Usually DD sleeps pretty well, and goes to bed quite early - 5:30 or 6pm. My strategy is to jump into bed as early as possible myself on most nights. Tonight she's got a cold, so we are up for a bit right now, though usually I am off to dream land by 9 - sometimes even earlier! we have told family and friends that we prefer not to receive calls after 8:30pm. This helps a bit, but truthfully, I ma tired an awful lot! I just keep reminding myself that she'll only be little for a short while . . . .
Actually it was when I went back to work after DS #1 that I became a confirmed co-sleeper, rather than a sometime closet co-sleeper! My DH objected (he was a SAHD at the time) and I said, "OK - you can get up, get the kid, attach him to my boob, try to stay awake while he nurses, then take him back into his room and hope he stays asleep or falls asleep easily because if he doesn't, you're up walking him around ..." That was all it took! He still doesn't like it but he realizes how much easier it makes things.
Hang in there, it does get better!
I don't know what I'm going to do when he starts really cutting teeth, esp. the molars. I hear that's a big bear. I guess I'll just do like the first poster, and have DH handle it since he works nights and gets home before midnight. I would wake up too with the crying , but I might ask DH to go to the living room during the fussy times so I could sleep. Maybe you could do that?
We used a cosleeper next to our bed until she was 6mo. She slept in that, then I nursed her in our bed...if I fell asleep while nursing and didn't move her back...oh well.
We then moved her to her crib. She would start the night there, then would come to our bed to nurse. If dh or I was awake enough when she was done, we returned her to the crib, if not...oh well.
The main thing that helped though is dh, once dd nursed to sleep (in our bed) I would transfer her to her crib then HE was on duty. He is/was the one that goes to her in the middle of the night. If she just needed a snuggle and some comfort, he stayed with her til she fell back asleep, if not ...and he learned the signs quickly, he would bring her into me to nurse.
When she was teething, she got up way more and I got less sleep, but him running interference was key to all of us getting more rest.
We just transitioned dd to a twin bed at 18mo. Like the crib, she starts there and dh goes to her unless she needs to nurse. Now I nurse her in her bed...but she will come to ours as well.
The biggest reason she isn't in our bed all night is sleep. She sleeps great in either spot, but she's a sprawler and very long...so she takes over our bed. Even though we have a queen, there just isn't enough room for the three of us....and getting a king isn't an option right now.
Something that helped us get some strategies was Pantely's No Cry Sleep Solution. We didn't do everything she said, but a few ideas helped us along.
My DH keeps pushing for an end to the co-sleeping, but my challenge is to convince him that it's the only way I can get any sleep. I like the "in the crib, he's on duty" idea....maybe we'll try that route! One question for MinnieMouse: Do you have the twin on the floor, railings, or is DD okay in the bed without falling? I can't wait to suggest a big-boy bed when DS has slept in his crib about 10 times! :
Oh, and I've used Pantley also...I highly recommend the book. But, my experience has been that any issue - whether it's teething, development, change of schedule, full moon (!) - is oil in the ointment, so to speak. But I like the techniques....
Oh, and Tara C.: I've really identified with several of your posts, here and on other threads (including the "i don't understand some mothers...). I think we might be living parallel lives!
Last night she was up from 3:30 until she finally passed out at 5:15! Of course the little punk got to nap to day, and here I am about to pass out at my desk! But you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way!
I think I helped train DD to the hourly waking. She started squirming when she hit the light stage of sleep. Light sleeper that I am, I'd invariably wake up. Desperate to get back to sleep, I'd pop a boob in her mouth and she'd settle right down--often without getting any milk. After several nights of waking up hourly I was ragged and I knew something had to change. I tried to break the new habit, but it was too late: if she didn't get the boob, she'd get more and more agitated and finally fully wake up, crying, which she'd not done previously.
I tried sleeping on the couch and letting her co-sleep with DH, who's harder to wake. But I still woke up, and DD cried all the harder if DH tried his usual daytime soothing methods. So I resumed nursing whenever she seemed to be looking for it.
My latest strategy: If she is nursing in a way that will cause letdown, I let her go as long as she likes, as many times a night as she likes (lately 2-3 times). If she latches on and then stops sucking, I slip out quickly and, if she'll take it, substitute a pacifier to help ease her back down into deeper sleep. I stay snuggled up with her, but this way I can sometimes get back to sleep more quickly. Then there are the times where we'll have a two-hour non-nutritive nursing session in the middle of the night. . . .
Mostly I just try to get to bed early, and nap on weekends when I can.
