Anyone seriously thinking of quitting? - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-11-2003, 07:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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or at least going part-time? What kind of sacrifices would you have to make? Is your job/career amenable to a part-time position? How long do you think you would stay home/part-time?

I've seriously been thinking of quitting and finding something part-time. In fact, my goal is to be able to work part-time by this summer. I don't know if this is entirely realistic or whether I am in my own la-la land for thinking this. DH thinks I may be a little too ambitious to want to quit that soon, but I am going to give it a try anyway.

I have been completely slacking off at work and I feel that it is time to make a change. I can't stand being here at work, with so much down time that I just spent a whole day on the internet, while my dd is with someone else at home!! I want more flexibility!! At the same time, I am grateful that I have a job with good pay, benefits and where I can kind of come and go as I please. Maybe I'm too greedy, but the perks of this job just don't make up for the lost time with dd. Part time would be really good, I think. This is a career that I don't want to leave all together because worked hard to be here. I really just want to put it on hold for a while and "dabble" in it, so I can spend more time with dd. She's growing sooooo fast. Anyone else going through this? Been through this? Quit? Came back to work after an absence?? I'd love to hear your experiences......


Libby :

mama to little bobka (almost 14 months old--SIGH!!)
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Old 03-11-2003, 10:30 PM
 
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I'm not seriously thinking of quitting now, but I actually gave notice last October for all the reasons you mentioned.

I had originally taken a year off, came back part time (didn't like that), went fulltime (way too much) and had been back less than a year.

My boss was so absolutely cool and understanding, at the same time trying to keep me. Besides a way too cool raise (which I never expected), I now work part time at home, part time at work.... whatever percentage works for me to get done what I need to get done.

After being offered that, I felt like I couldn't quit, because it was so unbelievably cool and unexpected.


Am I entirely happy with the situation? It has its pluses and minuses. Sometimes I really really miss ds during the day, and other times, I run to work. I had a really hard time at home just because of the lack of adult interaction. Play group interaction with moms just wasn't the same. I don't know. It's a tough decision. You just have to go with your gut.
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Old 03-12-2003, 02:20 PM
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I went back to work part-time when ds was 6 months old. I was part-time for 3 months before going back full-time (employer would only let me do part-time for 3 months). Part-time was very hard at work. My employer does not normally have part-timers so nobody really knew what was a realistic amount of work to get done in 3 days. SO I worked my butt off for 3 days, usually working really late the last day so that nothing could possibly go wrong while I was gone. THEN I spent 2 blissful days just hangin' out doing sweet nothing with ds. It was amazing because when I was on maternity leave I would try to get stuff done sometimes stressing myself out but I guess because I'd put in 3 hard days at work I took myself completely off the hook for the next 2 days and really relaxed. So pros and cons.

Then after working full time and rushing to work and rushing home (had a very long commute) and always eating take out and never cleaning the house and being an absolute b*tch to dh and getting allot of flack from my employer for not working as long hours as everybody else (who were young and childless) for a year I had to quit. I negotiated a pretty good severance package so I had some time to figure out what I was going to do. By pure fluke I was able to fall right into working from home for two clients that make up about a 30 hour week. DS is still with a babysitter 5 days a week but I walk him there in the morning, dawdling all the way and go pick him up at 5 and dawdle home. I make fabulous dinners (totally addicted to epicurious) and the house is reasonably clean. And DH and I get along much better. The only downside is I miss working with other people, I get a little lonely and find it hard sometimes to get motivated.

So my advice would be to take a long hard look at just what you don't like about the current situation. For me it was the rushed mornings and evenings - I just didn't have any flex time. I was going flat out from the second I got up until I went to bed. Maybe you don't need to quit your job all together. Maybe you could negotiate more flexible hours or a shorter work day or get a cleaning lady so you can have more cuddle time on weekends, whatever it takes to address the problem without throwing out the baby with the bath water (for lack of a better analogy).

