Really weird babysitter situation has been bothering me. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-12-2010, 08:45 AM
 
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I doubt I would pay.The heli mom should have stayed till your sis got there.It's not like the sitter needed EMS.

Maybe you can ask the girl one time if you see her around town.I hate when people are not truthful,but then again you really can't prove she didn't fall ill.As you say it is all a bit weird.Hope you find a better sitter.
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:17 AM
 
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I wouldn't want to sit with some random guy in the house. I probably wouldn't have taken the job, but say i had taken it because the IDEA of the guy didn't worry me too much, but then the ACTUAL guy made me feel freaked out, there's no way i'd stay. I listen to my gut. Yes, she might have freaked over nothing, but if she was freaked out for some reason then IMO she did the right thing by getting out of there.

ETA - the whole 9pm thing is a bit weird to me - i mean, what time do your 3yo's go to bed? My 4 year old is out for the count at 8pm, there would be no reason a theoretical roommate couldn't have the kids and himself in bed by 9pm....

Really you might never know why she left. I have left work multiple times because my mentally ill family member was threatening or attempting suicide. I have been picked up from school without warning because my mom had a stroke. I have gotten my period so suddenly i had to lie down (felt faint and threw up - NOT in a good state to watch 3 kids). I have had a miscarriage without knowing i was even pregnant. There is no way of knowing if there was an issue at your house with the room mate or the kids or the gun/no-gun or if there was a family crisis they don't want to share, a friend or relative who suddenly needed them, unless they want to tell you, which they clearly don't.

I'd pay for the time she spent there and try not to dwell on it.
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Old 04-12-2010, 11:55 AM
 
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I'm really glad to hear that this doesn't sound like an issue with my family. I thought for sure that for some person she thought we were weird or that my kids were monsters (they aren't) or something. I can deal if it is her issue, it just makes me really paranoid not to know for sure.
Actually, my first thought was that she realized that a baby and two toddlers were more than she could handle. Not that they are monsters, but at 19, there's no way in heck I could have handled that. I thought maybe she overestimated her abilities to deal with 3 kids 3 and under.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:09 PM
 
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I wonder why her mother seems so over protective of a 19 year old daughter...does this girl have any issues or extra needs? Nevertheless, I agree very weird and I highly doubt it has anything personally to do with you.
I have a 16 year old sitter for my older two kids (not the baby) and I deal directly with her about all the arrangements. This whole mother-daughter situation described in the OP is odd. And the fact that the mother wouldn't stay for the 30 min is extremely irresponsible, regardless of what happened with her DD. The mother seems to be having some odd control issues. I think you're lucky that you found out this so early in this babysitting relationship.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:13 PM
 
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Yes, didn't the OP mention the baby sitter asked if a friend could be joining her? If that friend bailed, the babysitter may have gotten freaked out at that point being alone with a strange guy.

PTSD can crop up at very inconvenient and unexpected times. Those of us who have it (especially when we haven't had therapy or if it's from a recent incident) sometimes over-estimate our abilities to function in certain situations. It's sometimes very difficult to know when it's time to ask for help or admit you aren't ready to do certain things.
This doesn't explain that the mother didn't stay for the 30 min! If a friend was a good back up for the girl, why the girl couldn't have her mom as a back-up? AT LEAST for the 30 min?

The whole situation is unbelievable!
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:31 PM
 
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This doesn't explain that the mother didn't stay for the 30 min! If a friend was a good back up for the girl, why the girl couldn't have her mom as a back-up? AT LEAST for the 30 min?

The whole situation is unbelievable!
Well, as others have mentioned, the OP did tell them over the phone it was okay to give the kids to the roommate and leave. Given that she did that, I can't fault them for leaving.

As for why they didn't volunteer to stay longer, the mother may have been in the middle of doing something and not had the time to stick around, or the daughter may have needed her for emotional support.

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Old 04-12-2010, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ETA - the whole 9pm thing is a bit weird to me - i mean, what time do your 3yo's go to bed? My 4 year old is out for the count at 8pm, there would be no reason a theoretical roommate couldn't have the kids and himself in bed by 9pm....
Well certainly if that had been an option I would have saved myself the time (any expense, I planned to pay $10/hr) of finding another babysitter. As I said my husband works nights and therefore we are more night owls. The kids see him off at 8:30pm, the baby goes to bed right after he leaves, but my 3 year old will stay up until 10 or 10:30.

I babysat a lot when I was younger, probably starting age 11 and had some truly horrific babysitting experiences (that is a whole new thread!) and never felt like I HAD TO LEAVE, but I guess it is possible that she was overwhelmed enough to need to get out. As someone who has suffered panic attacks I understand- heck I almost had a panic attack myself over the situation.

