|View Poll Results: What is your WOH situation?|
|WOH is a financial necessity, I DO NOT enjoy my job.||27||15.61%|
|WOH is a financial necessity, but (thankfully) I DO enjoy my job.||116||67.05%|
|WOH is not a financial necessity, I choose to work because I enjoy it.||17||9.83%|
|other (please explain)||13||7.51%|
|Voters: 173. You may not vote on this poll|
This is my first poll, so I am keeping it simple.
(I am assuming that if WOH is not a financial necessity, and you didn't enjoy your work, you wouldn't do it.. but please correct me if I am wrong..)
Any WOH mom or dad is welcome and encouraged to post their thoughts/feelings here..
Ocean, I totally understand about wanting to be at home with your baby. Even though I love what I do, there are so many times every day that I wish i were gere at home instead of at the office. When DD was very young, my sister would bring her to the office at lunchtime if it coordinated with her naps (we try never to wake her!), and I would cry when she left! It was so nice to be able to nurse her in the middle of the day, and the closeness just felt so right . . .I would feel as though a part of me had been ripped away when they left! She no longer visits for lunch, as she eats finger foods and doesn't nurse until after my lunch break . . . sigh . . .I do miss those surprise visits!
mommy to Greta 3/14/02
I was able to be on maternity leave for almost 5 months. My boss has allowed me to go to a 32 hour a week schedule, and my co-workers are awesome. Still, I have to drag myself to work every day and I'm getting more and more resentful of being away from ds. Even though it's no picnic being home all day, I'm so tempted to just quit and take care of my baby while I can. Especially because he is *not* a mellow baby and doesn't seem to be adjusting all that well to my absence (it's been 3 weeks now).
On the other hand, I don't know what will happen careerwise if I quit - I've got a good education and 5 years of experience in the field I'm in, but it's hyper-specialized and I don't know if I'll sabotage my career if I leave now. If my boss gets mad at me for quitting, I don't know if I'll be able to get a job in the same field again (it's a very, very small world).
Arghhh - I don't know what to do!
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My dh lost his job in November of 2001. We lived ok on my maternity leave and his employment insurance. Then my mat leave ran out and his EI soon after and it became a necessity that I return.
The plan (since before we were married) was that I would work till we had kids. (Although I have a great career position with a large company - my true calling is to be a full time, SAHM. It is what I enjoy the most.) We bought our house and did our budget based on one income - my dh's. My income was put into savings and debt/mortgage reduction.
Due to my dh's unemployed situation, that all changed. When my maternity leave was up, I had to tell my employer that I would come back to work. I went back in Aug 02. Currently, we are both working FT (dh got a temporary job in mid Dec), but mostly to "catch-up" till I get pg with #2 (which I hope will be soon). Once dh has a "stable" job - I'm home!!! And I really can't wait for the day!!
I have a great job. I like what I do, but I am currently running into problems with my manager. To put it bluntly - he's an idiot when it comes to managing our contract and other simple tasks. Nice enough guy - but an idiot. "Not the brightest bulb in the pack" :
So now I count down the days..... and hope dh finds something stable very soon!! My goal is December of 03...... that is when I want to be a SAHM.
I've also been thinking I would like to go back to school and learn web design or something so that I might be able to WAH eventually..
But for now, I just have to grit my teeth and keep telling myself "this won't last forever"
By the way, it is great to see that so many of you who have voted enjoy your work!
I love what I do and have a very successful career. I get tons more done as a WOHM than I ever would as a SAHM. If we really didn't need a second income, dad would love to be a SAHD. Unfortunately, only one income is very stressful. I don't have issues with time off or leaving in the middle of a workday to take care of a sick child or to stay home with a sick child. For this I am grateful.
|Originally posted by owen&mama
Okay, it is a financial necessity, and, yes, most of the time I do enjoy my job....but it is a job and not a passion.
