Is it normal to be yelled at by your boss? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 11:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I started my new job yesterday and within the first 30 minutes my boss yelled at me twice. I think that is incredibly rude and inappropriate, but my best friend said that no, that is normal and there is nothing wrong with it, that I'm overreacting. She said because I haven't worked in a long time (4 years) that I'm just not in touch with the real world. Well I haven't worked in 4 years but I worked before my kids were born. I've had professional jobs and crap jobs and I have NEVER been yelled at. Have I just been lucky? Is it normal to be yelled at?
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#2 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 11:41 AM
 
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It's not normal in my field. What kind of work are you doing?

I did work with a "yeller" when I worked in a bakery. He was a very kind man overall (employed many people to give them a leg up; was generous around scheduling and pay and things). But he was apt to yell a lot. One time I saw him throw a customer out for complaining that the bakery didn't sell doughnuts.

The thing about that situation was that I felt overall respected and safe, and after a few days it was clear to me that once he yelled, it was over, and he wasn't holding grudges. He also wasn't yelling demeaning things, like "you're stupid," but he would yell like "what is this doing here? What do you think we are, McDonalds?" I never did like the yelling but I did get used to it. I still think it was mostly inappropriate, but it wasn't a dealbreaker.

However that was truly the exception, for me.

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#3 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 11:43 AM
 
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No that is not normal or acceptable.

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#4 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 12:27 PM
 
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No, it is not normal in any circumstance IMO. I had a boss very early in my career, while I was in college, who liked to yell. This was in a very professional environment BTW. The first time he yelled at me I was in his office, I stood up and told him that I was leaving his office because I was not going to be spoken to like that and that when he could speak respectful to me let me know and we would continue. He never yelled at me again, never. He still yelled at many of the other employees though but they just took it. Usually if you stand up to someone like this they respect you more and will abide by your request. (Usually)


Just curious, what do you do?
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#5 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 12:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The supervisor that yelled at me seems overall to be a very angry, unhappy woman. It was really stupid. I was talking to a coworker and she yelled at me for talking too loud, which I really wasn't. Then she yelled at me for filling out some paperwork wrong, which wasn't all my fault because there was an error on it from their end.

I asked my dh if he has ever been yelled at at a job and the only time he has was in the Navy, but that is expected.

I don't know if I'll stay at this job or not. It's not a great job, it's market research and I'm only doing it until I can find something better.
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#6 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 01:33 PM
 
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No, it's totally unacceptable.

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#7 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 01:35 PM
 
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Absolutely not.
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#8 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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No, it's not acceptable or typical.

I've been working for years. I have yet to be yelled at by a supervisor. I've worked for the state government, the federal government, a private company, and a nonprofit. I've had female bosses. I've had male bosses. None of them yelled.

People generally cut some slack for new employees who don't know the work culture and expectations. The fact she yelled at you twice is concerning. If you want to continue working there perhaps you might want to learn what sets her off so you head off something before it happens. That puts the burden on you to worry about someone's emotional reaction but perhaps you'll find a new job very soon and this bad boss will be history.

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#9 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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Being yelled at is not a normal part of my work day. I was on day 3 of a new job working for an attorney and that afternoon he gathered his entire staff and proceeded to yell and tell us we were all a bunch of %#@* idiots. I went in early the next morning and told him I couldn't work for someone who would treat his employers that way and left.

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#10 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:00 PM
 
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Not normal or acceptable. Just out of curiosity, do you happen to work at a restaurant (or similar)?

Cuz I typically worked in office jobs, where my bosses would not yell at me (they would do other uncool things, but not "yell").

Whereas DH used to work in restaurants for years, and it was very common for the manager or owner to yell at staff.

Just our personal observation. In either case, it is NOT okay.

ETA: Sorry, I just saw that you are doing market research.
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#11 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:03 PM
 
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I wouldn't say normal but not uncommon. People lose it once in a while. As long as it isn't constant and demeaning I tend to let it pass.

Stapler throwing on the other hand, not cool.
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#12 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:09 PM
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depends on what industry you're in.

In a restaurant kitchen - yup, you'll get yelled at.
In a busy nightclub - yup, you'll get yelled at.
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#13 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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No, I have never been yelled at, at work. But my current job takes me into other companies' offices sometimes and I've seen some pretty outrageous boss behavior. I really would not say that's the norm though.
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#14 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:39 PM
 
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Another vote for not normal. I've worked pretty much for the last 18 years in a wide variety of jobs... Never been yelled at - had sit down discussions with the boss when I wasn't performing up to expectations, but never yelled at.

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#15 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:44 PM
 
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When I was a reporter, our editor yelled - and often demeaning things - pretty much everyday. I went through a ton of steps in the complaint process, but it didn't stop. It wasn't going to, and it's one of the primary reasons I left my job there.

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#16 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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Whether it's normal or not, it's not acceptable. And from the elaboration you provided, I would confront her the next time she does that. She's an abusive boss and since you're not married to the job, perhaps you can give her a wake-up call. Even if you want to stay there, you should still stand up for yourself. Common courtesy is a right not a privilege imo. If she's not responsive to you, I'd go to HR. I bet once others see you stand up, you might find some allies.

I will say in Latin America yelling seems to be common and acceptable from upper management. They are always quite flummoxed when I refuse to tolerate it and I have been a positive agent for change in my corporation by standing up to these bullies. Once lil ol' me did it, upper management sort of clued in 'golly gee, maybe this isn't good behavior, maybe we need to talk to this guy.'

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#17 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:48 PM
 
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My publisher was a yeler and a meany on top of that. He would talk crap about the employees he "scolded" to the ad manager, editor, staff writers and anyone else who would listen.

