I'm jealous. - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 5 Old 03-12-2003, 05:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm jealous of my nanny. when she shows up in the morning, dd (4 months)gives her a huge grin. they go for walks, go to the park, hang out. Dd is totally happy with her. And so am I! I honestly believe that my job as mamma is to make sure that dd's needs are being met, ad if they are being met by someone else some of the time, it's ok.

But man, sometimes it's hard!! Every monday I'm depressed for the first half of the day about leaving dd. And sometimes I get scared (I know it aint rational) that dd will prefer the nanny. so much of our time together includes me trying to "get stuff done" instead of just kicking it together or going on walks.

ugh. just venting, thanks for listening!
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#2 of 5 Old 03-12-2003, 11:24 AM
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It can be really hard. But, short of quitting your job and staying home with your child, it's probably the best thing for her. I know of one working mom who changed her children's caretakers every few months, just as they were starting to bond. That mom is never around for her children (she's out of the house for almost all their waking hours), and got jealous of the caretakers (babysitters, au pairs and nannies). The poor kids have never had any constant presence in their lives other than this (IMO nutso) mother who's never there (the mom's divorced, and dad lives out of state). They are presently really messed up.
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#3 of 5 Old 03-12-2003, 11:29 AM
 
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Quote:
so much of our time together includes me trying to "get stuff done" instead of just kicking it together or going on walks.
I TOTALLY know what you are saying! My DD doesn't have a nanny...I wish she could...but she does go to daycare. Every morning she give her teacher a great big toothless grin and I can barely get her to look at me when I leave!

I was just thinking yesterday how they spend more with her during awake hours. And, like you...I'm always trying to "get things done." I just hope the cuddling we get to do at night makes up for me not being there during the day. And, I try and wear DD as much as I can when we are together.

I know your frustration. But at least your baby is happy!

--Jennifer
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#4 of 5 Old 03-12-2003, 11:35 AM
 
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I think most working moms feel the same.

My son is in Daycare, and he LOVES it, I sometimes wonder what we'd be doing now if I'd never gone back to work........
Of course I HAVE to work - for the money only, but I really think the daycare is good for him, and when I do get home we have a great time, apart from getting things done.... we have been bathing together for the last week (on and off before then) I let him choose, and we end up playing more than cleaning - and well, his teacher can't do that!!! :LOL

She also can't tuck him in at night and give him a "bad" kiss (thats what he calls it when I let my hair down and tickle him......)
"Mommy mommy, give me a BAD KISS"

Chelly
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#5 of 5 Old 03-12-2003, 02:49 PM
 
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I've BTDT! I just responded with my experience in another post above, but here goes again:

I had to go back to work when dd was 11 weeks old. We found a wonderful, loving woman to watch her. Our nanny was my age and she was married and wanted children of her own. In fact she had had a mc a year before. She was soooo loving and devoted to dd, that, at first, I was paranoid (until I got to know her better) that she would "steal" dd and run away with her. Crazy, I know, but these things happen. Once I realized that she wouldn't do this, I became very jealous. Nanny was super organized (more so than me) and took dd to parks, washed her after every poopy diaper (i didn't even do that), took long walks outside, played with her, held her until she fell asleep AND had time to clean up in the house. On top of that, I thought that dd looked more like her than me!! (DD favors dh and has very chubby cheeks, just like nanny)

I had serious separation anxiety because I had to go back to work. Add to that the fact that Nanny was so great and you had one seriously nutty mom on your hands!! Fortunately, I was able to get a grip (after a few weeks of tormenting myself) and find my comfort level. I realized that nanny always deferred to me, which meant that she wasn't trying to replace me. I knew that she wasn't trying to "steal" dd from me (either literally or figuratively) She truly cared for dd, which meant that dd was content, happy, secure. She was careful, which meant that I didn't have to worry as much when I wasn't there. And, she was genuinely a nice and honest person, which meant that I was able to forge a good friendship with her. After a while, I felt more secure, dd was totally happy and it worked out well. I was really bummed (for myself and dd) when nanny told us she was pregnant and would be leaving us before her baby was born. Today, I still keep in touch with her and I have passed on a lot of dd's things for her ds. I feel like I really made a friend.

The moral of this story......we all feel threatened when our children seem to prefer somone over us......even though our rational mind tells us it isn't true at all!! Those pesky female hormones always seem to mess things up!!

Libby
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