ALL of my paychecks from now until ds is born (10-14w from now) are going to pay the credit card and the midwife. After that, we're going to have to live on dh's income because I'm quitting work. We'll be making less than we ever have been, not to mention that dh took a 30% cut in pay last April when he was downsized and had to find a new job. :
It will be hard, but I hate being the b!tchy, grumpy wife that I am when I have to work too many hours. Lately I've been averaging 30hr/wk and that's more than I can really handle right now.
The thing that makes it doable is my mom watches her while I work, so thank God we don't have to deal with daycare... no way I could do that (and I don't make enough $$ to pay for it either).
I would like to have a part time job though, rather than full time. Even if I could find one that paid a decent wage (not likely), trying to find part time child care that coincides with the work hours is a nightmare, according to those I know that have tried it in my area.
I do enjoy my job, and that makes it a tad easier to leave my dd, but some days, as you all mention, it is painful, painful, painful. Most days. I feel bad sometimes because I sometimes daydream and wonder what if dh had another profession and could take care of us? And that hurts to say, because being a teacher, I know it is something he really enjoys and would hate for him to be in a job he hated just so he could make more money and 2) I hate how antifeminist that wondering leaves me. I don't necessarily want to be taken care of...it would just be nice to have one of us (well, yes, HIM) in a job where we could even entertain the idea of me staying home...but if it weren't for that darn insurance....
no, i am not a teacher, but a nurse. and yes, i love my job, so it makes it easier. dh does well, but insurance is astronomical at his place of business....and at my job its $150 a month for all 5 of us, including dental.
i do not think you are anti feminist because you would love to stay home with your child, and have dh work. dont let anyone make you feel something less than you are because of your desire to stay home. your husband i guess would be "taking care of you", but in doing that it allows you to care full time for his child, both of yours home, etc.
we need good teachers though. i for one am glad your're out there.
i work at a hospital that has many facilities in the west, keeping premiums down.
luckily i only work 20hours to get bennies and with my son who was an icu baby the cost of the bill was about 200,000+. none of which we paid
P.S. i looked into getting our own insurance if i were to be SAHM and for the 3 of us is hold onto your undies $400 a month, that's california for ya.
She does go to day care, but she seems to love it there. She is always smiling and such. The providers are great about discussing my concerns and issues. They are so for the gentle disapline (no spanking, no time outs, no humiliations). I really like that.
I also like what I do, sort of. I am actually in the rounds of hunting down another job in the same work place, but I have made it clear it would be for 3 days a week. I need to spend the time with my child!
I enjoy my job now, bcs I arranged to do more research than teaching. That will last another 1.5 yrs. Then will have to do double the teaching that I do now.
I have thought of quitting to become a sahm, but it would require major changes. We would probably have to move to another town or even state. We're both physicists and the only job in our small town is at the university. My husband won't work at the univ (btdt, won't ever do it again), so in order for him to find a job in physics, or something else that could use his background, we'd have to move somewhere else. He is teaching now, but really hates it and is going to quit after this semester and be a sahd.
I know it sounds confusing that I say he has no career now, but he is teaching. I consider a career to be something with long-term goals and evolution. He is just doing one year of teaching, as a fill-in for the university, with no goals of exploring teaching methods or building a research program, etc.
I think it would also work for us if I was sahm and he worked, but he has been out of a career for so long (almost 8 yrs) that it would take some real shoving to get him to do it. Yes, he has it really good We lived apart for 6 yrs, both trying to get a job in thesame place which never happened. Then one year we both went where the best job was, and it happened to be mine.
I've been thinking lately, though, that maybe it's time to switch roles and let him be the main breadwinner for awhile. I keep bringing it up, but he points out that I have it really good right now. I do. So, maybe in 1.5 yrs we'll switch - when my current arrangment for teaching/research runs out.
I hear you on the 2 body problem (as we call it!). I actually ended up at the same institution as my Dh because we decided to follow his career not mine. He's the brighter of the two of us (he's an astrophysist too) so we decided his career should lead our family. I am happy with that choice, but I DO understand how hard it is.
