Can you afford to SAH? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 04:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been thinking this over, what with my new job blues and looking ahead to baby 2. DH just got a promotion, and we just paid off our car (which took us 5-6 years!!! So it may die soon), I've been playing with spreadsheets and I actually think we could afford it, which frankly boggles my mind. So I was wondering if there were other people in similar situations and why they chose to still work. Here are my reasons;

1. Exciting career, don't want to jeopardize re-entry into field.
2. I think it will be easier to negotiate a flexible schedule (I want to be home when DS gets out of school when the time comes) than find part-time work to accomodate me down the road
3. I also have to factor retirement savings into the account, also SAHMing would put an end to college saving and probably our personal savings as well.
4. We would be stuck in our 2BR condo for longer than planned
5. DS loves his DCP and I think he would miss playing with the other kids, he's pretty extroverted and DH and I are not.
6. DS has just never had a problem with DC, there are other kids there who seem to have a harder time with it--if he cried EVERY TIME I left, as this one boy did for 2+ years, I would want to stay home. But DS NEVER has.
7. DH is actually pretty down on people who "don't work". I know this is pretty ignorant to a large extent, it's probably akin to his views on BFing before we had kids (he used to think it was gross and should be hidden, he changed his mind in one day when DS was born).
8. I am afraid I would go nuts. I am not always patient and I worry I would lose my patience more easily with DS if I didn't get breaks from him. I'm not proud of that.
9. I like being financially independent. Though we merge our finances, I know the money is mine and I feel I can spend it without asking DH about every little thing. I would not like our relationship dynamic to change.
10. I also wouldn't like our dynamic to change at home, DH is very hands-on both around the house and with DS, he cooks, he cleans, he changes dipes, we totally split responsibilities. I would not like to become the person solely responsible for household chores (or maybe I would?).

Well, I'm interested in hearing how other moms feel!

Mom to DS 5/05 and DD 9/08
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#2 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 05:01 PM
 
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I can't afford to SAH, so it's not a question (DH is primarily a SAHD.) If I did have the opportunity to SAH, I would probably consider keeping a part-time job to:
1- have more financial independence
2- keep my foot in the profession, in case I need to ever go back full-time
3- keep my sanity and get more adult companionship

Would I work full-time if I didn't have to? Not a chance!
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#3 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 05:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know, that's a really good point. I'd love to work part-time, but felt I could not afford to, as I wouldn't get a break on what we pay daycare. But if I feel we could afford to SAH period, why not just do pt? If work let me? Off to edit my spreadsheet!

Mom to DS 5/05 and DD 9/08
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#4 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 06:20 PM
 
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We can't afford for me to SAH full-time. I agree with the pps that part-time work is a really good option. I WOH 32 hours per week but would gladly cut back to about 20 hours per week, only I'd lose my full-time benefits, and my company doesn't offer part-time benefits.

Hannah
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#5 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 07:26 PM
 
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We could afford it if we moved to a smaller house and changed our lifestyle. But I like working, and I like having money, and DD is happier with her Nanny than she'd be with me home all day, I think. It's easier to be patient and give her my full attention when i haven't been with her all day.
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#6 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 07:37 PM
 
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I really wanted to stay home with my children. Strangely enough, my husband and I did not discuss this before or after having children. Our mothers were SAHM's, so I guess we both assumed I'd be a SAHM as well. We certainly were not rich when our first child was born. We just made it work.

If it is something you want to do, I believe that you can make it work, somehow. You will have to sacrifice certain things, and may have to get use to a different sort of lifestyle (less eating out, fewer shopping sprees, etc).

I just couldn't handle (or even imagine) someone else raising my children- especially since I'm very particular about what values and morals I want to instill in their lives.

It's not all cookies and cream, but I'm thankful to be home with my children- and I really can't imagine it any other way.

When I've wanted some extra money for myself (guilt free spending), I've sold paintings and such.

So, if it's something you want- go for it- you can do it.

Christian Texan Mama to Merika (5/2005), Nolyn (1/2007), Keagan (UC baby 9/2007), Four miscarried lovelies, and sweet Evangeline Rose who arrived 9/7/2010 (home/water birth).  Expecting our fifth blessing March 2012! Viva la Vegan Pregnancy, my friends! 
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#7 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 07:47 PM
 
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I can't SAH. I'm the primary breadwinner and I've been the primary breadwinner our entire marriage.

