To leave school or not to leave ADVICE PLEASE! (cross posted in single parenting) - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-17-2006, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll try my hardest to keep this short.

DS has started a new (good) school, this was his second week. He goes 4 days/week 6 hours each day. I'm in school full time and manage to work 12 hours a week at a campus job. I'm living on child support, my tiny paycheck, and pell grant leftover $$.

DS has some developmental delays (motor delays and speech delays). He's very shy around other kids and sometimes acts out with agression when he's extra shy or overstimulated. Tuesday at school his teacher said he's been getting overwhelmed with things, stepping back and looking scared, and then throwing toys. They are concerned. It's nothing new to me, I've seen it happen before.

Today his teacher told me he choked. It was nap time and the teachers were having lunch (in another room) when my DS found a piece of yarn on the floor, put it in his mouth and choked on it. They heard him from the other room and basically ran in to save his life. If they did not hear him my son would be dead right now They have video cameras on all their classrooms so that is how they knew what happened.

Part of me wants to put my college career on hold and take him out of school completely. But he LOVES this school and keeps asking when he can go back. I'd be struglling financially if I left my job, but I would survive.

Do I give him more time to adjust to this school? Do I start sending him only 2 days a week and not work part-time at all but still go to school? Do I put my school on hold because he needs me? I'm trying to listen to my instincts but I'm not sure what they're telling me. I'm also nervous about starting fall classes because they are REALLY hard so that might be influencing my decision. I feel like he really needs me but I also feel like he likes his school and needs to learn to work with other kids. Any advice??

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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Old 08-18-2006, 12:19 AM
 
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If I found out my child choked on something at school while the care providers were in the other room(regardless of cameras) I would take him out immediately and consult my lawyer. Safety comes before money , IMO
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Old 08-18-2006, 10:17 AM
 
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How would you feel about subbing in a small student loan for what you are making at the campus job? It'd give you back a few more hours each week.

Do you have any flexibility in your school sked? Could you go half or 3/4 time in the fall while you handle these issues with your son?

It does sound like your son might need you a bit more than your current schedule allows, but hopefully school/work isn't an all-or-nothing proposition. Or does your program not give you any wiggle room?
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Old 08-18-2006, 10:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can drop down to 3/4 time or 1/2 time in school and I am willing to do that. It means it will take longer for me to get my degree but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make. I could get a small student loan and that is a good idea!

I've managed to rearrange my schedule to get all my classes into Tues & Thurs so I think I might only send DS to school Mon-Wed and use Wed as a day to work some hours and get all my school work done. If DS still isn't doing well in school I could keep him home Wed too. I guess I'll start from there and see how it goes. I plan on meeting with the director of the school and his teacher to discuss the choking and talk about ways to keep it from happening again.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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Old 08-18-2006, 10:40 AM
 
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I would agree that cutting back classes and cutting out the small job may be the way to go. I'm a student, too, but my daughter is older than your son. I think if she was 3yo, I would take things slower.
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Old 08-18-2006, 02:57 PM
 
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The overwhelmed and throwing toys things wouldn't get me at all, but the choking thing is a deal breaker for me. Both of the centers we have used have a 'no child at all unsupervised' rule. This includes nap. There is at least one teacher in the room while the children are napping for the very reason that you are posting. The kids could get up and get themselves into danger very quickly. This policy is a one strike policy for the teachers. Our center fired a teacher who left a child alone on the fenced playground (with no gate - the only way off of the playground was back into the classroom) when she mis-counted and brought the kids back in. The child was unsupervised for about 5 minutes. She was fired that day. Other parents were upset but I can see why they did it. I'd look for another center if I were you, but I wouldn't give up on the schooling. More education for you means a better life for both of you in the end.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 08-18-2006, 03:09 PM
 
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I would find different child care arrangements. Maybe an in-home provider, or a fellow college student (child dev or early ed major, perhaps?).

I'm sending DD to a center on-campus this semester, largely because I qualify for a subsidy that pays 75% of the cost of on-campus childcare, but I'd take out a loan and go back to her previous in-home provider if something like that happened!

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Old 08-18-2006, 03:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree that he should not have been alone, even if for only a second. What if he didn't cough? That is how they knew he was in danger. If he didn't cough he could have just died and they wouldn't have even known. I know he could put a string in his mouth anytime and anywhere, so that part doesn't bother me. It's the fact that no one was there to see him do it in the first place. I'm gonna have to have the teacher re-count the story for me to make sure she was not in the room and then go from there. She said she was right outside the door so I want to make sure there was not another teacher there at the time. Unfortunately I don't think there was a teacher there.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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Old 08-18-2006, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just called the daycare and they said that they NEVER leave children unattended and that if DS's teacher goes on lunch that another teacher watches the room for her. It's strange because the way his teacher described it, it sounded like there was not a teacher in the room and they all had to run in when they heard him choke.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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