Has anyone lost a friend to facebook? - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-11-2009, 03:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have to come to terms with a friendship that is done. My friend has discovered facebook and online bars and stuff. She doesn't come over for playdates with her kids anymore.

Last night I called her house and her husband answered the phone. He said she was sleeping (it was before 9) and I said I would talk to another time.

Later, close to 11. I went online and she was on facebook....this isn't the first time I have called and haven't got an answer or her husband told me she wasn't available only to log on and notice her name on the chat area.

So....should I stp trying?
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Old 03-11-2009, 06:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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am I the only one?
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Old 03-11-2009, 06:25 PM
 
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wow...thats horrible..but are you sure shes online? my puter isusually on but im not here lol
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Old 03-11-2009, 06:26 PM
 
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Several of my friends now think that a "poke" on facebook is the equivelent of keeping in touch and have replaced nice phone calls and personal email with status updates and games of fb "tag". It sucks.

I think fb can be a fun way to connect with friends, etc. but is NOT a replacement for friendship.

I'm sorry your friend has gotten sucked in. She'll probably get bored with it soon and be longing for quality communication.
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Old 03-11-2009, 06:32 PM
 
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I don't do Facebook so I don't really know how it works. My friends who are on it seem to be reasonable with the amount of time they spend on it but I do have to admit that one time I was visiting a friend and she went and checked FB in the middle of a conversation :. That was a little annoying.

As far as the sleeping then being on FB later, it is possible that was legit. She may have been sleeping earlier (not feeling well?) but then woke up and went on FB. Or maybe she was awake when you called but not feeling up to a call.

Alternatively, I don't know how your online status works at FB but I know that it probably looks like I'm on Mothering all day because I leave my computer on most of the day and I usually have MDC up in one of my windows.

Could she be depressed? Some of the behaviour you describe does kind of seem that way.

Or she could just be incredibly rude and you should let her go (not before letting her know that you feel like FB is more important to her than your friendship).

Good luck

Martha
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Old 03-11-2009, 06:38 PM
 
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I don't think your friend did anything wrong or rude by going on Facebook before calling you back. I'm not on Facebook, but I can totally see myself popping on to MDC or another online community with every intention of return my friends call later when I know I would have more than just a few minutes.

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Old 03-11-2009, 06:43 PM
 
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Oh, I think I misinterpreted the OP, I thought you called your friend before 9 am (not PM) and she was sleeping according to her DH. Well, maybe she was resting with a little one and then got up later to go on the computer. I guess I just feel like in a secure friendship it wouldn't be any big deal if someone's DH said they were sleeping and then later they were on the computer. I might do that myself some evenings, and just because I don't want to talk on the phone it doesn't mean I'm being rude. If she's avoiding returning your calls, and also not seeming to want to get together, well maybe the friendship is changing.

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Old 03-11-2009, 07:27 PM
 
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You should talk to her about it. Maybe email her your concerns?

I don't have facebook but my gmail chat thing is always saying im on when im not because my puter is almost always on, even when im not home And my email tab is still open. Not the best habit.
Another thought. I hate talking on the phone. I usually put off calls till the last minute, even if a friend or family member is waiting to hear from me. Everyone knows this about me tho. It mostly stems from not owning a phone for several years. I never really feel confident when using one
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Old 03-11-2009, 07:33 PM
 
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Not specifically Facebook, but I've lost a friend to an on-line community. I know on-line is really attractive/addicting in the beginning. It's a whole new world opening up. So expecting some time for "new discovers" to calm down and not spend every waking moment either on-line or talking about on-line is part of life these days. But seriously, if a person is canceling lunch plans and not going out of the house every weekend for years so they can post on-line with their "real" friends, something is out of hand.
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:42 PM
 
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I have to say I think it would be presumptuous to assume that just because facebook has her listed as "logged on" that she really is actively on. Mine is usually up all night because I check it before going to bed. When I put the computer on sleep mode, I've been told ppl see me as being logged into facebook and try to "poke" me but I don't respond - because I'm SLEEPING

Also ppl with iPhones or other ways of linking to facebook seem to ALWAYS appear logged on for some reason, don't know why.
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:47 PM
 
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Not sure if you should stop trying... just maybe back off (that sounds harsh, but it's the only term my sleep deprived pounding brain can come up with) for a little while and see what happens? Like just don't put much effort into it. If it fizzles out, it fizzles out.

