Would you use this name? - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-03-2010, 03:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I put this here since I'm more interested in the reasons why/why not and the debate itself, than whether it's a good name.

Feel free to insert your own personal favorite boys' name if you don't like the one I'm talking about.

Several members of your family (though further back than anyone currently living) share the name Sebastian. Your husband also chose Sebastian as his confirmation name years ago. Your SIL considered it when she was having a son, but chose another name, mostly because of pressure from her own ILs. Your BIL named his second son Sebastian. We've pretty much established that everybody likes Sebastian, but it's taken now, right?

What if your BIL doesn't call his son Sebastian? He is addressed exclusively by his middle name, which is unrelated and sounds very different. His first name is used only on official documents.

Would you consider naming a hypothetical future son Sebastian? What if they attended different schools, lived in different towns (nearby though, and many people would know both), had different last names, and only saw each other on birthdays/holidays? What if you were finding it near impossible to agree on another name? If not, would it be more acceptable to use as a middle name?

We debated this for months since we didn't know what we were having! And I'm sure we'll debate it again someday.

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Old 02-03-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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we considered sebastian- DH's grandfather's name.

In your situation, yes, I would use it.

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Old 02-03-2010, 03:39 PM
 
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yeah, i would. a family name can be used more than once per generation, especially when the other one goes by his middle name. we have cousins both named kenneth: one is kenny, the other goes by his middle name. also, i have friends who are first cousins, both named ryan, went to school together in the same grade and everything! (different last names though.) i sometimes wonder what their parents were thinking, but the ryans didn't seem to mind.

eta: sil had a name chosen for her second child, if it was a girl, but it was a boy. when her sister got pg with a girl, she convinced her to use that name because she wanted *someone* in the family to use it!
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:46 PM
 
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Yes, I would use it, if that's the name I liked. I probably wouldn't if a close family member or friend used the same name and they lived nearby and we saw them frequently.

OTOH, we chose a fairly popular name for our dd, and we knew it was likely that there would eventually be some other girl with the same name in her life, even if we didn't know anyone at the time. Sure enough, her BFF has the same name, and they go through life being called "Firstname Lastname" or "Firstname Surname Initial" by everyone - including me and the other mom when they are together.

If you really like it and it's agreeable to your partner too, I would go ahead and use it.
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:50 PM
 
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I have a Sebastian in my life. It's a good name.

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Old 02-03-2010, 03:58 PM
 
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The names Joseph, Matthew and Donald are used by several men and boys in my husbands family. There are currently 4 Donalds - Don, D. Mark, Jared D. and DJ (Donald Joseph, but goes exclusively by his initials).

I would definitely use it if I loved it.
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:59 PM
 
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Yes, I would use it. Since it's so ubiquitous in your family, I don't see it as being "taken," I see it as upholding the family tradition to use it.

ETA: I don't really get the whole "taken" name thing though. I honestly wouldn't care if a close friend or family member used the same name for their kids that we used for ours -- it wouldn't diminish my kid in any way, you know?

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Old 02-03-2010, 04:08 PM
 
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Yes I would use it, I don't think its a big deal. I have a Sebastian, it is a pretty great name

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Old 02-03-2010, 04:41 PM
 
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Yes, I would use it. Especially as it is a family name.

My husband and my brother have the same first and middle name. The names go back several generations on both mine and my DH's family tree. We didn't feel that anyone had a greater claim on the name, so guess what? Both my son and my nephew have the same name and they go by the same nickname. If my sister has a boy, chances are she will use one of the names. Same goes for my SIL. I think it is a wonderful tradition that the kids will all be able to share.

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Old 02-03-2010, 04:50 PM
 
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Sure, I'd use it under those circumstances. A family name will often be used by more than one cousin.

My dh had one sister and only 2 female cousins (close...growing up together on the same block). Not using their real names, the pattern is: Margaret, Christina, and Margaret Christina + same last name. Obviously no one considered the names "taken"!
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Old 02-03-2010, 05:26 PM
 
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I wouldn't use it. i don't even like Junior-ing, and the idea of repeating a name when there are so many other great choices just doesn't work for me.

