Conveived Through Rape What Would You Do? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 03:53 PM
 
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I would terminate. I have severe hyperemesis (throwing up 8-10 times a day despite around-the-clock meds for the entire 40 weeks, multiple hospital stays, etc.) and I would imagine the trauma of the rape followed by a traumatic pregnancy would be more than my mental stability could handle, and that would be incredibly unfair to my children.

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#62 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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I've never come close to walking in those shoes so I'm not really sure what I'd do. I hope that I would be strong enough to have the baby. After that I have no idea if I'd be able to keep it or if I'd rather give it up for adoption. I'm sure that TONS of counseling would be involved no matter what.

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#63 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 03:59 PM
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smokering,

usually emergency contraception prevents implantation, and if taken before ovulation, can prevent ovulation all together. some people consider anything that prevents implantation but can possibly allow sperm + egg to meet to be an abortificant (so that's pretty much every birth control method save for barrier methods), but that's a judgment call.
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#64 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:02 PM
 
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Plan B, and if it failed, termination.
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#65 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:06 PM
 
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I've wondered about this as well.

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Originally Posted by BEJJ View Post
If you were raped would you keep the baby, put it up for adoption or terminate it?
If I was raped and a baby resulted, I would keep the baby. I do not believe in abortion and I would not be able to give up an innocent child who is half mine. I would keep that child and protect that child with everything I've got. It wouldn't be the child's fault how he or she was conceived.

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Originally Posted by BEJJ View Post
Would you live in fear that the baby would turn out like the rapist?
Not really. The rapist may be a sociopath (hopefully not!), or maybe "just" drunk or on drugs or even turned out that way because the rapist had traumatic experiences in his past. I would worry about any inherited medical conditions and I would worry about explaining to the child when he or she is older about his or her conception, but I would see the child as his or her own self, not an extention of his or her "sperm donor". (And yes, the constant reminder of the rape would hurt, but I would make it MY problem, not the child's problem. Either way, the child would still be half mine, I'd still be that child's Mother.)

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Originally Posted by BEJJ View Post
Do you believe that could change if the child was shown love and compassion?
Absolutely. Criminals aren't usually born, they're made.

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Originally Posted by BEJJ View Post
How would you explain this to a child when they got older?
That would be my biggest hurdle. Maybe that I didn't want to have a baby (have sex) with that man, but when I found out that I was pregnant, I wanted that baby so bad? It would be very had to be unbiased in the explanation, to not paint the rapist as a bad person, since that child would technically be half the rapist as well.

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Originally Posted by BEJJ View Post
How would it go if you wanted to file for rape but decided to keep the baby?
The rapist did something wrong, so there should be consequenses for the rapist. I have to explain it as the baby being the good thing that came out of it, I guess.

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Originally Posted by BEJJ View Post
Would you be worried about the affects it would have on the child later in life?
I'd be worried that the child would want to have contact with the rapist. I would worry that the child would feel that the rapist is a bad person, so, since they are half that person, they must be a bad person, too. I would worry that the child would worry if I loved my other children more, because I wanted them before I had them, so to speak. I'd be worried that certain family members might treat that child differently as well.

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Originally Posted by BEJJ View Post
Do you think it would be hard bonding?
No. When I gave birth to my son, I didn't particularly like his Father, but the moment I laid eyes on my son, he was my entire world. Very similar with my stepdaughter. Her Mother has put our family through Hell the last 7 years. And enjoyed every moment of it. But bonding with my stepdaughter was no problem. She was my stepdaughter, not her Mother. A baby born from a rape? His or her own person. Whatever his or her "sperm donor" did, it had nothing to do with the child that resulted, know what I mean?

I would have one big concern that was not addressed in your questions- How would my Husband take it? Would he be able to love a child as his own that was half of his Wife's rapist? Would he be able to love a child who, by me keeping that child, would probably cause us to go financially broke, literally in the poorhouse? Would he be able to get over the fact that I would keep a child of somebody who raped me, a constant reminder to HIM what somebody did to his Wife? Honestly, I'm not sure he could. I know he would try, but I'm not sure he could. I would not be able to stay with him if he could not love and accept that child as I could, but to leave him would be to lose my family. I hope I never have to find out the answer. (For the record, I don't feel any ill feelings towards my Husband because of this. In all honesty, if the roles were reversed, I was a man and my Wife was raped and she kept the child, I'm not sure how I'd be able to handle. I'd try will all my heart, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to pull it off.)

