"I hope your children adjust" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 04-23-2014, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Last week, I posted on facebook looking for people to add to our list of babysitters. We have a couple teens and another mom, but with the nature of my job, I need coverage for all of the hours that dh is working. 

 

I got a message from another homeschooling mom who had babysat for us once back in the fall, telling me that my kids don't respect authority (clearly the reason we need a sitter?) and that children need their parents at home anyway. I responded that we actually had several sitters who the kids had no trouble listening to, and that we just needed people to add to our list. She then responded back, saying that she "hope your children adjust to you working outside the home." 

 

Yikes. I've been working outside the home in some capacity, at least part-time, since having children. There were a couple of years in there that I had a home daycare, but I've also worked at WIC, at the YMCA, been a doula and am finally a midwife.

 

I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but the judgy-ness, but it's bugging me. I'm seriously being judged for using childcare for my school-aged (!) homeschooled children. The only kid we have who wouldn't be in school is our youngest.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#2 of 9 Old 04-23-2014, 12:28 PM
 
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I don't know where people get their nerve.

 

 

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#3 of 9 Old 04-23-2014, 01:09 PM
 
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That sounds crazy! Did you ask for this person's opinion? Geez, everyone does what is right for their family!!


 
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#4 of 9 Old 04-23-2014, 04:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I didn't ask her. I'm wondering if part of it is not being asked back to babysit and us looking for sitters. Regardless, I deleted her so she's not seeing what I'm writing on facebook.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
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#5 of 9 Old 04-23-2014, 07:12 PM
 
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She's just making it easier for you to prune your Facebook friends list. ;) 

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#6 of 9 Old 04-24-2014, 11:44 AM
 
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Maybe she has some underlying jealousy of your life outside the home? Clearly your children are well-adjusted, as they are older, and this isn't a new thing for them.


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#7 of 9 Old 04-25-2014, 10:21 PM
 
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I've experienced a lot of this kind of nasty commentary from sahms and I try to chalk it up to their insecurities. When dd was younger it was hard to do that because I was constantly questioning everything I did as a parent so I put up with it more but now I just cut off contact as much as possible and ignore the rest.
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#8 of 9 Old 04-26-2014, 01:35 AM
 
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I know that you only shared a couple of sentences that she wrote, but it sounds to me like she is displacing her insecurities or feelings of self-worth as a parent onto you.  I have had several friends respond similarly when I tell them we plan on homeschooling.  It is as if they get into defense mode before they realize that they aren't under attack, and then they just don't know what to do with themselves.  Before they even know it they are saying bizarre things to people that are completely unfounded or out of context, because the proper context is in their own existence. 

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#9 of 9 Old 04-26-2014, 03:57 PM
 
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How depressing and upsetting! And this is precisely why I deleted my facebook account three years ago because of receiving such hate and unfairly harsh criticism for being a young teenage mother - and it came from stay at home mums, too. Criticism came from all corners; I could not believe neither understand the bile aimed at me. Soon after my little darling was born, in came the harshness. I'm mighty glad and relieved to have deleted my facebook. It wasn't worth the effort. :(

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