Don't leave me this way - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 03-18-2003, 11:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Aagghh! It's so hard to leave DS when I go to work. It's okay when DS is asleep but that only happens about 30% of the time. Normally I take DS with me when I'm getting ready (cause he's already up and he'll cry if left in the room with the sleeping DH. So, that works well until I have to leave for the day. It's heart-wrenching! DH is so sleepy he only half-a$$ tries to calm him down. Sometimes he can get him to take a bottle of milk but usually he's not very hungry cause he just nursed 30 min. ago.

My DH works nights. I keep trying to get him to go to bed earlier so that he can be up and alert when I leave, but it takes him a long time to unwind from work and he ends up going to bed no earlier than 3 a.m.

I'm doing my morning routine from 5:30-6:30-ish, so we're not talking about a lot of sleep there. Once I leave he usually gets DS to go back to bed so that he can get a few more hours in.

Does anyone else have a similar problem with leaving in the morning? DS is now 7 months old, so he's beginning to have separation anxiety.

Marcy
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#2 of 6 Old 03-18-2003, 12:12 PM
 
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Marcy,
I take it your DH takes care of DS during the day??

Could you perhaps start work later? I know I''m not much help, my Dh took care of our son till he was 14 months old, he didn't have to work though! He also stayed up really late, but not till 3am. Your DH must be EXHAUSTED...............

Good luck, I hope you can work something out!
Chelly
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#3 of 6 Old 03-18-2003, 03:53 PM
 
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I don't know if this will help or not, but maybe you can start a routine with ds in the mornings right before you leave, such as making a point of going back to bed and laying down for a while by dh and nursing. Or, putting him in the highchair and have dh distract him by feeding him (if he's starting solids) or even a bottle.

If you could go into work late, that would be terrific, but I don't know if that is an option for you.

Also, does he just cry for a little bit and is fine afterwards? You mentioned that dh is usually able to get him to go to sleep. Maybe he just cries for the moment that he sees that you are leaving.

One last thought, he might be sensing your anxiety. If you are always upset when you leave, he may sense it and cry more. Just a thought.

Good luck! :

Libby

mama to a little bobka (14 months) that still cries sometimes when mama has to leave for work!
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#4 of 6 Old 03-21-2003, 01:23 AM
 
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Just want to give you my sympathies. My ds is a big cryer during all separations... was before I went back to work, after, with his dad, he cries when nana leaves... of course he's fine like a second after you're out of sight, but still doesn't make things easier.

My biggest suggestion: whatever you do be consistent. Short sweet goodbyes work best (suck up the anxiety.... hide the heartstrings)

You really need help from dh in order to comfort ds, but that's kind of hard if he's about to fall flat on his face from exhaustion. Not only adjusting when you go to work, but when you fall asleep, etc may help too.... maybe push back ds's normal am wake time by an hour or two.
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#5 of 6 Old 03-21-2003, 07:04 PM
 
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We have a very similar routine at our house. I get up at 6:15, take dd to the bathroom with me to shower if she's up, otherwise she usually wakes up once I return to the bedroom and start getting dressed. I usually let dh sleep until 7:00, then he's up for the transition and I leave for work at 7:15. My dh works part-time from home, so he usually works after 9:00 p.m. when dd and I go to bed. Even if he doesn't have any work (which happens often) he will stay up working on he own non-paying projects and usually comes to bed between 1:00 a.m and 3:00 a.m. DD is NOT sleeping through the night, so dh still gets more sleep than I do, so I don't feel guilty about getting him up at 7:00. He usually tries to get dd back to sleep right after I leave, which worked when she was younger but now she often will just take a nap later in the morning.

I don't think starting work later will solve the problem. It will just make the problems happen at a later hour. Is there anyway for your dh to go to bed any earlier so he's not so exhausted in the morning? Not too much advice, but lots of sympathy.
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#6 of 6 Old 03-24-2003, 02:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I work early so that DS only has 2 hours that he needs a babysitter. My mom does 2 days a babysitter does the other 2 days. I'd much rather get home early, so I can pick him up earlier than go in late to fix the leaving problem. Like Ocean said, I bet he'd just wake up an hour later and we'd be back in the same boat.
I've tried and tried to get DH to go to bed earlier, but he never does it. He says time slips away from him when he's playing on the Playstation (can I kill that stupid piece of machinery? )
Thanks for the suggestions. I have started trying to lay down about 20 min. before I have to leave and that's worked pretty well.
This morning he woke up just as I was about to leave so I couldn't lay back down with him. Luckily DH was somewhat lucid this morning, so he was able to actually be helpful with DS.
Does anyone else sometimes shutter to think what's going on with your kiddos when you're at work? I don't think DH is abusive AT ALL, I just sometimes think he does a half-assed job.

Marcy
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