Anyone have a good MIL? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 06:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The evil MIL is a cliche, and I've noticed a lot of negative MIL threads lately. Honestly, it makes me nervous about ever having a son.

My MIL is nothing like me and can get on my nerves in a major way, but she's never deliberately tried to hurt me and I don't think she's truly bad. In fact, i can point to several good traits. Still, man, she bugs me sometimes.

Anyone here ADORE their MIL, or is the relationship just naturally adversarial?

Eta: of course, my dd could marry a woman and I'd get a DIL that way. Sorry to be heterocentric

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
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#2 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 06:57 PM
 
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Oooooh, me, me, me!
I love my MIL. I love all my husband's family, but especially my MIL and FIL. Everyone loves them. My husband and I and all the kids and kids-in-law bring extra people home all the time. They are just the warmest, most genuine people ever. They are full of life and are always interested in new people and ideas and things.
They have a big dairy farm where people love to spend time. They like to make beer (and drink it!) and have big get-togethers for almost any occasion with lots of food.
We are city folk (who long to be country folk) and we are atheist while they are quite religious, but they aren't judgmental about our differences of belief at all.
Of course she might get on my nerves sometimes, but I love her very much and feel like I got a great bonus family when I married my husband.
Melinda
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#3 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:00 PM
 
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My relationship with my MIL started out all wrong. And I blame her! She was really controlling of DH and did some really crazy stuff, and blamed me that he wasn't putting up with it anymore (ironically, I really wasn't to blame... at first I knew nothing of it, and the first time I heard about it my initial reaction was to encourage DH to give into her, idiot me). There were fights. There were manipulations. There were attempts to control money, violate privacy, forbid DH (who was fiance at the time) to live with me, etc. Threatened not to come to the wedding.

I can't believe it but it actually changed. Over the past three years she's been a terrific MIL. Not even a hint of the previous craziness. The only thing she still does is get on DH's case about him not calling her enough... but now that I think about it, that hasn't even happened for at least 6 months. I actually look forward to visiting with her (which is saying a lot because I'm not even all that big into family in general). I even pick up the phone now and call her, just to talk (in the beginning I would NEVER do that, EVER).

So, it happened in a roundabout way, but yes, I have a good MIL

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#4 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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Well new DH"s mom I met a couple times. She lives out of state and she's pretty cool. I love that she extended breastfeed, coslept and left her son intact like I did mine (oh and she had him at home too!)

DX's mom I'm still very close to since she's been my MIL for 12 years and the only family I have here in missouri. My daughter that I have with DH will call her Nana just like my other kids do.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#5 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:09 PM
 
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Mine's not terrible. She's a little crazy, but she means well.
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#6 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:12 PM
 
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I truly love my MIL. She's a complete germophobe but otherwise lovable

Actually, that's my step-MIL, though. My "real" MIL is another story... but I don't count her as my MIL. Step-MIL is much more involved with us. Our oldest child actually told us when he was about 6 that he thought DH's actual mom was "a friend or neighbor."
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#7 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:22 PM
 
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I love my MIL! She is very whimsical. For instance, her birthday is March 1st, and she asked me if I wanted to drink castor oil to bring the baby on her birthday! She did that with DH, and he was born on *her* mother's birthday. I think it is hilarious. She always makes a lot of great food, and she's really, really sweet. Maybe my in-law relationship is easy, though b/c they live in Africa, and we seldom see them.

I do think she is a wonderful person, though. She made a very sweet son, so there you are.

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#8 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:22 PM
 
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My dh and I BOTH lucked out on our ILs. Never has there been a single problem between any of us.
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#9 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:45 PM
 
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I have a fabulous MIL! I love having her visit, and love going to visit her. I remember when I first met my DH's parents, I asked him if they could adopt me. Now (and even before) DH and I are married, I am treated like one of their own. We don't always agree on things, but she 100% respects my parenting, even when she does not agree with it. I could not ask for a better MIL.

Oh, and I have to say, when I had my m/c, she and my own mom split caring for me when my DH was out of town for work. I don't think you could ask for anything more.

Cristina, Mama to Michael 03-16-06, Nathan 01-16-11, and an angel 01-20-09,
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#10 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:47 PM
 
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Yes, I adore my MIL, and that's saying something since there aren't that many people around that I adore.

