Conveived Through Rape What Would You Do? - Page 6 - Mothering Forums
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Talk Amongst Ourselves > Conveived Through Rape What Would You Do?
BrooklynDoula's Avatar BrooklynDoula 02:53 AM 02-11-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Valérie.Qc View Post
Going out with a boy, I was rape by one of his friend, was too ashamed to seek help, and got pregnant.

I was bleeding when I learned about the pregnancy and the doctors were concerned about ectopic. My first reaction: "God, I'll take anything but don't take away my little angel". I'm not religious nor was I back then, but I truly felt this baby was a gift from Life even though I couldn't tell if it was from a date or from the rape.

The pregnancy was truly healing for me: my body wasn't the same, it was morphing and now I could reclaim it. See, that rape wasn't the first. I had been raped and abused a few times before and I saw my body only as an object.

I never associated my baby to the rape - to me, it was a gift. And my daughter is still a gift today - I love her dearly and I'm grateful she chose me for mother.


I'm pro-choice, I have no problem at all saying that abortion might be the best solution for some, I would have choose it if I had not been so sure it was a gift, if I had had any doupts about loving this baby.

See, there can be wonderful things that comes out of horror - this is my story, my reality. And no, I won't write a book or show my DD around
This is a powerful story. Thank you for sharing it.

gromero's Avatar gromero 12:04 AM 02-12-2009
I went to a party when I was 17 and was raped by a guy I knew there. I woke up in the morning in a haze in a bedroom naked, with no memory of the night before.

My son is the result of that night. Not once did I want to abort...although I had lots of bleeding for a few months and was on bed rest, and part of me was 100% okay with the fact I might miscarry.

I wound up having a few other problems, but my son fought like crazy to survive and I felt if my baby was fighting this hard, then I needed to fight for him too.

I never told my family what happened, I lied to let them think it was some random one night stand. I would never ever want my son to find out what happened from anyone but me (my family is full of gossipers). I don't even know what I will tell him when that time comes, if it ever does; it is my burden to carry, not his. My dh has been raising him since he was 6 months old and we are in the process of him adopting him. :

The only unexpected thing I am dealing with his the paternal side of the family wanting to meet him. I have nooooo idea how we are going to deal with that.
phathui5's Avatar phathui5 12:37 AM 02-12-2009
I would plan to keep the child and raise it. If I didn't have kids, I might consider adoption, but I don't think I could do that now.
Valerie.Qc's Avatar Valerie.Qc 01:19 AM 02-12-2009
I'm not amazing, Life is.

I beleive this is an issue we can't take a decision about before facing the real thing. Sure, when we think about it, we might be revulsed by the idea of keeping a baby conceived in violence, but the reality might be different once you face the fact that a life is growing inside of you. There always at least two sides (or two choices): will you feel the Love or will you feel the Pain? No one knows.

That's why I can't tell what I would do if it was to happen again... I'd have to see how I feel to take a decision.
KnitLady's Avatar KnitLady 02:19 AM 02-12-2009
I would keep the baby. Thankfully DH and I agree on this. However I would never judge another woman who chooses differently.

Would you live in fear that the baby would turn out like the rapist? No. I believe so much is determined by nuture/environment.

Do you believe that could change if the child was shown love and compassion? Yes

How would you explain this to a child when they got older? I really don't know.

How would it go if you wanted to file for rape but decided to keep the baby? Again I don't know, but I'd see the baby as more important than a conviction.

Would you be worried about the affects it would have on the child later in life? Yes, to some extent. I would hope that years of us reinforcing that s/he was a wonderful surprise that came from a bad experience would be helpful. Diamond in the rough so to speak.

Do you think it would be difficult bonding? I would hope that I could fall in love with the baby during the pregnancy. I would try to concentrate on the fact that the baby is pure and innocent.
Dia's Avatar Dia 03:21 AM 02-12-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
Could you please link to these studies? The package insert for the drug claims that it can act to prevent a fertilized egg from implanting. (You can google Plan B package insert for the PDFs, I don't think we are supposed to link to PDFs here)

I also find it upsetting that the article uses real names and that this child's privacy has been taken. Of course, *I* would find the child being gone far more upsetting.
This is one of the most pervasive misconceptions about plan B and it really is unfortunate. The pill functions by preventing ovulation. It suppresses ovulation functionally in the same way the birth control pill does, so that your body does not release an egg. If you have already ovulated, it has no effect. Hence why the efficacy rate is around 70% (or so).

Its function is not to affect implanation. It affects ovulation.

