having serious trouble with daycare - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 12 Old 04-14-2004, 04:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
robbiesapmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am in school from 7-1:30, where my son attends a daycare Then some nights I work from 3-11 while my mom watches him (she cant do both). I am having some serious self-hate for putting him in daycare at all. The daycare itself is fine, I just feel so so guilty that I ruining his development and our attachement that I have worked so so hard to get with him. Anyone can share any similar experieinces or advice? Thanks

The terrible mommy,
robbiesapmommy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 12 Old 04-14-2004, 08:23 AM
 
Artisan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 5,329
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
You are not a terrible mommy! You are doing what you need to do to get an education and to support your child.

I can sympathize with the guilt over leaving your child in daycare. ((((((Hugs))))))
Artisan is offline  
#3 of 12 Old 04-14-2004, 11:34 AM
 
menudo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: S to the J
Posts: 3,732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It isNOT aycare that is the problem! It is how you parent, how you spend your free time with your child. Daycare is etrimental when parents never spend quality time with their children. From aycare to the tv or a whoever will hold the kid is where a problem lies! That doesn't sound like you!!!!!!!!!!!

My DD is now 7 and so misses daycare-she went from age 1 til 5 and LOVED it! DS has never gone at age 2.5 and it ticks DD off, like I am making him miss out!!!!!!!!!!!!
menudo is offline  
#4 of 12 Old 04-14-2004, 11:37 PM
 
lauren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In a state of grace
Posts: 6,783
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 18 Post(s)
Hi Jen-
I'd like to suggest you also post this in the Working Mamas subforum of Parenting Issues. I think you'll get even more exposure for this dilemma than here in Learning at School. Also, if you'd like I can move it for you over there.

 
lauren is online now  
#5 of 12 Old 04-15-2004, 03:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
robbiesapmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
that would be great, thank you!!!!
robbiesapmommy is offline  
#6 of 12 Old 04-15-2004, 11:14 AM
 
kofduke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: PA
Posts: 3,865
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Believe me, I can totally sympathize with what you are feeling. I've come to realize having your child in a quality daycare while you forward your education or work will not harm his development, especially if you're spending your time with him playing, cuddling, reading, and all of that fun stuff! I've seen my son grow so much since he's been to daycare. He loves it there -- but he still has a wonderful attachment to me, and to his dad!
kofduke is offline  
#7 of 12 Old 04-15-2004, 11:34 AM
 
Patchy Dragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Central, NC
Posts: 333
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Jen,

Like everyone else has said, it is not the daycare that will put a strain on your relationship with your son and the attachment you have worked so hard at. Spending quality time with your son when you are together is what will continue that attachment bond you have. I am a single mom and work 40 hours a week but Caleb has a stronger attachment to me now then a year ago, but he is also very independent and outgoing.

I think more than anything, the reason I have some resentment toward daycare is they get to spend more time with him. And get to see some 1st's that I might not. But I also know the time I get with him is quality time.
Patchy Dragon is offline  
#8 of 12 Old 04-15-2004, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
robbiesapmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks everyone for your advice and experience. The biggest problem is my mother who keeps saying that this is the most important time to be with him and my priorities are all wrong. Where I think, I hope that it is just 1 year and then I will have my LPN and be able to spend all the time I want with him. We co-sleep and he is so atttached to that, that when I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he wakes up and gets out of bed to follow me. I live with my parents now, so when I finish school I can move and I wont have to hear constant critisism of my mothering. Thank you all again. I really, really needed to hear your comments!
robbiesapmommy is offline  
#9 of 12 Old 04-15-2004, 03:08 PM
 
Patchy Dragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Central, NC
Posts: 333
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by robbiesapmommy
I live with my parents now, so when I finish school I can move and I wont have to hear constant critisism of my mothering.
BTDT and now that we don't live with her, the comments do come but not as often. Its a tough situation to be in but in the long run you are doing what is best for your son.
Patchy Dragon is offline  
#10 of 12 Old 04-15-2004, 09:10 PM
 
1xmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: MD
Posts: 1,774
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel the same way the other posters feel. I work full-time and went to school in the evenings part-time. IT was usually just two days a week but it was time I needed to get away and not be "mommy". I needed the interaction with adults. Now when I am home, my dd has my full attention (most of the time) and we do a lot together. Sometimes people tell me we are "too attached", but she's only little once and I'm not trying to miss it.
1xmom is offline  
#11 of 12 Old 04-17-2004, 11:42 PM
 
EFmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your mom got to raise her kids the best way she could. You get to do the same with your kids, and you have to make decisions about what is best for your family. Some of your decisions will inevitably be different from your mother's. If I were you, I'd ask my mom to keep the unsolicited comments to herself.
EFmom is offline  
#12 of 12 Old 04-20-2004, 07:03 PM
 
ChasingPeace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Engaging in Subversive Motherhood
Posts: 2,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not sure how old your son is, but FWIW I remember being in kindergarten and wishing I had gone to day care or preschool so I would have better social skills. There are positives and negatives to all the choices we make concerning our kids, but with such a loving mommy, I'm sure your son will thrive. Be kind to yourself!
ChasingPeace is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off