for me to SAH with a second (I would need distractions for DD). I have a substantial amount of money going out each month in student loans, and it would be at least 6 mos before I could be licensed to practice in our new state.  I had a really hard time going back to work 13 weeks after DD was born, despite having great childcare and a 37.5 hr./wk job.  DH thinks we can afford childcare for two if I'm working (to at least pay student loans and child care, as I am now). So here are my options:


1. Spend a year at home with DD, delay TTC until after I go back to work. Then I'll be looking at working while very pg to save up leave and going back to work with a tiny one in daycare.  We could probably afford for DD to be in very part-time daycare so that I can study to take the bar exam during this time.


2. TTC right away, so that I can be pg and have baby during 1+ year of unemployment.  Then go back to work when DD is 3.5 and new baby is ~4 mos. Obviously I like this idea, but DH thinks I will go crazy being broke, pg, and trying to entertain DD (who is really spirited).  FWIW we are mostly TV-free. 


3. Postpone TTC for now, get settled in the new place and look for a PT job that would accomodate a pg/new baby.  This sounds really hard to me.


Obviously I've got the baby itch and would prefer #2, but I can't pressure DH into a pregnancy the way I did with DD. bag.gif  Age isn't really an issue; I'll be 30 this year.  We won't have any family nearby.


What would you all do?  ANY opinions are appreciated!

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#2 of 4 Old 02-26-2011, 10:54 AM
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Forget what you'd do about the kids! I just wouldn't want to take the bar exam again! orngtongue.gif


Seriously, though, that's a hard decision, but it sounds like you need to get on the same page as your DH. Is it just a financial issue for him or does he not want #2 right now for other reasons? If you BOTH want it, then I'm sure you can make it work. But if not, it'll be hard for you to both be happy with whatever arrangement you come up with.


Kids aside, if I were you, since you have the cushion, I'd poke around for positions that really seem appealing. If you find something you think you'd love, then go for it (& if you really love it, I'm sure it'd be the sort of thing that might be more friendly to pg/LOs). But you have the true comfort of being able to take your time & find something that will work for you & your family, which is awesome. So why rush? You can afford to be picky, which is a real gift.


Just my two cents (which I don't think are worth much... sorry!).


As a "p.s." I don't quite understand how you'd go broke trying to keep your older one entertained. I realize it's more complicated when it's your second, but even being tv-free I think you can find ways to keep the older one busy without breaking the bank (we're tv-free & broke & don't do really any paid activities with DS & he's happy). If you know where you're moving maybe you can look into free playgroups or low-cost activities where you can take your two children (the younger obviously being the tag-along while in the newborn stage at least). Then if you really do think it really will get expensive as the baby grows, you can consider going back to work or other options.

Mama to my little busy bee. 

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#3 of 4 Old 02-26-2011, 11:18 AM
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I don't know.  I think I would go with t2009 and take your time deciding.  You have the baby itch (ME TOO!!!!!), and it seems like your DH isn't ready just quite yet (unless I'm getting the wrong vibe from your post), and taking your time seems like the best way to go.


As for having a 24mo spirited child, I have a 25mo spirited one.  It certainly doesn't cost anything to keep him entertained (and we are totally tv free - don't even own one), just a trip to the park often, running around outside, going for long walks since he really will walk for almost a mile by himself, trips to the grocery store where he can look at all the really cool stuff that I'm buying and help me pick out dinner, etc.

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#4 of 4 Old 03-01-2011, 01:44 PM
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TTC #2 right away and worry about everything else later. I would work 50 jobs for my second kid and would make getting her your first priority.


Enjoy being broke, pregnant, with a spirited 3 year old. Don't forget that as attorney you can always considered staff lawyer or part time positions.

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