One thing to keep in mind, BTW, is very, very many drugs *can* affect implantation, so often this will be included in the drug insert. this is a very different thing than saying, this is how the drug works to prevent pregnancy. Some stomach medications for example can theoretically interfere with implantation, and if you read the inserts you'd see the same indication. On the drug compaiy's part, it is an essential CYA insurance policy. Such drugs are no more abortifacents than plan B is.

Sorry if this it OT.

Coming from someone who works in healthcare here.
alicewyf's Avatar alicewyf 03:41 AM 02-12-2009
I would use Plan B immediately, and if it didn't work, I'd abort the baby without hesitation. I'm not carrying a rapist's baby. I'm pro-choice.

That being said, I would never abort the child of my husband, even if it were an accident.

Those two events are completely separate in my mind. My husband doesn't force me to have sex, therefore I am aware of and consent to the possibility I might get pregnant.

Rapists give women no such choice.
QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar QueenOfTheMeadow 01:24 PM 02-12-2009
I'd like to remind everyone again to choose your words with care. This a very sensitive subject. Thanks.
Mercury_Girl's Avatar Mercury_Girl 02:33 PM 02-12-2009
Well I'd do the Plan B pill & the RU-486 (or whatever it's called) if I could take it without having to POAS & I do think my ON/Gyn would let me. With my health a pregnancy could be horrific to the point of fatal, if I was a healthy person I'd just do the Plan B pill. If I still ended up pregnant I would either do the world's most open adoption or keep the child, I can't say for sure unless I was in that situation. I have placed a child for adoption when I was a teen so I do know the emotions there. I would have to see how my feelings evolved as the pregnancy went on. I would not be able to keep the child if the rapist would be involved with this child at all & I'm not sure where the laws are with that. With that said, I would support & understand any choice anybody would make & even be there in anyway they needed if they wanted me there.
phatchristy's Avatar phatchristy 03:00 PM 02-12-2009
When I looked up, I read that plan-B had a reported effective rate of 89% by the manufacturer.

Anyhow, here I can say that I think if I was in that situation I don't know what I would do. Probably first the plan-B. After that, I supposed I would just hope that worked.

I did know someone who went through something like that, in her case though (this was a while back, she's an older woman and I don't think they had plan B routinely) she said though that she couldn't keep the baby. The baby she birthed was of mixed race, with dark skin, hair and eyes it was obvious that it did not fit in with her other children (she had blonde hair/blue eyes as did her husband). So, she decided to place the baby up for adoption. Because she said she didn't want to keep on answering questions since it was obvious her husband was not the father.
Peppermint's Avatar Peppermint 08:16 PM 02-12-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freud View Post
No, not all emergency contraception is abortifacient. Plan B is not. Its main mechanism of action is to prevent ovulation, thus preventing fertilization. Studies have shown that it does not prevent a fertilized egg from implanting. Also does not harm an already implanted embryo.

To answer the OP, I would probably take Plan B immediately, and if that didn't work, then I'd probably keep the baby.

As a previous poster said, I was disappointed in the article linked in the OP. That little girl should not have to deal with any media attention at all and she should not have the intimate details of her life (if they are using her real name and/or she is easily identifiable) distributed to the world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dia View Post
This is one of the most pervasive misconceptions about plan B and it really is unfortunate. The pill functions by preventing ovulation. It suppresses ovulation functionally in the same way the birth control pill does, so that your body does not release an egg. If you have already ovulated, it has no effect. Hence why the efficacy rate is around 70% (or so).

Its function is not to affect implanation. It affects ovulation.

One thing to keep in mind, BTW, is very, very many drugs *can* affect implantation, so often this will be included in the drug insert. this is a very different thing than saying, this is how the drug works to prevent pregnancy. Some stomach medications for example can theoretically interfere with implantation, and if you read the inserts you'd see the same indication. On the drug compaiy's part, it is an essential CYA insurance policy. Such drugs are no more abortifacents than plan B is.

Sorry if this it OT.

Coming from someone who works in healthcare here.
Have you read the package insert for Plan B? Here is a quote for you:

Quote:
Plan B® is believed to act as an emergency contraceptive principally by preventing ovulation or fertilization (by altering tubal transport of sperm and/or ova). In addition, it may inhibit implantation (by altering the endometrium). It is not effective once the process of implantation has begun.
That does not read as a "CYA, this drug might accidentally do this" type of statement.