Sorry this turned into a bit of a babble! Good luck!
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Old 03-13-2003, 02:48 AM
 
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I would love to quit and stay home with my kidlets. I did go to 80% when ds was 1 year old. I went back to work when he was about 3.5 months, made it through that year, kicking and screaming all the way, and then took the 20% paycut the following year. Best thing I've ever done. I wanted to go down further, and that's still the ultimate plan, but dh quit his job soon after dd's birth when it became clear that she had some medical needs and that his then employers were not going to be understanding or compassionate about it. He's teaching instead, and going to graduate school to become a school counselor. He took a 50% paycut, but he'll go back up in about two years. Had he remained in his previous job I could have stayed home because they were about to give him a huge promotion and raise, but he worked six days per week and the kids really didn't know him. We just felt it was better for them to have a real relationship with their father. I hope to go down to 60% within the next five years and I think it's workable. I don't think I'll ever be able to be a SAHM, but I can be happy with working 118 days/year. Now I work 158/year, which is pretty wonderful.
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Old 03-13-2003, 03:02 AM
 
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I know I can't quit....and sometimes that is a little depressing. However, my desire to, has in the last year, led me to start looking at options to our current situation. We realized that if were made a concerted effort in some of our debt, we could lower me down to part time work. So that is our goal by the time our next baby is planned. Right now, I feel like I am living in limbo--we are putting so much of our monthly pay towards this goal that we are cutting ourselves quite thin. I hate this, but I am really excited to be thinking of moving down to part time. My dream is to get one half day Kindergarten class, but if that doesn't look possible, I will look into job sharing. We will see what happens.....that won't be till the fall of 2004. I am still excited, though. It gets closer and closer.
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Old 03-13-2003, 03:08 AM
 
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I don't know if part time would cut it for me - I figured out yesterday that I PAY OUT 40% of my take home pay on Day care and my car to drive to work.
I didn't take into account, car insurance or clothing, the odd lunch out etc........

DANG its a LOT - I wish I could figure out a way to LIVE without that 60% - I'd be all set......

Chelly
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Old 03-13-2003, 07:12 PM
 
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I think about it all the time. Especially on days like yesterday when at 5:30, after I've been at work nearly for 10 hours, one of my bosses drops a project on me that "has to get done by first thing in the morning." So much for the assurrance when I started my job that they would be family-friendly. But unfortunately my dh has been having trouble getting work so we need my income.
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Old 03-14-2003, 01:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by delighted.mama
I have been completely slacking off at work and I feel that it is time to make a change. I can't stand being here at work, with so much down time that I just spent a whole day on the internet, while my dd is with someone else at home!! I want more flexibility!! At the same time, I am grateful that I have a job with good pay, benefits and where I can kind of come and go as I please. Maybe I'm too greedy, but the perks of this job just don't make up for the lost time with dd. Part time would be really good, I think. This is a career that I don't want to leave all together because worked hard to be here. I really just want to put it on hold for a while and "dabble" in it, so I can spend more time with dd. She's growing sooooo fast.
hmmmm : Libby, if your name wasn't next to this, I would have thought I wrote this!!!!!!!

I am "stuck" at my job until June 30th because I am waiting for my retention bonus to kick in. THat'll let us pay off our cars and other debt, and lower our monthly payment quite a bit. then I can relax a little more. I'd love to work part-time for a while, and it looks like I may be able to stay with my company (and even in the same dept) and do that. Just have to figure out if we can afford that financially. DH has a martial arts academy, and it's not making any real money right now. One of the reasons being that he stays with dd during the day, and even has to teach some classes at night with her there (when I have to work late) So it's hard for him to grow his business and get more students when he has a toddler with him 80% of the time. But what I am hoping for in the future is both of us working for ourselves and just spending time with each other, our dd, our doggies and any other future dc-red
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Old 03-17-2003, 09:12 PM
 
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We're expecting #2 in September and I just can't imagine how working full time is going to be possible - and I don't know if we can completely go without my income.

Actually what I did this past weekend to process the whole decision was to make a pros and cons lists for each option. Well, I don't know if working part-time is really an option until I talk with my boss. She'll support part-time as part of my maternity leave, but I don't know if she'll go for it permanently.

Going through the pros and cons helps process the decision, but it doesn't make it any easier. Also, what Chelly said about how much it COSTS to work is true in my case, I just have to make a convincing case to dh about this!
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Old 03-18-2003, 12:21 PM
 
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Just found out we have a new one on the way - now we can add another $1100 per month for childcare............. a total of around $1700 for both kiddio's - WOW thats a LOT. Enough to make me think twice, but I have 9 months to think on it!

