Do black people scare you? - Page 41 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Do Black People Scare You?
Yes they do 76 5.03%
Only black men or big black people 112 7.42%
Of course not that's just racist 1,000 66.23%
other 322 21.32%
Voters: 1510. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 01-15-2008, 03:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd View Post
I should probably go back and read this thread. I was here when it started and I remember all the bad blood that led up to it. I just didn't want to get into it back then, and I will probably regret joining in now, lol.

So, I'm not afraid of black people, even big black men, because I don't see black people as potential criminals. Obviously if someone was acting weird or suspicious, I'd get nervous. But just seeing a random person on the street doesn't get my guard up.

However, I do get tense when I talk to black people. I guess I'm socially afraid of them. Part of the problem is probably that I don't know any black people. Honestly, I never really thought about it before. I know people of other nationalities, sexual orientations, etc. I have friends of both sexes. I actually thought I was reasonably diverse until now.

The truth is, the only black people I ever encounter are random strangers in line at the grocery store, etc. I don't have any black neighbors. There are no black kids at DS's preschool. I really never thought about it before, but I guess I live in a really white area. I guess I know a few black people through DH's work. He used to teach GED, and some of his co-workers were black, and some of his students. Now he teaches at a community college, and he says he still has about 20% black students, but almost all the teachers are white, FWIW.

Anyway! I digress. I think the social tension I feel when I meet a black person comes from my fear that they don't like me because I'm white. I guess I have the sense that black people think white people are a**holes, for a lot of valid reasons I might add. Maybe I feel guilty for being white? It's possible, though I think I feel more nervous than guilty. It's hard to relax when you feel like the person you are talking to doesn't like you, right off the bat.

Please pardon my rambling post. This is something I am just now really thinking about. It's hard to get over feeling judged by black people, when I don't have much contact with them. And how do I go about increasing my contact with black people? Ha ha! It's an offensive concept, even. Hey, you wanna be my black friend? You can help me work through my issues about black people having negative perceptions of whites! Good times.
Famous,

You remind me of some of my friends. Just a couple of weeks ago, someone made a comment that hurt me, and (thanks to MDC) I let the person know how it made me feel, and why. We still don't agree on some things (of course), but it's cool to know that he understands I experience different social behaviors than he does. It opened up a terrific dialogue, and we have become a lot closer since.

I really don't want people to be afraid to talk to me, and I also don't want them to be afraid that sometimes I am also going to express my frustrations about certain topics, including race. It doesn't mean I am accusing the person for the sake of being white, ykwim? I talk about the same issues with black people, latino, asian, first nations, etc.

Does some of your tenseness come from knowing thus subject may be brought up in not-so-distant-from-the-present conversations? I ask purely out of curiosity, if you don't mind.
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Old 01-15-2008, 04:01 AM
 
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exactly...

the other thing that hits a nerve for me is the argument that a black woman started the thread. My response, OKAY, and what? 1 Black woman does not represent me, or the masses of unoffended, offended, or uninterested black people in the world or MDC.

I get that these conversations need to happen, but a part of the conversation will lead to the fact that people will get hurt. The sad part about this thread is that the people that are getting hurt, even by the title, or black people.

I have to say that this thread has changed my view, level of trust, and interest in MDC. I have tried really hard not to just walk away and say MDC folks blah blah blah, and realize that this would be me grouping everyone together and making a broad assessment. But anywho, I think I need MDC rehab, because I keep coming back, even tho I am pissed...
Me too. I log on and read, but I mostly stay out of the loop unless I see discussion that has moved me to post.

The experience here reminds me of my experience freshman year in college, at a predominantly white university. I have mentioned this before. I had hope, and idealistic understanding that I was stepping into an environment where I (and black folks) could be seen as individuals, and not this monolith created by the media. Some of the posts here have literally turned my stomach with the deja vue.

I was just thinking yesterday that maybe I should have been banned for real.
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Old 01-15-2008, 10:35 AM
 
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For me personaly the first book on the effects of racism that really struck me, that was written on a level I could absorb, is Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum.

There are other women here much better read than I who will chime in, I am sure.

Oh,,, and I haven't read her yet, but bell hooks. Anything by bell hooks.
This book looks perfect!

Thank you!
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Old 01-15-2008, 11:11 AM
 
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To those offended/upset by this thread, please don't be.

It's a very brain-expanding thread. Even to some of us who thought we were on top of the whole thing and open to it all and heck, no, I'm not racist ... well, some of us have had those assumptions turned over and our minds opened to things that just flew right past our radars. Like me, for instance.




