Who is "raising" your child- terminology that matters - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 107 Old 02-14-2008, 07:12 PM
 
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I'd get in trouble with DD if I stayed with her full time since she now knows there are lots of other fun people out there.
LOL - me too! I actually asked the kids when I was thinking about whether or not I was going to sahm ft or just woh pt & both of them wanted to keep going to school.
DS1 definitely doesn't want to be home-schooled, even though I think it would be fun. He's in 4th grade and starting to really get into the social aspect of school. DS2 is 3 and asks to go to school to see his friends 2-3 days a week when we're home for extended periods of time.

So my current 3day/week schedule is actually preferable to both of them They'd be peeved if they had to hang out with me and me alone every day.
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#92 of 107 Old 02-27-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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Forgive me if a PP already said this...

But to me - someone else "raising my child" means that I must have GIVEN THEM UP FOR ADOPTION!!! :



I now have added this to my responses:

Person: Oh, you have a nanny. I would never want anyone else raising my child.

Me: Oh, yeah! Neither would I - otherwise I just would have given them up for adoption! (said very nicely and sincerely and without a trace of sarcasm...)
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#93 of 107 Old 02-27-2008, 05:45 PM
 
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Don't know if someone already said this:

By that logic, all school attending children are being raised by their teachers.
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#94 of 107 Old 02-27-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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Ana, there are those that would agree with you on that point and tell you that is why they homeschool.
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#95 of 107 Old 02-27-2008, 09:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ana_Isabel View Post
Don't know if someone already said this:

By that logic, all school attending children are being raised by their teachers.

Yep... and by the same logic, I have a more intimate relationship with the receptionist at work than I do with DP... or I'm closer to my hairdresser (who I see 3 times a year) than I am to my sister who lives across the country and visits once a year.... it's all stupid, imo.
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#96 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 11:21 AM
 
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Don't know if someone already said this:

By that logic, all school attending children are being raised by their teachers.
I was going to bring that up. FTR my kids do go to school.
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#97 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 11:44 AM
 
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Yep... and by the same logic, I have a more intimate relationship with the receptionist at work than I do with DP... or I'm closer to my hairdresser (who I see 3 times a year) than I am to my sister who lives across the country and visits once a year.... it's all stupid, imo.
true dat.

A friend of mine, when faced with "how could you face putting your kids in daycare!!!" deadpanned, "because boarding schools won't take kids under age 8."

You know the attributes for a great adult? Initiative, creativity, intellectual curiosity? They make for a helluva kid...
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#98 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 02:24 PM
 
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What a great thread! truthfully I would love to stay home at least part-time with ds, and do have some admitted jealousy of SAHM's. However there is a part of me that does enjoy the work I do, and it is also necessary financialy for our household to be two income right now. With that said I find it amazingly offensive that someone would suggest that someone else is raising my child! I am and always will be his mom and DH will be his dad. no one replaces us! But others do have a role in caring for and loving him. I find peace with the idea that there is an extension beyond our immediate family of people who love him that includes his daycare caregivers.
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#99 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 04:32 PM
 
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"because boarding schools won't take kids under age 8."
Plus, if they're at boarding school, they can't be home and do chores in the evening ..... and "what's the point in having a dwarf if he doesn't do chores?"
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#100 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 05:00 PM
 
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I'm a nanny and I watch two little boys 10 hours a day. I like to think that I'm helping to raise them. Of course I'm not raising them completely, nor do I in any way think that I take the place of Mommy or Daddy, but they are attatched to me, to their mom, their dad, ect. It's a bit unreasonable to think that the person that they spend most of their waking hours with has no affect on their value system or moral code. This is why it's so, so important to interview your nannies and care providers about their basic beliefs and philosophies. It's nearly impossible for you own moral code not to make an impression on other people that you spend lots of time with, toddlers included, even if you never mention what your beliefs are.

Welcoming our twins :: born February 21, 2009 at 33 weeks! :
C-section due to pre-eclampsia and HELLP:
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#101 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 05:06 PM
 
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For us, I am DD's primary attachment figure, the safe nest she crawls into when she needs retreat from the world. When she is hurt she runs to me, sick, at night she wants/needs me, when she wants to regress into babyhood and stay there for awhile. I am her soft landing place.

Her Dad she adores too, she doesn't want him for those things so much but for intellectual stimulation, growth, creativity, a love/attachment relationship with someone just one more step outside herself... that is him. She adores him by day, he is like her 'sun' and I am her 'moon' if that makes sense.

