Awkward Situation At New Chiro's Office - WWYD? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I went to a chiropractor this morning. This isn't my first time going to a chiro, but it was my first time at this particular office. I *really* liked his office and I also liked him. I think he will really help improve my overall health, not just my neck and back issues.

But...during my appointment, he repeatedly referred to me as "Young Lady" and "Kiddo." He never once called me by name. He is *maybe* 10 years older than I am. I am 35 years old and a mother of 4! I do look young, but he had my file (with my date of birth!) and I also mentioned that my oldest is in high school. It made me feel very uncomfortable and even demeaned in a way. He was very friendly, very professional, but I do NOT want him to call me those names. Chiro appts. tend to make me feel awkward anyway - they are (to me) very physically intimate, and I wish we had a female chiro in our area, but we don't. So I'm already feeling kind of awkward, and then to be called "Kiddo" and "Young Lady" on top of it is just too much. I can't imagine that he refers to his male patients my age as "kiddo!"

So...what do I do? I'm already dreading going back tomorrow and hearing myself referred to as a child. I feel uncomfortable (and I shouldn't, I know!) about just asking him to stop to his face - this is someone I'll be seeing a few times a week for multiple weeks, and I don't want things to be strained between us - though of course they're already strained on my end! I would rather not find a new chiro if I can help it - his is the closest office to my home, and I do feel like he's a good one. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

A happy woman
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#2 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 01:00 PM
 
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when he says - welcome back kiddo - just look him in the eye and say - hey I've had 4 kids - let's stick with Mary (replace w/ real name) and smile.

still learning
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#3 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 01:10 PM
 
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Yeah, what she said. I think I'd say something similar. I tend to make jokes when I'm uncomfortable so I'd likely try and find a funny joking way to do it.

Good luck!

Sandra SAHM to Kayleigh and welcoming Emily January 2010
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#4 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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I once berated a doctor for calling my honey. I was in high school and told him my name was NOT Honey and I could show him my BC if he needed proof.

He never did it again.
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#5 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 01:44 PM
 
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I'd probably give him a weird look and say, "You do realize I'm 35, right?"

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#6 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 03:01 PM
 
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Maybe call him something like "buddy" or "tiger" or whatever else people call little boys (which drives my eleven year old CRAZY!!!)
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#7 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 03:05 PM
 
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Call him kiddo back. Constantly.
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#8 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 03:10 PM
 
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I guess I'm the odd one out

While I really dislike being called 'young lady' or 'miss', I like kiddo

it makes me feel young (and my dad calls me kiddo- so maybe some familiarity)

If I were uncomfortable, however, I would simply say "I'd prefer it if you call me _____.. thanks!"

He's a professional, and he shouldn't be phased by someone asking to be called by their name. If he is, then it's time to find a (nother) new chiro..

(eta: I like the calling him kiddo idea- though I'd crack and start LMAO..)

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#9 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 03:24 PM
 
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By the way, I totally get it. I'm 31 with 4 kids and rather accustomed to people referring to me by such names, and labor/delivery nurses assuming I'm a teen mom.
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#10 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 03:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by operamommy View Post
But...during my appointment, he repeatedly referred to me as "Young Lady" and "Kiddo." He never once called me by name. He is *maybe* 10 years older than I am. I am 35 years old and a mother of 4!
I have no suggestions, but oddly enough, the nurse at my doctor's office kept calling me young lady, and maybe even kiddo once when I went in last week for a pap smear, and I swear I am older than she is. I'm in my 40s. It almost seemed like she was trying to put me at ease or something, like she was nervous for me. I thought it kind of funny in my situation, but I can see how it would be annoying in yours. I like the idea of calling him Tiger or Buddy when he calls you Kiddo.
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#11 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 03:48 PM
 
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When my brother was 17 my mom's new boyfriend called him 'Tiger'

*I* thought it was funny.. (brother didn't.. which was even funnier!)

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#12 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:03 PM
 
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Call him Chief or Sport or Kiddo right back. Then say, "My name is _____ and I'd prefer it if you called me that."
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#13 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:08 PM
 
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He may be doing it because he is bad with names. Some people refer to everyone as honey or kiddo or whatever because of that. If that's the case...you will likely not be able to fix it.

Or he may have just had a bad day and couldn't remember your name (since you are new). If that's the case a gentle reminder might work.

Never doubt that a small group of committed, thoughtful people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead
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#14 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by elisent View Post
Call him kiddo back. Constantly.
See, this is actually what I do when waitresses call me "sweetie" - which drives me bonkers! But, I'm not ever going to see them again!

Gah, I cannot believe how stressed I am about this.

A happy woman
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#15 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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He may be doing it because he is bad with names. Some people refer to everyone as honey or kiddo or whatever because of that. If that's the case...you will likely not be able to fix it.

Or he may have just had a bad day and couldn't remember your name (since you are new). If that's the case a gentle reminder might work.
I'm having a hard time picturing him refering to a male patient as 'honey' or 'kiddo' though..

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#16 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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I'd kind of laugh and say "Thanks for the complient! I answer better to Mary though." I'd just keep it light hearted and good natured and then if it continued I'd be more straight forward.