I have fairly high standards of what I want my child's life to be like. I want him to go to college and good schools. I want to pay for his college and extra curricular activities. I know these things aren't as important to other families (homeschooling families, for example) but they are very important to me. I also want to ensure that my retirement is taken care of. So if I were able to stay home, it would have to be with all these things that I want for my DS and myself provided for (if that makes any sense).

He is cared for by my sister and she has enriched his life so much. I couldn't imagine taking her away from him. What they have is beautiful. I feel that it's important for him to be well cared for when I am at work, and my sister has made that a reality.
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#8 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 08:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by McMandy View Post
If it is something you want to do, I believe that you can make it work, somehow. You will have to sacrifice certain things, and may have to get use to a different sort of lifestyle (less eating out, fewer shopping sprees, etc).
Uh, we sacrified all these things and more just so I could work part time - and that from home, without child care. If I stay at home without working, in addition to giving up a car, we would have to move to an unsafe neighborhood and live without electricity or running water. Not to mention food. Or, I guess we could eat if we gave up our health insurance...

In response to the OP, obviously, no, we can't afford for me to quit, and I feel very fortunate to be able to work from home part time and still make ends meet. I really do think part time work is a great solution if you can swing it. To be perfectly honest, I am not sure I could hack sah mom-ing without working at all, for most of the reasons the pps have mentioned.

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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#9 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 08:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Qestia View Post
9. I like being financially independent. Though we merge our finances, I know the money is mine and I feel I can spend it without asking DH about every little thing. I would not like our relationship dynamic to change.
Yes, we could afford for me to SAH. It would be a change, but we could afford it. But I'd have a really, really hard time not having my own income.

Mom of two girls.
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#10 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 09:19 PM
 
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We could afford it...and I have been thinking of doing it after this baby is born..it would be an adjustment and it would be a bit tight...but it could be done without too much sacrifice...

However, I am having some issues with it for many of the reasons you stated in your op.

I worry about not having my own income--it makes me feel dependent and I do not like that feeling at all...I feel vulnerable I think.

I worry about how the dynamics of our household would change..right now we split the housework right down the middle..and I like it this way!

I don't want to stay at home for too long, because I like working....so I worry about being able to get back into the workforce..

--I do want to stay home with this baby while it is under one though...I do not like the idea of putting it into care when it is so young..and I have no family around (like I did with my other two kids) to watch the baby for me (I would feel okay with letting a relative watch the baby while I worked and it was under one...).

I am thinking of going part time. That way I still have my own money, I feel like I still have my foot in the door of the work world (and I could probably get back into full time at the same job after a year), and I only have to have some care for baby....
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#11 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 09:34 PM
 
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I guess it depends on how you define "afford".

Yes, we could survive OK on DP's income & we've discussed it at length (me sahm'ing). We wouldn't have to cut out too much day-to-day stuff, just the "fluff" mainly, but we couldn't buy a house (we rent now, but hope to buy within a year), save for retirement/ kids' college or have health insurance beyond very basic catastrophic coverage. I'd also likely have to quit school. We'd have no financial cushion, AT ALL.

That, in my mind, means we can't really afford it. I'm not willing to jeopardize our family's financial security. (and "family" includes my children)

I am trying to move to a PT schedule, at least until DS2 is in school, and hopefully even after that. If we were financially well-off, or if DP's business takes off, then after we're married, I'd love to stay home.

I would always want to have some sort of income that was mine, though, even if it only covered spending money. That's important to me.
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#12 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 10:24 PM
 
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I guess that we could swing it somehow, but like a previous poster said, we would have zero savings and no ability to save for DD's college and other schooling, things which we highly value. Our family is unique in that my DH is much older than me, and in the long term it is best for me to continue professionally in order to guarantee adequate income for the family down the road. On the books, it looks like DH and I make a lot of money, but we live in a modest and not-so-fancy co-op in the middle of NYC (pricey real estate for anyone who lives here), have no car, and I'm still paying off law school student loans.

I have a pretty flexible schedule, but often wish I could work more at home (my firm is kind but very old school). DD is an only child, though, and I'm amazed at how happy and extroverted she is around other kids. She's very confident for such a young one, and I'm hoping it is due to our modified version of attachment parenting!

Indeed, every family is unique and not one size fits all, considering that families must make tough decisions about what will work best for them in the long term. I wish you luck in your decision!

"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." Charles Lamb.
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#13 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 10:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by McMandy View Post
You will have to sacrifice certain things, and may have to get use to a different sort of lifestyle (less eating out, fewer shopping sprees, etc).
: So I guess I should just cut out the fast food, don't shop that much, and hope and pray someone pays my bills :

BTW, i'm a single mom, so i guess i'm being somewhat snarky about your entire post.