I guess if she went in my garage she could have seen the gun safe, but really a gun in a gun safe would be a problem? That is the proper way to store them.
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Old 04-12-2010, 02:47 PM
 
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The video game is a WWII based war game, so yes violent. Our computer is in the living room/foyer which is separate from the family room/kitchen/main living area, so it wasn't like she was forced to watch the video game. We have 1 cat, but I am sure that that wasn't an issue, she has 10 cats. My house is pretty clean, the only thing not clean about it that day was that there was a load of laundry on my loveseat that needed to be folded.

This girl does have a job at the local beauty supply store which makes me think that chronic illness is not the offender here, but who really knows. So weird.
Yeah I'd chalk it up to either them being nosey or someone has issues but it isn't you.

My 17 y/o has been sitting regularly for a few years now & I wouldn't dream of hovering over her like that. If she were sick or uncomfortable being alone I'd go & wait until the parents returned, not just foist them off on the roomie. Especially since that would make TWO people in the house with the room mate if that were the issue. Just bailing like that is bad parenting on the moms part IMO.

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Old 04-12-2010, 02:49 PM
 
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ETA - the whole 9pm thing is a bit weird to me - i mean, what time do your 3yo's go to bed? My 4 year old is out for the count at 8pm, there would be no reason a theoretical roommate couldn't have the kids and himself in bed by 9pm....
Well for one they're not his kids & not his responsibility IMO. Second, he has to work in the a.m. so getting up with a baby(yeah my baby doesn't sleep for long) probably is going to gork his sleep schedule a bit since it's obviously not his norm.

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Old 04-12-2010, 11:53 PM
 
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Honestly even though I doubt she was actually "sick" I think I'd have to follow up and make sure that she wasn't actually ill with something contagious that she just exposed my 3 young children too. Overall though the situation sounds really odd!
There were my thoughts, too.
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Old 04-13-2010, 05:37 AM
 
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Well for one they're not his kids & not his responsibility IMO. Second, he has to work in the a.m. so getting up with a baby(yeah my baby doesn't sleep for long) probably is going to gork his sleep schedule a bit since it's obviously not his norm.
I don't mean he SHOULD have been caring for them, i mean if i was 19 and i arrived in a house where there was a responsible adult male there who for some unspoken reason except "he has to be in bed by 9pm" couldn't take care of the kids it would unnerve me. Also i would definitely have freaked out if i went to a house where i was expected to care for 3 kids under 3 until 10.30pm, because most of the babysitting i did as a teen was around an earlier (7pm-ish) bedtime and then while the kids slept, maybe she didn't realise she'd have to entertain the kids for her time there, rather than just put them to bed and then watch tv until mom got home...?
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Old 04-13-2010, 05:59 AM
 
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I think it is beyond weird for a 19 yo to be at all involved with a HOA unless she lives in an intentional community or something! An organization of suburbanites whose purpose is to police other Property owning surburbanites & protect property values? What use should a NON stakeholding 19 yo have in that? I think you are seriously discounting the possibility that she only gained access to your home as a spy.

I am SURE it was her family that held up your sale and sent the 5 notices. I would disengage from these weirdos immediately unless you are feeling frisky in which case I would attempt to gain access to their domicile to see what's up, perhaps with a pie.
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Old 04-13-2010, 10:54 AM
 
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Maybe it had to do with the 'friend' she wanted to invite over?

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Old 04-13-2010, 11:22 AM
 
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I guess if she went in my garage she could have seen the gun safe, but really a gun in a gun safe would be a problem? That is the proper way to store them.
But in your original post you said that you told them you don't have guns at all. I'm sorry, but you lied to them about that. Yes, maybe she did see the gun safe. My dad is a gun enthusiast, but I am not comfortable around guns in any way shape or form... in a safe or not. If I were babysitting and discovered that the parents had lied to me, I'd wonder what else they were not being honest about. Seriously, you should have given full disclosure about these things if someone is going to step into your shoes as a parent even for a few hours. I wouldn't not be comfortable in a house with a strange man and 3 kids under 3 and a gun that I was told wasn't there (no matter how inaccessible). Not now, and especially when I was 19. Based on what I read, I think the girl got freaked out by the situation and just did not feel comfortable with it.
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Old 04-13-2010, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But in your original post you said that you told them you don't have guns at all. I'm sorry, but you lied to them about that. Yes, maybe she did see the gun safe. My dad is a gun enthusiast, but I am not comfortable around guns in any way shape or form... in a safe or not. If I were babysitting and discovered that the parents had lied to me, I'd wonder what else they were not being honest about. Seriously, you should have given full disclosure about these things if someone is going to step into your shoes as a parent even for a few hours. I wouldn't not be comfortable in a house with a strange man and 3 kids under 3 and a gun that I was told wasn't there (no matter how inaccessible). Not now, and especially when I was 19. Based on what I read, I think the girl got freaked out by the situation and just did not feel comfortable with it.
I understand what you are saying re the gun safe, but like I said they key is lost, roommate is not even sure if his 22 is in that safe or in the safe at his ex-gf's house so the gun safe may or may not have a gun in it and is completely locked without a way for anyone (short of a locksmith) to get into.

