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#31 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 01:29 PM
 
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He is 21. An adult. If he wants things done his way, he can pay for his own place and do things in his own place the way he wants them.

I also fear if he becomes a police officer. I can smell the lawsuits now.
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#32 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 01:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kennedy444 View Post
Your house, your rules.
If he doesn't like it, he should leave.
This.

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Originally Posted by MissLotus View Post
While I do think it makes sense to lock the door, it's your own house and you have a right to live how you want. I don't understand why he thinks he can get away with speaking that way to you, AND it's not even his place! Isn't it time for him to leave?
And, this.

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Originally Posted by HarperRose View Post
His attitude screams power trip and DV issues.

<snip>

Your brother needs to grow up. And he's going to continue being this way until he does.
And, this.

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Originally Posted by YesandNo View Post
It's not about the door locking. It's about respect. He called your opinion "stupid" and when you said you didn't want to have to deal with keys he said you were "lazy". This is utterly rude. Not acceptable even if he wasn't taking advantage of your kindness in letting him stay with you.

<snip>

If he complains, just say that any adult with a job can reasonably expect to pay living expenses WELL over the cable bill and $100/month for rent. That's absurd for someone who treats you so badly.
And, this.

OP: Your brother is being a verbally abusive UAV. Why on earth is he living with you?

I don't necessarily agree that he should pay 1/3 of the rent. I had a roommate who rented one of three bedrooms from me and my ex. We charged him a little less than a third, because a) it was the smallest room, and b) the common areas were very much ours and were full of our stuff. (Actually, he paid 1/3, but that included food and toiletries...he ate like a bird - dumb expression, as birds eat a lot - and was out a lot.) But, he certainly paid a much bigger share than 1/14, plus cable!! That's outrageous. I'll probably charge ds1 more than that.

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#33 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 01:59 PM
 
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I'm going to be in the minority here (uh, the only one?). I agree that he should not live there if you're not happy with the situation in general, but I kinda see his point. Yes, he was way too rude about it and shouldn't have veto power paying so little rent, but he's got a point if you read behind the rudeness. My brother lived with me when he was around that age to get his life together. Your brother sounds so much like mine did. I can totally see those texts happening (and worse!). That doesn't mean he's a bad guy (unless he actually IS, I don't know your brother, but I doubt he is or you wouldn't have him living with your family). I guess I just don't get why locking doors is a big deal. If you know he will lock you out, have your keys ready. It's not that hard. It's much safer for your stuff and family. I guess that would be the compromise. If you leave when he's not home, you can leave them unlocked and he can get mad. If he leaves when you're not home, he locks the door and you have to get your keys out and you get mad. Seems about even to me. OR you can just always have your keys out, it'll become a good habit, and you won't get mad about it. :

Honestly, I think he went about it wrong, but the default should be doors locked, not unlocked.

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#34 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 02:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Monarchgrrl View Post
the default should be doors locked, not unlocked.
well that can be your default, but the OP said that there are people coming and going all the time and locked doors dont work for them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Monarchgrrl View Post
If you know he will lock you out, have your keys ready. It's not that hard. It's much safer for your stuff and family. I guess that would be the compromise.
(not trying to be snarky, i swear!) where is the compromise in that?

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#35 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MadiMamacita View Post
well that can be your default, but the OP said that there are people coming and going all the time and locked doors dont work for them.


(not trying to be snarky, i swear!) where is the compromise in that?
I just meant that in general, when people are not home, doors locked is the default, so I don't think her brother's request is crazy. I understand that the default in her house is unlocked and he really doesn't have veto power because he knew it before he moved in, I'm just saying that I don't think it's an unreasonable request.

And, yeah, the compromise isn't really one. Just that no matter what someone will be mad about it. She could just keep doing what she's doing, but she'd gotta expect him to do that same. I don't think anyone can make someone lock or unlock doors. Honestly, I just think she should start carrying her keys to her door so she won't be caught off guard when he does lock them. Eventually she'll get used to it. Or maybe she can convince him to text her when he's leaving and locking the doors.

I guess I'm just not doing a good job of thinking about it as in the "principle" of it like other posters are. I'm just looking at it as the doors unlocked thing. I think she should compromise on this issue.

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#36 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 04:05 PM
 
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It's an apt..
then nevermind, I think this replaced their old deadbolt.
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#37 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 04:22 PM
 
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I'd kick him out. Sorry, but my house, my rules. Tell him to get his own place, and he can lock all the doors and put bars on the windows if he likes.
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#38 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 04:30 PM
 
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I shudder to think what a horrible police officer he's going to be. He's going to be the cop who tased the mom and left her children unattended in the car by the side of the road.

Sorry, I'm another one for kick his ass out. He doesn't get to dictate how *your* household runs, or call you stupid and lazy.

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#39 of 39 Old 08-31-2009, 05:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RiverSky View Post
I'm very confused as to why he is getting such cheap rent. If it's a 3 bedroom apartment and he has one room, then he should be paying 1/3 of the rent...
: Like, he's paying a whopping $200, when he should be paying more like $466. This is the real world, and his "rent" is practically like living somewhere for free. He obviously doesn't appreciate that. And to boot, he's totally walking all over you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Monarchgrrl View Post
...I don't think her brother's request is crazy....
I don't think it's crazy to want to have your possessions locked up safe either, but he's not "requesting", he's demanding, forcing it on her by locking the door anyways, and then belittling her when she asks him not to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Monarchgrrl View Post
...I think she should compromise on this issue.
HE isn't compromising. She even asked that perhaps he could send a text message when he locks the door so she knows it's locked; and his reply was basically that she should just assume that he's going to do what he wants no matter what she says.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticmomma View Post
...We are going to lock his room...
That was going to be my suggestion as well. That's good compromise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticmomma View Post
...He does get some input though, as he is on the lease (anyone over 18 must be)....

I'm sorry, but NO. He gets NO input just because the building management requires his name on the lease. That's your home, and he lives with YOU as per a private agreement. I don't care if he WAS paying 1/3 of the rent, it's still YOUR home. I'm not suggesting you be a total b*tch and not compromise, but he'd better not be walking all over you, belittling you and telling YOU what's what. If he has a problem, you're open to negotiations that work for everyone. He's welcome to present his side, you present yours, you each bring forth any details that may affect the final decision and then you reach an agreement. If he cannot negotiate fairly, then he really does need to find somewhere else to live. Life's not a free for all.

WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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