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#66 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:07 PM
 
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I would terminate if plan B failed because what if the rapist, if caught, was interested in parental rights?
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#67 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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I can see why a woman would choose any of those 3 options.
I personally would keep it, and I know that my husband would also be a loving father to him/her. I found that womans story to be very touching, that something beautiful could come from something so ugly.

One thing that must be hard for her is that she has 2 older white kids with her husband that she is still married to, and then the younger black daughter. People must forever be asking her (we know how rude people are) if she is adopted and then when she says no, the more questions that follow, or them thinking she is a child of an affair. She must have to explain that a lot (not have to, but probably does).

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#68 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:16 PM
 
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something else to think about, is what about the rapists family? he might have a mother who wants all sorts of access to the child and you might have a whole family to deal with that you never anticipated. or even the rapist himself, he MIGHT do a year in jail and then what? There might be court battles and all of that. That has definitely happened before Oh man that is tough.

I also forgot to say I would do the Plan B first and then keep the baby if that failed.

~Shannon~ Proud Mama of 3 girls, ages 7,4, and 2.
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#69 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:16 PM
 
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Dh and I were just talking about this!

Basically what I concluded is I would keep the baby and DH would adopt. I would press charges and request cessation of the rapist's parental rights.

I am not disrespecting anyone's choice, but I could never put my baby up for adoption. It would tear me apart. I'm the kind of person who thinks in terms of completion. The idea of letting the baby live and coming to bring about good really appeals to me. It sounds healing. It gives me control, a way to speak out against what the rapist did.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#70 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angelika13 View Post
I would take the morning after pill as well. However I think it is noble and beautiful what that woman did.
Honestly, I wouldn't find her any less noble if she had chosen to abort.

To answer the OP: I wouldn't know what I'd do unless in that situation, but I'd probably do Plan B or terminate.
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#71 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:17 PM
 
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I'd keep the baby. I agree with the OP that it isn't the babies fault who it's parents are. This most came home to me years ago from a story that was shared with me from a woman who found her birth mom who had put her up for adoption and found out she had been concieved as a result of rape. Her dh thanked her mom for giving birth to her so that he could have this woman he loved so much in his life.
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#72 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JessasMilkMama View Post

One thing that must be hard for her is that she has 2 older white kids with her husband that she is still married to, and then the younger black daughter. People must forever be asking her (we know how rude people are) if she is adopted and then when she says no, the more questions that follow, or them thinking she is a child of an affair. She must have to explain that a lot (not have to, but probably does).
They also have an adopted son, who is black and is their third child. So they have two white children and two black children. I hope she doesn't have to explain her family to nosy people often- but, you're right, she probably does get rude questions from people!
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#73 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footprintsbaby View Post

Just as a side note, I've heard that abortions in the case of rape are only like 1% of all abortions done. Not very many...
googled it, 32,000 women a year impregnated by rape. half choose to abort. dont know about adoption, it just said "most" choose to raise the baby themselves.

the laws vary state to state on what kind of parental rights rapists have.

~Shannon~ Proud Mama of 3 girls, ages 7,4, and 2.
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#74 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smokering View Post
Really? Isn't the situation 'born to an obviously loving mother, with or without an adoptive father figure'? I don't see how that's so terrible.
You're assuming that the mother would be able to move past the rape to a place of love for the child. That's a big assumption. I know children of divorce who suffer because of the pain caused by their fathers, I'd hate to think what a child of rape may go through.

That being said, I can't say what I would do. We've gone through so many years of ART that the thought of a "one off" resulting in pg is almost laughable to me.

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#75 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:48 PM
 
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I'd Plan B or terminate, if Plan B failed.

secular classical-ish mama to an incredible 5 year old DS and an amazing 6 year old DD.
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#76 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 04:56 PM
 
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Plan B and if that failed, terminate. Only I get to decide when I have a baby.
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#77 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 05:07 PM
 
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I'm pretty sure I'd take the morning after pill. Pretty sure. I mean, who knows, in the moment, though.

