Originally Posted by BarefootScientist
I would love to hear more about your experience if you would like to share.
Well...I dated a guy who had previously been a very close friend. At the time we met, we both identified as bi and he dated a female and a male friend of mine during our friendship. A couple of years into the friendship, after a period of not talking to each other because he had revealed romantic feelings to me that I was not ready to deal with, we reunited and almost immediately began dating.
He made a lot of statements about wanting to marry me, etc. and then I came up for a visit to the college he had moved away to for grad school, where he was very active in the GLBT community, and it was obvious from people's reaction to me that he had been representing himself as gay. We had a lot of talks about it and he explained that he had not met any women he was attracted to since we had stopped talking and he started to believe that he was gay, but when we reunited he discovered that he was still very much physically attracted to me.
Well, eventually the wheels came off. He started acting distant and not inviting me to events on campus, we decided to cool off on the marriage talk but still keep seeing each other, and eventually he revealed during a visit to my house that he had started dating a man, which ended our dating, the friendship, and our association with each other all at once.
We did have one phone conversation after that during which we discussed conditions by which we might be able to preserve our friendship- the condition I named was that I wanted him to sit down, really think about what had happened between us, and write me a letter explaining his side of everything that took place and his feelings about it, and I would read it and write back.
I never got the letter and have never heard from him again.
I was crushed, confused, etc. and it took me a long time to get closure without ever getting to talk to him about what went on. I realize now that his relationship with me, while I believe that it was based on real feelings and even physical attraction, was his last ditch attempt to find out if he could be happy in a relationship with a woman that went beyond sex and carried over into his day-to-day life, and it turned out that he can't. There are varying degrees of attraction to different genders in each person and I believe that his particular flavor of queerness is that he is sexually attracted to women and capable of having relationships with them on some level, but he finds true emotional fulfillment and love, in addition to sexual attraction, with men.
As far as his decision to stop talking to me and not do the work to resolve things between us, I eventually came to the conclusion that I can't be responsible for his issues and I can't make him responsible for my healing. I had to just move on and get over it, and lovingly release him.
My mantra for letting go of people when we have unresolved issues in this life is to take a moment to focus on that person in my mind and then say to them, "(Person's name), I release you from our ancient, twisted karma". Basically a more New Agey way to say "I wish you the best, now F off"