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I think my comment about the class issues behind mamas who say that academia and children don't mix well comes from my own class position, vis-a-vis that of most of my colleagues.
However, most of my professors and most of the people I know who are above the rank of grad student (postdocs, lecturers, junior faculty, on up) have never really worked outside of the academy for any length of time.
Altogether, it means that I have spent about seven years in the working world, working full time, supporting myself, and partially supporting my partner, paying the bills, getting myself through university (though to be honest, my focus was always paying the bills.)
This is not typical of my colleagues.
Nor is it typical for most the mamas who complain about the lack of work/life/family balance within academia.
i agree. it is disheartening that academic careers are so hard to square with mothering. and yes, there's a class element to the fact that some have an option to "put things on hold" and others do not. but frankly, as time goes on and dh's salary goes up and i'm getting the option to "put things on hold," that also creates its own set of problems. as it becomes possible for me to opt out, it becomes a real choice for me when i DON'T.
and not to be like all sob story over it because i'm so lucky to have choices, but it's HARD when you realize you are CHOOSING to pursue a career when you could stay home. at least for me it is. there are all those social messages about SAH being better, even more so in the AP community
not to mention, the more he's working and getting career-focused to get these promotions, the more is falling on me in terms of DD's care. and even though i am technically a WOHM, everything seems to fall on me in terms of choosing childcare, taking her, picking her up, and then most of the care at home as well. sometimes i think it would be easier if i just SAH and let him do the career thing :
it is hard deciding to start daycare. but if you go that route, i think you'll find you can get a lot more done. i never had the best luck with sitters, either. even if they're responsible, they're expensive and they get sick, and they leave town (especially the student ones!), etc. daycares are much more consistent. you can rely on them day in and day out at a (mostly) reasonable rate.
where are you looking at?? good luck! i know how hard it is to choose a place.
nnaemeka: I remember having to make changes too after my proposal. really looking back on it now, it seems small in comparison to all the work that went in to it. it is a pain, but just look at all you have accomplished--you are ABD!! it's a big milestone, don't let the small stuff take away from this accomplishment you deserve to enjoy it too:
Carita - no advice, but big congrats! That's great news.
You mentioned that you were seeing someone earlier, have you thought about accessing services through your center for students with disabilities?
|Do you think you'd respond to a little bit of micromanagement? Like, getting your advisor's help in structuring weekly to-do lists, and then setting yourself a schedule?|
|I've found it useful to not think of my calendar as being "lots of free space" but to block out chunks of "work time" at times I know are my best times of day (long, uninterupted stretches from 8:00 AM - 2:00 PM, say) and then I wirte down exactly what I want to be working on, in some detail - i.e. go through paper, check citations. Do reading for X, write short response paper for Y. That sort of thing.|
|FOCUS AND FINISH
a done dissertation is better than a perfect or even practical dissertation
"A good thesis is a done thesis. Good=done. Done=good."
Learn to respectfully but firmly demand what I need without feeling compelled to justify myself
But, you CAN do it. With the self-doubt and the guilt and the anger nipping at your heels.
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