Understandably, you want to be a SAHM, that's awesome and it's wonderful your husband has a job that allows you to stay at home. You make it sound like people who work outside the home don't have any morals and don't want to teach their children values and respect. My DD is in daycare, and trust me, no one is "raising" her but me. Are they enhancing her life? Absolutely. But morals and values is my job, no one elses.

But hopping back off the soapbox, generally it's really not about WOHMs just cutting back on fast food and shopping sprees. Dual earning families acount for 80% of families. Nuclear family is ideal, but not always an option and I doubt it's because people have a problem with eating out and shopping. (I know, you didn't mean that's ALL they have to stop... but it's just the prinicple that everyone can budget better, get a better mindset, get acustomed to penny pinching, and it'll be peaches and cream after that)

I can seriously say without a doubt, i dont buy myself practically anything unless it's school related and I'll still need to work tremendously outside the house. Obviously my situation is different as i have no choice, but please understand your nuclear family is unfortunately not the norm anymore. It'd be awesome if it was, but it's really not as simple as psychologically redefining yourself and sticking to a budget.
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#14 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 10:56 PM
 
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I could have sworn I posted to this thread...

So let me repost.

I work because I want to and because the decisions we have made as a family (purchasing our house big enough for us to live in for the next 25 years, owning our own business, seeing the inlaws in the UK once every two years, our commitment to our au pair, health insurance, life insurance, etc) require me to work. If we were to change my work status, many many things would have to fundamentally change and that would take awhile to set up.

I never thought I would enjoy having childcare as my primary activity - and it turns out that I am a much better mother when I have a mix of things in my life - children, friends, volunteer work/church, and running this business. It isn't always easy (I tend to overcommit if I don't watch out) but 90% of the time, we are all pretty happy.

Now, if my husband were to return to contract work, working long hours with a longer commute, we could probably make nearly as much as we both do working for our company (at least for the foreseable future, though things are definitely growing). However, I firmly believe that my children need a lot of time with BOTH parents. It is very important to me that my children have lunch with their father every day, that he can volunteer at the preschool in my son's class, and that our kids see us both a lot. My dh is willing to go back to contracting, but seeing how happy he is with running the business, the flexibility of his schedule and work, and with how much time he gets with his kids - well, to me that is worth more than having one of us be sole childcare provider to our children.

btw, I feel very strongly that we are teaching our kids our values by the choices we have made. I feel strongly that children should not be taught that parents should sacrifice themselves for their children - instead, we all make compromises for the best of the family as a whole - that way we have long term sustainability as a family, 'cuz we got a lot of years ahead of us.

Just my 2 cents.

Siobhan

You know the attributes for a great adult? Initiative, creativity, intellectual curiosity? They make for a helluva kid...
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#15 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 11:32 PM
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I just couldn't handle (or even imagine) someone else raising my children- especially since I'm very particular about what values and morals I want to instill in their lives
.

Excuse me? Someone else raising your children? So I guess your husband isn't raising your children since he works, then?

All of the snark that comes out of the SAHM forum in regard to "raising their own children" makes me feel like I don't fit in over there and since I'm not working right now I don't fit in over here. Maybe I'll get a PT job.
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#16 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 11:52 PM
 
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Yes, I could afford to SAH right now. I could quit my job and that would be it. Not much would change. But I chose not to do that, and DH doesn't want me to do it and this is why...

1) My career is wonderfully rewarding to me. I have wanted to practice dentistry since I was 15. I am so grateful to be able to do it. I truly try to make my patients enjoy the experience and I think I have a positive effect on the world with what I do for a career. So much so that if we were really filthy rich (like lottery winners) I would volunteer my time doing dentistry because I enjoy it that much.

2) I am a better mother all 7 days of the week for the 2 days of the week that I am outside of the home. I recharge, I refocus, I get to pee without a baby on my lap! As much as I love being at home, and I am a pretty hands on sit on the floor and do crafts mom, at this stage of the game there isn't as much intellectual challenge in parenting as there is in dentistry, and I enjoy that challenge.

3) My mom worked full time, my stepmom worked full time and I admire them both. They were great role models to me. I want to be a role model too.

4) I'll admit that in some way I work to prove wrong the women who have made nasty comments to me about 'not raising my own children' because I work. Our family is proof that having a WOHM doesn't spell doom and gloom for all of us. We are a positive force on the world, or at least I would like to think we are...