It is wrong always.
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#18 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:49 PM
 
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I don't think it's normal or acceptable, unless there were a safety issue involved--i.e. you were in a dangerous situation and needed to move quickly.

Pervasive, regular yelling would create a hostile work environment, IMO, and that is a big issue.

I wouldn't stay in the job, and when I left I would consider writing a letter to the HR department expressing my concerns.

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#19 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 02:54 PM
 
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Yelling was normal in the restaurant I worjed in. It was mostly harmless. There is sometimes yelling in the hospital I work, but it only happens in emergent situations, and by one incredibly rude Dr. if you disturb his sleep. (if you don't want to be disturbed, order pain meds on admission for the person admitted for severe back pain, duh) I think its ok in rare situations, when the person is having a bit of a breakdown. We all have them sometimes. I would let that slide if it was a bad day kind of thing and they are otherwise nice to you. But no, it is not acceptable unless someone is giving orders in a more urgent situation. Your situation does not sound acceptable OR normal to me. Time to bail. You aren't a dog. Find something else. Your employer should not be abusing you.
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#20 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 03:01 PM
 
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I will have to agree that it depends on the industry. I yelled often but I was working in restaurants. When I yell, I never yell at any one specific, and never say anything unacceptable. Like a PP said, i would say things like "WTF NUGGETS?! WHERE DO DIRTY TOWELS GO?" that was a typical rant. I never held grudges but did raise my voice. Thats just how kitchen people are wired. front of the house isn't as bad, well, they are bad in a different way.

I did have a boss that would try to yell at me. Really condescending, speaking to me like I was a child. I have been yelled at a lot in my life (by men mostly) so I have ZERO tolerance for being talked down to by men. I have only had one problem with a woman being rude to me, but she was a psyco-hoes-beast that yelled at everyone. You could never please her. SOOOO... I would suggest sticking it out if it's just loud words, but telling them "no way" if it is actual yelling. do it in private too. that helps it seem less like insubordination.

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#21 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've never worked in a restaurant, only a couple of fast food places, and was never yelled at. I worked at a hospital and there were a few times I was yelled at by a Dr when I didn't get to his patient as fast as he thought I should. I had forgotten about that. I told my supervisor about it and she let him have it. She was grumpy and scowled at us a lot, but she always stood up for us.

The woman that yelled at me seems like she is always in a bad mood. The day I came in for the interview she got snippy with me and made fun of me for getting lost, so I think this would be an ongoing issue.

I told another friend of mine about this and he said he will do whatever he can to find me a new job , so hopefully I won't have to put up with this crap for long. I live in a very small town so it's hard to find any work here.
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#22 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 03:24 PM
 
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Yelling is neither normal nor acceptable behavior anywhere I've ever worked.

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#23 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 03:29 PM
 
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I've never had a boss yell at me, but my PhD adviser sure is a yeller! s I hope things get better!
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#24 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 03:41 PM
 
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I don't think yelling is acceptable at work, maybe 15 yrs ago, not now.
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#25 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 04:18 PM
 
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I am glad your friend will help you find a new job. You don't deserve to get yelled at or made fun of b/c you got lost. Especially by someone who doesn't know you. My boss would make fun of me for getting lost, but that is different. We are friendly towards each other and she knows it wouldn't hurt my feelings. To make fun of your getting lost when she doesn't really know you is just mean. She sounds like an unhappy person. Maybe we should all chip in and send her a bottle of happy pills.
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#26 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 07:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Jenna~ View Post
The supervisor that yelled at me seems overall to be a very angry, unhappy woman. It was really stupid. I was talking to a coworker and she yelled at me for talking too loud, which I really wasn't. Then she yelled at me for filling out some paperwork wrong, which wasn't all my fault because there was an error on it from their end.

I asked my dh if he has ever been yelled at at a job and the only time he has was in the Navy, but that is expected.

I don't know if I'll stay at this job or not. It's not a great job, it's market research and I'm only doing it until I can find something better.
I've known people who are naturally louder than most--that's NOT what's going on there. Your supervisor needs to learn some management skills.
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#27 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 09:40 PM
 
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it's not normal or acceptable no matter what field you're in. i'm sorry that happened to you.

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#28 of 38 Old 02-21-2008, 09:57 PM
 
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Unacceptable

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#29 of 38 Old 02-22-2008, 01:56 AM
 
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Time to start up the job search again, for sure. The fact that she was snippy at your interview indicates that she's not going to change and why set yourself up for that?

I worked for someone like that once, though she waited a week or two to start being rude--never yelled, but was very condescending--like the time she "showed" me how to stuff the envelopes and then made me do it while she watched. (She thought I should be folding *at least* 5 sheets of paper at the same time and then separating them and stuffing them rather than doing two at a time.) Gee thanks, that's ever so much more efficient. It was a part-time job while working on my master's degree, but there were plenty of other low-paying jobs out there instead. After a couple of other incidents I started looking for a new job. She was busy traveling the world when I gave my two weeks notice, so by the time she found out she threatened to not give me a good recommendation. She knew perfectly well that my career was in academia so I don't know why she thought I'd even include my six-month stint doing data entry and stuffing envelopes on a resume, ever. (And I haven't.)

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#30 of 38 Old 02-22-2008, 05:49 PM
 
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Apparantly in your job it is normal otherwise this woman would have been fired. As an employee you can either yell back and see what happens, I had a job where this worked, you can just take it, or you can find another job where the atmosphere fits you better. Workplaces have different types of environments which has been clearly illustrated by the fact that a bunch of people in a company were actually willing to wear only underwear to meetings without complaint. I don't think there is any real normal in workplace environments.
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