I really think I am going to cry - Update #27 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 10:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We're in Maine for my BIL's wedding. It's been a tough couple of days - a really long delay at the airport, DD's sleeping schedule is all wacky with travel and time changes, our food consumption has been mainly crap, lots of strangers coming and going, etc, etc. All of this has made it rough for my DD - she's either deliriously happy (Oh! Look! Cousins!) or totally unhappy (We haven't had one meal that hasn't been a total disaster). The brunt of this has fallen on me (rightfully so) because it's my DH's family that we are visiting and he's been in social butterfly mode.

I was feeling pretty good about tonight's festivities - DD had a 2 hour nap, so I was pretty sure it was going to be smooth sailing for the rehersal/dinner. Um, wrong. She woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was a needy, whiny, unhappy pill from the get-go. Since then, the following has happened:

1. The officiant asked my 36 year old self if I was my 30 year old BIL's mother. To make matters worse, she did it in front of my 28 year old, 5'11",130 pound, blond supermodel of a sister in law. SIL was decent enough to be horrified for me, but I really, really did not need that shot to my ego since I have already been suspecting that I look like hell. I really, really want to beat the sh*t out of that officiant.

2. I was unable to actually be at any of the rehersal since DD was falling apart. I was walking down the hall in Marriot looking for a place to nurse DD when one of the catering managers asked if I needed help. Told her I was looking for a place to nurse, and after some stuttering and confusion, she told me to go nurse in the bathroom. I had always thought I'd be prepared with a witty comeback if anyone suggested bathroom nursing, but instead I just walked outside with my tail between my apparently old and ugly legs (see #1).

3. Mother in law felt compelled to point out to everyone how much food was on my plate at the dinner. Seriously, what is up with that??? Again, I mumbled a lame response about being hungry because of nursing but why would she do that? It was just designed to embarrass me. Mission accomplished!

4. DH is currently downstairs at the pool having drinks and partying with the whole wedding party and I am upstairs in the hotel room with my sleeping daughter. I knew coming here that this was going to be more of a vacation for him, but this is the 2nd night out of 3 nights that he has gone to play and I've been by myself. I'm sure this is going to be repeated tomorrow at the actual wedding. Again, this is his family and I know he's excited to get to see all of his brothers, but I want to play, too.

Thanks for letting me whine
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#2 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 10:34 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you've had a rough time My kids are always a wreck in traveling situations like that as well I hope you and DD get some sleep tonight, and that the wedding goes better than expected, and that you get to have some fun at the reception.

And hope your dh is sympathetic when he returns and gives you a break s well!
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#3 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 10:36 PM
 
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Awwwww. I totally have been in your shoes. DH has these cousins (we seem them more often than his sister) that are 100 lbs soaking wet and can afford perfect designer wardrobes. The one of the two with children has a husband that is always the parent-on-duty. I always feel fat, flustered, and dumpy. I hate family gatherings.

Order a nice bottle of wine and decadent dessert from room service, and take a nice bubble bath while your DD sleeps. I feel your pain.

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#4 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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Can you order up a nice dessert and a glass of champagne from room service? Or soak in a hot tub? s

Wife to a wonderful dh and mom to four beautiful kiddos, dd (3/04):, ds1 (1/06), ds2 (10/08), and ds3 (7/10)
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#5 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 10:40 PM
 
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I second the wine and decadent room service. You deserve it.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I hope you're in a nice hot bubble bath right now enjoying something yummy. At least you're not hanging with the ILs right now. (And can you tell him that tomorrow night is "your" night to relax? If not, get a great big IOU for a night or two to yourself once you're home. )

Mama to A 8/05 and S 11/06
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#6 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 10:40 PM
 
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Wow I am not too sure I would be able to handle that at all!

I think dh should come upstairs for awhile and give you a back rub!

Hopefully sometime soon you will be able to get out and relax and have fun!


Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#7 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 10:49 PM
 
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Once the baby is asleep, time for some movies!!! And room service.

Do something nice for your self.

And if DH wants to be a social butterfly, have him take DD with him during the day.

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Happy Momma to DD (almost 3) Fall Coleslaw -- Simple Italian Stuffed Peppers -- - Fall Toddler Activities.- We Made a Play Kitchen Selling gently used books on all topics here.
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#8 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 10:51 PM
 
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#9 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 11:19 PM
 
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Goodness gracious I hope you can get some sly remarks in on them tomorrow. I am sure you are beautiful mama. Hugs. People suck!
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#10 of 31 Old 05-21-2010, 11:19 PM
 
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Oh yuck, I am sorry

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#11 of 31 Old 05-22-2010, 01:54 AM
 
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#12 of 31 Old 05-22-2010, 02:22 AM
 
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What did you say to the officiant when he asked if you were the mother-of-the-groom?