I do think it would be really funny for you to call him other nickname terms though!

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#17 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:34 PM
 
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that would bug me, but i'm not confrontational enough (or maybe it wouldn't bug me enough?) to ask the person to stop. i figure, it's their personality quirk, not something that reflects negatively on me. it doesn't mean i'm a kid. it means . . . he's weird?

i can kind of understand him trying to create that dynamic of him being paternal, so that there's less male-female tension, even though it's a stretch since there isn't much of an age difference.

however if it really does bother you enough to say something, i think saying "it's (your name)," when he calls you something other than your name is a good plan, just as you would if he called you something close to your name that wasn't quite right (like kathy instead of katie, or something).
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#18 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:35 PM
 
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No advice. My chiro calls me "kiddo" too. He is definitely 10 years + older than me but I am NO kiddo.

I kind of like it though... When I get called "mamn" I feel old. So I will take kiddo.

Maybe it is a chiro thing? LOL!

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#19 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:46 PM
 
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No advice. My chiro calls me "kiddo" too. He is definitely 10 years + older than me but I am NO kiddo.

I kind of like it though... When I get called "mamn" I feel old. So I will take kiddo.

Maybe it is a chiro thing? LOL!
Maybe you have the same chiro!
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#20 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 04:51 PM
 
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say, "My name is _____ and I'd prefer it if you called me that."
That is what I'd do.
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#21 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 05:02 PM
 
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I don't let anyone talk to me that way that I am paying.

I tell them their fired and I tell them why and I move to a different care provider. I believe they won't learn the behavior is inappropriate otherwise.

This happened with an OB and an emergency doc before.
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#22 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 05:07 PM
 
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I don't let anyone talk to me that way that I am paying.

I tell them their fired and I tell them why and I move to a different care provider. I believe they won't learn the behavior is inappropriate otherwise.

This happened with an OB and an emergency doc before.
hmmm.. seems a little harsh to me

I tend to think that the older generation sees these nicknames as a nice thing, and they (usually, in most cases) aren't meaning to offend anyone. I would absolutely give him another chance, unless I thought he was acting sexist and trying to be rude/inconsiderate..

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#23 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 05:11 PM
 
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the woman who owns the local coffee shop seems to call all female customers under 40? kiddo... maybe older even... I'm 37 and have 3 kids and I find it kind of cute... of course, I had the womyn at Tim Horton's say "thanks, my luv" which I found a little personal, but you know my final feeling on the matter is that there is so much negative crap in the world that if someone wants to use a term of endearment that is meant that way and not intended to be offensive at all, then why knock it? maybe if everyone started referring to everyone else as my luv and actually let that filter out to the universe maybe it would be a better place!
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#24 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 06:35 PM
 
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Call him kiddo back. Constantly.

"Pops."

mama to Joey (1/04) and Teddy (4/08) :
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#25 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 07:09 PM
 
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"Pops."
dang it, where is the "my drink just sprayed out of my mouth all over the keyboard" smilie?!
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#26 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 07:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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"Pops."
Oh my gosh. That is perfect! I don't know if I have the guts to use it though - maybe if I say it in an obviously joking way he'd take the hint?

I was thinking about using a pp's idea of just saying, "Oh, it's Gloria" and acting like he just couldn't remember it so I was reminding him, but geez...."Pops" might be too good to pass up!

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#27 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 08:51 PM
 
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I don't mind when women call me sweetie, hon, whatever. But when strange men do it, it feels sexist.

I wouldn't be comfortable with a chiro who called me kiddo and young lady, either. Speaking up with some variation of "I like to be called [my name]" would be difficult for me because I'm a non-confrontational person, too... but I would either HAVE to, or find a new chiropractor.

The thing is, in order to be adjusted properly, you need to be able to keep your body relaxed. If you are tense because the chiro is calling you nicknames you're not comfortable with, even just subconsciously, your muscles are going to be too tense to be adjusted correctly. And that's no good!!

There was a female chiro in my area whom I went to for a year or so until she moved away, and her adjustments were amazing. I told her happily one day that she was the chiro who was able to get the most movement out of my neck/spine, and she laughed and said that the reverse was true - I was the patient she was able to get the most movement out of as well! And I believe it was largely because I was more comfortable with her than I'd ever been with the previous male chiros I'd been to. I don't like being touched by males I don't know, is what it comes down to, and it was always hard for me to let down my guard enough to let some strange man CRACK MY NECK, you know?? It takes such trust.
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#28 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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I'm having a hard time picturing him refering to a male patient as 'honey' or 'kiddo' though..
He may have a different thing that he calls all the male patients...they may all be 'sport' or 'buddy'.

Never doubt that a small group of committed, thoughtful people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead
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#29 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 08:59 PM
 
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Whenever I call my 3 year old "kiddo" she turns to me very seriously and says "I am NOT a kiddo" Maybe that'd work

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#30 of 30 Old 09-24-2009, 09:20 PM
 
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It's probably a case of patient overload. A lot of medical professionals do this simply because they see so many people. I'm a nick-name-aholic, so I can't say much. If it bothers you, let him know or it's only going to get worse. Tell the receptionist if you don't want to tell him yourself.
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