5) We have a great childcare center. The kids love it, the teachers love the kids. They are loving, nurturing, enthusiastic. The kids are thriving, have made friends and participate in great activities that they enjoy. Even if I were to SAH, then I would send DD to a preK program (which at the center she is at now, would be 15 hours a week). She is there 25 hours as it is now. When I come in and there is a rocket ship that is 8 feet tall made of cardboard boxes that all the kids painted in the middle of the room and they are playing inside it, I think "she loves this and there is no way that I would have done this today" So I think the kids derive a benefit from the caregivers that they have other than me.

6) I don't want our marital dynamic to change. DH is a reluctant housekeeper at best. He is hard pressed to get clothes to a hamper. Some of that is the example of his parents' marriage. MIL serves his coffee on a silver platter. I am not prepared to do stuff like that. As long as I WOH, at least PT, then DH is more likely to some housework. This is true, he has addmitted it..
So no, as much as I pull the pillow over my head at 5 AM on Monday mornings, I could afford to SAH. I chose not to.
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#17 of 119 Old 05-17-2007, 11:55 PM
 
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We've recently discovered that we CAN make it on one salary. This was a shock to both of us. I'd never considered being a SAHM because I figured we weren't even close. It was really good to learn that we CAN make it.

HOWEVER, the reason that we learned this is that my husband lost his job 6 weeks ago. If I hadn't been WOH, we would have been screwed. We'd have no money, no health insurance. Stupidly, we had very little savings. It's a painful, but valuable lesson.

It's good to know what we CAN live on. When dh does get another job, we'll know that we can bank A LOT of money (and where the heck was that money going anyway???).

I have a pretty interesting job and, for the most part, I enjoy it. Before he lost his job, dh & I worked opposite shifts, so Amelia was never in daycare. She spends PLENTY of time with us already.

DH & I recently had a discussion about how when he gets a job, I could potentially be a SAHM. But after a few minutes of thought we both said "But if we can have THAT MUCH more money....why not?"

---Jessica---Livin' my life from A Peace.gif(1/05 ) to Z  jammin.gif(4/08 ).....and z babyf.gif(3/11)

 

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#18 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 12:05 AM
 
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I think that sometimes it makes more to ask if you can afford TO work. After baby #2 was born I crunched the numbers every which way I could and was shocked to find that when all was said and done it would COST me $1500.00 (annually) to return to work... taking into account ALL of the expenses-taxes, childcare, transportation, convenience items (eating out, etc.).

I opted to stay home and it's been wonderful, but money is tight (I'm actually starting a job that will allow me to WAH for the most part-on the condition that I am still truly able to take care of my family FIRST). I look at it like this: on my deathbed, I will not care that I wasn't able to buy that new car, or those new shoes, but I am sure that if I were to lament anything it would be passing up an opportunity to see my kids all day every day (at least for a while) when they were so young and sweet. This isn't to say that it's wrong to work and right to stay home-it's a personal choice. It seems that the OP has options, and that is a wonderful state to be in.

I never felt that my daycare provider was "raising" my DD#1, but I did feel that DD benefited enormously from having multiple people who cared for her, hugged her, kissed her boo-boo's, etc. I regret that I wasn't there to hear her first word ("shoe") but then again there are some days now that I wish she would be quiet-just for 15 minutes.

I wish that this "snarky" atttude that some are taking would just stop. It isn't a contest...just do the best you can with what you have!
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#19 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 12:08 AM
 
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Siobhan - ITA with the concept of both parents working so that one isn't working crazy hours or a second job so that the other can SAH if it works for a family to do that. Sounds great! Unfortunately, ny DH can't be PT, but I would love if he could take a day off and I could work that day. I used to work one night a week so that he put the kids to bed, managed dinner, etc. It was good for him and the kids.

2sweeties - I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I am between 2 worlds by working part time. But comments about not raising my children are the kind of thing that make me identify as a WOHM. Join me, get a PT job and we'll form a PTWOHM tribe!!!
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#20 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 12:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by CrunchyCate View Post
I can't afford to SAH, so it's not a question (DH is primarily a SAHD.) If I did have the opportunity to SAH, I would probably consider keeping a part-time job to:
1- have more financial independence
2- keep my foot in the profession, in case I need to ever go back full-time
3- keep my sanity and get more adult companionship

Would I work full-time if I didn't have to? Not a chance!
Yes, yes, and yes!!

