I'm back at work today, and feeling a little off-kilter...my week at home with the kiddos was not as wonderful as I had hoped it would be, and I'm trying to process it.
It just seemed like all the kids did was fight with each other, and all I did was yell. I just hated the way I sounded, and I hated the fact that we never seemed to be able to fully connect with each other for any length of time. I tried really hard not to overplan the week--I just wanted them to have unstructured time to play with their new toys, etc. It just never seemed to work out that way. Within five minutes the older one would be melting down because "my sister won't play the way I want her to!!!", or the the younger one would be falling apart because something had been taken away from her. I tried to get them out of the house at least once a day, but scheduling that around my two-year olds naps was a challenge. I tried separating them, but that would usually send the other one into a tailspin.
DH worked the whole week, which didn't help, either.
: I know he needed to, and I'm not dogging him for making that choice, but I guess I was sort of looking for a little more family time than we had, and maybe a break now and then.
There was a time when I just longed to be back in my office, because that was an environment I felt like I could control. And that threw me into a whole spiral of guilt, wondering if this would happen if I worked less, or not at all. I just don't feel like I can go down that road about work or not work again. I mean, my kids are older, and this is still hard.
I had left my office on a real high note right before Christmas, and was so looking forward to the holidays and to being home for awhile...and it just ended up being stressful and difficult, and I felt like a complete failure as a mother more than once during the week.
Can anyone relate, or am I the only freak out here?