Then thirdly she has a cherished and loved teacher, an older woman with lots of patience who is teaching her about the world... numbers, letters, calendars, etc. She has a very special relationship with her too, and when important things happen when she is with me, she often exclaims that she needs to tell Daddy and her teacher. When she is with her Dad, it's me and her teacher.

So we all have different roles, but all are really valuable. There are also other folks in DDs life who enrich it in their various ways, too numerous to really list here, but I would say we are all raising her really.
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#102 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 05:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by skybluepink02 View Post
I'm a nanny and I watch two little boys 10 hours a day. I like to think that I'm helping to raise them. Of course I'm not raising them completely, nor do I in any way think that I take the place of Mommy or Daddy, but they are attatched to me, to their mom, their dad, ect. It's a bit unreasonable to think that the person that they spend most of their waking hours with has no affect on their value system or moral code. This is why it's so, so important to interview your nannies and care providers about their basic beliefs and philosophies. It's nearly impossible for you own moral code not to make an impression on other people that you spend lots of time with, toddlers included, even if you never mention what your beliefs are.
I think this is definitely true, but "helping to raise" is not usually what people mean when they say "somebody else is raising your kids." If they did, I'd have no problem with the phrase. I think my DS's life has been totally enriched by the caregivers he's had and I'd say they helped to raise him, but if the phrase is used to mean that I'm *not* raising him during the hours he's in daycare or school, then I think it's a silly thing to say.
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#103 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 05:59 PM
 
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true dat.

A friend of mine, when faced with "how could you face putting your kids in daycare!!!" deadpanned, "because boarding schools won't take kids under age 8."
Oh, goodness, I love that one - something to store up in the arsenal of priceless comebacks.

Mama to 2 mopheaded rascals
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#104 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 07:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by woobysma View Post
and "what's the point in having a dwarf if he doesn't do chores?"

LOL!!

That was my dad's favorite movie quote ever, when I was a teenager.

The day I passed my mother in height I announced that I guessed I wasn't the dwarf now

savithny, 42 year old moderate mom to DS Primo (age 12) and DD Secunda (age 9).

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#105 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 08:23 PM
 
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I think this is definitely true, but "helping to raise" is not usually what people mean when they say "somebody else is raising your kids." If they did, I'd have no problem with the phrase.
Yeah, no it's a total dig, absolutely. I find the whole SAH vs. WOH mama thing such a false polarity. I personally dont think either situation is ideal for most people. Full time WOH and we are exhausted and especially with a young baby, we don't get enough time with them, nursing is harder, etc. But likewise, SAH means we lose social status and financial independence to be in our individual boxes all day with our children doing only the mindnumbing work of childcare.

I wish for a less industrialized, work/home-divided society, where more balance would be possible for more of us (those who feel a need for it, which I am guessing would be most mamas).
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#106 of 107 Old 02-28-2008, 09:25 PM
 
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Yeah, no it's a total dig, absolutely. I find the whole SAH vs. WOH mama thing such a false polarity. I personally dont think either situation is ideal for most people. Full time WOH and we are exhausted and especially with a young baby, we don't get enough time with them, nursing is harder, etc. But likewise, SAH means we lose social status and financial independence to be in our individual boxes all day with our children doing only the mindnumbing work of childcare.

I wish for a less industrialized, work/home-divided society, where more balance would be possible for more of us (those who feel a need for it, which I am guessing would be most mamas).
I'm with you!

I started my own personal revolution last year (became a "part-time" corporate accountant ) I wish everyone else would jump on my bandwagon already!
I think a 3-4 day work week or 4 hour work days should be the norm. Our capitalistic "suck as many hours as you can out of your employees and pay them as little as possible" mentality is killing us (literally, imo).


Evidently, Canada isn't much better. (since, as everyone knows, Thismama speaks the gospel )
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#107 of 107 Old 11-17-2008, 10:33 PM
 
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I wish for a less industrialized, work/home-divided society, where more balance would be possible for more of us (those who feel a need for it, which I am guessing would be most mamas).
Bingo!!!! I'm battling to balance right now, and DH and I both have decided that what's perfect for us, in our divided work/home lives is about 30 hours WOH time each week. That way DD is still raised by us, with help from a loving sitter. That's what I think is ideal for us, but it'd be hard to do that financially in the world as it is now.

Amy, mama to "Pumpkin" (DD1, 5/16/06) and "Squashy" (DD2, 7/10/09)
"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance"- Confucius
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