I can handle the feeling of being exhausted. What bothers me about it, though:
1. Sleep deprivation affects my milk supply.
2. I can't get as much accomplished because sometimes I just HAVE to go to bed when my children do.
3. My mind won't fully function.
We were originally going to get just the twin mattress and put it on the floor, but my best friend and dd's unofficial godmother had a set of twin trundles....the kind with one really high bed and a lower one that slides underneath. She gave us the lower trundle. It's perfect size for her. I have my nursing stool at the end of the bed to help her get in and out, and a bed rail along the side. She is enamored with her bed!
Last night was the second night in the bed. She went down at 10:30pm...we are trying to roll back bedtime, but it's not been successful...woke briefly at 2:30am and I crawled in with her and she nursed right back to sleep, then woke at 5am when we took her into our bed until 6:45am. I can live with this...the goal is to not have the 2:30am waking, but I'm sure it will come.
And I have to agree with the theory that ANYTHING will set them off sleep. Learning how to walk or crawl, teething and colds all would make dd wake more often. Dh and I think she's about to start talking more ...she talks a ton now, we just don't know what she's saying...so I think that may be why she was waking so much these last couple weeks.
He has been waking every 30 minutes (at least!), and yelling out. Like a cry of frustration. I try to nurse him...sometimes it works, sometimes it is clearly not what he wants. He is restless much of the night. This morning he woke up at 5:00, almost 1.5 hours early, only to nap at 6:30 (rather peacefully, I might add : ). I would say that he is experiencing teething pain, but he doesn't show any other symptoms : .
Anyone have any thoughts?
I had to do something. We used the Pantley no cry sleep solution, because we had to. I was losing my patience with her a lot too, and she deserves more. When we first started though things got worse, but having DH put her to bed really helped.
ALso, DD was happier with a schedule. She was tired and whiney and unhappy a good bit of the time. NOw our days have routine and our nights have routine. I am flexible about it still, but we really stick with it most of the time. I really notice a big big difference if for some reason we don't have a routine that day. She gets very stressed out and can't sleep and will be up about fifty times that night and sooo tired the next morning.
I think the routine gives her a feeling of control over her day. She understands what happens next, Of course at daycare they very much have a routine.
Thanks for sharing!
|I think I helped train DD to the hourly waking. She started squirming when she hit the light stage of sleep. Light sleeper that I am, I'd invariably wake up. Desperate to get back to sleep, I'd pop a boob in her mouth and she'd settle right down--often without getting any milk. After several nights of waking up hourly I was ragged and I knew something had to change. I tried to break the new habit, but it was too late: if she didn't get the boob, she'd get more and more agitated and finally fully wake up, crying, which she'd not done previously.|
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We're actually going through molars right now... argh! It's made worse this time around as I'm working partime at home (after Ds goes to bed) so quality sleep is all the more essential. My ds is alittle older (2 1/2) and actually, I've just been giving him a popsicle when he wakes up... probably not the best thing with sugar, but it's only been a couple of times.... he sucks on it for five minutes, and zonk. Important: don't fall asleep without taking the popsicle away. We learned that lesson the hard way one night and dh and I were both VERY tired.
I think routines for bedtime can help A LOT. I know my dh is struggling right now as he recently has taken over putting ds to sleep. They're working on establishling their routine.
Ocean: we went through two horrible spells with ds about waking up and playing in the middle of the night. The first time, we got up with him, played, went back to sleep, and it only lasted a couple of days. Second time, ds was older (18 mnths +) and that strategy did not work at all. We finally slowly started setting limits. Basically, childproofed our room very well, and when ds would want to play in the middle of the night, we'd ignore him with one eye open. He'd pull at our eyes trying to open them, sometimes he'd wimper for a minute or two... we'd just hold him, rock him, maybe rub his back, and keep repeating night time, it's night time, time to sleep. After a weekof being strict about keeping the lights out, refusing to play, and insisting on sleeping, it was over. It was only a week, but it was pretty painful. In the middle of the night, it's hard to be consistent
I found that I couldn't get through a day without doing something stupid, breaking something or whatever, cause I was just SO TIRED all the time.
Dh was a stay at home dad till DS was 14 months old, and once I'd stoped breastfeeding I was DONE with night time thing. (That was at 6 months old) I rarely wake at night now, now and again I will hear Dh get up to see to DS........... I just can't do without my sleep like DH can, he sleeps MUCH less and seems to handle it so much better. If there are any nights with a sick boy - I handle those, dh doesn't have it in him to sit and comfort in the dead of night, he sees to business and hes back in bed within minutes. (very little disruption to DS) I also can't see a DARN thing in the dark, DH can see like a cat so he never turns on lights or anything like that, which also helps to keep DS sleepy.
Of course we're in a fairly set routine now so it helps and DS is now 3 1/2 so he only wakes now if he needs to go potty.
I couldn't even do the co-sleep thing, the best I could do was have ds in a bassinet next to the bed..... I just couldn't sleep otherwise.
I guess I've been really really lucky....... I feel for you guys!