Chelly
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Old 03-18-2003, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The saying "between a rock and a hard place" really has a new meaning for me! KWIM. Chelly's response about the cost of child care really hit home! (BTW Congrats on #2 ...I really hope that you are able to work something out in the next 9 months). I took yesterday off to stay at home with dd, and it was so wonderful! I thought about how it would be if I could do that every day, or at least a couple of extra days.

DH and I figured out how much we are spending for childcare and for me to drive to work and it is ridiculous! It comes out to roughly 17K a year. IF someone told me ;ast year that I would have to pay that much, I would have said that it was totally impossible. Yet, here we are, a year later, and that's about what we have spent so far. But, even if I SAH, the money that we save would be insufficient to pay for mortgage, car insurance, student loans, etc. I'm sure many of you know how that goes. We're looking to cut some corners, but it takes time to get everything in place. It is so frustrating to know that right now, the option of quitting or going pt is not even a real option. Well, at least many of us are in the same boat.
Good luck to all of you, especially those of you with new little budles of joy on the way!

Libby
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Old 03-18-2003, 03:48 PM
 
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DH is a musician and a terriffic stay at home dad, so I guess that job's taken. SIGH.

I love my job, though but I would love to work 3/4 time, if possible. Can't afford to do it because DH is also an often unemployed musician.
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Old 03-26-2003, 11:48 AM
 
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I am quitting!

It's actually scary in a way... I've done this job for 4.5 years, the economy stinks and dh is making less money now than he was a year ago so money will be extra tight. I'm cutting corners by cloth diapering, breastfeeding, trading on the trading post etc.

On the plus side... I'll be home with dd more and we'll get to attend our playgroup (online moms we meet with) more often. I'll get to take her to the park instead of my mom telling me about taking her... you get my drift.

Right now she stays with my mom (I average 25 hr/wk) while I'm at work because we won't do daycare. I'm due in 4.5 weeks with baby#2 and we feel it wouldn't be fair to fork two kids on my mom when she's homeschooling my teenage brother and has a farm to take care of.

Also, because I'm part-time my FMLA maternity leave would be prorated and I would only get six weeks maternity leave. Last time I only got eight weeks and I was miserable going back to work... no way I want to go back to work until the baby is weaned (if then!) unless finances necessitate it.

It's going to mean some sacrifices, but the payoff is going to be great.
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Old 03-27-2003, 01:06 AM
 
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I would say I used to up until maybe a week ago, but I think I would miss work of some kind. Right now I work afternoons, so I'm home with dd until 3, dh gets home around 5, and in between she's with my parents.

What I would like is part time and I think it's very possible. I plan on asking to come back pt *if*(when!!) there is another mat leave. We get a year off up here, plenty of time to see what happens, so I'm just waiting for those two lines!

Congratulations Chelly!

Jen
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Old 03-27-2003, 06:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Busybusymamma, I don't know if "congrats" is the right term, but you get my drift! I hope you enjoy being at home and that you will be able to work it out in the long run.

Although I can't quit, I just found out that there is a good possibility that I can go part-time. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for it to happen.

Anyway, good luck to you!!
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Old 03-27-2003, 11:44 PM
 
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Thanks delighted.mama! :LOL We've decided the stress I get from trying to juggle housework, family time, work etc just isn't worth it anymore. : No one like it's when I'm grouchy! :sinister
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Old 04-04-2003, 11:00 PM
 
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so, being a new mom ( i say that as i realize that my wee-one will be nine months in two short weeks! eek!) and a prior-to-having-her-self-prclaimed-work-a-holic, i have felt much much much distress about trying to do both. be a good mom and a good worker, and with each passing day, i wonder if it is possible (at least for me.) so, it was very refreshing to see others talking and saying/feeling the same things

before she was born i swore up and down that i would be back 40hrs in no time. i love my job- high stress, very rewarding- so why not. having never had often-wonderful-sometimes-stressful-never-letting-me-sleep-baby before, i had no idea what i was in for. she was born. i postponed returning to work for 3 months. and then at only 3/5 time. then 1/2 and now full in about 3.5 days. which is pure hell. i'm a walking zombie (as she still does not sleep through the night- but i guess thats another thread, huh??) i'm stressed cause i'm slacking at work and i have never never done that before. half the time, i don't want to be there. (maybe a little more...)

how do others do it?

busybusymomma- so proud of you for doing what you want to do!!! i'm still trying to decide if thats right.
i have all the health insurance but get paid social worker salery (nothing!) my partner makes all the $$ but no insurance....
eek. it shouldn't have to be this hard!
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Old 04-05-2003, 02:42 PM
 
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I just had to post this here since I told you all I was quitting my job!