If that failed. I'd have to seriously re-assess things. I don't think I could go through with a d&c style abortion. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. I don't like procedures, and I had just been RAPED. I don't need anyone else up in there, if you kwim? I also feel like if plan b failed it would make me feel like that was a strong signal that this baby was "meant to be", but as I said, it would really depend. Who knows how I'd really react when under all that emotional stress and pressure.

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#78 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 05:24 PM
 
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Keep the baby, & schedule a c-section. Past sexual abuse made the pushing stage of labor very difficult for me (I don't even know why, though I've heard it's not uncommon), and I think the trauma of another rape on top of that would make a normal vaginal delivery impossible for me, so an ERC would be the way to go, there. And yes, it would take something that dramatic for me to willingly undergo another c-section.

(This actually isn't a hard decision at all for me. I find abortion morally unacceptable unless the mother's life is in danger, and what the heck is the point of holding morals if you're going to drop them the second it gets difficult to keep 'em? And FTR, I've also been in the position where I had to contemplate it, when I was 15.)

Quote:
You're assuming that the mother would be able to move past the rape to a place of love for the child.
Those who cannot probably aren't the ones having & keeping the child.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#79 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 05:27 PM
 
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What a tough question... I have no judgement on what anyone decides in a situation like this one. I want to believe that I'd be able to birth and raise the baby with as much love and care as every person deserves.

That being said - I have no idea if I would do if faced with such decision.

I'm sure I WOULD take a morning after pill. And I don't think I could give up a baby for adoption. I have no idea whether or not I'd decide for or against abortion in this case if the pill failed.

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#80 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 05:48 PM
 
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Before I had kids, I would have aborted. Now, I'm not so sure. It would really take some soul searching on my part but I would probably keep the baby. It isn't the babies fault how it was conceived and deserves love.

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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#81 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 06:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jocelyndale View Post
i would seek medical attention and request plan b immediately, thereby eliminating the possibility of implantation.

I would never presume to tell another woman what she should or should not do.
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#82 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 06:47 PM
 
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What an amazing woman! And her husband too!

I would keep the baby.
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#83 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 07:13 PM
 
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I'm sure I would take plan B and if that failed I think I'd abort but I really can't say for sure and I hope to never find out. I am pretty sure I wouldn't place the baby for adoption if I did choose to continue the pregnancy.

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#84 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 07:17 PM
 
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I don't know 100% what i would do, but right now i'd say i'd either take plan B, or keep the baby. i could not be pregnant 9 months and not keep it , i'm guessing my emotional state at the time would play a lot into my decision as well as my marriage and other things.
I would never tell anyone else what to do in this situation though.

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#85 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 07:25 PM
 
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Abortion is out for me, including early chemical abortion. I couldn't live with myself.

I would probably want to keep the baby, however, I would have to consider what was best for the baby and for our family. I do not know if my dh could handle it, or love the baby. He is not a bad man but I know him and I think this would be an incredibly difficult thing for him, given his personality, culture, and family background. And I feel the baby deserves the full love and affection of both parents. It would break my heart to do so, but for the sake of everyone involved and particularly for the sake of the baby, I might end up looking for a loving couple to adopt him/her.
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#86 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 10:08 PM
 
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I would not abort or take plan B.

At this point, after TTC for so long I cannot imagine not wanting to keep the baby. But if I were unable to separate the rape and the child in my mind, I would consider seriously placing the child for adoption.

Rebecca, CPST, Navy wife to Chris, furmama to Fenway
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#87 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 10:17 PM
 
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Honestly, I just can't possibly know what it is like to go through that and I couldn't say what I would want to do.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#88 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 10:40 PM
 
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I have actually thought about this since I was in high school. I would keep it. Like another poster said, it's not the babys fault. We would raise it like our own and until they are an adult, not say anything. But you never know what your decisions may bring you down the road.
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#89 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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I have no clue what I would do in that situation.

NMY actively making my dreams happen :
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#90 of 179 Old 02-08-2009, 10:44 PM
 
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If I was raped I would have a rape kit taken at an ER and take Plan B at that time so as never to have to negotiate the type of question you are presenting here. I would support any woman who choose to keep a baby or to abort it, regardless of her status as a survivor.

Megan Davidson, Labor & Postpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Anthropologist, Mom to August (9) and Clay (4), Partner to Shawn.

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