21, pregnant as I am finishing up college....not sure what to do. - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 12 Old 11-01-2011, 07:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
natdances's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Took a pregnancy test yesterday after my period being a week late. It's positive.

I am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of a year and a half, and as few times throughout our relationship we discussed what we would do if we got pregnant. His opinion is staunchly that it would ruin our lives, and an abortion would be the only good option. I was more reluctant but agreed that would probably be best for my career and his, etc.

Now that I am actually facing this decision I have having some doubts. As soon as I told him, he comforted me and has been great, but is under the assumption that this week he will drive me to planned parenthood and 'take care of it'....there was no discussion of options.

 

I have my doubts for a lot of reasons, some moral, some logical. While I am not religious, I still don't feel that abortion is good or right by any means. I already feel horribly guilty for even considering it.

 

I have not discussed the possibility of keeping it with him. I did some math and my due date would be July 4th, 2 months after I graduated college. He would not be able to support us with more than a part-time job for another year after that because he is in law school until May 2013.

 

I think I could do this alone/mostly supporting myself, (my mom would more than likely allow me to live at home and help me a bit until I could work) but I can't imagine trying to look for a job while 6-7 months pregnant, when my employer would know, obviously, that I would need a few months off pretty much immediately following me getting hired.

 

I guess I am mainly looking for insight if anyone has been in a similar situation. I am scared to tell my mom or family as I worry I would be disowned for considering abortion (devout Roman Catholics!) and I don't want to be alienated by my friends, so I have not told anyone.

 

Honestly, I am not even sure I do want to keep it, but I want to explore all my options.

 

(*PLEASE do not berate me or waste your breath condemning abortion. I am not religious, and while I do not feel comfortable with abortion by any means, it is a reality of our world that about 1/4 of pregnancies end in abortion. No need to preach, I know all the facts)

natdances is offline  
#2 of 12 Old 11-01-2011, 09:23 AM
 
BroodyWoodsgal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


PMing you.


Me and DH ...lovin' DD dust.gif(6/08) and DS kid.gif(11/09) Plus NEW BABY!! DD baby.gif (UC-5/12) We heartbeat.gif Water Birth/Homebirth/No Vax or Circ/BF/BW/Country Livin'! chicken3.gif

BroodyWoodsgal is offline  
#3 of 12 Old 11-01-2011, 11:56 AM
 
rinap's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 466
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. It's a tough situation. You have every right to revisit earlier decisions. This situation is no longer theoretical: of course you will feel differently. I hope you can find someone you can talk to; you need to be able to talk about what's going on and what you're going to do.

 

If you can, talk to your boyfriend. He might surprise you and be able to talk through things. It's a surprise for you, and he may be trying to be supportive. But also find someone to talk to who isn't quite so close to the situation who might be able to be there.

rinap is offline  
#4 of 12 Old 11-01-2011, 03:46 PM
 
anjelika's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 907
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was in your shoes nine years ago, though my now-husband gave me space to make a decision.  My thought:  if I regretted the parenthood choice, I could be "done" in 18 years.  If I regretted abortion, I'd have to live the rest of my life with my choice.  I chose life, finished college with an infant in tow, and then supported my husband through college.  If you need help with figuring out logistics, let me know.  And if your partner isn't supportive, I bet your parents will be.  All the best to you!

rosadesal likes this.
anjelika is offline  
#5 of 12 Old 11-01-2011, 04:32 PM
 
Mom31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: America
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I faced a similar choice 9 years ago as well... actually 9 years ago yesterday tho my then boyfriend who became my husband ( and now ex husband) wanted to keep the baby.

This is your choice. Not his.

Editted to say- I wanted to keep the baby too! And he is the love of my life. It was not the road I had planned but the road I have taken and I do not regret it.


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

Mom31 is offline  
#6 of 12 Old 11-01-2011, 06:21 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,742
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Coming from someone who decided to have an abortion once, I would say that if you have *any* doubts, have the baby. I have no regrets over my decision, but I believe that you should err on the side of caution. There is never a "good" time to have a baby - lots of people make it work.

