nanny share vs daycare for infant - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 10-16-2013, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've got a 6week old infant and am far more interested in returning to work than I thought I would be. DH and I are trying to decide between daycare or nanny share.

They work out to roughly the same price. How did you make the decision? The stability of daycare is very compelling, but the 2:1 ratio in nanny share sounds great.
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#2 of 12 Old 10-16-2013, 03:35 PM
 
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Look at both. A nanny share is great, if it can be arranged with a nanny you feel good about, while daycares vary wildly. Get a grip on the actual options available to you, the decide among those.

And then let the also rans go graciously and keep their info on file in case the first arrangement you make falls through. If you go with nannyshare, keep your spot on daycare wait lists in case the nanny share doesn't work out. Keep the names and numbers of a few nannies handy in case daycare doesn't go well.
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#3 of 12 Old 10-17-2013, 05:53 PM
 
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I'm not sure what a nanny share is but I'd probably go with the daycare only because the child is exposed to other children early on and builds up their immunity before kindergarten as well as they have social time with other children their own age. Also, I work in people's private homes for a living in my job and I have one customer that has a very nice nanny but she's young and any time I'm there in the home I've noticed the nanny will leave the 18 month old to go to the bathroom or change clothes to take the child outside and she will stay in the bathroom for very long periods of time and leave the baby alone in another room in the house. I'd worry more if a person was alone with my kid like that unless I had a camera on them watching them. I feel like they're safer in a daycare that has the computers set up so you can view online if you want and if the child care giver in a daycare needs a break they have coverage to back them up all day long. You can't get that in the home.


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#4 of 12 Old 10-18-2013, 09:49 AM
 
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My son was in a nanny share the first 2 years of his life (starting around 4 months on). We loved it & I recommend it to anyone willing to listen!!

There are definitely trade-off but I think there are ways to plan for them.

First, one thing you get with a nanny share vs daycare (possibly - depends on the kinds of daycare options available to you) is more flexibility & control over childrearing philosophies or approaches. We selected our nanny based on her willingness to go with our AP parenting - she wore the two babies (one at a time!), took time to help our son fall asleep (he wasn't a great sleeper, whereas the other baby was), dealt with cloth diapers, gave my son expressed breast milk & later fed them nutritious snacks & meals, no TV. In our area, we couldn't have gotten that at a daycare.

As you recognize, though, stability is a big selling point for the daycare option. I admit that it was sometimes very stressful when our nanny was sick. In our second year we formulated a pretty solid plan for dealing with this - we pooled our resources & shared care with the other family. So instead of having to miss a full day of work or to pay someone new a full day, we's swap. If the other available parent had an important meeting, someone would cover them & watch both kids, then we'd switch. It wasn't a perfect plan but it worked.

I also disagree with PP about the germs. DS swapped germs with his playmate & at the park etc. He was in no way at an immunological disadvantage when he started preschool. He's in his second year of preschool & has run a fever once in that whole time! I don't think daycare is an advantage on that point.

Also, I disagree about safety. I think there are safeguards available for day area that are positive & above & beyond what is available in a home setting. But in my experience, these things aren't a concern if you find the right nanny for your families. And with a share you have four people, all with parental instincts, giving input on who to hire. Hiring took a long time because we all had veto power & used it but it was worth it in the end because I never once wished I had a nanny cam or any such thing.

There are always risks in the world (in a daycare, with a nanny, with a parent -- my son ended up in the ER once on my watch & never a scratch with the nanny...). You need to make a decision based on what will work & feel right for you & your family.

If we have another, we'll definitely be trying to create another nanny share!

Edited to add: When my son was 3 we hired a part-time babysitter to care for just him. I wished I had a nanny cam because something just didn't feel right. We fired the babysitter - I figured, if I felt that way then something WASN'T right. I'm a big believer in going with your gut in child care decisions - a child's happiness & well being & a parent's peace of mind (connected, as they are) is just so important. So whether it's a daycare or a nanny share - if it doesn't feel right, keep looking!!

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#5 of 12 Old 10-23-2013, 10:37 PM
 
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For an infant? A nanny share but a mile. 

