Big trouble adjusting to daycare - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 04-22-2004, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am absolutely heartbroken and don't know what to do. Please help. My ds is on day 2 of in home daycare. He is sooooo upset with it. He cries just about nonstop. He had rough days occasionally w/dh b/c he is a mommas boy , but not crying for hours. She had to call me at work today. dcp says that if she takes him outside, he can sit and play, but as soon as they come inside he becomes inconsolable unless she holds him (even then he's shaky). She cares for 2 other toddlers and has 2 (2 and 4) of her own (actually 5 but the rest are school age). She can't hold him all day. She slung him today ( her) BUT stupid military daycare inspector people came and said "she's not allowed to do that w/other people's children." : This is the only available dcp that we can afford (and she's awesome). I'm military and dh just got activated so neither of us can stay home. I thought about sending him with one of my shirts or something w/mom smell on it??? Any ideas will be appreciated. TIA

Oh yeah, he's cutting more teeth, so I'm sure that's some of it.

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#2 of 8 Old 04-23-2004, 11:01 AM
 
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BUT stupid military daycare inspector people came and said "she's not allowed to do that w/other people's children."
Oh, AARGH!!! Daycares would be so much better places if people could sling. What a wonderful dcp for trying it!!!!

Not much advice, just
It's tough at that age. I think the shirt is a good idea. How about a picture of you, maybe even a recording of your voice reading a fave book? Send the recording and the book and let him comfort himself that way? Not sure if he's old enough to do that or not, or if it might upset him more (it would have mine, but they're perverse anyway).

I'll keep thinking on it. Maybe other people will have ideas also.
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#3 of 8 Old 04-23-2004, 12:48 PM
 
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Wish i could help but your smell and voice recording are all that i can think of. My little ona had trouble but eventually got used to it. (not as much trouble as yours) wish I could help but just wanted to send

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#4 of 8 Old 04-23-2004, 02:18 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. This has to be one of those nightmare situations that moms forced to work always worry about.

The only thing I can think of is you taking a few days off (call in sick if you have to) to go with him to the daycare and help him transition. It must be a big shock to go from being home with a parent to being away all day in a strange place. I really think a transitional period might help. With you there he can slowly relax and be comfortable enough to explore the options there, like playing with the other kids and toys, etc.

I think this is what I would do. If my boss tried to give me flack, I'd probably tell him to kiss my butt.

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#5 of 8 Old 04-23-2004, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the ideas. I'm not sure a recording would help b/c at home if dh has him and he hears my voice he kinda flips out. I've gotten off early the past 2 days and have hung out w/him there for a few hours letting him explore and such....he just keeps checking to make sure I'm there . This is tearing me up. The first 5 yrs of dd's life I was on a ship and when I was at home she was always thinking that I was going to leave and not come back. She even forgot who I was for a while after my first 6 month deployment. She kept calling me grandma, or Ms. Chris(neighbor) . This is bringing back all of that hurt. I wish I could call in sick or tell my boss to kiss off, but that isn't really an option w/military. I am trying to take a week of leave and hope it gets approved. He's just so sad....and the MOST frustrating thing is the sling issue. They let me sign a waiver to put him to sleep on his tummy...maybe they'll let me do that for a sling??? I'm sorry to ramble but this helps me think.

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#6 of 8 Old 04-23-2004, 04:01 PM
 
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How often do the miltary inspectors come over? It's asinine, but can you and the dcp have a silent/private agreement (I won't tell if you don't tell) about slinging? If the inspectors come over obviously she doesn't use it and it gets stuffed away until they leave, but if they are not going to be coming around than she could use it as needed. It does seem dishonest, but really it's a rather stupid rule.

It doesn't get at the bigger issue of transitioning, but if slinging works to calm him, I say figure out a way to do it. Just my opinion...

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#7 of 8 Old 04-23-2004, 05:26 PM
 
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This is bringing back all of that hurt.
Oh, Cheryl, I can only imagine. I am sure it makes it so much worse!

Mine were that way too about my voice. I've known some babies who weren't so thought I'd throw it out, but it didn't work for me, either.
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#8 of 8 Old 04-23-2004, 05:48 PM
 
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How "hard core" are you about other soothing options? Can your DCP try a swing? A pacifier? These really helped my son when he went through a rough spot at daycare.

If your child doesn't have a favorite blanket, animal, or other lovey, you might want to establish one. Our house has stuffed pandas for each kid. My daughter takes her panda to daycare each day, and I always check to make sure it comes home. If you are picking one now, make sure it can be easily replaced if lost!

They make really cute little "animal heads on a little blanket" things that you are supposed to wear on your body for a while (I think they recommend stuffing them in your bra) and they pick up your scent. Then you give to your child. They make them for sleeping in cribs, but maybe it would be a cute thing to add? I saw them in the One Step Ahead catalog/website.

Can you up the connection time with him when you are home? I realize there may not be any time your aren't connected already, but if there is you might want to rethink your at-home-routine so that he feels more secure away from home.

Finally, virtually everyone who has gone through this sort of rough transition that I've ever talked to says they get over it eventually. It tears your heart out while its happening, but it will get better. If there aren't any other viable options (and it doesn't sound like there are), then you may just have to try to make it as good as you can and wait it out. I know that is a whole lot easier to say than to do. And it doesn't remove the hurt.
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