Rudeness, is there ever an excuse for it - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 52 Old 02-21-2009, 08:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
Well, I could see that point of view, but I still think it's rude to interrupt, even if I feel that I have to do it. It illustrates the point though that sometimes you can be rude without malice, though.
But there is a difference between, "Dang, are you still going on?? The cows have come home and you're still flapping your lips!" and, "I'm so sorry to interrupt, your thesis about Russian/Polish relations at the end of the Cold War is really interesting. But I've got to get home."

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#32 of 52 Old 02-21-2009, 10:25 PM
 
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But there is a difference between, "Dang, are you still going on?? The cows have come home and you're still flapping your lips!" and, "I'm so sorry to interrupt, your thesis about Russian/Polish relations at the end of the Cold War is really interesting. But I've got to get home."
I'm just going to keep following you aroundon this thread and going like this: :

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#33 of 52 Old 02-22-2009, 06:40 AM
 
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I think rudeness is acceptable in situations where you have to set bounderies in families. Toxic relationships come to mind. And other less toxic ones that just invade your space and you have to be rude.

I know I came off as rude tonight as I told my mom that my daughter could not go with her. I have to protect my children, sometimes at the expense of other family members.

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#34 of 52 Old 02-22-2009, 10:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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: adding toxic relationships. That is a huge one.

In my op situation, I would be so : if I were being considered toxic.

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#35 of 52 Old 02-22-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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I think a lot of people mistake matter-of-factness for rudeness.

There are a lot of things I do and do not consider rude, that will probably be perceived as rude. Like the other poster mentioning refusing food. Well, if I am allergic or don't like it, I will refuse it politley. If someone thinks I am rude, that is their problem. I think it is rude that they want me to be ill for the sake of not hurting their feelings

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#36 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 04:17 PM
 
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Personally I think there is a distinction to be made between rudeness of speech and rudeness of action. There are a lot of things people say that get labeled as "rude", where I actually consider them to be more "nosy" than rude (i.e. asking a pregnant woman what she's having). Lack of tact is also often labeled rudeness, when it is more about frankness or bluntness. Not to be confused with intentional cruelty, of course, which is in a category all it's own. The only real rudeness of speech I think I've dealt with is when someone is upset about something and decides to take out those feelings verbally on someone else (whether related or not). And I will admit to occasionally succumbing to that myself (like when dealing with the phone company). This does not apply to your average online communication though, which seems to have become a free-for-all for everyone to be as nasty as they like.

But rudeness of action is an entirely different matter. And has become all too common. Walking down the sidewalk three abreast so anyone going the other direction has to step into the street to get past you; jumping in front of someone else in the grocery store check-out line; stepping out into the crosswalk without looking to see if the oncoming traffic has room/time to stop; cutting someone off in traffic to the extent they have to slam on their brakes or hit you; being told the delivery/installation/repair person would be there between 8 and 12 and he doesn't show up until 3 (or doesn't show up at all). Those are all examples of rudeness of action in my opinion, and all of them have become common everyday occurrences. These fall mostly into 2 categories... being inconsiderate of the people around you, or putting the people around you (and yourself) in danger - which can also be called inconsiderate, I suppose.

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#37 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 04:34 PM
 
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Had to chime in on the pedestrians not looking for cars in crosswalks being rude thing.

Cars are supposed to look for pedestrians, not the other way around. Pedestrians always have the right-of-way. Cars are deadly weapons (was nearly killed by someone not paying attention a few months ago, so I know this pretty intimately), therefor the onus is on the drivers of them to exercise caution, not the non-deadly pedestrians!

Crosswalks are designed for the express purpose of pedestrian safe-crossing in traffic, remember? Drivers are *supposed* to respect that!
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#38 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 04:37 PM
 
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Had to chime in on the pedestrians not looking for cars in crosswalks being rude thing.