I have a cousin with the same name as me (first and last). We never see each other, but it can be confusing when people google us (we're both writers, too). I've had people add me on facebook thinking I was her, received emails that were meant for her, etc. Nothing that's a big deal, but SO unnecessary. Her parents didn't have to use a name that was already in use in the family.

Sebastian is a great name -- I really like it on its own. But personally, enough is enough, and I wouldn't use it if so many others in my or my partner's family were using it.

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Old 02-03-2010, 06:00 PM
 
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Given the information provided, I would use the name.

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Old 02-03-2010, 06:02 PM
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I would.
We have three cousins right now that have a variation of the same name, ages 16, 12 and 5. One is Alexander (who is called Alex) One is named Alex, not shortened and one is called Alec. Doesn't bother me in the least. They all have different surnames.
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Old 02-03-2010, 09:48 PM
 
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I'm of the "you shoudl use whatever name you like, regardless of every single other family in existence has used that name fo rtheir child"
Having a family member, or friend, name their child a name doesn't mean that name is "taken". They don't "own" it. Thats just insane. If you like it, use it. If you dont like it, don't use it.
The only exception to that rule is if a childs own sibling also has that name. (a la george foreman, lol) I don't think 2 brothers should both be named "jack" for example. thats just lame. But any relation less than actual sibling is fine.

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Old 02-03-2010, 09:58 PM
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Yes, I would definitely be willing to use it under those circumstances. My parents avoided a family name because a cousin, born just months before my brother, got it. We NEVER see that cousin. I wouldn't recognize him if he knocked on my front door. Even if it's a close family, since the other child goes by his middle name, I think you are fine to use it. If you are worried about it, you could ask the BIL if he would mind.

Oh, and Sebastian is a great name!

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Old 02-03-2010, 10:41 PM
 
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I wouldn't, personally, but it's totally up to you
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Old 02-03-2010, 10:44 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Jessy1019;15021744]I wouldn't use it. i don't even like Junior-ing, and the idea of repeating a name when there are so many other great choices just doesn't work for me. /QUOTE]

I feel the same way. Use another name and if you must.... stick Sebastian in as the middle name.
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Old 02-03-2010, 11:12 PM
 
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Sure, if that's the name you like and want to give your (hypothetical) ds.

Of course in the name of full disclosure, both of my little brothers are named Robert. Robert Glenn is called Glenn and Robert William is called Bobby. We also have an Uncle Bobby and our grandfather is Glenn.

I'm Kristina called Kristy and so is my aunt.

Also my cousin and I both have daughters named Katherine and called Katie though there is a big age difference. My Katie is nearly 2 while my cousin's Katie is in college.

Quote:
Originally Posted by doubledutch View Post
eta: sil had a name chosen for her second child, if it was a girl, but it was a boy. when her sister got pg with a girl, she convinced her to use that name because she wanted *someone* in the family to use it!
That's how my sister got her first name. My dad's brother had all boys and loved the name Wendy. So my parents used the name for my sister.

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Old 02-03-2010, 11:16 PM
 
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i need opinions on this too- and it's a pretty similar situation..

for us, it's the first name of my fil, and the middle name of ds1 and my bil.. but the only other name dh and i agree on is "Simon"

really don't know what to do..
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Old 02-03-2010, 11:23 PM
 
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Yes, I would use it.
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Old 02-03-2010, 11:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by limabean View Post
Yes, I would use it. Since it's so ubiquitous in your family, I don't see it as being "taken," I see it as upholding the family tradition to use it.

ETA: I don't really get the whole "taken" name thing though. I honestly wouldn't care if a close friend or family member used the same name for their kids that we used for ours -- it wouldn't diminish my kid in any way, you know?
I honestly don't get it either. In my family we use family names over and over - I have several first cousins with the same first name as me, and it has never bothered any of us. To us, a family name means a lot more than one pulled out of nowhere just to be different.
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Old 02-03-2010, 11:31 PM
 
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Have not read any of the other responses. . .

