Regret - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 04-21-2015, 10:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Regret

I regret being a FT working mom. (3 -12 hr shifts a week in healthcare) It pays the bills, provides health insurance and has helped us be able to work toward reaching our financial goals. But I feel I've missed time with my 2 boys ( ages 4 & 7) I'll never get back. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My DH will complete his Masters in electrical engineering In 12/2016. Then hopefully I can mostly stay at home with my 2 boys and we would like to TTC our third and last baby so the birth would be around the time he graduates. I long to have the stay at home Mom experience from birth and beyond and truly raise my children. I would still have to work at 3 days per month to keep a Per Diem status later at my job and maintain my license/skills. The 3 days wouldnt have to be consecutive. I would work 1 day per week or sometimes less. I don't really like my job.... I'm burnt out... It's too stressful, fast paced and it physically drains me. But I guess 3 days per month would be much better and still mostly give me that stay at home experience I desire. I guess that's the responsible thing to do, right?
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#2 of 7 Old 04-23-2015, 03:36 AM
 
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Every family has to make choices that benefit the "greater good" of the whole family. It sounds like to cover expenses you haven't had much choice and that you're sad about that. I think moms have a wide range of emotions on this--some that regret not being home, some that regret not keeping their professional lives going during their kid's years--it's all over the place. ONe thing I'm sure of is that kids generally don't suffer from working moms (if they have high quality care), so if there is guilt mixed with regret, you might want to let go of that. Try to be really present when you are home. Take a lot of photos; write things down. My main concern is that it will all be a blur after a while, so I do record many moments in a notebook so I will have good recall!!

And do make sure your partner knows how you feel. He may feel the same way and wish he could be home more!
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#3 of 7 Old 04-25-2015, 08:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your response. I like your suggestion of writing things down. I have baby memory books that Im behind on and need to update. My husband and I both have such busy schedules that I feel like much of my days off are spent cleaning, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, helping with homework etc... My regret stems from not feeling like I have "quality time" because of all the busy work of the daily grind plus I feel exhausted and like my energy is zapped by the time I get done doing everything above. So finding exta time to write things down is difficult but I need to do it. My mom helps watch my kids part of the time and we use a hourly drop in childcare nearby for what remains because the flexibility best meets our needs for now. I try to make the best of the time we have and be present. If we could survive financially right now I'd give up my career for my kids In a heartbeat. I'm glad I will have that option in the near future. I just hope it's not too late.
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#4 of 7 Old 04-25-2015, 09:22 PM
 
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It won't be too late! Our kids need us even more when they get older, they just don't want to admit it! And you will appreciate that time when you need to do things related to school (if you're schooling outside the home), such as field trips, after school things, sports, etc.

Do you have a good routine for the daily stuff? I used to flounder around, and when I discovered a way to be more efficient with cooking, cleaning, etc, things went much better, freeing me up for more down time with the kids.

 
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#5 of 7 Old 04-26-2015, 02:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel that I have a pretty good routine for home chores and meal planning. Of course there's always ways to fine tune I suppose. Thank you for your encouraging words and perspective it helped brighten my day

Last edited by Aimmak; 04-26-2015 at 02:16 PM.
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#6 of 7 Old 05-04-2015, 07:46 PM
 
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Are you a nurse by chance? I could have written your post. I work 3 12 hour shifts a week as a bedside nurse and I feel a ton of guilt and regret most days for all the time away from my kids. But I'm still doing it so that we can pay the house off in a few years and after that he says I can work part time from there on out. I just don't want to wait that long though; I feel bad bring away from my kids and my job is exhausting. I'm hoping in the end it will work out for the best though. I am also starting to try and do things more efficiently on my days off to try and free up more time; for instance I've started prepping crock pot freezer meals. I have on a long way to go on becoming more efficient but I'm working at it.
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#7 of 7 Old 05-09-2015, 04:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Close, I'm a Respiratory Therapist and work in an ICU. Three 12 hour shifts. It's nice to have the four days off but there's so much to cram into the four days and after 3 shifts Im tired. Also, after a 12 you can't really get anything done the way you could after an 8hr shift. At least we both won't have to do it forever.
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