Honestly, FB's been my easy way of catching a few IRL friends on chat and catching up or planning a playdate or girl's night out - quicker than email and no screaming banshees in the background like on the phone.

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Old 03-11-2009, 10:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aprons_and_acorns View Post
Oh, I think I misinterpreted the OP, I thought you called your friend before 9 am (not PM) and she was sleeping according to her DH. Well, maybe she was resting with a little one and then got up later to go on the computer. I guess I just feel like in a secure friendship it wouldn't be any big deal if someone's DH said they were sleeping and then later they were on the computer.
:

Maybe it was just a nap.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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Old 03-11-2009, 10:03 PM
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Originally Posted by daekini View Post
I have to say I think it would be presumptuous to assume that just because facebook has her listed as "logged on" that she really is actively on. Mine is usually up all night because I check it before going to bed. When I put the computer on sleep mode, I've been told ppl see me as being logged into facebook and try to "poke" me but I don't respond - because I'm SLEEPING

Also ppl with iPhones or other ways of linking to facebook seem to ALWAYS appear logged on for some reason, don't know why.
That's true...............FB keeps you "on" forever, it seems like.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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Old 03-11-2009, 10:35 PM
 
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Also, she might think it's too late to call - I wouldn't call a friend after say, 9:30 - I'd worry about waking the kids.
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Old 03-11-2009, 10:42 PM
 
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I'm not sure I even want to know what an online bar is...

sorry you're going through this. I agree that the sleeping issue may be legit. Perhaps try to bring up with her (I prefer in person, second on the phone, 3rd via email) that you feel like you're drifting, but without being accusatory. See where it goes...
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Old 03-12-2009, 01:36 AM
 
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maybe she is mad at you about something else?

Mama to Amelia - age 6

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Old 03-12-2009, 02:18 AM
 
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Yeah I don't think I'd be dropping a friend over this. Maybe she really was sleeping and just got up later on and figured it was too late to call you, or maybe she just really didn't feel like talking on the phone? Sometimes I don't feel like having a conversation, I just want to left alone for a little while. Or maybe she just never logs out?
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Old 03-12-2009, 03:07 AM
 
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I keep my laptop plugged in (so I don't have to worry about the battery) on my kitchen counter and I frequently get distracted and walk away, only to come back a while later and see the top still up. I have FB set up as one of my homepages, so I'm sure it's forever showing me as 'on' even when I'm not.

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Old 03-12-2009, 04:40 AM
 
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mine always says online....

i know the phone is a mostly welcome addition to our society in general.... but i could list about 50 reasons why i may not feel up to taking a call at 9 p.m. or anytime really.

i know people that dislike this quality about me, but i start to resent people that think i need to answer or come to the phone whenever they decide to call.

that sounds snotty, but i do not mean it that way. I just mean that i may not feel like chatting on the phone while i nurse my babe, or something, but i wouldnt mind looking at pics oe something on facebook.

im not a fan of the phone.

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
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Old 03-12-2009, 09:09 AM
 
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Personally, I wouldn't fret. I am a fb addict, so I speak from experience here.

First of all does this woman have young children? Generally I don't call other moms who have kids in the evenings b/c I know I am too busy with my own kids so they must be as well. In fact, it really bothers me when someone calls after say...7:30. I get all my phone calling in HOPEFULLY before dh gets home (though not always ). Evenings belong to the family. But that doesn't mean I can't check in on fb. Also, I check in there because atm it is the only way I am in contact with my brother who doesn't exactly have his crap together. So there really are a million reasons why she may have declined a phone call and then later fb'ed. And she really could have been sleeping too. When I put my kids to bed I usually fall asleep. Sometimes I just don't get up and sleep in there for half the night.

If you are truly have concerns about your friendship then bring it up. But I wouldn't worry about fb...it doesn't replace flesh and blood.

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Old 03-12-2009, 10:08 AM
 
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Last night I fell asleep putting my son to bed. Woke up at 1130 pm and decided to go online for a half hour or so. Should I have instead called back the friend who had called me at 9pm? Don't think she would have liked that!

If you care about this friend, talk to her instead of speculating.
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