Loss of retirement/social security (assuming we get it... : ) is no small thing. Also, things can happen in relationships that impact SAH moms more--people get divorced, die, partners lose their jobs, get sick, etc, etc. You have more of a cushion with two incomes--I know; I am the breadwinner here. It feels like a heavy burden to be bringing in ALL the $$$.
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#21 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 01:29 AM
 
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We could afford it for awhile; I was a SAHM when DS was very young.

However, we want to have the option of having somebody home with DS when he's in junior high and HS, and if I stay home now, that won't be possible. Instead, we both work, we save a ton of money, we don't have a lot of financial stress because we now have a cushion, and we live happy, peaceful lives together. The only thing I'd change if I had a choice is that I'd reduce my hours now, but I certainly wouldn't SAH now.

Some other factors are that I love what I do, and if I keep at this particular job for the next few years, it is likely I'll be able to swing a good part-time position, so it's worth it to me to do that.

I also really like that DS sees both of us sharing the load of parenting: we both contribute to the family financially, we split housework, and most importantly we both nurture DS.

DS is an extrovert and his daycare has been a blessing to the whole family. We've made tremendous friendships there, we've learned a lot, we've watched DS bloom into a confident and outgoing boy. I am so glad his daycare has been part of our lives and we wouldn't have that if I was a SAHM.

In terms of our marriage, I think two WOHP strengthens our marriage because we understand each other's worlds so well. Neither of us is insulated from the large portion of the other's world. One thing I really didn't like when I was a SAHM was that I started to feel disconnected from a large part of my DH's life and he started to lose touch with some of the day-to-day tasks of running the household. Neither of us were happy about that development because we've always had an equitable relationship.

Also, things we value, like education and living in an interesting and diverse urban environment, are expensive.

Both of us are the children of women who both stayed home and worked as the family needed. DH's mother in particular had a wonderful career. Both of us are very close to our families and feel that we'd like to raise our DS like we were raised. I'm a third, maybe fourth generation WOHM on my side, and I admire my Mom and Grandma so much for all they did in and out of the house. I want to be like them.

So those are some reasons for you from our lives.

Most SAHMs I know aren't snarky about "raising their own kids." I've heard it here on MDC more since I joined than all the time I was at-home or since I started working. Personally I never felt at home with the "true believer" SAHMs when I was one, either. I got pretty tired of their negativity. Luckily I built up a fabulous tribe of low-key SAHMs and WOHMs, and we are all supportive of each other.
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#22 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 03:05 AM
 
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We just moved to Seattle, so we can't afford it now, although we could have with some minor lifestyle changes where we used to live.
I used to fantasize about SAHMing, especially on those really bad days at work , but honestly I have been home with DS for the last two weeks or so and have realized how much I need to work. Granted, I am in a new city and am feeling pretty isolated and stressed out, but I am also starting to see the parenting dynamic change. I am also not as patient or nurturing right now as I am when I am working, and I really miss the mental stimulation that WOHM provides me.
I work because I like what I do and I make a positive impact on many people's lives every day. I went to school a long time and worked really, really hard to do what I do and I can't see myself walking away from it now. I would like to work part time, but at this stage in my career that is not an option, unfortunately. I also work to ensure that we maintain an equitable parenting and household burden. I want my son to see that his father can cook, do laundry, nurture him, and play. And I want my son to see that I can have a powerful job, manage the finances, and support myself independently. I do not want to be sheltered from the outside world, which is what I feel like would happen to me if I was at home full time. I also do not want my DH to shoulder the burden of providing for our family, I believe that parenting and providing should be shared equally.
DS has forged wonderful relationships with his DCPs. They engage him in ways that I wouldn't have even thought of. He is a happy, creative, thoughtful soul thanks in part to being exposed to diverse people who love him. However, his parents are raising him and instilling his morals and values, not outside care providers.
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#23 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 03:23 AM
 
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We can't right now as I'm the breadwinner and dh is in school.

However, my ultimate ideal would be for him to be the breadwinner and for me to work part time. I liked the almost 3 years I worked part time after dd's birth; although I'd prefer something closer to 20 hours than the almost 30 I was working. It would allow me some non-child time, I could still contribute to the household, I'd actually make use of those stupid pieces of paper that I worked so hard for (aka, my degrees), and I could still have time to homeschool the kids.