I'm sorry you are having such a bad week. Hopefully the wedding will go quickly and smoothly for you.

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#13 of 31 Old 05-22-2010, 08:10 AM
 
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Props to you for being gracious to your husband about all this. I have been in your shoes, and I was NOT gracious about it AT ALL.

It was BIL wedding WEEKEND. We were 5 hours from home. DS1 was 9 months old, I was 5 months preggo with DS2, it was 95 degrees and humid ALL WEEKEND. There was no air conditioning in the church or the lobby where the reception was being held. He was of course the best man, and had all sorts of socializing to do. He was a little more accomodating to me then he probably should have been, but I was left in the dust on several occassions with a baby and was hormonal. I tried not to look as miserable as I was, but for me thats impossible. I wear emotions on my face with a paint sprayer.

Hopefully it will all be over soon and your daughter will be back to her old self again when you get home. HUGS
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#14 of 31 Old 05-22-2010, 08:42 AM
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i'm so sorry.

in my household, unless one of us is designated as the primary parent for the evening, duties are shared. period, end of story.

we went to DH's best friend's wedding when DS was 14 mo. DS loves to campaign for mayor and demonstrate his favorite freestyle acrobatic nursing moves. the wedding was in a restaurant where there were other rooms with patrons, another wedding, and a bar.

DH and i took turns walking the baby on his campaign trail through two weddings, a dining room, and a bar, and taking him to the toilet. DH was in charge of the meal time, knowing that i would be enjoying freestyle acrobatic nursing in between bites. pre parties were attended by both with my sister providing child care, but after parties were right out altogether.

end of the day, while this was his best friend since he wa 3 and they are like brothers, and we were happy for the couple and wanted to be with them, we both had to do what was right for our son and for each other first.

so, while there may not be a next time, the discussion needs to come up as to how things will go at family events. or, even if it's generally ok that things go this way (eg, you are primary care giver at his famiyl events) if the DD gets fussy, then bth step up to meet her needs, and support each other, KWIM?

just the way it plays out over here, and yeah, it's frustrating with the DH gets all the fun.

(seriously, i just negotiated a sauna and massage day for myself because DH acted stupid and made plans to see a movie that i want to see, but didn't ask me, instead made plans to go with a friend, and didn't ask me if it was ok. so, i was like "if you get time out, i get time out." and so, i get to get a massage and spend some time in the sauna. heck yeah! sauna here i come!)
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#15 of 31 Old 05-22-2010, 08:59 AM
 
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You seem like such a giving person. I hope you get a break soon (sometimes you need to ask). If not, it will be over soon. Put on that mona lisa smile, change the subject, make a joke out of it, and know you are being the bigger person.
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#16 of 31 Old 05-22-2010, 09:01 AM
 
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You are almost done.Just gotta get through it and you will be home soon. Just make sure that on any future trips dh takes more kid responsibility.

I am trying to teach my own dh that childcare is a 24/7 deal,and childcare does not mean looking up from your computer every so often.Dd is visiting his family with him,and he better take childcare seriously.

Hugs and better days ahead for you!
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#17 of 31 Old 05-22-2010, 11:32 AM
 
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I kind of anticipate a similar situation at sil's upcoming wedding this year here, for myself. Just add in having to fight other relatives off so that dd1 doesn't eat too much miscellaneous sugar all day. Parenting can really suck at extended family events that aren't really kid-considerate.

Not that it will really help, but times like these are when my inner super-snarky self comes out. And I am SURE you don't look like your rude mil, nor old enough to be. Do whatever you can to help your dd stay happy. Maybe tell your dh about the officiant and he'll take care of him for you .

Hoping the rest of your trip goes much better!
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#18 of 31 Old 05-22-2010, 11:41 PM
 
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So did you get room service last night? I found myself rooting for you today and hoping today was better.


Mama to A 8/05 and S 11/06
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#19 of 31 Old 05-23-2010, 01:15 AM
 
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OMG, I hope today was a better day for you! And thank you for posting -- I'm rethinking our decision to travel cross-country for a family wedding a few months away!
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#20 of 31 Old 05-23-2010, 07:24 AM
 
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Eugh, that sounds miserable! You poor thing.

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#21 of 31 Old 05-23-2010, 04:02 PM
 
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That totally sucks. All of it.
Travelling can be really tough when kids are little. Especially when the food you usually have access to is nowhere in sight (oh my goodness I was sick of seeing no veggies except for iceberg lettuce our last road trip).
I hope you were able to get in some good alone time (movie or a bath or even a trashy magazine) last night and that today is better for you.

DS 6 DD 8
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#22 of 31 Old 05-24-2010, 12:05 AM
 
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Oh man I'd be sobbing, too. It does sound like a very rough weekend. Does you Dh know you need just a little help? is there anything he can do to lighten your load a bit? Sure it's his family but so are you and the kids. He gets to have party time just not ALL the time. He needs to give yous some down time.
Also as far as the lady directing you to the bathroom could she have been saying that b/c Hotel bathrooms are generally pretty nice with sofas and soft chairs?
hope things are looking better today.