Good luck with your decision.

love.gif

pinksprklybarefoot is offline  
#7 of 12 Old 11-01-2011, 11:24 PM
 
MovnMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 475
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ditto the previous poster.  I too decided to tterminate aa pregnancy aat age 21,, but the decission was wholly my own and I had no doubts whatsover. If you have doubts, don't terminate (IMO). It's your deciision, not yyour partners. It's his job to support you. And, as it takes two to tango, his ethical responsibility IIMO. You have resources and family, which is more than a lot of women in your shoes start out with. 

 

Special note (ttake with a grain of ssalt) if you feel that your partner will not be supportive, and and you ahve the baby , know that you can always leave the "father " portion of the the bbirth ccertiificate unlisted. Know your rights and options going in. 

 

***ssorry my keyboard is sticking SO BAD! Grrrrr...***


K: high school teacher and mama to DS1 (7/07), loss (10/10) and DS2 (7/12). Married to my best friend and soon to be elementary school teacher!
MovnMama is offline  
#8 of 12 Old 11-01-2011, 11:28 PM
 
LynnS6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pacific NW longing for the Midwest
Posts: 12,565
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Since you're in college, you should have some access to counseling through your university's health clinic. I would HIGHLY recommend talking to someone there who is a neutral third party (your boyfriend clearly isn't, your parents clearly aren't). A few short term counseling sessions might help you sort out the decision that you need to make.

 

I know it feels like you need to decide something now, but you don't. You're just barely pregnant. Give yourself a couple of weeks to figure things out and think about how you really feel.

cyclamen and rosadesal like this.

Lynnteapot2.GIF, academicreading.gif,geek.gif wife, WOHM  to T jog.gif(4/01) and M whistling.gif (5/04)
LynnS6 is offline  
#9 of 12 Old 11-02-2011, 05:38 AM
 
Namaste Amma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

No judgment here. I agree, talk to a neutral 3rd party and take time to make your decision. I'll be your neutral 3rd party if you'd like. hug2.gif

Namaste Amma is offline  
#10 of 12 Old 11-02-2011, 03:43 PM
 
thriftyqueen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Peace Garden State
Posts: 1,155
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think the previous posters have all had great replies.  If you are feeling uncertain and feel that you could have the baby on your own if need be, I think I would consider keeping it.  You sound like you have thought this out and are a very logical person.  It is not going to be an easy road, but it can be done.  Especially if you have support from family.  I agree with seeking counsel from your university counseling center.  They would be a great reference for you.  It is always easier to talk things out with someone unbiased.   


Hope, check out my life at http://thethriftyqueenspeaks.com
 

thriftyqueen is offline  
#11 of 12 Old 11-03-2011, 07:47 PM
 
HappyHappyMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 5,922
Mentioned: 4 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by natdances View Post
Honestly, I am not even sure I do want to keep it, but I want to explore all my options.


Just wanted to offer hugs and support you in exploring all of your options. I agree with the PPs that your university counseling center may be a good resource, but if you are a religious school which might not offer non-biased counseling or if for any reason you are not comfortable going there, there are many options for counseling. If you need help finding resources for support in your area, please feel free to PM me.

 

I'll be thinking of you.

 


hh2.gif Head over to the Holiday Helper forum and be a part of this wonderful Mothering tradition! joy.gif

Wondering about Mothering in general? Check out Mothering's User Agreement! smile.gif

HappyHappyMommy is offline  
#12 of 12 Old 11-03-2011, 09:06 PM
 
Thandiwe's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Where the wild things are...
Posts: 2,017
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thinking about you and hoping you're finding some clarity through the awesome responses you've gotten so far. 


 

joy.gif Wife to  geek.gif,  mama to  reading.gif,   guitar.gif, fly-by-nursing1.gif, and thumbsuck.gif - bonus mommy to  loveeyes.gif!  homebirth.jpghomeschool.gifnovaxnocirc.gif

Thandiwe is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off