And the opportunities just keep going by...... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 05-30-2003, 12:43 PM - Thread Starter
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Sometimes being a mother and being a career woman makes me feel like I am two people trying to live in one! KWIM?:

After going back to work when dd was 11 weeks old, I realized after a few months that I really wanted to be home more. That feeling kind of took me by surprise because I totally thought I would want to continue my career.

Initially, I thought I was getting bored in my present job and started looking for other full time opportunities. Doing the job searches totally excited me because I really enjoy my career. But, I also wanted to spend more time at home! So, after months of anguishing over what to do, I finally reconciled myself to wanting to work part time. It's like I had to give myself permission that it was ok to put my career on hold and be home more. I was finally able to secure a part time position....not an easy task in my field. I put in my notice and my last day at work is the end of June. Ironically, I recently had to pass up two opportunities for really great positions. The most recent just happened this week. It would have been a terrific move, career-wise. When I first heard about it, I got all excited thinking about how much I would like doing that job. But, then I thought about my overall outlook on working and I realized I don't want to work full time, no matter how great the job. So, I had to call my prospective boss and let her know that I was going to pass on this opportunity. Talk about a huge fork in the road! I don't regret not taking the job, but I worry about the path that I have chosen. My part time position still keeps me in my field, but it is by no means a great career move. However, it is a terrific "mom" move, one that will benefit both dd, me and our entire family.

Does anyone else relate to this??? : Who knows, maybe I'm overthinking all of this......
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#2 of 7 Old 05-30-2003, 12:52 PM
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I can definitely relate to this!!

I'm also switching to a part-time job - originally planned for end of June, but looks like it'll be moved to end of July.. So as of August 1st, I'll be working 25 hrs/week, with some of that time working from home.

It was tough - I have been looking for a new job as my current 3-year stint is about to be over and if I stayed in my current place, I would move up to an even more demanding position. Great career move, not so great "mommy" and "family" move. I too have passed up a few great opportunities since deciding to do the part-time job. But really, I look forward to spending more time with my family. Not always worrying about coming home late, having to work nights/weekends, etc.

as dd gets older, it is harder and harder to leave in the morning. She cries most of the time so I'm hoping two months from now, things will be all that much better.

s to you, I know this is tough.
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#3 of 7 Old 05-30-2003, 05:04 PM
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I can also relate! There are days when all I manage is to sit at my desk and ache for my son, and others where I mourn the three career opportunities that I have passed on since I became pregnant. Coming from a fairly ambitious past, I find myself constantly revisiting my definition of success. I have to continuously remind myself of what defines me as a human being, and it certainly isn't my job right now. Life is a constant balancing act and while it isn't always evident in the current situation, I guess we can strive for the balance over the span of time. It's nice to visit here and find that others are struggling with this as well!

Cheers and peace to all of us!
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#4 of 7 Old 05-30-2003, 07:37 PM
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I know exactly what you mean. I've read many of your other posts, and it sometimes seems like we are living parallel lives. After I finished my judicial clerkship, I saw all my co-clerks going on to great jobs that pay much better than my job. For me, finding a part-time job proved to be impossible. I thought I had one lined up, but the funding fell through, so I was scrambling for a job just weeks before my clerkship ended. I ended up taking a full time position at a small firm. But now that I'm here, I'm finding that it's just as much work as a big firm job but at significantly less pay! I'm still struggling with what to do about it. It looks like I could turn this into a "part time" position, meaning that my firm is open to me reducing my hours to about 40 per week for probably a 20% pay cut. But because the pay is low to start, we can't afford it. I'm thinking of looking elsewhere, even though I've only been at my job less than a year. It's especially hard for me when I see people I knew from law school at big firms making the big bucks and really going places in their careers while I am struggling so hard to keep it all together. So no advice, just lots of empathy.
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#5 of 7 Old 05-30-2003, 08:28 PM
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I can definitely relate to your post. I was on a great career track when I got PG, and I was heading for bigger and better things. My current job ended right around the time DD was born, and I was fortunate in that my boss let me do a little bit of "freelance" work with him along the way. Very little time, no deadlines, but we're publishing and that is keeping me in the game, marginally.

I could go back to my career, and there are times when I'm talking with my old boss and he's telling me what everyone's up to, the next big conference, etc and I really miss my job. But when I weigh it next to being with my DD, there's no comparison. That doesn't mean I don't miss my old job though!

I want to give you a peice of advice though: those wonderful opportunties will come again. When your kids are older and you are ready to get back to your career full time (if that's what you want) you will have opportunities that excite you like these ones do. You won't regret the time you spent with your child!

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#6 of 7 Old 05-30-2003, 10:40 PM
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I am with all of's hard to make these kinds of decisions, and I give those of you that have made them a lot of credit. I've been at the same level (a low one) at my company for five years and two babies now, with no promotion in sight. Most of the time I don't mind it, because quite frankly I like being able to do my job easily, but every so often I get a little envious of others who seem to be moving upward while I remain the low one on the totem.

So this week I find out on the QT that my boss is getting a promotion--I'm very happy for him, he definitely deserves it, and all that. He mentioned that I should think about taking on more of his current role...I can't decide whether to accept the challenge or not. I have a really good situation in terms of being close to day care and home, work at home whenever I need to, etc., so I don't want to look for another job right now. And the pay differential of a promotion would bump me up to another week of vacation and give me some other perks. So it is definitely worth thinking about, but I don't know if I have it in me to pull out the stops work-wise right now.

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#7 of 7 Old 05-31-2003, 01:03 PM
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Totally relate... just passed up a great management position that would have been a great career move/opportunity, but frankly, simply can't put in the time required to do the job. I work full time now, but do it only part time at work/part time at home.. flex my hours a lot.... make time up on the weekends during naps... sometimes I don't. I wouldn't be able to do that if I took that job.

I will have more opportunities, and quite honesty, I believe that besides being extremely detrimenetal to my sanity and cutting in with my time with ds, I wouldn't be able to do the good job I'd want to do because my heart wouldn't be in it right now. Therefore, in the end, it would be a career ending move, kwim?

Keep your head up.. you're making the right choices!!!!

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