FB "friending" question - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 01:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Does it bother you when you "request friendship" with someone and they don't "confirm?" This would be people you know fairly well, like a cousin, nephew, niece, etc., not just a random person requesting because they want you to be their neighbor on FV which I'm finding, after a week on FB, is quite common.

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#2 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 01:34 AM
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yep.

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#3 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 01:57 AM
 
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Give them time. Some folks don't visit FB very often. Some don't realize the friend request thing has moved.

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#4 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 02:36 AM
 
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I find it annoying, but you know for sure if they denyed you friendship, or does the fact that they you didnt get a response tell you that they denyed you? I am new to facebook, like in the last week new and sent a friend request to a highschool friend who def. knows me and havent heard back, so was I denyed?

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#5 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 02:44 AM
 
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there have been a lot of changes.
i think if you have not been confirmed OR denied, it just says "pending request" but if you have been denied, it wont say one way or the other.
unless that has changed.

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#6 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 03:12 AM
 
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nah...I usually add on a whim and forget soon after...It's no biggie.

I have de-friended and been de-friended too. I don't really take my FB friends that seriously.

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#7 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 05:16 PM
 
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I'm not that into facebook but I find it weird that that so many people send me friend requests. I don't confirm most of the hs friend requests bc I only want people I know well to have access to my page.

I wouldn't friend all of my cousins, other relatives, or even friends from yrs past. I just don't think that all those people need to see pics of my kids or see my friend list or whatever.

I wouldn't care if someone didn't want to friend me either but maybe I'm just a weirdo. That's totally possible.

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#8 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 05:22 PM
 
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Well, I have twin 18 y/o nephews. One accepted my request and one didn't. I don't mean, didn't confirm, I mean...he denied me. Ouch, but he'll get his at our next family shindig.

And my dp's close female friend, whom I've known personally longer than dp and I have been together, never confirmed me, but I can still see when she accepts others' requests. I am chalking that one up to her being kinda ditzy.

I don't take it personally. Some people aren't as well versed in internet as I may be.

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#9 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 06:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by leaveit2beeker View Post
Well, I have twin 18 y/o nephews. One accepted my request and one didn't. I don't mean, didn't confirm, I mean...he denied me. Ouch, but he'll get his at our next family shindig.


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And my dp's close female friend, whom I've known personally longer than dp and I have been together, never confirmed me, but I can still see when she accepts others' requests. I am chalking that one up to her being kinda ditzy.

This happened w/ ds1's teacher from 2nd & 3rd grade. She and I email frequently, we've known each other for 3 years now, she was EXCELLENT w/ ds1 during the 2 yrs she taught him, and since we moved cross-country, I wanted to keep in touch. We even discussed FB! Took her a bit to confirm my friend request, but she did.

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#10 of 22 Old 02-23-2010, 11:09 PM
 
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No, I wouldn't be bothered. I like to keep my friends number low, so if I thought that accepting one person was going to remind lots of other people that I exist and cause them to "friend" me, I'd just ignore it and hope they forget about the request. I often deny friend requests just because I don't want their friends to friend me. Lots of people are friend collectors and so I figure they really will never notice if they're denied. And if I friend someone and never actually talk to them on facebook, they're gone. Anyone I think won't notice...they're off of there.

Lots of people especially don't want family members to be on facebook. I wouldn't be offended if I were you.

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#11 of 22 Old 02-24-2010, 12:47 AM
 
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No, if it was a good friend than sure I would be bothered...but if it were a person I wasn't that close with or someone like a nephew I would just assume they had a right to their privacy and brush it off. A cousin of mine in his early twenties did accept my friendship, then I could see photographs of him that were incredibly inappropriate, inappropriate language, talk of doing drugs, etc. He probably should have denied me!

I have also gone through and defriended people when they post content that I feel is racist, sexist, incredibly ignorant stuff (these are mostly people who I haven't seen in years.) I know I have been defriended after posting prochoice content, radical/really liberal content and pro-gay marriage stuff. If I get defriended for being me or for my political beliefs I don't care!

I have also denied people who I am not close to currently that I have no interest in keeping up with. I feel like people just add everyone they know or kinda know and then never even interact with most of their facebook "friends." I post photos of my daughter (locked of course so the general public can't see them) so if I don't feel particularly connected with someone there is no reason why I would give them access to my life like that.