And though she doesn't hang around here much anymore, am thanking mahdokht for starting this thread. A little belated, perhaps. But very heartfelt.
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Old 01-15-2008, 05:47 PM
 
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Does some of your tenseness come from knowing thus subject may be brought up in not-so-distant-from-the-present conversations? I ask purely out of curiosity, if you don't mind.
No, I would actually be relieved to talk about it and get it out in the open. It's worse to imagine the other person is harboring all these secret resentments.
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Old 01-15-2008, 06:59 PM
 
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Sigh...
Probably going to get myself in trouble, but here goes.

I tutor a young black woman in chemistry. Am I afraid of her? No. In fact, when I went to her house, I was less afraid/cautious than I was when meeting my other client, a white male. Why? Because it was a female contacting me rather than a male.

I am, however going to admit to being very apprehensive every week when I go to her house. No, I don't fear for my life. I am always afraid of making the same stupid comments/asking the offensive questions that boodafli mentioned. Do I dispute her right to be offended? No. But she is a sweet girl, and I would never want to hurt/offend her.


I, too, am sorry that this conversation is so hurtful to some, but I am glad that it exists. It is good to know where people stand, and it is good to discuss it.

And, more, it is a way to make changes.

What I've read here can change how I think/behave. And how I raise my kids.

Homeschooling mom of 2 rambunctious, loving, spectacular boys, wife to an incredible man who has been my best friend on this journey <3

 

 

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Old 01-15-2008, 07:50 PM
 
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I think it is possible to be offended by some of the posts or the poll results. However, the op's intention, if I might speak in her stead, was to shock people. I think she intended for people to feel uncomfortable, get offended but then do something about it. I don't think it is possible to have a convo about race and things not get emotional. It's no big deal as long as people are sensitive and responsible for their words. Bottom line is we must all examine ourselves and do the unpacking of said baggage! For me, MDC represents a microcosm of my world--both good and bad. I try not to get too scathed by things people say but I dern sure will speak my mind and take my licks when necessary.
Honestly, I've loved this thread. It's been incredibly enlightening. I just feel badly that some people have been hurt by it. I guess it's hard to have a discussion about race and racism without there being hurt feelings. It's an incredibly big subject wtih so many facets. It can be overwhelming.

 
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Old 01-15-2008, 07:50 PM
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the other piece too, is that a lot of times, we're willing to dismiss racism in the face of 'something bigger'. for instance, that whole ron paul thing. here's a link showing some of the racist statements from his newsletters. http://reason.com/blog/show/124339.html

in it, you'll find that he says 'we are told that it is EVIL to be afraid of black men. but that doesn't make it irrational.'

and yet, there are people who are willing to overlook that sort of vitriol, because he's anti-war.
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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the other piece too, is that a lot of times, we're willing to dismiss racism in the face of 'something bigger'. for instance, that whole ron paul thing. here's a link showing some of the racist statements from his newsletters. http://reason.com/blog/show/124339.html

in it, you'll find that he says 'we are told that it is EVIL to be afraid of black men. but that doesn't make it irrational.'

and yet, there are people who are willing to overlook that sort of vitriol, because he's anti-war.

Wow! That's awful. How can people look at that and not see racism?. It seems to me that that's a glaring example of it.

 
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Old 02-01-2008, 04:51 PM
 
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We all know that we shouldn't be afraid of black people, but how many are being honest when they say that they aren't?
Uhhhh. What? I really am not afraid of very many people. I am brushing up against people with African genes day in and day out and if I had any kind of fear reaction, that would be sad and I should probably see a shrink about that, not a diversity trainer.

I have fear reactions to people about twice a year and I stay the F away from them. The last two were men and not African-descended as far as I can tell.
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Old 02-01-2008, 08:03 PM
 
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Uhhhh. What? I really am not afraid of very many people. I am brushing up against people with African genes day in and day out and if I had any kind of fear reaction, that would be sad and I should probably see a shrink about that, not a diversity trainer.

I have fear reactions to people about twice a year and I stay the F away from them. The last two were men and not African-descended as far as I can tell.
I think the Ron Paul quote sums up the HONEST sentiments regarding race, statistics, crime, and fear of more people than are willing to admit it (whites AND POC):

'we are told that it is EVIL to be afraid of black men. but that doesn't make it irrational.'

