How do I break it to my neighbours that we are building a fence? UPDATE - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 94 Old 05-12-2010, 06:29 PM
 
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The OP asked how they should "break it to the neighbors", which, IMHO, implies that they know that the neighbors will be upset about it.

If the neighbors wig out about the fence, should they not build it in the interest of community? Of course not. They want to protect their property and their children.

Yes, a heads up to the neighbors would be nice, but not 100% necessary. If the spirit of neighborliness and community is that fragile that it would be destroyed if the OP did not formally inform everyone, then that spirit is pretty weak to begin with.

When we did anything to our property that required a permit, they automatically informed the neighbors anyway so they could file a dispute if they wanted.

And, unless I'm reading this totally wrong, it sounds like the OP's neighbors all have fences (or parts of them ) already. Will they really be so offended if another one goes up?
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#62 of 94 Old 05-12-2010, 08:08 PM
 
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I would tell my neighbor while Im checking the mail "hey just wanted to give you a heads up we're putting a fence up. Im tired of chasing my kids to keep them in the yard so we thought this would just be easier." I wouldn't tell my other neighbor because they are renters and the tenants change every year.

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#63 of 94 Old 05-15-2010, 08:30 PM
 
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I'm curious about all the people who say just go ahead and put up a fence and don't bother with the neighbors. Do ya'll get along with your neighbors? Do you care if you get along with your neighbors? Putting up a fence is a definite statement and can be a very in-your-face action.

I'm surprised that so many people don't think it's something to inform your neighbors about. In the Do-Unto-Others way of thinking, just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean you have to fling it in someone's face. I would definitely like to know ahead of time just out of consideration. Is neighborly consideration somehow considered old-fashioned and passe'? I've seen posts where people on MDC wonder why there's no sense of community and why they don't get to know their neighbors. Well, maybe it's a reflection of how you treat your neighbors.

I have a fence. DH and I talked to our neighbors about it and explained why and they understood and were all just fine with it. I think it was important in the dynamic of a neighborly relationship.
Well maybe you should fell lucky you have neighbors that you feel safe talking too. Between the violent alcholic on one side and the parents who yell/slap/hit their kids on the other...i'd rather just NOT talk to them since it's my property anyway...

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
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#64 of 94 Old 05-16-2010, 01:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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When we did anything to our property that required a permit, they automatically informed the neighbors anyway so they could file a dispute if they wanted.

And, unless I'm reading this totally wrong, it sounds like the OP's neighbors all have fences (or parts of them ) already. Will they really be so offended if another one goes up?
Hmmm... I will have to look into whether or not when we file for a permit...if they tell the neighbours.

I am thinking they maybe offended because they broke the current fence to allow their children to walk, or bike ride through our yard. (there is a path in the grass now...we pay for yard care) If we fence their children will have to go around....which is 8 houses further.
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#65 of 94 Old 05-16-2010, 02:50 AM
 
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Hmmm... I will have to look into whether or not when we file for a permit...if they tell the neighbours.

I am thinking they maybe offended because they broke the current fence to allow their children to walk, or bike ride through our yard. (there is a path in the grass now...we pay for yard care) If we fence their children will have to go around....which is 8 houses further.
They should be doing that anyway! How much does anyone want to bet that the new fence is going to have issues or get broken?
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#66 of 94 Old 05-16-2010, 11:09 AM
 
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Did they ask you before doing that?
That is what I initially thought.
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#67 of 94 Old 05-16-2010, 11:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hollytheteacher View Post
Well maybe you should fell lucky you have neighbors that you feel safe talking too.


You bring up an excellent point.

Yes, we are to assume the best and foster communication and neighborliness but there comes a point after many interactions when we recognize the character of another person and take that into consideration when we interact with them.

In my own experience, there are people who will take kind, clean, and direct communication and twist and turn it into all sorts of stuff it is/was not so they can either create lies and drama or hide their own culpability.

We have been great neighbors...communicating, helping, being extremely patient with B.S. and we have seen that some people, no matter how neighborly you are, are going to do and say whatever they want to without a neighborly spirit. When it comes to your own property and safety, you do not need to inform them of every little move. While we have informed our neighbors of our own fences, I do not think it is a requirement in every situation. People need to take dynamics, potential consequences and the character of others into consideration and then ultimately trust their own instincts.
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#68 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 08:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just updating the two neighbours are fine with a fence, the third...well they didn't let us in on their plans to use our yard like their own so....I am not telling them.
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#69 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 02:49 PM
 
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This thread has been a fascinating look into humanity.