I have felt nothing but love and acceptance from her since the first time I "met" her on the phone (she lives in another country). I don't think I'll ever forget the first time I met her and FIL after making the long journey to their home. I wasn't sure if I should hug her, shake her hand, etc. and was a little worried that the big introduction would be awkward, but she immediately reached out and gave me a great big hug, and all those worries disappeared. I felt like I was her long-lost daughter. That entire trip she was eager to learn all about me and my family, and she made sure I didn't go hungry for even one second.

You can just feel the love she has for her family. She'll wake up early every morning to make breakfast and coffee for everyone, she does household chores, cooks for hours at a time, etc. and you never get the sense that she is at all bothered by this or wants anything in return. She would clearly go to the ends of the Earth and back if it would make life a bit easier for her family. I know my parents and FIL will be thrilled to hear that we're expecting our first, but I'm most looking forward to telling my MIL. She's going to be SO happy!

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#11 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 07:56 PM
 
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Me! I love my m-i-l, we lived with them for about 3 months before they moved away to do full-time mission work. My in-laws are both amazing and I wish we got to see them more often.

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#12 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 08:22 PM
 
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Count me in. We live in the same town as my DH's family and on the opposite side of the country from mine. It would never work if the situation were reversed. I actually get along much better with my MIL than I do my own mother.

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#13 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 08:26 PM
 
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Me!!! I adore his entire family. His mom is such a sweet woman and genuine and just all around lovely. we live a couple blocks away from his parents. In fact they are the reason we live where we do. DH is the one who got the bad MIL.

Give more**Expect Less
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#14 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 09:07 PM
 
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I love my MIL. We have wildly different opinions on the hot-button-topics like religion and politics, but we are united by many things, like love for family, desire to have a good time. She has helped me more than I can tell you (I have cancer) and been supportive of my choices as far as birth and parenting.

I am astoundingly lucky! Mother to my beloved child since 01/06/07. Fighting cancer since 09/06/07.
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#15 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 09:08 PM
 
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I adore DP's mom. She's sweet, very natural minded, and respectful of our parenting choices. We don't see her as often as I'd like but when we do it's a pleasure.

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#16 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 09:24 PM
 
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I like my MIL. She has had a few crazy making moments (i.e., she expected to bring her dog to my wedding in a tux and have him sit on his own chair) but in the grand scheme of things I like her. I call her quite a bit to keep her updated on the children's lives so I actually talk to her more than my DH.

Now my SIL are a different story!
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#17 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 10:16 PM
 
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I LOVE mine! DW was her only chance to have a Son in law and she really wanted one. Well, one of her 3 brothers could have been gay, but they aren't. My DW basically came out to her by introducing me as her girlfriend at her brother's engagement party. That was totally awkward. But we each drank a bottle of wine and I decided to show off my horrible Spanish skills (she's Spanish speaking) and she laughed and laughed at me all night. It was great! She's loved me ever since and calls up DW just to see how I'm doing. I specifically asked her for permission to propose to her daughter, instead of asking DW's dad. That touched her a lot. She lives about an hour from us and we don't see her as much as we'd like because of work schedules. I hope that she's around more once we have a baby. She's completely AP-minded, so that will be awesome! She is very sweet and caring and I love her so much. When DW and I got married I gave her my great-grandmother's rosary that was blessed by Pope John Paul II as a MIL gift. She's catholic, so I knew it would mean a lot to her.

I think the biggest reason why there is such a sterotype that often turns out to be accurate is because it's got to be hard for mothers to "let go" of their sons (or daughters) and turn their happiness and livelihood over to another woman. Mothers are so used to supporting and being needed by their children, that it has to be difficult to not be needed anymore because of another person in their life. If you think about it, the relationship between mother and child has been that way (changing, of course) for say, 25-30 years by the time another woman comes into the picture. And then it's supposed to change drastically overnight? And it would be so much harder if the two women don't click right away. Moms are supposed to be happy that their child is happy, but what if you don't like who they picked as a partner? I can say from my own experience about my brother's wife, that it's not always the MIL's that suck. Some DIL's really suck, too! But if you heard her talk about it she'd say she has a horrible MIL. I also think there are really high expectations put on MIL's and DIL's by each side. Maybe if expectations were lowered and the relationship was just allowed to be what it is and grow and change organically, then there would be happier MIL-DIL relationships out there.

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#18 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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My MIL and I have a good relationship. She's very respectful of us and our relationship and parenting. I wouldn't say we're close, but there is no friction.