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#12 of 22 Old 02-24-2010, 02:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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op here, well today I decided that I would "revoke the request" for both my niece and her dh I guess this just simply makes me feel better

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#13 of 22 Old 02-24-2010, 10:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by doulatara View Post
I have also gone through and defriended people when they post content that I feel is racist, sexist, incredibly ignorant stuff (these are mostly people who I haven't seen in years.) I know I have been defriended after posting prochoice content, radical/really liberal content and pro-gay marriage stuff. If I get defriended for being me or for my political beliefs I don't care!
Ooh, this has happened to me, too! And I've defriended some extended family members after the State of the Union address...they felt the need to update continuously throughout the entire speech and what was wrong with it. 'Hide so-and-so' just wasn't strong enough for me.

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#14 of 22 Old 02-24-2010, 05:19 PM
 
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I have also gone through and defriended people when they post content that I feel is racist, sexist, incredibly ignorant stuff (these are mostly people who I haven't seen in years.) I know I have been defriended after posting prochoice content, radical/really liberal content and pro-gay marriage stuff. If I get defriended for being me or for my political beliefs I don't care!
I've defriended people for too much political content. I am just not interested in seeing post after post after post of political stuff from either side. It's not just when I don't agree with them, it's from either side of the political spectrum. An occasional post is not enough for me to defriend someone, but when it's constant and they post about nothing else but that topic, I'm just not interested.

I just did my bimonthly purge of people on Facebook. If I don't interact with someone on at least an occasional basis (about every 2-3 months), eventually I drop them. I see no reason to keep people around that I don't interact with. I have a few people that I don't interact with much, but those are people that I know don't get on Facebook very often.

I recently changed my username, but I still say "Hello" to all those who know me in real life! Hi P, S, T and K!
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#15 of 22 Old 02-24-2010, 11:05 PM
 
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That definitely bothers me. It also bothers me when people unfriend me and I don't know why!

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#16 of 22 Old 02-24-2010, 11:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Beautiful~Life View Post
That definitely bothers me. It also bothers me when people unfriend me and I don't know why!
So I haven't been "unfriended" yet as I've only been on FB for a little over a week. However, when my dh's sister's daughter (an adult, married and that we see routinely) does not accept the friend invite this really bothers me. If there's an issue - let me know what it is for goodness sake. The part that irritates me is that she's accepted other extended family members. I feel like making a general comment about FB at the next family gathering to at least see how she reacts thoughout the conversation. Idk maybe body language will give me some clue as to way her and dh are acting this way. Another thing that irks me is that we received an invite to her ds's first birthday - but yet apparently dh and I are not her "friends"

Sorry, if this seems so petty it's just that this FB thing really has me

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#17 of 22 Old 02-25-2010, 02:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Beautiful~Life View Post
That definitely bothers me. It also bothers me when people unfriend me and I don't know why!
Also keep in mind that if people completely remove themselves from Facebook, it will look like they have "defriended" you because they will suddenly drop from your friend list.

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#18 of 22 Old 02-25-2010, 03:19 PM
 
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You've only given her a week?? It takes me months sometimes to get around to requests. Don't take it personally yet and don't bring it up randomly at a family gathering- that is really passive-aggressive and she would know what you are talking about if she did it on purposive. Then it would be really awkward and annoying. Just ask her point-blank if you want to know- "so are you going to add me or what" but I would wait at least a month before presuming.
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#19 of 22 Old 02-25-2010, 03:27 PM
 
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I get emails when various things happen on Facebook. So I frequently just read the email and then don't pay any attention to the updates once I log in to FB. So sometimes friend requests get lost in the mix.

I also once didn't answer a friend request for a really long time because I thought it was just a spam request (didn't recognize the name, and we had no friends in common), and I hadn't had time to go deny it yet. Once I looked a bit closer I realized it was a former coworker whom I actually liked and wanted to friend. She'd gotten married and changed her last name, had a common first name, and her profile picture wasn't clearly of her.

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#20 of 22 Old 02-26-2010, 01:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OP

This person was the flower girl at my wedding in '94. Her mom is my SIL. I guess I could understand and wait a month or more without a problem. However, when I see that she and her dh have "friended" other people after the fact I KNOW that they've been on FB and have checked the friend request section.

I guess I will ask directly when I see them again since this would be an assertive act as opposed to passive aggresive If it wasn't for the fact that it's family we see regularly I'd be happy to forget about it.

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#21 of 22 Old 02-26-2010, 04:43 AM
 
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I never notice if someone accepts my friend request or not, but mostly it is because I rarely send them out. I would not offended if they ignored it, I routinely ignore such requests. I just don't want to be "friends" with everyone I know. Only with close people, ones that I don't mind sharing intimate details with. Even some family members don't make that "club".

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#22 of 22 Old 02-26-2010, 05:43 AM
 
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Since I do Facebook about once every 6-8 weeks, no. Some of us are just lousy facebookers.

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