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#6 of 12 Old 10-24-2013, 03:53 PM
 
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My son went to a small in-home childcare until he was 2.  She never had >4 kids at a time including her own (who was in elementary school) or >1 pre-crawling baby at a time.  It was great!  The individual attention from a consistent person was a very good thing.  The childcare my son attended later had infants in a room of 18 cribs with 6 caregivers; that's a good ratio, but the caregivers changed shifts midday, plus the place had high turnover, so that was a lot of different people caring for each baby.

 

As for immunity, my son's has always been fabulous.  He had one tummy bug and one cold in his first year, both of which were over in a couple days, and then was not sick again (except for a couple rounds of pinkeye) until he was 7.  What I hear from most parents whose kids go to big centers is that they get sick over and over and over again as babies and toddlers, and this does indeed build up their immunity before kindergarten so that they're very hardy later on, but I'd hate to go through all those illnesses with a nonverbal child in diapers....  I did take my son on public transit every day going to and from childcare, so I think he was exposed to a lot of germs there but in small fleeting doses, and I wonder if that had some inoculation effect.  Also, *I* got sick a lot the winter he turned 1 year old, and I give the antibodies in my milk a lot of credit for his good health!


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#7 of 12 Old 09-04-2014, 11:08 AM
 
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I used a nanny-share for my DD. With a nanny-share, your child can have a consistent, loving caregiver while you are away (well, once you find the right nanny, the 3rd was the charm for us). I think, due to the ratios of kids to caregivers in center-based daycares, this is pretty much impossible to find in standard daycare settings.

I also believe that your DC is much more at risk in a daycare. With a nanny, I chose the person to care for my child and I dictated how her day would be (how much crying before naps, etc.). Remember, there is no required training/skills of any sort to work at a day care center in this country. I watched her every move when I was home, made a lot of unannounced visits, and texted her often while I was at work. I believe that I felt much more linked to my child than I would have if she was in daycare. You can't check in with a daycare repeatedly during the day; they are too busy. This is something that I think you should be able to do for your peace of mind, especially when you first return to work.

I am an immunologist, and the "building up immunity" argument for using daycares is ridiculous. Who wants a baby with repeat ear-infections, and who knows what else? So maybe my DD will have a few more fevers/colds in grade school. I never had a sick, screaming baby.

Also, as far as socialization, it's silly to think babies need this for extended periods of time (hours+) on a daily basis. What they need is predictability, peace, and quiet. Daycares can be overwhelming/anxious places.

Now the downsides to nannyshares- not only to you have to find the right nanny, you have to find the right 2nd family and everyone has to get along. This was a BIG problem for us, and I missed a lot of work dealing with drama from the 2nd family.

GL!
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#8 of 12 Old 09-13-2014, 10:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cardigan View Post
I've got a 6week old infant and am far more interested in returning to work than I thought I would be. DH and I are trying to decide between daycare or nanny share.<br><br>
They work out to roughly the same price. How did you make the decision? The stability of daycare is very compelling, but the 2:1 ratio in nanny share sounds great.
When I had moved to Chicago I put my daughter in a home based Montessori Daycare thinking it would have been a better fit for her.I thought Daycare would have helped her to become more social and to get a head start on preschool skills. At that time my daughter was 15 months and there were 2 other girls (2 and 4) at the daycare.This was by far the worst experience of my life!MY daughter who was potty trained to sit on a regular toilet regressed since they wouldn't place her on the toilet. My daughter had a reflex problem so she was still eating pureed food, she had trouble feeding herself and she was a picky eater too. The caretaker was told all of this and she still agreed to take my daughter into daycare.The caretaker everyday would tell me oh your daughter is doing great she stops crying after you leave, she eats all her food and for some reason she keeps going in her diaper. After a doctors checkup I found out that my daughter hadn't gained any weight in 6 months, she had become anemic and seemed to have rashes all over her bottom and front. The doctor was concerned and asked me to drop in to the daycare to peek on my daughter. So the day after the appointment I dropped my daughter off at 7 45 .I went on my break from teaching at 9 30 and showed up unannounced.To my surprise I found my daughter in a crib crying and she had done potty number 2. I also found that all her food was finished.I found it hard to believe that in just 2 hours my daughter finished her breakfast lunch 2 snacks and 2 bottles of milk!My daughter is the pickest eater in the world and she would take 45 mins to finish one meal at home. She would then take an hour break before eating or drinking again. When I told her I was going to call DCFF and report this incident she just said : "What you think I have nothing better to do but watch your child?" I was horrified. I replied "Why am I am paying you? Why are you running a home based daycare if you aren't capable of doing it? I am not paying you to do your own laundry and then torturing children."
Hence it is better to take care of your own child at home.But if you need to go to work then you should put them into a established program where they are more accountable. If you get a nanny then I suggest you get a recommendation before using them. Do a thorough background check and get referencesx from there clients to find out the truth of how well experienced they are.
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#9 of 12 Old 09-13-2014, 10:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Snydley View Post
Remember, there is no required training/skills of any sort to work at a day care center in this country.

