Hi! I've recently BTDT with our nanny. It wasn't to the extent of what happened to your dd, but I can definitely empathize. In our case, nanny took dd to the library and asked the security guard to watch her while she ran to the bathroom. I was shocked, furious and, ultimately, very concerned about nanny's judgment in watching dd. IN any case, after talking things over with her, she was very receptive to what I had to say. Our discussion also showed me that she genuinely cared for dd and that is a HUGE plus. Her judgment in that area wasn't exactly what I would have liked, but after I explained my position, she totally understood and was upset herself for not thinking about it that way. Basically, I really listened to my instincts about what happened to tell me how to proceed.
In your case, like everyone said, talk frankly with your nanny. Things happen even when mom and dad are around. AFter you talk to your dentist, to find out if it could have happened the way she said, bring it to her attention. Maybe she didn't see that dd had a sippy cup? Maybe her back was turned for too long? Maybe she needs to pay more attention? Maybe it did happen the way she said? In either case, let her know that you are concerned, but that you understand.
When another person is watching your child, the most precious person in your life, it is a very fine line that you walk between being an "employer" and a concerned parent. You don't want to insult her or scare her so she's not honest with you if something happens again. But, at the same time, you don't want to appear too lenient or lax. You need for her to tell you everything that happens and to always tell you the truth. I think being frank with her and talking about your concerns is a start. You can also ask her what you could do to make things easier on her or if she has suggestions that would help her. That way, she feels that she is involved, not just being ordered to do this or that. The way I look at it, the person that is watching your child is not just a "nanny," but almost an extended family member. They aren't just "watching" the children, but they are actually "parenting" for the time that the parents are away. So, you have to treat them with respect. At the same time, you need to set out the parameters. It's hard. I totally understand.
As far as the jealousy issue, I have BTDT too, with our first nanny. She was my age and was totally devoted to dd. At times, I felt that she was being more careful with dd than me. But, like you, I reminded myself over and over again, that I should be happy that dd was well cared for and content. Also, when I came home from work, as dd grew, I realized that dd always knew that I was mommy. That made me feel better. You too should feel good that your nanny is so good with the kids and that they like her. Good luck to you!
mama to little bobka (almost 14 months old)