Totally fine. If the child relative is never called by said name, who cares?!

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Old 02-03-2010, 11:49 PM
 
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I say use it. Family names are good things. I have two cousins with the same name, both named after different family members. One of those cousins has even gone on to give his son the same name.

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Old 02-03-2010, 11:57 PM
 
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I wouldn't use it. i don't even like Junior-ing, and the idea of repeating a name when there are so many other great choices just doesn't work for me.
That assumes there are so many other great choices... subjectively, there might not be many other male names the OP likes.

I probably wouldn't personally use a name my SIL used, because we see each other very often (plus, she named her kid Benedict, which... anyway. Carrying on.) I'd use a name my cousin in Australia used, because I never see her and the kids would have different surnames.

If you love the name, I say go for it, but be prepared for some confusion. (Might happen anyway though - my best friend had the same name as me when we were small, so I got called Firstname Initial for years. Lived to tell the tale.)

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Old 02-04-2010, 12:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MadiMamacita View Post
we considered sebastian- DH's grandfather's name.

In your situation, yes, I would use it.

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Old 02-04-2010, 12:29 AM
 
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I love the name Sebastian, but it's the name of our cat so DH vetoed it


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Old 02-04-2010, 01:49 AM
 
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I would use it. But I think the whole "You used this name, so now it's taken and I can't use it" is silly. He's your child- name him what you want!!!! *Pbbbt* on everyone else.

When DS was born we took a day or two to decide on his name. Our families went NUTS! You would have thought he was going away to college nameless. Anyway, my FIL said "You guys had better pick a name fast because R & M (DH's cousins who were due a few months after us) have already decided on Nathan for their boy."

Ummmm.... what?????? If it's "taken," then its "taken" no matter when we name our kid!!! And screw you- we'll name our kid whatever we want!!!

Should've named DS Nathan Nathansky the Nathanness just to piss 'em off.

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Old 02-04-2010, 02:16 AM
 
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We have the same issue in our family except with the name James. I have two cousins named James after other relatives. It's never been a problem.

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Old 02-04-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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No I wouldn't except as a middle name - assuming I'm understand this correctly. Your BIL is your DH's brother, yes? Same last name? And you want your son to have the same first name as his cousin, is that right? For me the fact that it was already "taken" would be irrelevant, however, having seen and dealt firsthand with the confusion and potential financial mess that can come from having the same name as someone else, I would run far and fast away from putting a child in that situation. My ex was a junior. Bank accounts, credit card statements, credit reports - basically you name it and at one point or another it ended up crossed with his dads. While married to my ex, my name was Kimberly Thomas. Want to take a guess how many of those were in the state of Missouri (hint it was well into the upper hundreds!) - and I too had bank accounts crossed and received various collection calls for other people etc. (On my student loans I was listed as Kimberly Maiden - Thomas and got called at work for a Kimberly Thomas I'd never heard of because, hey I had a similar name maybe it was me or I knew them. Huh??) The fact that my middle name was different never made a difference. I couldn't imagine putting someone through that kind of mess intentionally! Now if the BIL's Sebastian has a different last name than your child would, then I see no issue with it.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No I wouldn't except as a middle name - assuming I'm understand this correctly. Your BIL is your DH's brother, yes? Same last name? And you want your son to have the same first name as his cousin, is that right? ... Now if the BIL's Sebastian has a different last name than your child would, then I see no issue with it.
They would have different last names. BIL is actually DH's half-brother. I wouldn't even think of it with the same last name ... my mom has had tons of problems with my dad's cousin's ex-wife sharing her name. Bill collectors, getting weird mail, even nearly being arrested, etc, and that's with different middle names too! So I'm pretty sensitive to that.

Thanks for all the responses! I'm really intrigued by people's feelings about names. I'm a total name nerd.

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