When I was pregnant I didn't fully believe a co-worker who said that my priorities would change dramatically after the baby was born, but she was right. I still enjoy my job and want to do it well, and I still appreciate the organization and want to do right by it, but I'm less willing than I used to be to shove my personal life to the side when things get a little hectic at work. Much to my relief, my co-workers are wonderfully understanding and supportive.
|Originally posted by MamaDeLiana
When I was pregnant I didn't fully believe a co-worker who said that my priorities would change dramatically after the baby was born, but she was right.
Now I have been on leave without pay since Sept to see if we can do without my income. I intend to fully separate from my employer in mid-Feb. We just refinanced our house and we are using equity to pay off student loans, etc. It seems that we will be able to make it work financially. And now I am 5 months pregnant with baby #2.
My work was a career, but a career that I was tired of. Leaving it all together basically means leaving that career and all of its earning potential (I was making great money, even part time, and had great benefits), because I worked for a government agency that is hard to get into. I worked there for 11 years and now I will need to start over if I choose another career path.
I like being at home, but I don't love it everyday. A week at home with a sick child makes me long for an office job with personal space and lunch breaks.
Honestly, I think we will be okay without my income, but the unknown is scary. I was always the major breadwinner in our household. I know that once I give this job up I will be cutting my earning potential for the long run. I estimate any other full time job I could take in the future will pay about 1/2 what I was earning. That is scary.
Also, I was at a point in my career where I could coast, and a new career will mean ALOT of work and starting over.
Hard choices, eh?
We'll be using my salary to pay off bills! WOOHOO!
Today, though, I feel fortunate to have the mostly the best of all worlds. I work FT while DH stays home with my twin 8month old DDs. I have a specific and timelined plan for how I spend the next several years, resulting in my ability to consult with other companies anywhere on my area of expertise. Meanwhile, I can work from home up to 3 days per week, in the office for 2. And, my pet project, an after school program I'm developing, is how I plan to exit to be with my DDs once they are in school. All of this is part of the plan to be able to live anywhere and still earn a good living while being with my DDs and feeling personally fulfilled.
All in all, motherhood has been a perfect focusing tool. I never knew I'd want to make the world better for children and working parents (my pet after-school program project)... and I've never felt so in love with life and with my DH and amazing DDs.
And, BTW, thank you for a chance to talk to WOHMs.
Well, dd is now 12 months old. I feel slightly better about working and juggling motherhood. I think my ideal situation would be if I could work part-time. That would be nice. Right now, that is not an option. However, our goal is to get to a position where I can go to part time, at least, by the time #2 comes.
For now, I run home for lunch just about every day to either nurse dd or simply to see her. It is a strain, since I work about 20 minutes away, but one that is soooo worth the stress. I also stretch my arrival time in the morning and ditch the office as fast as humanly possible in the afternoon. I am the Queen of leaving earling and have been known to simply sneak out on occassion. Do I regret it? How can I when I walk into our home and dd has the biggest smile on her face when she sees me!!The
Because I couldn't stay home, and we didn't want dd in dc, we made a huge financial sacrifice to have a woman come to our house and care for dd. That way, dd gets lots of one on one care and is in her own environment. Also, dd works out of home and is in and out of the house during the day. That way, she sees him and he is able to keep an eye on what is going on. Most days, I am gone a total of 7 hours....not too bad considering this includes transportation to and from work as well as coming home to see dd during lunch.
I think the key is finding a balance that works for you and your family. I am still working on it, but I think I am getting close. I don't know if it is possible to have a perfect situation, but I guess you can strive for one that is best for you. Good luck to all of your WOH moms!!
Dh was in a business partnership. I started working for him part time at home when he expanded into an area I had a working knowledge of but he didn't. (He is a physical therapist, adult re-hab, and landed some small pediatric contracts.) It was supposed to be temporary. Last year he bought out his partners and we own the business. I am still "working" because it is our families livelyhood and I feel it is in our best interest for many, many reasons.
But if I listed them, this reply wouldn't be short!
I'd rather be a Full-Time-Stay-At-Home-But-Do-Lots-of-Volunteer-Work Mom.