Would you be a SAHM if you could? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 05:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know many of us have to work for various reasons. If you could be a SAHM, would you want to?

I can't decide. When I had DD#1, I was NOT happy as a SAHM. I was anxious, bored, and miserable- so I made DD and DH unhappy, too. But since I had DD#2, it's been a totally different experience. Sometimes I think I might be able to be happy as a SAHM.

What about you?
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#2 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 05:20 PM
 
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I owuld in a heartbeat, however I definetly think I would have to set some sort of guidelines or rules to help me transition. For example I think having DD in daycare 4 days a week to none would be too drastic. I would probably still have her go two half days a week just so she could socialize and be with other kids. Also my sister had a rule that no matter what the temp she was comitted to leaving the house before noon everyday for some amount of time. She just couldn't handle the morning hours dragging on. I think its a great idea. Also instead of ebing bored I would try to tackle some projects and volunteer more to keep my mind on something else or to have my own project outside of the home. But yes I would love to stay home. For us right now it is not an option, no matter how we reprioritize.

But our goal is that by the time we have #2 DH has his journeymans license (more pay), we have a few things paid off, and I am a little more advanced at work that I could WAH and go into the office 1 day a week or become independent.
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#3 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 06:02 PM
 
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Without a doubt!! If we could financially afford it, which we can't at this time

I hate knowing that dd is with someone else during the day and I find myself not putting forth as much effort toward my job since all I want to do is be home with dd.
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#4 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 06:28 PM
 
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yeah... for sure.
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#5 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 06:30 PM
 
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No, I do not want to be a SAHM at this time for various reasons. I am OKAY with the way things are now: DS is home with DH (WAHD) during the day and this is is working for us.

My goal is to becoming financially independant in the next 2 years. I have a plan that I am aggressively working on that would make this happen. THEN, I can come out of the workforce to be a SAHM at this time and DH can be a WAHD.

As DS becomes older it's going to be increasingly imperative that DH or I are at home.
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#6 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 06:35 PM
 
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I unfortunately find myself thrust into this since I got laid off 2 months ago and have yet to find a new job.

I'm enjoying a lot of the time with the kids, but I can say definitely that I do NOT want to do it permanently. No way. I just don't have the energy, the patience, or the creativity to keep coming up with things to keep DS entertained and active. And figuring out how to juggle the needs/wants of a 3-year-old and a baby has frustrated me to tears more times than I can count.

For DS in particular, having been in daycare basically all his life (since 6 months), I think he is suffering from the sudden drastic reduction in how much time he spends with other kids. He is just at the age where he was starting to really appreciate playing with his peers, and I think he really needs to have them around. That's why I'm looking into low-cost daycares in hopes of getting him in somewhere, even if only a couple days a week. I think he needs it, and I think *I* need the time apart from him, in order to be sane.

YMMV of course!
-Joan

Joan 39, single mama by choice to 10yo boy and 7yo girl

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#7 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 07:24 PM
 
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It would depend on my line of work and the ages of my children. Ideally, I would like to be at home only until my children begin school, then, if I had a rewarding and satisfying career, I would want to return during the hours which they are in school. I could never stay at home alone in an empty home until 3:30. My mind needs stimulation beyond clening my house everyday while the kids are at school. that said, if i didn't like my job, I would like to return to school to get a degree in an area that interests me for future employment. All that said with the assumtion That hubby's salary would more than cover our expenses without any financial contribution by me.

In reality, I was at home for 2 yrs with my first, then began working part time evenings when hubby was at home to care for her. I had one year mat leave with our second, and I returned to part time evenings again. i recently left my job as My oldest had begun school, and my youngest preschool. No more working nights for me...I'd never se them! so I am currently seeking part time employment during the hours my girls are in school. We cannot make it on hubby' salary alone and maintain our lifestyle. We are not willing to leave our home in a good neighborhood, or do without a car. Plus, I would LIKE to work while my girls are in school, provided it is interesting and fulfilling work. It is not important to me to be at home alone during the days. We don't homeschool, so i'm sure I'd wind up being bored silly Also I like the financial security that me being employed provides , and I am fortunate that I only have to work part time, so for me, it's a nice balance. I enjoy the social aspect of working too. I don't think I'd like to work full time though, but I would do it if it was necessary for our financial security.
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#8 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 07:58 PM
 
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Nope. I love working. Then again, if I had to get up and take DD to daycare instead of just leaving her with MIL, I might rethink that.