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What a catch-22 that is. If a white person says they are not afraid of black people, they are lying? That puts a damper on the honest conversation then, doesn't it? Is that really what you meant to say or have I misread it.
Just looking at the poll results, comparing them to my daily experience, the racial fear and hostility I see everywhere I go, the constant narration of ignorance and my own occasional fear-reactions spurred in part in sex/race/age stereotypes... I see a discrepency. I think it's more a matter of idealism and racial-bargaining than lying, at least deliberate lying. But anyway, no, I would never tell you what's in your heart or mind. I can only say that I look at the poll results, I look at the world I live in, and I think some people must be hiding from some uncomfortable truths about themselves.
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Old 02-01-2008, 08:43 PM
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Just looking at the poll results, comparing them to my daily experience, the racial fear and hostility I see everywhere I go, the constant narration of ignorance and my own occasional fear-reactions spurred in part in sex/race/age stereotypes... I see a discrepency. I think it's more a matter of idealism and racial-bargaining than lying, at least deliberate lying. But anyway, no, I would never tell you what's in your heart or mind. I can only say that I look at the poll results, I look at the world I live in, and I think some people must be hiding from some uncomfortable truths about themselves.
Don't forget the sample bias built into the survey here.

You're assuming MDC is an accurate representation of the world "in general" and I don't think that's the case. (There's some site out there that shows demographic stats on MDC users, but the url escapes me at the moment.) Your "honesty check" for the poll here should be based on your interaction with "the MDC demographic" in the world at large, not the actual world at large.
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Old 02-02-2008, 05:25 AM
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Don't forget the sample bias built into the survey here.

You're assuming MDC is an accurate representation of the world "in general" and I don't think that's the case. (There's some site out there that shows demographic stats on MDC users, but the url escapes me at the moment.) Your "honesty check" for the poll here should be based on your interaction with "the MDC demographic" in the world at large, not the actual world at large.
yeah. and i agree, based on my sample check...the numbers don't really reflect reality.
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Old 02-28-2008, 11:51 AM
 
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Me...heck no.
But then again, I grew up around people of all backgrounds, have friends of all backgrounds and have hung out w/ Muslimahs of all backgrounds. Ive also lived much of my life near parts of the city that are "deemed" heavily black.

My only issue w/ anybody is people, regardless of their ethnic background, is those use their poverty as an excuse to be rude and crude. Thats my only issue w/ people in general-race doesnt matter.

And I hope no one takes my comments as comments coming from a lily white girl in an ivory tower...Im FAR FAR FAR from that, but id rather not go into personal details.
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Old 02-28-2008, 11:55 AM
 
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crayon, I have to respectfully say again, that I think your views are really naive. I have grown up in a place where diversity is abundant. When a black kid walks into a liquor store before school to grab a candy bar, even in the suburbs, or probably more often in the suburbs, he is followed around, given suspicious looks and knows that everyone will be relieved when he leaves without stealing or robbing the store.
actually you also get this treatment if your a Muslim women in hijab-don't matter whether your in the city or the 'burbs...though being a urbanite myself, usually people are used to people of all walks of life and so its not so "obvious"...but in the 'burbs its blatant! They might not think your a thief but they are still suspicious of you.
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Old 02-28-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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So, I'm not afraid of black people, even big black men, because I don't see black people as potential criminals. Obviously if someone was acting weird or suspicious, I'd get nervous. But just seeing a random person on the street doesn't get my guard up.
I think when you live in an urban area this is especially true...like you train yourself NOT to notice CERTAIN sketchy things and to just get out of the way/area as quickly as you can. Doesnt matter the peoples race...its what their doing that matters more. Recently I had to unschool my definetly UN-streetsmart husband NOT to stare at people who look like they are doing a drug deal. Okay like...you DONT look, trying to figure out what they are doin'!
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Old 02-28-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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So, I'm not afraid of black people, even big black men, because I don't see black people as potential criminals. Obviously if someone was acting weird or suspicious, I'd get nervous. But just seeing a random person on the street doesn't get my guard up.
I think when you live in an urban area this is especially true...like you train yourself NOT to notice CERTAIN sketchy things, while being hyper aware of whats going on around you at all times, from all angles and to just get out of the way/area as quickly as you can. Doesn't matter the peoples race...its what their doing that matters more. Recently I had to school my definetly UN-streetsmart husband NOT to stare at people who look like they are doing a drug deal. Okay like...you DONT look, trying to figure out what they are doin'!
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Old 02-28-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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I miss Mahdokht. She was awesome & challenging all in one.

Aussiemumhippie.gif (40), DH caffix.gif (39), DD reading.gif (13), & DS 2whistle.gif(11).

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Old 02-28-2008, 01:30 PM
 
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I miss Mahdokht. She was awesome & challenging all in one.
Word.
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Old 02-28-2008, 05:13 PM
 
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I miss Mahdokht. She was awesome & challenging all in one.

And beautiful and kind and patient - and kickass when you needed it.

I learned so much from her.
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