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#23 of 31 Old 05-24-2010, 03:59 AM
 
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I hope today was better.

Your dh totally owes you - whether it's a massage at a spa, or a girls' afternoon with your friends, or something - he owes you.

This is where parenting can totally stink. I understand how this worked out, having had a few family/friend things go down like this too [someone has to stay with the crabby/sick/sleeping kiddo]. A few years ago, I was bridesmaid for some friends' wedding - more my friends than dh's; and dd1 was tired and crabby and needed a nap, so dh missed the wedding entirely while driving her around to sleep - so, these things do happen unfortunately; our friends absolutely understood, though ....But the snideness from MIL especially is so uncalled for! I hope your dh recognizes what this has been like for you and appreciates it.

If it makes you feel any better, dd2 puked all over me (and in my hair) at my sister's rehearsal dinner this spring - while dh was running the multi-media show for it, and obviously I couldn't drive anywhere while she was throwing up. We spent an extended period of time in the bathroom while I was covered in vomit, until he was able to get away and drive us back to the hotel (I didn't get supper 'til late that night, as a result). Then, the next day, one of my other sisters asked me whether I was pregnant (I'm NOT, but she's constantly speculating about things like that, and apparently either my dress wasn't tight enough or my winter tummy looked suspect, or both. I told her, "No, I'm fat," and wasn't asked any more questions like that. Maybe I was still feeling snarky after how the previous evening had gone. )

Not all who wander are lost.
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#24 of 31 Old 05-24-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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your mother in law sounds like a piece of work!

I'd get 'sick' tomorrow, stay in the hotel room and watch soaps.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#25 of 31 Old 05-24-2010, 02:18 PM
 
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Is there any way that you can get a sitter tomorrow? Sometimes hotels have lists of agencies. Or if the wedding is local to the bride or groom, they might have a contact they trust who would be willing to come hang around the hotel room tomorrow with your DD. You can go back to your room and do the whole bedtime routine if that would be easier and then go back down to the party.

It sounds really tough. I think that traveling with little kids is hell on earth. I have no idea how people do it.

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#26 of 31 Old 05-24-2010, 08:23 PM
 
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Ugh. As much as we love being mamas it sucks when everyone is getting to relax and have a good time and you get to be on nursing the crazy baby duty.

I know, believe me. Every trip back home, my bro's wedding, everything. It's super frustrating. That's why we didn't go home this xmas. I refused to babysit my own kids, one of whom was 4 months, in an apt not designed for kids while everyone else, including dh, got to go out and party.
We are going home next xmas. It should be easier then.

Anyway, I understand. Hugs.

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#27 of 31 Old 05-25-2010, 10:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, we're back. The actual wedding kind of went down the way I thought it would - DH was a groomsman, so he was obviously occupied. DD lasted about 20 seconds at the actual wedding (I was so bummed about that - I love weddings!) but it started at 6:30PM, which is the beginning of her end-of-day meltdowns. She made it through the cocktail hour and about half of the dinner and was then done. We missed the dancing, the speeches, the tossing of bouquet - all of the good stuff. I was in the hotel room by 9:00PM. I did a low end version of all of your suggestions and took a Heineken and a snickers bar with me. DH partied his socks off and came in about 3:00AM.

I didn't cut DH too much slack the next day - I took DD to roam the lobby for about an hour so he could get a little sleep, but let him suffer most of the day. I guess this is just part of being in a relationship - sometimes you gotta take one for the team.

On a positive note, my BIL married a lovely, lovely woman who is really good for him. I guess that's really what matters the most

Thanks for being outraged for me - it really helped!
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#28 of 31 Old 05-26-2010, 02:49 AM
 
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What a great turn around. Being home is probably what did the trick but it sounds like you're happy again. Traveling can be fun, but there is no place like home. *clicks heels three times*
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#29 of 31 Old 05-26-2010, 06:56 AM
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glad you are back and happy.
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#30 of 31 Old 05-26-2010, 07:34 AM
 
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glad to hear you are home and feeling better

just a thought on MIL's comment - my mother does this to me "oh, i could never eat as much as X does"

i've realized it has nothing to do with me, really, it's all about her drawing attention to herself for how little food she wants to eat. it sucks to sit there and hear it! i've started answering like "yup, i don't pretend to not eat just because i'm in public" that seems to stop it for the night. and, yes, there are times that i'd hear it for every course - wow, that's alot of salad! wow, are you going to eat that whole sweet potato? how do you still have room for that dessert?

mom to Andrew   born Feb 6th, already a mom to child with fur; and still missing and still wondering about the lost possibilities Mar 17, 2009
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