But ah, I love coming to work and using my left brain and interacting with adults all day. I love peeing whenever I want and eating with two hands and the quiet.
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#9 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 08:01 PM
 
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I am another no. I tried it and hated it. Even if I could, I'd probably be a WAHM but even then I'd need an office (writer) / studio (fiber artist) away from the main house. I am just not wired that way. Now my dh loved his stint as a SAHD and we are working on making that happen, so he can stay at home full time or go to school next year. He is thinking of broadcast school which is on 9 - 1 a few days a week.

My family of 3 (plus pup) Indigo (Aimee), Rob (dp), Ryne (ds) & Phebe (dog), plus my BIL's family of 3.

 
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." - Alan Kay

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#10 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 08:04 PM
 
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Yes, I would ... but then I wouldn't have the peace and quiet to be able to read and post on MDC!

~Diane
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#11 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 08:16 PM
 
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Nope. I was for a while and I didn't like who I was becoming, a super judgemental beyotch of a Mama. I have a super intense personality and when my only job was kiddos, I was way too intense. (striving to be queen of the AP parents)

I have been teaching part time for the past several months and I really love the balance. Thinking of going ft and that might be hard. Overall though I enjoy working, its part of who I am.

Shay

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#12 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 08:25 PM
 
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My knee-jerk reaction to this question is yes, of course I want to SAHM! But when I thought more about it, I realized that that's not entirely true. In my ideal world (and if someone knows directions how to get there, send them my way ) I would like to work at home or in a job with flexibility that I get to define. I am slooowly working towards that goal, though in may never be a complete reality.
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#13 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 08:36 PM
 
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I would like a balance...three days working...four days off. That would be perfect for me. Or work 4 hours a day. I like working and I find that I am a better parent when I'm not full time parenting, but I also crave more time with my son. He needs more of my time too. What I'm working toward right now DH getting full time work and me finding a job that will allow me to take our son to school and pick him up from school every day when he's of the age to go. Right now he's at home with his WAHD, who gets a little help from our wonderful, super awesome, can't live without her baby sitter.
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#14 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 08:38 PM
 
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No. I tried it and just did not like it. I prefer to be working. I love what I do!
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#15 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 09:33 PM
 
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answer from an 'older' mom,
My oldest is gonna be 25, has 3 children,
next one will be 23 soon, has one child
third one just got married this spring
4th one will be 18 soon
5th one is 15 (16 this spring)
6th one

I would not trade staying at home all those years for anything. I actually miss it so sometimes it hurts. Even though my two youngest are getting older, sometimes I cry wanting to be here to just be mom to them, and wife to my husband
But I also have one of the best 'jobs' to go to when I leave them...
welcoming new life as a mother delivers a new little one for me to 'catch'

Midwife, Wife, Mother of 5 (6) and "Ga-Ma" to 5 adorable grand children...
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#16 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 09:33 PM
 
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No, I used to be a SAHM and didn't like it at all. I love working! Working makes me a better mommy.

Doula, Wife and mom to A (11/23/01) and O (5/7/09)
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#17 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 09:51 PM
 
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No.. i enjoy working.. and it keeps me sane...

Seperated, Cape Dress Wearing, Covered, Conservative Mennonite Mama to big girl K.
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#18 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 10:02 PM
 
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Hmm... it would actually save me money if I were a SAHM -- daycare is quite a lot more than my salary -- so I guess the answer is no. But then, I'm not in grad school for the money.

Ideally, if I could, I would SAH until my child(ren? someday?) is in school, but after that, I know I'd want a career outside the home. Unfortunately, it's now or never for me, so, since I want to work later, I have to work now.

Mama to sweet, funny Eli 9/05 and snuggly Akash 12/09
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#19 of 143 Old 10-16-2006, 11:17 PM
 
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What a timely question as my maternity leave ended at 8:30 this morning!!

Sure, I have those mornings when I just want to quit it all and cuddle the kids. Don't we all? But I love my field and love my patients and this is what I have wanted to do since I was 15 years old and I am so fortunate to do it! I have a great position in that I can work 2-3 days a week and achieve some balance between work and home. Without that balance I would go nuts being at home all the time! My personal litmus test is that even if we won the lottery, I would still practice dentistry - just for free and in a tropical locale on limited hours.

So no, I wouldn't be a SAHM.
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#20 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 12:31 AM
 
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nope, I love my situation now and wouldn't change it for anything.

