My MIL is nothing like me and can get on my nerves in a major way, but she's never deliberately tried to hurt me and I don't think she's truly bad. In fact, i can point to several good traits. Still, man, she bugs me sometimes.
Anyone here ADORE their MIL, or is the relationship just naturally adversarial?
Eta: of course, my dd could marry a woman and I'd get a DIL that way. Sorry to be heterocentric
I love my MIL. I love all my husband's family, but especially my MIL and FIL. Everyone loves them. My husband and I and all the kids and kids-in-law bring extra people home all the time. They are just the warmest, most genuine people ever. They are full of life and are always interested in new people and ideas and things.
They have a big dairy farm where people love to spend time. They like to make beer (and drink it!) and have big get-togethers for almost any occasion with lots of food.
We are city folk (who long to be country folk) and we are atheist while they are quite religious, but they aren't judgmental about our differences of belief at all.
Of course she might get on my nerves sometimes, but I love her very much and feel like I got a great bonus family when I married my husband.
I can't believe it but it actually changed. Over the past three years she's been a terrific MIL. Not even a hint of the previous craziness. The only thing she still does is get on DH's case about him not calling her enough... but now that I think about it, that hasn't even happened for at least 6 months. I actually look forward to visiting with her (which is saying a lot because I'm not even all that big into family in general). I even pick up the phone now and call her, just to talk (in the beginning I would NEVER do that, EVER).
So, it happened in a roundabout way, but yes, I have a good MIL
Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.
DX's mom I'm still very close to since she's been my MIL for 12 years and the only family I have here in missouri. My daughter that I have with DH will call her Nana just like my other kids do.
Unassisted birthing, atheist, WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids 17, 11, 6, 3
Actually, that's my step-MIL, though. My "real" MIL is another story... but I don't count her as my MIL. Step-MIL is much more involved with us. Our oldest child actually told us when he was about 6 that he thought DH's actual mom was "a friend or neighbor."
I do think she is a wonderful person, though. She made a very sweet son, so there you are.
Oh, and I have to say, when I had my m/c, she and my own mom split caring for me when my DH was out of town for work. I don't think you could ask for anything more.
Cristina, Mama to Michael , Nathan , and an angel.
Go with your gut, follow your heart.
I have felt nothing but love and acceptance from her since the first time I "met" her on the phone (she lives in another country). I don't think I'll ever forget the first time I met her and FIL after making the long journey to their home. I wasn't sure if I should hug her, shake her hand, etc. and was a little worried that the big introduction would be awkward, but she immediately reached out and gave me a great big hug, and all those worries disappeared. I felt like I was her long-lost daughter. That entire trip she was eager to learn all about me and my family, and she made sure I didn't go hungry for even one second.
You can just feel the love she has for her family. She'll wake up early every morning to make breakfast and coffee for everyone, she does household chores, cooks for hours at a time, etc. and you never get the sense that she is at all bothered by this or wants anything in return. She would clearly go to the ends of the Earth and back if it would make life a bit easier for her family. I know my parents and FIL will be thrilled to hear that we're expecting our first, but I'm most looking forward to telling my MIL. She's going to be SO happy!
There is no such thing as bad weather. Only bad clothing.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" ~~ MLK
Now my SIL are a different story!
I think the biggest reason why there is such a sterotype that often turns out to be accurate is because it's got to be hard for mothers to "let go" of their sons (or daughters) and turn their happiness and livelihood over to another woman. Mothers are so used to supporting and being needed by their children, that it has to be difficult to not be needed anymore because of another person in their life. If you think about it, the relationship between mother and child has been that way (changing, of course) for say, 25-30 years by the time another woman comes into the picture. And then it's supposed to change drastically overnight? And it would be so much harder if the two women don't click right away. Moms are supposed to be happy that their child is happy, but what if you don't like who they picked as a partner? I can say from my own experience about my brother's wife, that it's not always the MIL's that suck. Some DIL's really suck, too! But if you heard her talk about it she'd say she has a horrible MIL. I also think there are really high expectations put on MIL's and DIL's by each side. Maybe if expectations were lowered and the relationship was just allowed to be what it is and grow and change organically, then there would be happier MIL-DIL relationships out there.
Beth- WOHM -Madly in love with my Wife- SAHMandSophia, born 11/2/10, at home! Expressing love, one ounce at a time!
Kinda OT, but why do mama's tend to only worry about their relationship w/ their son's spouses? Which ever gender your kids are, if they marry you'll be a MIL.
Kristy, wife to Josh proud mama to Katie: since 3/08 and Emma since 8/12.
When I got pregnant with my first, she gave me all her old copies of Mothering magazine to read.
She always tells me what a great mother I am.
I wish she'd visit more often.
not all MILs are evil, don't worry!
*CPST* mama to my three year old DS1 1.31.09 and wedded to angel 8.07
DS 2 8/18/12!!
The deployment has really brought us closer because our situation mirrors the exact one she was in when DH was born. I'm not in contact with my parents, so my IL's have adopted me as their own throughout everything. I really consider them my parents now. Our relationship has a much different dynamic than what they have with their sons and operates entirely separate from DH, they used to be the type that always put stuff under the rug and never talk about the tough things. Or be passive aggressive. I'm the type who is very blunt and straight-forward so I think that has encouraged everybody to be real about things. All of the turmoil early on in our relationship has had a rippling effect unfortunately with extended family members, so I still feel like I'm making up for it. That is one big thing that stinks about it.
Army wife - Mama to Liam (9/07), Laine (5/09), and Eliza (7/11)
My MIL is mostly okay. She's just really not very educated- intelligent but not educated. Because of that she does/ says some wacked out stuff. But she is nice and always has good intentions. She isn't someone I'd hang out with and go for mani/ pedis without the family tie there, if you know what I mean.
And she did a pretty awesome job at making a handsome, sweet, perfect husband for me.
We lived with them for 6 months when I got sick and we couldn't afford rent and my medical bills and the one thing that got on my nerves if that my MIL likes the house at 80 degrees. Literally that is what she would set the thermostat to. I would be in shorts and a tank top and sweating in mid-winter. But I didn't feel like I could say too much because they were taking great care of me and my family!
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
― George Orwell, 1984
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