Kinda OT, but why do mama's tend to only worry about their relationship w/ their son's spouses? Which ever gender your kids are, if they marry you'll be a MIL.

Kristy, wife to Josh proud mama to Katie: since 3/08 and Emma since 8/12.

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#19 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 11:11 PM
 
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My mother-in-law is fabulous!
When I got pregnant with my first, she gave me all her old copies of Mothering magazine to read.
She always tells me what a great mother I am.
I wish she'd visit more often.

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#20 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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I adored my MIL. she passed away in June and I never got to introduce her to her grandson
not all MILs are evil, don't worry!

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#21 of 73 Old 02-12-2010, 11:25 PM
 
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My MIL is a reformed evil MIL. I mean every possible awful thing you could ever do to a DIL she's done to me. And then I told her off The longer I know her the more I realize where her behavior comes from and I'm able to shrug it off, she isn't really crazy but she processes stress is a weird way that makes her act poorly. She is genuinely a good person who got off on the wrong foot with me, because she doesn't have any daughters (so she felt competitive) and was upset over having her oldest son leave the nest. I wasn't the idea in her head of who she thought her son would marry, but she got over it.

The deployment has really brought us closer because our situation mirrors the exact one she was in when DH was born. I'm not in contact with my parents, so my IL's have adopted me as their own throughout everything. I really consider them my parents now. Our relationship has a much different dynamic than what they have with their sons and operates entirely separate from DH, they used to be the type that always put stuff under the rug and never talk about the tough things. Or be passive aggressive. I'm the type who is very blunt and straight-forward so I think that has encouraged everybody to be real about things. All of the turmoil early on in our relationship has had a rippling effect unfortunately with extended family members, so I still feel like I'm making up for it. That is one big thing that stinks about it.

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#22 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 12:13 AM
 
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I've always gotten along very well with my MIL-in many ways we're a lot alike, and I think she appreciates being understood. She only had sons and I think she likes the addition of some feminine energy. I often validate her POV in family conversations.
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#23 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 12:14 AM
 
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I loved my MIL! She passed away several years ago and there are just so many things I would like to ask her.
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#24 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 12:46 AM
 
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My MIL is awesome. She makes me roll my eyes at times, but so does my own (equally awesome) mother. I feel a strong familial bond with my MIL and with all of my ILs, and am grateful to be a part of their wonderful family. My DH loves my mom as well -- it's great!

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#25 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 01:52 AM
 
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I love my MIL and FIL. Of course, I don't get along with them all the time, but who does? They do a lot for us, and I'm really appreciative.

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#26 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 01:57 AM
 
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Yes, me. But it wasn't anything of my doing. Things began dismally. But MIL & FIL went through a lot of changes and things couldn't be better.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#27 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 01:59 AM
 
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No! The instant a woman's son marries she turns absolutely insane! All the posts that say they love their MILs are just stalking MILs that have hacked their DILs MDC accounts!!!

Just Kidding!

My MIL is mostly okay. She's just really not very educated- intelligent but not educated. Because of that she does/ says some wacked out stuff. But she is nice and always has good intentions. She isn't someone I'd hang out with and go for mani/ pedis without the family tie there, if you know what I mean.

And she did a pretty awesome job at making a handsome, sweet, perfect husband for me.
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#28 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 02:10 AM
 
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My MIL is pretty much the opposite of evil...both of dh's parents are the most loving and supportive parents I have ever known. They would pretty much do anything and give anything to us even if it meant they had to go without to do so. The one thing that does get annoying is that they think their son (my dh) is the most perfect human being there ever was. There are moments when that drives me absolute batsh*t, however it passes quickly and then I go back to adoring them.

We lived with them for 6 months when I got sick and we couldn't afford rent and my medical bills and the one thing that got on my nerves if that my MIL likes the house at 80 degrees. Literally that is what she would set the thermostat to. I would be in shorts and a tank top and sweating in mid-winter. But I didn't feel like I could say too much because they were taking great care of me and my family!

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#29 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 02:44 AM
 
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Yes, I adore my MIL. She is pretty much the awesomest person I know. She and I were work buddies for a few months before I even met DH, so the fact that she basically picked me out for her son and set us up to meet certainly helped us get off to a non-adverserial start.

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Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
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#30 of 73 Old 02-13-2010, 02:57 AM
 
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I like my mother in law.

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