Stay at Home Dad Advice Please - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 09-25-2005, 12:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband is a stay at ome dad, but not by choice, you see I'm in the Navy and I have a 5 month old son. I could get sent out to sea any day so we thought rather than worry about quality child care my husband would just stay home. Child care here in Norfolk, Va is so expensive and to be honest I don't trust care givers for the most part (I used to be one and worked with a lot of people in child care and trust me if you knew what I knew...)

So my husband stays at home and HATES IT. As if it's not hard enough being the "bread winner", I have to deal with breast pumping in a dirty female birthing aboard my ship, I have to ask permission from my superiors for a "pump break" where I get heavy sighs and eye roles, I wake up at five am to PT with my division after being woken up at least 3 times by my son to BF, and then, THEN I come home, make dinner, do the laundrey and listen to my husband complain about his day and how bored he is. Arhh! I'm loosing the joy of motherhood here!

I love my son so much but I feel like my circumstances are sucking the joy out of it. So here's the thing, I can get out early because of some Navy loop holes, but I feel like I have and obligation to finish my enlistment. What should I do? Every night I go to bed worried sick about leving my son behind if I'm deployed. I don't think I can do it. Especially after we've AP'd this whole time. We're so connected...I think it would literaly break my heart. And to top all this off I have one of the most dangerous jobs in the navy, I work on the flight deck directing aircraft...I have to have my head together. I'm so lost, I feel like I'm being forced to choose between whats best for my son, me or my husband, I don't know how I can make a choice that's good for all of us.
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#2 of 8 Old 09-25-2005, 01:51 AM
 
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Hugs to you. It's hard making these decisions. If I were you, I would not feel obligated to complete your enlistment, and would take advantage of the loopholes available to you and get out. Is your husband able to make a living wage to support the three of you? If you leave the Navy, what other career options are available to you? I would sit down with your husband and let him know that you know he's not happy, that you aren't happy and work with him to come up with the best solution for your family. Let us know what you decide.
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#3 of 8 Old 09-25-2005, 01:57 AM
 
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OK. What's best for your husband? Not this. Your son? Probably, not you being shipped out somewhere. Small children like to have both parents handy- plus, of course, you're the one who feeds him. You? Being off the fence. I don't see an advantage of you remaining within the navy, except that you feel you ought to.
Yes, you have an obligation to the Navy and your country. You also have an obligation to your family and to your country by raising a family right, and I think that supersedes your job commitments- you see, there's only you and your husband who can raise that child, but a few hundred people who could do your job with proper training.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#4 of 8 Old 09-25-2005, 01:02 PM
 
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That really sucks. I would also see if I could get out (if it wouldn't bring consequences so harsh in your future lives it wouldn't be worth it--like dishonerable discharge or whatever-- I don' t know what the rules are). Even if you still have to work as a civilian you can find a situation much better than the one you are in now.
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#5 of 8 Old 09-25-2005, 03:53 PM
 
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This is a pretty important point!
Quote:
Originally Posted by kisagotami
And to top all this off I have one of the most dangerous jobs in the navy, I work on the flight deck directing aircraft...I have to have my head together.
As far as SAH'ing it definitely takes adjustment, especially since your DH didn't advocate for the role. There are Dad's groups & message boards that can help him out some.

You sound pretty 'done', but you need to think (plan) a couple things before you move on.
How much time do you have left in your enlistment?
Are there consequences for leaving early?
What would you & DH do for work & childcare?

Alaskan Mom to 2 boys
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#6 of 8 Old 09-25-2005, 03:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know what guys, I think you'r right. All this time I've known what the right thing to do was. I've served enough time to get all my benifits, and my discharge won't be dishonorable. My son come first, and that's that. So I'm getting out and going back to school, and I guess while we're trying to make ends meet we'll live with grandma!

I would just like to say that even though it has been rough I love the bond my son and husband have. Staying at home these past few months have givn him a deeper understanding of parenthood and his son. And I've also enjoyed most of my enlistment. I might miss my job on the flight deck a little, but I think I want to be a lactation consultant...a whole different kind of thrill I guess.

Thanks for your support.
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#7 of 8 Old 09-26-2005, 12:09 AM
 
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Coming in a little late to the thread, I am breathing a sigh of relief with your decision! I hope you are too! Good luck and let us know how it works out!!!

 
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#8 of 8 Old 09-26-2005, 08:54 AM
 
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I'm glad you've found a new direction Good luck, mama!

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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