I am quite sure now that it was this girl's family who held up the closing of my house which is really unfortunate. That hold up cost me an extra $400 to relock my rate and made it to where the extensive remodel that we had to do was completed the day I had my first major knee surgery which put us moving 10 days post op. I was in agony, only able to walk with a walker, it was a nightmare. What about our home could she possible be spying on though? It is just a normal house, we are just normal people. No illegal chickens or HOA violations
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Old 04-13-2010, 12:54 PM
 
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I understand what you are saying re the gun safe, but like I said they key is lost, roommate is not even sure if his 22 is in that safe or in the safe at his ex-gf's house so the gun safe may or may not have a gun in it and is completely locked without a way for anyone (short of a locksmith) to get into.

I am quite sure now that it was this girl's family who held up the closing of my house which is really unfortunate. That hold up cost me an extra $400 to relock my rate and made it to where the extensive remodel that we had to do was completed the day I had my first major knee surgery which put us moving 10 days post op. I was in agony, only able to walk with a walker, it was a nightmare. What about our home could she possible be spying on though? It is just a normal house, we are just normal people. No illegal chickens or HOA violations
this is just so odd! If she did go as a spy, she could've at least stayed and gotten paid! She'd have more time to spy .

Why would she be in the garage anyway?
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Old 04-13-2010, 01:57 PM
 
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I understand what you are saying re the gun safe, but like I said they key is lost, roommate is not even sure if his 22 is in that safe or in the safe at his ex-gf's house so the gun safe may or may not have a gun in it and is completely locked without a way for anyone (short of a locksmith) to get into.

I am quite sure now that it was this girl's family who held up the closing of my house which is really unfortunate. That hold up cost me an extra $400 to relock my rate and made it to where the extensive remodel that we had to do was completed the day I had my first major knee surgery which put us moving 10 days post op. I was in agony, only able to walk with a walker, it was a nightmare. What about our home could she possible be spying on though? It is just a normal house, we are just normal people. No illegal chickens or HOA violations
Weird... Aside from the fact the girl participates in the HOA, what makes you think it was them?

It still doesn't make any sense that they'd be there to spy—especially since the daughter was only there for an hour. I can't imagine the daughter would even have enough time to given she's watching the kids and it seems like the roommate would be a big deterrent.

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Old 04-13-2010, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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After this all happened, my husband and I were talking trying to figure out what the heck happened with the babysitter and he said that the dad (the HOA president) told him at the community picnic that the banks were a giant PITA to deal with in regards to HOA transfer and that skipping out on fees hurts the whole association. My husband got the impression that he was upset that the lost out on 8k worth of fees by negotiating with the bank to push our sale through. The HOA has been operating at a loss for the past 2 years at least so maybe they are holding a grudge. IDK. The spying thing seems like an unlikely scenario. The only things that they could really "check on" is whether or not we really did the remodel. I wrote a letter to the HOA board when we were in the middle of the fees issue asking them to please consider us, the buys and push the negotiation through. I mentioned that we were buying this home that had been on the market for 15 months and were investing almost 30k in it right off the bat so we'd be staying for a long time and were looking forward to being part of the neighborhood.

Weirdness. I'm just going to resign to the fact that I may never know. I'll make sure my yard is weed free and that I bring in my trashcan on time each week to avoid HOA issues and maybe ask the girl if everything was ok if I run into her sans helicopter mom.
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Old 04-13-2010, 02:59 PM
 
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What a weird, weird situation. I've never had anyone but friends or family watch the kids, so I have no idea what to tell you, but I can't see having left in that situation if I were the babysitter unless there was something pretty drastic happening - like the IBS scenario upthread. I might just be not underhanded enough to consider spying like that, though...

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Old 04-13-2010, 07:46 PM
 
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Hm, this would be driving me crazy too if I were you -- I'd be unable to stop trying to make all the weird pieces fit together.

We've only had family babysit our kids so far too, but we're planning to ask a teenage girl to babysit a bit this summer. We're planning to have her over once before the actual babysitting just to meet her, let her get to know the kids, and just let her get a vibe about us (and us about her) before anyone makes a commitment to do a job. Sounds like that might be a good tactic for you guys to take in the future too.

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Old 04-13-2010, 10:52 PM
 
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I think it is beyond weird for a 19 yo to be at all involved with a HOA unless she lives in an intentional community or something! An organization of suburbanites whose purpose is to police other Property owning surburbanites & protect property values? What use should a NON stakeholding 19 yo have in that? I think you are seriously discounting the possibility that she only gained access to your home as a spy.