Thanks for the update, OP.

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa

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#70 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 03:48 PM
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So when is the fence going up?
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#71 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 04:14 PM
 
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what ar eyour plans if they mess with your fence to keep up with what they are doing now? That's what I see happening. (I'd still build it though)
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#72 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 05:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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what ar eyour plans if they mess with your fence to keep up with what they are doing now? That's what I see happening. (I'd still build it though)

How do you think they would mess with the fence? Damage it? I guess they would have to pay for repairs?
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#73 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 05:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This thread has been a fascinating look into humanity.

Thanks for the update, OP.
I am not sure what you mean? Can you expand on your thoughts?
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#74 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 08:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by verde View Post
I'm curious about all the people who say just go ahead and put up a fence and don't bother with the neighbors. Do ya'll get along with your neighbors? Do you care if you get along with your neighbors? Putting up a fence is a definite statement and can be a very in-your-face action.
We love most of our neighbors! The four closest babysit my kids, share dinners, help each other out all the time. We've been here 15 yrs with no problems that couldn't be worked out easily. It's a wonderful neighborhood.

That said, I put up a fence without it ever crossing my mind that I should tell anyone about it. Honestly and completely without ill will towards anyone I gotta say that my need to be able to USE my yard for 3/4 of the year without chasing toddlers out of the road and not have to chase my dog all over creation every time she pushed past my kids/ parents to get out totally trumps any opinion the neighbors might have about what is on my property.

I do consider myself lucky to be in a 'live & let live' kind of area because I'm sure that's not the norm, but I'm not really sure I'd want to live next to people who would get all bent out of shape over a fence.

OP, I'm still trying to get past my understanding that people tore up your fence to make your property a right of way of sorts? Did I read that right?
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#75 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 08:22 PM
 
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OP, I'm still trying to get past my understanding that people tore up your fence to make your property a right of way of sorts? Did I read that right?
The neighbors tore up their own fence. The OP has never had a fence on this property before.
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#76 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 08:36 PM
 
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The neighbors tore up their own fence. The OP has never had a fence on this property before.
Oh, OK! I was still stuck on that too, it boggled my mind thinking they did it to OP's fence...
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#77 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 08:42 PM
 
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I would want a fence...they will see you are building it. Enjoy it!!!

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#78 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 09:21 PM
 
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We don't have a fence around our yard but our neighbor is an older lady and next to her is dh's high school wrestling coach. The older lady is his MIL.

I wouldn't mind a fence but I would rather there be a fence around the three yards than just ours. We like our neighbors.

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#79 of 94 Old 05-26-2010, 11:42 PM
 
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I am not sure what you mean? Can you expand on your thoughts?
I find the various comments fascinating. There seems to be a lot of emotion regarding fences, neighbors, community, etc. I read the whole thread and my own thoughts were slightly altered here and there. I found myself agreeing with a wider viewpoint than one would imagine. I like these kinds of threads where people express themselves and it isn't all the same idea presented in slightly different words.

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa

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#80 of 94 Old 05-27-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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Since I could lean out our third level and nearly touch my neighbor's roof, and I can look down into thier ktichen... well... a fence is necessary to keep our sanity, lol. When you are sardined like we are (althoguh we are lucky and are on a corner) everyone tends to do fences just so you don't feel like you are encroaching into your neighbor's yard unintentionally. Tiny postage stamp yards. There was a fence up (6ft wooden) between our house and neighbor's when we moved in, its thier fence right on the porperly line. I like the fence. I don't like the vines that climb over into my yard every summer that the nasty little fruit flies hang out in. When the new neighbors moved in I asked if they cared if I cut them as they climbed over... they didn't.

Really, I felt more weird about adding a second level deck on our house than a fence. When I'm sitting on our deck I have a clear view right into thier yard and I feel like I'm invading privacy. I tend not to use it when they are hanging outside with company, out of respect. And we are friendly with them and chat with them, it just feels weird to be able to see that much, lol. They have a half deck (2nd level too) but its technically not supposed to be used. Its only railings on the roof vs actual deck, so they don't use thiers like I do.