I think if you can do it and it works for your family that's great.
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#24 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 03:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by rinnerin View Post
DS has forged wonderful relationships with his DCPs. They engage him in ways that I wouldn't have even thought of. He is a happy, creative, thoughtful soul thanks in part to being exposed to diverse people who love him. However, his parents are raising him and instilling his morals and values, not outside care providers.
I wasn't going to respond to the "someone else raising your children" comment, but I agree with this and just wanted to add a "heck yeah". I think moms who have never used or had bad exeriences with outside professional care may not understand this, but I firmly believe (based on my own experience) that dcp's can be blessings for children. DS'2 dcp is there to play with him, give him a safe and nurturing environment to explore friendships and socialize, etc. They are not a replacement for parenting in any way (accept maybe guiding him in appropriate ways of dealing with other kids, etc). Every time I hear that sentiment, I feel like it belittles the work that parents do, as if it could be replaced by someone else so easily. Plus, "raising", imo, goes so far beyod the "daycare age" of children, I don't quite get the comment at all.
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#25 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 09:16 AM
 
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Incomewise we could (and will be for part of the summer b/c I'm on maternity leave but most of it is unpaid). But currently I carry our benifits - we could not afford good health insurance on our own. But to put it into perspective: When I go back to work we will only have about $50/wk from my job that is not spoken for with childcare and gas etc...

...I would love to be a SAHM though...and while I am going back, if it is too stressful after a month or 2 I plan to resign...even my employer knows that.
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#26 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 10:39 AM
 
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We could afford it (we just break even with me working due to the high cost of child care) but I simply don't want to. I love my job, I love the adult interaction, I love the challenge, I love keeping my individuality and sense of accomplishment outside what I accomplish by raising a child (which is a lot, I grant you!), and I love that I'm maintaing my independence and the power differential in my marriage.

I'm not cut out to me a SAHM. I find it boring and confining. I'm a better mom because I WOH. I'm lucky to work part -time and have flexible hours.

I don't think it should be about being able to afford it, as in, if the family can afford it, the mom should SAH. I think it should be about what the mom wants and what is best for the family.
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#27 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 10:50 AM
 
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Good luck with your decision!

If we could figure out how to live without the $25,000 I take home after childcare & work expenses are taken out, I wouldn't work. But we know we wouldn't be happy selling our house and dropping every little convenience we currently take for granted - there is a standard of living that we are used to. It's not extravagant by any means, but we like to be comfortable.
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#28 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 11:02 AM
 
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I could if we got rid of our vehicles and some other things we owe lots of money on. But, with the bills we have now, no.

My DS is in public school and loves it. DD (18 months) absolutely loves her daycare, and she stays with her father 1-4 days a week anyway. I'm a little worried about how the new baby will do since I've never had a tiny baby in daycare before, but the daycare is right downstairs from my office, and I'll get to go down and nurse him 2-3 times a day.
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#29 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 11:27 AM
 
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I could stay at home, but I choose to work.

For one, I incurred student loan debt in order to get my career. I feel that I should work long enough to pay that off, and well...I don't think it's fair that my husband have to do it.

For two, I am the insurance carrier. It wouldn't be a big stretch to switch insurance over to my husband, but it's cheaper and better with me.

And for three, I agree with everyone else...my son's life is being impacted negatively by playing with other children, and having a loving DCP care for him during the day. Meanwhile, I am teaching him the value of a working mother, contributing toward his college fund, working so that we will move into a bigger house with better schools, retirement accounts, etc. I get gratification and "adult time" when I am at work so that I am a more rewarding and patient parent when I get home.

Quite honestly, I've encountered a few friend's babies who don't socially interact with other children, and they are high-strung and fearful of new people. That may be a personality trait, but my little one is very happy, very social, and learns quite a bit every day.

No one is instilling "morals" in my son, but I have to ask...why wouldn't you seek out a DCP that is on the same page with you for morals and what you want your child exposed to? There are plenty of DCPs out there, and I'm sure that almost everyone can find a good fit with SOMEONE.

I pay for an entire day of my son's care in less than an hour at work, so it definitely works out in my favor (financially) to continue working.

If I were to do all of this over again, I would save up more money to stay home longer for the initial period, though.
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#30 of 119 Old 05-18-2007, 01:32 PM
 
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You know, it's interesting, I realized during the course of this discussion and others over the past few days that the smug "I want to raise my children myself" or "I want to instill my values into our kids," which, when said to a WOHM, is nearly always intended as a nasty dig, doesn't really bother me any more. It used to really bother me, but I've realized that I basically don't react any more.

I guess because it seems so absurd on its face. I've done both (SAH and WOH) and there is really no difference in terms of how I felt as far as "instilling values" or "raising my own child."

I think if anything I feel sorry for people who are so unsure of their influence and role in their kids' lives.
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