It is nice that you work in health care, however, many others (including my OB) believe that it (as well as regular BCPs) do work to make the lining of the uterus hostile to implantation. It is correct that it is not believed to harm the baby once implantation has already begun. All of that said, I know *very* few people will actually split the hairs necessary for this impacting their possible use of Plan B . Most pro-medical birth control people wouldn't have a problem with this no matter which way it works.
ShadowMoon's Avatar ShadowMoon 09:50 PM 02-12-2009
I would most likely terminate the pregnancy.
RetroMom's Avatar RetroMom 12:10 AM 02-13-2009
I would keep the baby and would love it just as I do my other children.
I think I would see a baby as being an opportunity to bring another precious life into this world and maybe bring some good out of something so evil. I don't think that I'd see or remember the attack every time I looked at my child. He/she would be his/her own person and deserving of love and family, no matter who the biological father might be.
I believe my husband would feel the same way. The baby would not be the crime, the rape would be. He is such a strong person, and I think he would separate the two. Just reminds me again how much I love him.
Freud's Avatar Freud 12:51 AM 02-13-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
Have you read the package insert for Plan B? Here is a quote for you:



That does not read as a "CYA, this drug might accidentally do this" type of statement.

It is nice that you work in health care, however, many others (including my OB) believe that it (as well as regular BCPs) do work to make the lining of the uterus hostile to implantation. It is correct that it is not believed to harm the baby once implantation has already begun. All of that said, I know *very* few people will actually split the hairs necessary for this impacting their possible use of Plan B . Most pro-medical birth control people wouldn't have a problem with this no matter which way it works.
Yes, I've read the insert; however, as I said in another post, more current research is showing the opposite. It is possible that the insert has not been updated.
nolonger's Avatar nolonger 03:55 AM 02-13-2009
i would personally keep the baby, but that is because of my life circumstances. I would support another woman's right to make a different choice in any way I could: drive her to the clinic, give her a shoulder to cry on, whatever she needed, with NO judgement.
Peppermint's Avatar Peppermint 10:37 AM 02-13-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freud View Post
Yes, I've read the insert; however, as I said in another post, more current research is showing the opposite. It is possible that the insert has not been updated.
I did see your post, but- I can't access the research you have seen, so- for now I have to go with believing what the manufacturer says about its medication, as at least possible. Can you honestly say that the research you have read recently is so complete/solid that Plan B *never* acts to make the uterine lining hostile?
IfMamaAintHappy's Avatar IfMamaAintHappy 10:47 AM 02-13-2009
I would have and keep the baby
liseux's Avatar liseux 11:10 AM 02-13-2009
"I would keep the baby and would love it just as I do my other children.
I think I would see a baby as being an opportunity to bring another precious life into this world and maybe bring some good out of something so evil. I don't think that I'd see or remember the attack every time I looked at my child. He/she would be his/her own person and deserving of love and family, no matter who the biological father might be." Retromom,

I thought this was so loving & so positive.
GooeyRN's Avatar GooeyRN 11:21 AM 02-13-2009
I would chose adoption, most likely. I would be afraid I would treat the baby different from my other kids, and that my dh may do the same. Would I see the rapists face every time I looked at the kid... I don't know. I guess I would have to wait and see until delivery, maybe I would have a change of heart and want to keep them... In that case, I would. Abortion would not be an option for me, but I don't know if it would be fair to the child for me to keep them. I guess I would have to wait until delivery to see what my feelings were, and at that point make the decision to keep them or chose adoption. I don't feel it is the baby's fault they were conceived, so I just could not abort.... I would still feel the pain of the rape, abortion or not, but then also have the pain and memory of abortion. That sounds really traumatizing to remember both the rape and the abortion... That just sounds like a sucky situation no matter how you look at it.
homebirthing's Avatar homebirthing 07:51 PM 02-13-2009
I would keep my baby.
wednesday2004's Avatar wednesday2004 08:14 PM 02-13-2009
I also would keep the baby. The way I would look at it is that my body did 100% of the work to grow the baby after the original sperm 'donation' so I'd consider the baby 100% mine. Also after doing geneology and family histories I noticed that the inherited looks and personality traits a child is born with may not be anything like the parents. The child could be a spitting image of great-great aunt or uncle somebody and look not even remotely like the childs actual parent and have a personality totally unlike anyone in the family. Then again the kid could be a spitting image but most likely not. I've known enough people in my life who've had a rotten parent or parents and they themselves were nothing like them so that knowledge would also be factored into my decision to keep the baby.
Dia's Avatar Dia 08:24 PM 02-13-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
Have you read the package insert for Plan B? Here is a quote for you:



That does not read as a "CYA, this drug might accidentally do this" type of statement.