Cars are supposed to look for pedestrians, not the other way around. Pedestrians always have the right-of-way. Cars are deadly weapons (was nearly killed by someone not paying attention a few months ago, so I know this pretty intimately), therefor the onus is on the drivers of them to exercise caution, not the non-deadly pedestrians!
They do, but things happen and putting yourself out there under the mindset of 'I have the right of way no matter what' doesn't keep you from getting hit by a car. There should be a certain amount of common sense that goes along with it.
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#39 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 05:33 PM
 
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Common sense or no, there's no excuse, or justification, for blaming pedestrians when cars hit them. Cars are supposed to watch out for them. Cars are deadly weapons. Pedestrians are not. They are fragile human bodies, which do not remotely compare to speeding hunks of steel!

If a driver cannot respect that, in my opinion, they should be relieved of their license. They are dangerous. They will kill people. Someone like that almost killed me.
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#40 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 05:38 PM
 
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Common sense or no, there's no excuse, or justification, for blaming pedestrians when cars hit them. Cars are supposed to watch out for them. Cars are deadly weapons. Pedestrians are not. They are fragile human bodies, which do not remotely compare to speeding hunks of steel!

If a driver cannot respect that, in my opinion, they should be relieved of their license. They are dangerous. They will kill people. Someone like that almost killed me.
Where did I blame anyone for getting hit by a car?
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#41 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 05:42 PM
 
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Common sense or no, there's no excuse, or justification, for blaming pedestrians when cars hit them. Cars are supposed to watch out for them. Cars are deadly weapons. Pedestrians are not. They are fragile human bodies, which do not remotely compare to speeding hunks of steel!

If a driver cannot respect that, in my opinion, they should be relieved of their license. They are dangerous. They will kill people. Someone like that almost killed me.
:

I totally agree. My DH's BF in college WAS hit by a car, while in a crosswalk, with the right of way. He almost died and was never the same after this.

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#42 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 05:43 PM
 
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Had to chime in on the pedestrians not looking for cars in crosswalks being rude thing.

Cars are supposed to look for pedestrians, not the other way around. Pedestrians always have the right-of-way. Cars are deadly weapons (was nearly killed by someone not paying attention a few months ago, so I know this pretty intimately), therefor the onus is on the drivers of them to exercise caution, not the non-deadly pedestrians!

Crosswalks are designed for the express purpose of pedestrian safe-crossing in traffic, remember? Drivers are *supposed* to respect that!
But there is such a thing as pedestrian error. There are rules that pedestrians are supposed to follow. A car swerving to avoid a pedestrian who doesn't follow the rules can cause a deadly accident in the process, perhaps hitting another car in the hopes of avoiding the pedestrian. Pedestrians do not have the right to jump out into the street, whether in a crosswalk or no, and expect every driver to have super-human reflexes. In many states a pedestrian must show an intent to cross the street before actually entering the street, and much make eye contact with oncoming traffic before crossing.

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#43 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 06:01 PM
 
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But rudeness of action is an entirely different matter. And has become all too common.
YES. I hadn't even thought about the distinction, but ITA.

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#44 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 06:20 PM
 
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But bullets are not deadly weapons, but they are when they are put into a gun. Just because pedestrians are made only of flesh and bone, does not mean that they are harmless. Yes, drivers of cars have a greater responsibility, but not the only responsibility. Pedestrians can and have caused accidents, and have been the sole cause of accidents. Just because cars have a greater responsibility doesn't mean that pedestrians have no responsibility.

FWIW, I have been struck by a car before...

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#45 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 06:40 PM
 
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I don't believe I ever said anything about the laws governing pedestrian right-of-way, or anything about a pedestrian being hit by a car being at fault.

What I said is that it is RUDE in the extreme for a pedestrian to jump into the crosswalk without even looking if there is a car coming, and if that car has room to stop. Particularly in the dark, whether I'm "paying attention" or not, having a pedestrian stepping out into the middle of the street without even LOOKING whether there's a car coming is DANGEROUS. Legal right-of-way doesn't mean jack if someone is dead. The simple act of looking before stepping out into the crosswalk can prevent an accident.

And for what it's worth, here, the pedestrian does not ALWAYS have the right-of-way.

Do you teach your children that just because they have the right of way they don't need to look both ways before crossing the street? I highly doubt it. Because we're all aware that right-of-way doesn't mean jack in a competition between vehicle and pedestrian.