This simply is untrue. I was a SAHM for 15 years and now I teach preschool in a child development center. Everyone I work with has a college degree and we are required by law to have on going trainings of a professional nature. And we must keep up our First Aid/CPR, Food Handler's and Criminal Registry for the state.

But no, it isn't ideal for all kids. Some kids are not cut out for group care. Meaning, they get anxious, over sensitive and have trouble with the routines and transitions of the school day. Others are positively thrilled with it and hate to go home each evening.

For an infant, a nanny share is a great idea! Get the nanny a double stroller so she can get out and walk with the kids sometimes and don't expect her to do any housework that isn't directly kid related.

My humble opinions.

Philomom ...who has been a nanny, SAHM, substitute public school teacher, new mom's support group leader and a preschool teacher
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#10 of 12 Old 09-14-2014, 04:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Snydley
Remember, there is no required training/skills of any sort to work at a day care center in this country.

This simply is untrue. I was a SAHM for 15 years and now I teach preschool in a child development center. Everyone I work with has a college degree and we are required by law to have on going trainings of a professional nature. And we must keep up our First Aid/CPR, Food Handler's and Criminal Registry for the state.

The fact that you worked in a daycare/preschool where everyone has a college degree is extremely far from the norm. The ongoing "professional trainings" of CPR, etc. does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination, that one are qualified/suited to work with children. My best friend has worked in the day care setting for over 20 years. She took a position as a day care director for a couple years and when she posted jobs, due to the low pay offered, only ever received applications from people completely unmotivated and unqualified to do the work. Also, she had a good amount of staff turnover and it became so stressful for her she went back to daycare teaching. She's told me repeatedly that based on her experience she would never but a child in daycare.

Obviously, not ALL daycares are a bad choice, but with no government support we get what we get in this country.
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#11 of 12 Old 10-01-2014, 04:25 PM
 
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I watched the other mothers in our DDC (sample group of about 20) go through the agony of choosing a daycare and then most of them had the constant string of illnesses so they were off work half the time with sick kids or taking sick days themselves. They really struggled with having to fit their kids naps into daycare timing and getting their little ones to drink their expressed milk from a sippy rather than a bottle (why do they need to switch to sippy? I still don't get this). A bunch of them quit and no wonder. It sounded awful. Our experience with a nanny share was totally chill. We partnered with another attachment parenting family, the two boys were able to nap whenever they showed signs of tiredness and they were worn down in an Ergo or pushed in the stroller to get to sleep. They took milk in whatever kind of container they pleased and were cuddled and responded to all through the day with as close to the level of attentiveness they were used to. They were never sick. Seriously. We washed hands frequently especially whenever they boys would leave a play group or park and it just seems to have worked out. I am strongly in favour of very small in home daycare or nanny share. I second the double stroller idea, we got a great one off craigslist and it was immensely helpful for getting both littles to sleep at the same time.

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#12 of 12 Old 10-15-2014, 10:01 PM
 
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Personally i think that in home/nanny care is best for a very young baby (under a year) and daycare is better as they get older. When my son was 8 months we tried to put him in daycare and he hated it. We tried again at 18 months and he LOVED it. He's currently 2.5 and is with a nanny because he had a younger sister come along, but we'll be starting him in daycare again in the new year. My daughter is only 7 months so i want her home with a nanny or family until she's at least one. At this point i really feel like my son has outgrown the warm, close care that a nanny provides and would thrive more in a rambunctious outdoor environment with other tots.
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