It is nice that you work in health care, however, many others (including my OB) believe that it (as well as regular BCPs) do work to make the lining of the uterus hostile to implantation. It is correct that it is not believed to harm the baby once implantation has already begun. All of that said, I know *very* few people will actually split the hairs necessary for this impacting their possible use of Plan B . Most pro-medical birth control people wouldn't have a problem with this no matter which way it works.
I hope I didn't come across as a pro-medication kind of person, truth is you and I probably agree more about this we do not.

Yes I have read the insert. In my original post, I did not say it never affects implantation. It can - but this is not it's primary function. It would be similarly incorrect to say that the BC pill prevents pregnancy by making the uterus hostile to implantation (even though, it possibly does this too) - it works by preventing ovulation. To some people this is an important distinction.

I'll also say it again: many, many medications can affect implantation of a fetus. My point is that if a person thinks plan b is an abortion pill for this reason, they need to also consider birth control pills and other medications the same way. I might have been unclear.
Peppermint's Avatar Peppermint 10:51 PM 02-13-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dia View Post
I hope I didn't come across as a pro-medication kind of person, truth is you and I probably agree more about this we do not.

Yes I have read the insert. In my original post, I did not say it never affects implantation. It can - but this is not it's primary function. It would be similarly incorrect to say that the BC pill prevents pregnancy by making the uterus hostile to implantation (even though, it possibly does this too) - it works by preventing ovulation. To some people this is an important distinction.

I'll also say it again: many, many medications can affect implantation of a fetus. My point is that if a person thinks plan b is an abortion pill for this reason, they need to also consider birth control pills and other medications the same way. I might have been unclear.

It sounds like we agree completely.
hottmama's Avatar hottmama 01:20 AM 02-14-2009
I would choose abortion, but I have a friend who chose to keep a baby conceived by rape and I don't judge her at all. We're all lucky to have the choice!
amydidit's Avatar amydidit 01:48 AM 02-14-2009
I kept her.

DD1 was conceived through date rape. It wasn't even a hard decision. I don't believe in using the morning after pill or abortion. It's not my DD's fault how she came to live.

My feelings wouldn't change even if it had been stranger rape.
Dia's Avatar Dia 02:04 AM 02-14-2009
It really saddens me that there are mamas here who have had to make this choice.
InchByInch's Avatar InchByInch 02:26 AM 02-14-2009
I would keep my little one. I can't see how the circumstances of a child's conception would somehow invalidate their being, or make them less worthy to live.

A mother's love is one of the most powerful forces on earth; her child's love is pure and unconditional. Their bond is immutable, unshakable, though it be exposed to much hardship. The illnesses, the sleepless nights, the teething-- we endure it all in the name of love. It was St. Gianna who said you can't suffer without loving or love without suffering, and I believe her.

So I would accept (and return) my baby's love, even in the midst of my suffering in having been raped. Rape is never permissible, obviously, and my heart breaks for those who've endured it; but I do believe that good can come of evil, and that love is the only way to overcome it.

Love conquers all.
TefferTWH's Avatar TefferTWH 02:31 AM 02-14-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by RetroMom View Post
I would keep the baby and would love it just as I do my other children.
I think I would see a baby as being an opportunity to bring another precious life into this world and maybe bring some good out of something so evil. I don't think that I'd see or remember the attack every time I looked at my child. He/she would be his/her own person and deserving of love and family, no matter who the biological father might be.
I believe my husband would feel the same way. The baby would not be the crime, the rape would be. He is such a strong person, and I think he would separate the two. Just reminds me again how much I love him.
This is just gorgeous and exactly what I think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by amydidit View Post
I kept her.

DD1 was conceived through date rape. It wasn't even a hard decision. I don't believe in using the morning after pill or abortion. It's not my DD's fault how she came to live.

My feelings wouldn't change even if it had been stranger rape.
As another victim of SA here, ITA. There's no reason to punish the child for the father's crime. I didn't have to make the choice, but if I had, I wouldhave chosen a new beginning, a sort of genesis.
crissei's Avatar crissei 02:55 AM 02-14-2009
For me, pregnancy doesn't necessarily end with a healthy baby and a healthy mama.

The things I lived through; almost dying, sick baby, permanent damage to my body, long nicu stay, extreme financial hardship, etc.. are things I would have to take into account.

I don't want to abort, but I feel that is what I would do. I wouldn't want a heartless persons violent act, to turn into a tragedy that leaves behind a grieving widower and two motherless children.
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