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#81 of 94 Old 05-27-2010, 02:04 AM
 
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OP, I'm still trying to get past my understanding that people tore up your fence to make your property a right of way of sorts? Did I read that right?
Yeah, I think this is accurate statement of what the OP said, and I think for this reason alone, they really need a fence or someway to make a statement that they revoke this kind of access. I mean not that the pool isn't bad enough, but you don't want this to turn into some sort of squatter thing where they claim this easement should be permanent or something. I mean it's not a serious danger, I know, but if they are angry for losing access to the street, they already feel entitled to it. If they are understanding about losing access, then they probably will accept the fence without issue.
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#82 of 94 Old 05-27-2010, 08:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just to clarify.

The current fence is on the neighbours property on their property line. Since the broke open one end that end is on an angle, probably about 8 feet of it is now resting on our yard. (They have it open so that bikes etc can fit through).

We will be building a fence on our property line, directly beside their fence.
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#83 of 94 Old 05-27-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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Hope you get it completed soon!
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#84 of 94 Old 05-29-2010, 04:17 AM
 
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Just to clarify.

The current fence is on the neighbours property on their property line. Since the broke open one end that end is on an angle, probably about 8 feet of it is now resting on our yard. (They have it open so that bikes etc can fit through).

We will be building a fence on our property line, directly beside their fence.
this would really tick me off, leaving the piece of fence on your yard, and the cutting through like they have been doing. I'd build the fence and not sweat it, just like you are doing. They'll find out the fence is going in and their kids will just have to get a bit more exercise on the way to school.

What are you going to do with the fence "scrap" they left on your yard? Won't it have to be removed before you start?
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#85 of 94 Old 05-29-2010, 07:21 AM
 
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Don't hesitate to act promptly if neighbors attach,lean stuff on,or damage the fence.Unlikely you will get money,but can help stop future damage.We have a neighbor that installed 1 line of fencing(about 80 feet or so) to block out their new renting neighbors.Those renters immediately attached a GATE to the fence. The owners complained to everyone but the renters,and I don't think the gate was ever removed. I would have been chopping at it seconds after noticing it.NOTHING gets hooked up to my fence as it is on my property.I did not pay thousands for anyone else to us it.

It will be VERY hard for you to recoupe any damage money.I have read threads on NFH forums where fences are climbed,kicked,watered,painted,nailed,and so on......no compensation.

Best wishes and I do hope the fence settles things down rather than making things go crazy.
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#86 of 94 Old 05-29-2010, 08:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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this would really tick me off, leaving the piece of fence on your yard, and the cutting through like they have been doing. I'd build the fence and not sweat it, just like you are doing. They'll find out the fence is going in and their kids will just have to get a bit more exercise on the way to school.

What are you going to do with the fence "scrap" they left on your yard? Won't it have to be removed before you start?
The fence that is in our yard is still attached to the remaining fence....they have just taken the post out of the ground and moved it a couple feet into our yard to make an opening......large enough for kids and bikes to get through.....
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#87 of 94 Old 05-29-2010, 08:59 AM
 
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Just updating the two neighbours are fine with a fence, the third...well they didn't let us in on their plans to use our yard like their own so....I am not telling them.
They were presumptuous and rude to use your property as thier own. It is NOT rude to want your privacy, your kids safe and your property safe from trespassers.

While I think it is wonderful if you live in a neighborhood with unfenced yards and neighborly neighbors, this does not seem to be the case with the OP's neighbor. Afterall, they already had their own fence and decided to open part of it for the specific purpose of using the OP's property as a pathway without permission (and in a way that actually causes destruction to her property). The OP is right not to inform them and proceed as planned. Better to let them be irritated about losing something that they were "stealing" from the OP (the quiet enjoyment of her own property) rather than leave the OP to be irritated due to a violation of her property rights and concerned about the safety of her small children.

Apparently doing it rong and ruining it for everyone, but I don't give a crap anymorebanana.gif

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#88 of 94 Old 05-29-2010, 10:55 AM
 
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So in addition to using your property as a right of way, they're also trying to establish a claim on a portion of your property.
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#89 of 94 Old 05-29-2010, 04:15 PM
 
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The fence that is in our yard is still attached to the remaining fence....they have just taken the post out of the ground and moved it a couple feet into our yard to make an opening......large enough for kids and bikes to get through.....
Why did you not put it back on their property when they did it? Every single time.
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#90 of 94 Old 05-29-2010, 05:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Why did you not put it back on their property when they did it? Every single time.
They cut through a minimum of 8 times a day. I do not have the time to go out and move it back that often....although we do try to move it as often as possible. On weekends it is impossible....there are up to 10-12 friends coming and going all day.
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