I am SURE it was her family that held up your sale and sent the 5 notices. I would disengage from these weirdos immediately unless you are feeling frisky in which case I would attempt to gain access to their domicile to see what's up, perhaps with a pie.
I am sorry OP for hijacking this thread

But dinahx, although I know you are being serious, the bolded part of your post just made me almost spit my drink all over my monitor Just the way you phrased it made me laugh so hard. I am picturing you with a pie on their doorstep craning your neck to see inside

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Old 04-15-2010, 01:03 AM
 
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I have a 16 year old sitter for my older two kids (not the baby) and I deal directly with her about all the arrangements. This whole mother-daughter situation described in the OP is odd. And the fact that the mother wouldn't stay for the 30 min is extremely irresponsible, regardless of what happened with her DD. The mother seems to be having some odd control issues. I think you're lucky that you found out this so early in this babysitting relationship.
I agree.

We have a 17 year old babysitter and while I've seen her mom drive her to our house when her car was in the shop, I've never actually talked to her mom. She makes her own work arrangements.

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Old 04-16-2010, 08:20 AM
 
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Definitely a bizzarre scenario all around.. I got nuttin!

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I am sorry OP for hijacking this thread

But dinahx, although I know you are being serious, the bolded part of your post just made me almost spit my drink all over my monitor Just the way you phrased it made me laugh so hard. I am picturing you with a pie on their doorstep craning your neck to see inside
You must be nicer than I? I was picturing her smashing said pie into the poor unfortunate face that opened the door

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Old 04-16-2010, 11:33 AM
 
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You must be nicer than I? I was picturing her smashing said pie into the poor unfortunate face that opened the door
I was puzzling over what the pie was for and that was the best I could come up with, too.

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Old 04-16-2010, 11:39 AM
 
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You must be nicer than I? I was picturing her smashing said pie into the poor unfortunate face that opened the door
That's a terrible thing to say, I can't believe anyone would think that was a good use of pie. Unless it is pumpkin pie, then have at it. Other sorts? A sad waste!
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Old 04-16-2010, 12:45 PM
 
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Based on what I read, I think the girl got freaked out by the situation and just did not feel comfortable with it.
Yup, I think the roommates presence made her uncomfortable and she called her mom to bail her out. Sometimes you don't know how you'll feel about a situation until you're in it, maybe she thought she could handle his being there but in reality it was too much for her and she freaked.
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Old 04-16-2010, 02:41 PM
 
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OP, think of babysitting as a business transaction. If I were you I'd want to protect myself and talk to the MOM, since the daughter obviously isn't in charge of her life, to find out what happened.

Most disturbing: they abandoned your kids.

I think you should pay her for an hour's work but have that discussion first. Just be really cheerful and smiley, "Hey, that baby-sitting job the other day obviously didn't work out, ha ha! Can you tell me what happened? Was there a really serious emergency or something, because my husband and I were put in a huge bind by all that."

I totally agree with the previous poster who speculated that the 19 y.o. thought she could handle the job but changed her mind. I can imagine doing the same when I was her age.

They just handled it really, really poorly.

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I am sorry OP for hijacking this thread

But dinahx, although I know you are being serious, the bolded part of your post just made me almost spit my drink all over my monitor Just the way you phrased it made me laugh so hard. I am picturing you with a pie on their doorstep craning your neck to see inside
Or throwing it.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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Old 04-16-2010, 03:18 PM
 
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I think it's strange that the mother didn't offer to watch the kids until you were able to get to them. The fact that they just shoved the baby onto the roommate and ran out the door is upsetting! It doesn't matter if the roommate was able to watch the kids or not, obviously if you'd wanted him to watch the kids in the first place then why would you have hired a babysitter?

I've been in lots of babysitting situations and if I was uncomfortable or upset about something I might have called my mom for advice or support at 19, but I would have been a little embarrassed about it. If I got suddenly sick (IBS, ugh!) I would definitely get my mom or a trusted friend to come over and help and called the parents right away to let them know what was going on...

The whole HOA thing sounds strange. What is the purpose of it in the first place? I thought HOA's were just in charge of being sure the neighborhood looked nice and serving as a go between for neighbors having conflicts. You'd think they would just be glad someone responsible was willing to buy the house so it didn't remain vacant and get trashed and bring down the value of all the surrounding houses!

Momma to Sweet Rosie 7/06, Lost Baby J 1/09 at 12 weeks pregnant, Spitfire Ada born 4/21/10, and Baby Boy due July/August 2013!
Aspiring urban homesteader, photographer, homeschooling momma! Blog link in my profile. 

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