And I'll point out that it's just as rude of the drivers to ignore the fact that I'm already in the crosswalk when they decide to proceed through the stop sign.

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#46 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 06:50 PM
 
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I've been hit by a car (the driver of which was greiving, in an unfamiliar city, and very very sorry for the accident) in a crosswalk, when I had right of way. He just wasn't paying attention. I don't think he or I were rude in that situation. We were very nice to one another, actually. It truly was an accident.

I've seen many rude drivers, I've seen many rude pedestrians. It is rude of pedestrians to cross against the light, and especially wander across the street against the light. Cars should not hit them, but I think it's reasonable for drivers to be upset, to honk, and to call the jaywalkers rude.

There are many reasons for rudeness, from obliviousness to the simple fact of living in a crowded society. Attention and time (and money) are at a premium, and sometimes although it's "rude," I don't help others so that I have enough time and attention for my own family. I can only give so much, and I prioritize that attention to my own kids and those I know.

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#47 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 06:51 PM
 
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I'm going to teach my kid to be careful, sure.

That doesn't mean that drivers shouldn't bear the primary responsibility to exercise caution on the road. They are the most likely to kill, therefore they should bear the responsibility.

In a contest between a car and a body, the car will always win. That's why driver's should be obligated to drive safely and not hit people...up to and including bearing total responsibility if such an accident should occur.

If you can't pay attention when you're driving, you shouldn't be driving. Eventually, you will kill someone. Even if that someone is *only* yourself, you are a danger on the road if you can't be bothered to take your responsibilities as the operator of a deadly weapon seriously.

All done thread derailing now.
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#48 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 07:21 PM
 
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It's not always about paying attention. Often a pedestrian jumps out into the street. I can pay attention all I want and still not be able to avoid hitting him. Each person is individually responsible for their *own* safety. No, I don't want to hit a pedestrian (and I'm often a pedestrian) but the only person 100% responsible for your safety is you. I am 100% responsible for my own safety and that of my children. I am not 100% responsible for the safety of anyone else in the world.

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#49 of 52 Old 02-23-2009, 09:02 PM
 
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That doesn't mean that drivers shouldn't bear the primary responsibility to exercise caution on the road. They are the most likely to kill, therefore they should bear the responsibility.
While I disagree, I was unaware that that was the topic of conversation under discussion. I got into a conversation about rudeness, and I will stand by my original assertion that it is rude of a pedestrian to step out into traffic without looking, just like it is rude of a driver to proceed through a stop sign when a pedestrian is already in the crosswalk. At no point was I making any assertion about law, responsibility or anything of that nature. I was simply talking about courtesy.

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#50 of 52 Old 02-25-2009, 07:54 AM
 
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I totally agree. My DH's BF in college WAS hit by a car, while in a crosswalk, with the right of way. He almost died and was never the same after this.
I absolutely agree! I myself was almost hit at a crosswalk by a driver. A lot of times the drivers don't even look both ways, or give the pedestrian time to cross because they're soo impatient about having to wait another time for the arrow to turn green. You're right though, cars are obviously going to be the winner vs a person. So many drivers assume pedestrians don't exist.
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#51 of 52 Old 02-25-2009, 01:23 PM
 
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My SIL is racist, classist, and totally self-absorbed. (After my grandmother's funeral, we were looking at old pictures of my grandmother's family, and she insisted that their life was so much easier than ours -- just look how happy they look in the pictures! My grandmother grew up during the Great Depression and even after her family got back on their feet she had to drop out of college to support the younger kids when her father died. She spent 40 years in an abusive marriage. But her life was soooo much easier than SIL's -- grew up in a middle class family, went to private school, parents still pay part of her support, etc. )

Yes, when she breaks out with the n-word or goes on a rant about the less affluent people in her neighborhood, I feel compelled to be rude.
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#52 of 52 Old 02-26-2009, 04:27 PM
 
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Well I can think of times when in so many words I've told people to screw off, but this would be when they decided ( they being complete strangers) to insert themselves in my life and decide to parent my special needs kid for me. So in my mind it was a tit for tat situation. Mature? No. effective? Yes. I hold nothing back for someone who decides they know more about me and my life and my kids than I do.

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