My last day was Thursday. Saturday, dh took us out for one last day out before we're totally broke... we went shopping and out to eat.

We get home and dh has a letter for a job opportunity that we've been waiting to hear for quite awhile (like the last three years!). He goes in for a test the first week of June.

It's like as soon as we just trusted ourselves to make the right decision and we trusted God to take care of us... bang! We're very excited that this might just be our break.

Good luck to all your mommas!

PS- dh has insurance, but it's really terrible. Doesn't do you any good unless you have an emergency or surgery because each family member has a $900 deductible and a $1900 max out of pocket expense. That means we'd have to pay for a hospital birth... so it reinforced our decision to homebirth. If we have to pay for it, we want the birth we want! : Insurance/health care is just a PITB, isn't it?!
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Old 04-10-2003, 02:02 AM
 
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I think about this ALL the time. I currently work 24 hours a week and make very good money (Well, I think so! I know it's all relative!)-- almost as much as dh who works FT!! My company is absolutely INCREDIBLE. It's a nice, enjoyable, respectful place to work-- everything is first class. They even have a rotating private art collection! (Maybe that's common, but I think it's pretty cool!) My retirement benefits are out of this world. Yet, I still can't stop thinking about quitting. I've been there for 9 years now (gulp) and have changed a lot (not to mention had 2 dc!) since I started. I don't feel like I'm contributing to the good of society. In fact, I almost feel like the opposite. That my job is meaningless and it helps the rich get richer. (I work for a very successful mutual fund company.)

So, I have started to create my own business (cloth diapering... yeah, I know, lots of people do it!), but it's slow going while I work and tend to my little ones.

My dad thinks I'm absolutely crazy to give this up. I am just not happy, but I CAN NOT bring myself to give my notice yet. I've actually written a resignation letter, but it just sits on my PC at work.

Oh, I didn't mention that my mom watches my kiddos while I work those 3 days. This in and of itself is also a great benefit, but my mom and I don't always see eye to eye on issues (like excessive toy purchases, TV, food). So everytime something comes up with her I think, "Now I HAVE to quit or my children will turn out to be mainstream consumers, blah, blah, blah."

Anyway, that's my story!
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Old 04-13-2003, 03:39 AM
 
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I stayed home with my son until he was 6 months old, at which point it became absolutely impossible for me not to work, so I got a job working 20 hours a week at a local hospital. I am now up to 25 hours but seriously considering cutting back down to 20. My son stays with my mother, who was an elementary school teacher for 20+ years and one of the most amazing people I know, so he's in very good hands, but I still feel terrible that I can't be with him 24/7. I am actually looking into working from home as a medical transcriptionist sometime in the future, although I don't know if it would even be possible to transcribe and pay attention to ds at the same time.

Maybe one day Ed McMahon will show up at our door and I'll never have to work again!
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Old 04-18-2003, 08:58 PM
 
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My dh is also a musician and last year earned 5% of our income. And he's not really a Mr. Mom. I'm the one who loves to fold warm clothes and bake bread and braid hair and grow flowers. For him it is mostly just chores.

There have been times when work fullfilled me, but not lately. No matter how exciting the projects they give me, I am uninspired. I would rather be with the kids or in the sewing room.

So, thogh I'm a SAHM at heart, I'm a WOHM by necessity. Even going to PT would be hard right now, both for us because we couldn't take the paycut, and for my career, when my industry is going through hard times and one wants to appear indespensible. I have one co-worker who works 4 ten hour days and volunteers at her ds' school on Friday's. But if I worked 10 hour days I would not see my children at all.

The day dh can earn our living I am out of here.
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