You know the attributes for a great adult? Initiative, creativity, intellectual curiosity? They make for a helluva kid...
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#21 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 01:16 AM
 
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No, but I wouldn't work full time. And I don't think I would be great at home full time if DH were working full time. My ideal would be both DH and I working part time (DH is a SAHD now), so that our kids could see both of us working for pay and both of us taking care of them an equal basis. I'm working too much right now (50+ hours/week) and the kids are really craving more mommy attention (and I'm craving more kid attention ).
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#22 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 02:36 AM
 
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no.

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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#23 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 02:39 AM
 
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I would have to do something outside the home. I go insane at home. I love my boys, we have fun together, but we drve each other insane.

I envy those who can stay home; not just because they are financially able, but they don't go INSANE!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#24 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 03:14 AM
 
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I currently work 40 hrs. a week outside of home. I like what I do as a government lawyer but I have my ideal schedule in mind.

Work 9-3 three days a week - 3:00 is when I start missing ds.

Have one day off just to be with ds.

Have another day off just to be by myself - a real day off!
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#25 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 03:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MomInFlux View Post
My ideal would be both DH and I working part time ...... so that our kids could see both of us working for pay and both of us taking care of them an equal basis.
I'd like this, too. I'm working and going to school right now and it's too much, honestly. I feel very stretched. Tomorrow's the last day of my vacation. I've been off of work for the past week - just focussing on the homelife and school and it has been HEAVEN. I've been a sahm briefly in the past and I didn't like it then, but things have changed and I really think I could enjoy it very much now. I would always want to have something to do for me, though - like my own business or school. I'm seriously planning on transitioning to sahm in the next year or so. I start my master's program in less than 2 years and I realy don't want to be working FT when I take that on.
DP has a very flexible schedule, so I'd see more of him if I were home during the day. That's been a really nice thing this past week. He stops by the house a couple times a day to say "hi" and get some hugs from the kids and me.

I love my job, but it's just not as important to me lately. I've put a lot of time and energy into the company I work for, but I could walk away now and be OK with that (with my 100k shares of stock options firmly in hand, of course )
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#26 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 10:56 AM
 
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Nope, I love what I do for a living. I do wish I could stay a longer maternity leave, though. Six months, instead of 3. The issue isn't money; it's staying competitive in my field.

I'm also lucky that my job permits me to work from home a great deal.
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#27 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 11:17 AM
 
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When my maternity leave was up I was so ready to go back to work. It helps that I WOH 3 days a week and WAH 2 days, seems to be a good balance.

But OTOH, this summer I had to take a week off just to be with DS because DC was closed, and it was so great, I was really sad to go back to work.

And then yesterday my DCP called in the afternoon for me to get DS, saying he was sick, and he wasn't really, and it seemd apparent to me, for all my faults (and I have many) that DS really needs me, so I am wondering this.

DH is up for a new position at work, I was thinking if he got a decent raise (he says he wouldn't get any, which seems odd, because the position seems much more important than his current one) and if my current employer would let me solely WOH say 10 hours a week, with the money we'd save not paying dc we could do it with no financial penalty.

would I want to? I don't know!!!

Mom to DS 5/05 and DD 9/08
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#28 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 11:23 AM
 
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Nope I would still "work" but I wouldn't do what I do now if I didn't need the $$ and benefits. What I would like to do is

1) get involved with my local library. It SUCKS and we have some of the ehighest taxes in the state. I would like to get on the board or be active in fundraising to build a new wing, get them on line, etc.

2) Take a few classes: specifically advanced cooking skills like pastry making as well as some English Lit.

3) Volunteer more at the place I currently support as well as get more active in fundraising her too.

Oh and so many other things. Oh what I could do if I was independently wealthy!

Pardon me while I puke.gif

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#29 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 11:40 AM
 
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No, I wouldn't. I have a really great situation at this point: I work from home and take care of my daughter simultaneously about 12 hours/week, and the rest of the time she is across the street with my neighbor, who is a SAHM of a three year-old. My DD LOVES going over there--she's happy to see the caregiver and her son, and she's getting a ton of great interaction there. It gives her the variety in her daily schedule that she really needs. And for me, I get variety and adult interaction too, along with the satisfaction of knowing my daughter is happy. I think I would bug out if I was at home full time.
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#30 of 143 Old 10-17-2006, 12:57 PM
 
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nope. I don't always love my job, but I don't think staying at home is the answer. I would like to work less than 40 hours, though.

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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